Crypt of Fools is the third installment in the Devil We Know series.
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Sheela arrives, ready for another mission. No longer covered in sewer slime, Sheela seems much more presentable than before. Her hair brush combs, pulled an invisible force.
"You wouldn't believe the cleaning bill after our trek through the sewers. I had to bathe for a day straight to get that stench out. No wait, that was the alchohol." Sheela seems distracted for a moment. A smile appears as she reminisces the last few days. "Anyway, it's time we took care of this. I owe Davith that much."
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Bernard arrives, adjusting his hat, like a corsair-cowboy.
"Evening, fellows. Am I late?", he grins hoping that others were already there, but they had not yet arrived.
"Lady Sheela, your perfume smells a miles away, as the most beautiful jasmine of the royal garden", the halfling kisses her hand, and takes off his hat saluting her.
"Where are the others?", he asks while looks for an empty chair to sit. "And who is Davith? Your husband?", Bernard asks Sheela.
Venture-Captain Hestia Themis, a petite, raven-haired, black-eyed Taldan beauty, paces her office within the Pathfinder lodge in Cassomir and addresses you.
"I am perplexed. A new kidnapping spree plagues my beloved city. It seems our citizens make easy prey to those who profit from such exploits. While this disturbs me, I am more troubled by reports that some of those kidnapped return to the city as undead monsters who accompany this Cult of Nature’s Cataclysm plague, a plague that I can’t seem to excise from my beloved city.
"This ends now! For a third time we battle Groetus-worshiping dogs and there will not be a fourth!" Taking several deep breaths, Hestia regains her composure. "I am sending you to Swift Prison to interrogate a cultist we captured who was trying to kidnap a local engineer. Meet my man Garver out front—he’ll take you in to see the Nature’s Cataclysm fool. Find out where the other cultists hide, where they’ve taken their recent victims, and how they’re turning them into skeletons. Free as many Cassomir citizens as you can—the good publicity never hurts. Any questions?"
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"Oh." says Alaneo on an unsurprised tone. "Let's hope indeed there won't be a fourth time..." he says, sighing.
Using ice to raise to his feet, he looks around the room and smiles coldly. "We never change a winning team, do we? What do we need to know about 'Swift Poisons'? And how will we recognize Garver?"
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Bernard arrives, adjusting his hat, like a corsair-cowboy.
"Evening, fellows. Am I late?", he grins hoping that others were already there, but they had not yet arrived.
"Lady Sheela, your perfume smells a miles away, as the most beautiful jasmine of the royal garden", the halfling kisses her hand, and takes off his hat saluting her.
"Where are the others?", he asks while looks for an empty chair to sit.
"It's always good to see you again, Bernard." She smiles as he kisses her hand.
"And who is Davith? Your husband?", Bernard asks Sheela.
"But we mustn't joke about the fallen." Her face turns serious. "I had many questions about his scars, but. So many more. All snuffed out because someone wanted more..." she shudders. "Of those abominations. This...cult of Groteus will be punished. Severely. I'll make confetti out of their minds."
"Poisons?"
He does give you a description of Garver.
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Bernard didn't understand exactly if Davith was the late husband of Sheela, or a loved one, but he won't question about it, after all, it seems that remember that episode, don't do well to her.
"Nikolai, stressed as always", Bernard greets his faction's fellow. "Hi Niko, what's up?", he shakes hands.
Then, the halfling greets Alaneo, just before Venture-Captain Hestia Themis arrive.
"Consider it done, my lady", Bernard gently responds to Hestia Themis.
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"Wait, Groetus?", Nikolai says, not bothering to hide his confusion. "When did we find out that we were dealing with Groetus cultists? And what do we know about the cultist himself? And the engineer?"
He nods to Bernard as they shake hands, the larger man's hand engulfing the halfling's. "Same s**t, different day," he says.
"Did you not recognize the worship symbols or peruse the notes?"
Glorious Agent,
Once proud artisans, the traitorous Ismacco family has fallen far. Now nothing more than slaves to the nefarious Teppish family, their stain is still infamous throughout Cassomir. Rumors persist, that the Ismacco family built secret compartments into many of their great works. Should this be true, I’d like to know how these secret compartments work. While you’re in Cassomir, do your best to find one of these rumored compartments and bring me its locking mechanism.
I am chagrined to admit that those rumors of derros prowling Cassomir’s Locker seem to have merit, though I struggle to convince the Cassomir authorities of their validity. If you find any physical evidence that the derros are using the tunnels beneath glorious Cassomir to kidnap its citizens, bring it to me immediately so I can convince the Grand Prince to take action.
For Taldor!
-- Baron Jacquo Dalsin
Swift Prison’s prisoners must pay fees for lodging and favorable treatment. These payments even include a “chains tax,” requiring a prisoner to pay 5 sp each month to avoid being shackled. Swift Prison has an unusual policy in which non-violent criminals who pay for the privilege are allowed to roam the streets surrounding the prison, so long as do not cross the invisible boundary known as the “Rules of the Swift” (which is what the prison calls the invisible boundary that surrounds the prison). Prisoners who cross this boundary are put to death when recaptured—very few have broken those rules in the prison’s history.
The wardens of the Swift are notorious for allowing unusual privileges in exchange for exorbitantly high sums. Prisoners who pay these extortions earn the right to reside in one of the Swift’s private apartments. Rich prisoners may also purchase the “Liberties of the Swift,” the right to walk the prison grounds and surrounding city streets freely. Wardens of the Swift are often replaced after being caught abusing their posts for personal gain.
Those unfortunate souls too destitute to pay often find themselves locked in the Swift’s cellar begging cells. If they are unable earn enough money to pay for their release by begging, they typically succumb to disease. The inmates call these dank cellars Stavian’s Fair.
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"No, I didn't," Nikolai replies. "Groetus is a weird cult, but they're a small cult, and I'm not as familiar with him as I am with Urgothoa or Zon-Kuthon or whoever. And as for the notes, good luck prying that from the eggheads in our group."
"Sounds like this place is a walk in the park compared to our last assignment," he continues. "Leave it to Taldor's blue bloods to tax prisoners to get out of their shackles. We might be able to bribe some of these guys to get what we want from them."
Assuming there are no further questions, you proceed to the prison.
Swift Prison’s formidable gates loom over those who pass beneath them. Out front, a gilded statue stares uncaringly at those who serve time beyond her sentry-like gaze. The wrinkled, dirty faces of Cassomir’s prisoners are briefly illuminated behind the bars of the ground floor begging cells. Their pathetic drone as they beg for coppers fills the courtyard in front of the prison.
Hestia’s man, Garver—a tall Taldan man with a slim physique and plain peasant’s clothing—approaches. “You made it. Good. Follow me.” Garver turns and enters the prison, marching through myriad hallways that twist and turn and finally end at a plain but thick wooden door. Garver produces a key and says, “Our captured cultist enjoys visitors, and if you like his work, it’s all for sale.”
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"His work...hmm. We'll see." Sheela is ready to step through and enter the room.
When she does enter and finds the man, she tries to charm him.
"I've heard you tried to kidnap an engineer, friend." She smiles. "I've also heard the followers of Groteus have been kidnapping people and turning them into undead. I'm sure you know about both of those. Give me all the details you know about on it."
You are led through the door and down several stone steps into a dingy, shadowed room with three cells. Garver gives the two guards there some coins and they head back up the stairs, closing the door behind them. In the center cell, covered in paint, a man dressed in torn beggar’s rags, his feet shackled to the floor by a 3-foot length of chain, throws color onto a dirty canvas. The man stops painting when you arrive, looks through the bars, and exclaims with a toothless grin: “For you, my master, always for you!” He then lays the painting atop a small pile of recent works and sets up another blank canvas, madly attacking it with his brush.
The charm spell seems to have no effect on the crazed painter, but Sheela's soothing words do. Eventually, he becomes a little more lucid and says “Friends! Did the Master send you? Yes, he must have. Praised be he who ends the days! Do you seek my secret? Soon enough—but in return I ask something from you. You must give it to me as I need it to complete my collection.” He points to two paintings hung in a shadowy corner of his cell. A third canvas hangs next to them but is blank. “If you go outside this very prison you’ll find a statue covered in gold. You may have already seen her! Describe this statue to me in exquisite detail and I will tell you all I know.”
"More! More! Golden gaze, but what direction? What feelings can a golden man have? How glib does the moon say it must be for wonder and ham? Maybe, yes, no, maybe."
The man seems to just start uttering odd noises after that.
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Masa listens to the man before moving out to the statue. He passes the wretches 'locked' in the Swift without a care for their plight.
Once in the courtyard, Masa looks over the statue, trying to ascertain any artistic details.
Sadly he's not much of an artist and the beggars that crowd the courtyard bother him with their pleas for coin and aid. "Quiet!" he bellows, trying to scare them off.
The statue sits just outside of the prison’s gates, its golden form shining brightly in the sun. It stands just over 7 feet tall and rests atop a 3-foot-tall stone base. The statue depicts a curvy Taldan female with short hair and wearing flowing robes open at the neck. She regards the PCs with a blank, uncaring expression. Faint moons decorate her flowing robes, and she crushes a set of scales beneath her left foot.
The sculptor left his mark on his work of art—he carved a small letter “I” into her left foot.
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"Alright then. We'll describe your painting. And then we'd love to hear more about your master."
"Huh. My magic didn't do much to him. Maybe the prison has some way to nullify that. Or, maybe his mind is already lost..."
Sheela inspects the statue. "Typical Taldan work. Beautiful, yet uncaring. If only her heart shone like her beauty...Hey, do you see that?" She points at the statue's left foot. "The letter I. Some kind of signature?"
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Sheela describes the statue to the prisoner. "Gold, tall, beautiful. Long flowing dress with a moon motif. An uncaring look in her eye as she crushes some scales. Oh! And her left foot had an 'I' inscribed on it- some kind of signature."
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Nikolai is just as disinterested in the man's ramblings as Bernard. "Guys like him are a silver a dozen in Kaer Maga," he says dispassionately. "Careful you don't let his crazy on ya." He glances at the paintings the man has been creating mostly out of something to look at besides the stone confines of the prison.
The crazed painter appears to ignore you all for a short while and furiously paints the blank canvas on his wall, splashing paint wildly about his cell. Upon completing the painting, he shows it to you. It shows a twisted perspective. The once-beautiful statue stares back transformed, her visage twisted into a demonic snarl. Short humanoids with large, black eyes torment cowering prisoners in the painting’s background. Brandishing a radiant holy symbol, a lone figure fails to fight them off.
"Yes? Yes? Master resides within the Crypt of Fools, hidden deep beneath Old Cassomir. That's where he is!"
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"Her true face..." Sheela stares at the statue. "It doesn't matter how beautiful she is on the outside. She's still ugly on the inside."
A tear comes to Sheela's eyes, but she turns away and wipes it off, embarrassed. "Th-thank you. We will see to the Crypt of Fools." She turns away and exits his cell.
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"Sorry, the painting, it reminded me of my youth. Stupid, abusive. Always asking, 'what's in it for me?' Never caring about others, even when it's the right thing to do. My brother was always telling me to do the right thing, and I never believed him. No wonder grandmama likes him the most."
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"Who is your master, loon? Is he human? Derro? Something else entirely?"
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"It's fine, Sheela. And just for the record, I think young you had the right idea. You've got to look out for yourself, because nobody else will in this world. You learn that fast where I come from."
He then looks to the rest of the group. "So...Crypt of Fools. Sounds like a cheery place. We'll probably be running into some twice-born, so be ready for that. Anybody know anything about it? Maybe some of us should hit the streets and find out what we can about it?"
"Where? Where? Oh where could it be? I know not the exact location, but if anyone has knowledge of the Crypt of Fools and how to get there, it would be the engineers at Cassomir’s engineering guild, the Hall of Wonders! Yes, yes, they would know! They must know... The engineers, they have complete blueprints of nearly everything built by the Taldor government in Cassomir! And since the Crypt of Fools was built by the government to hide the crypts of shamed families, they must have all of the information you need!"
Smiling to himself, he mutters "That must be why Dalirio says that we were going to need to remove the documents from the guild eventually to prevent anyone from finding them...."
Smoke and steam pour through many openings of this misshapen building. Gears and gizmos can be heard clicking against one another in a rhythmic cadence. A loud “chunkchunk” sounds as several pistons churn up and down, powering some unknown machine. A cacophonous symphony of grinding metal plays on. An enormous sign, nearly the entire width of the building, declares it to be the Hall of Wonders.
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"And perhaps this is the reason they are kidnapping engineers", Bernard concludes mentally.
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"Don't worry, just continue speaking...", the halfling whispers to Sheela.
"Yes, she is right! I fear that more of you could be kidnapped, and we are here to prevent this".
The gunslinger stays attentive about every unnatural movement around them.
Due to Bernard's exceptional hearing, he manages to make out the sound of someone screaming inside the hall, despite all of the other noise.
Inside, you can see the outlines of three great structures piercing a thick mist that chokes nearly the entire western half of the building. A brass planetarium rotates in the northeastern corner. Next to the celestial model, a clockwork contraption ticks and tocks as it turns on its axis. Finally, a giant metal crab sits with its claws extended on a southwestern platform.
A woman stands on the catwalk above, watching two cultists on the main floor torment a poor gnomish engineer.