Welcome to my house, noble hero! Feel free to grab anything you like!
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A crazy elf came into my shop and smashed every pot looking for rupees! Bring me his head and I'll make it worth your while.
Damn ogre came and stole me potatoes! Kill him and then kill them other damn dirty ogres (who are in no way in on the potato crime) for good measure! Ill bake you some potato bread once you're finished
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"I am a commoner, my father was a commoner, and so was his father before him. And Cayden Calean be darned, no son of mine is gonna take levels in a bloody PC class! You'll be a commoner too, and you'll be proud of it!"
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So, Sir Knight, have you been using my Grandpaw's Sword well? Oh, you sold it to buy a +3 Flaming Halberd? That... that's fine, I guess...
I can give them free beer and lose a profit, and the bar after they get drunk and start a fight or I can not give them beer and die, lost the beer and then the bar after they get drunk and start a fight.
Hiya, I'm newber, are you going to throw rocks at me too?
(slightly different take, this BG 1 NPC IS a problem, along with having a problem)
Thank you, adventurer, for helping this poor commoner. Please, take this magic item as a reward. If I sold it I could get enough money to live my whole life, but as it has been in my family since generations ago I'd rather give it to you so you, a stranger, so you can sell it.
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Magistrate: There is an evil necromancer up in that castle. He has the town gripped in a state of fear. Please go up there and free us from his tyranny.
Adventurer: No problem. I swear by (favorite deity) that he will no longer trouble you.
Magistrate: Thank you. Please make sure you bring him back alive so he can stand trial and be executed for his misdeeds. Also, all monies and magical items are the property of the town and must be brought back so they can be returned to their proper owners.
Adventurer: DOH!
"In retrospect, there isn't a lot of people in our small mountain village who have the money to buy Adamantine swords."
Thank you for hiring this lowly sell-sword, oh great front-line, fighting tank, type of adventurer. You have years and years of experience, but oh what's this? You want me to go in to the cave first? Thank you! I am so humbled. I shall not make you regret hiring me!
*Reading real estate brochure
Hmmmmm. The inhabitants of this town are being stalked by 'something'. That's just like the town I lived in five years ago, eight years ago, and also the one I was born in. Well, at least it's not like the town I'm leaving where a portal has been opened...I'm sure getting tired of living in towns like that. And of course, I'm never moving to those cursed towns again! What a headache those were.
*Nods to the real estate agent
"Okay, let's check out some hovels here, starting with the one near this decaying old manor."
Geez, I've got all this information about who the evil cult is and what their plans are, and yet I just walk around this town, running errands.
*Gets stopped in the street by newly arrived adventurers and asked if they've heard anything about the cult.
"Leave me alone! I can't talk about it!"
*Goes back to the chores and errands
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Geez, I've got all this information about who the evil cult is and what their plans are, and yet I just walk around this town, running errands.
*Gets stopped in the street by newly arrived adventurers and asked if they've heard anything about the cult.
"Leave me alone! I can't talk about it!"
*Goes back to the chores and errands
He's just waiting for the proper adventurer to talk to him and get a high enough diplomacy roll. He's a picky commoner.
Help me! I threw a party at home and I think I have killed my whole family with rum of the Shackles!
"I...I just needed help cultivating my potatoes." <sobbing> "I didn't know summoning a Supreme Daemon Lord Of Hell And Beyond! would want to do anything else other than hoe some furrows and trim some of the verge." <getting angry> "Can you please just hurry and get rid of it? My mashed potatoes are getting cold!"
Every time one of us lowly commoners pass this magical ward on the way to the watering hole and don't have enough experience to save us from the magical effect, we turn into a ghoul. Currently, there are about 15,000 ghouls in this part of the forest. Maybe one of us should train up as a fighter or wizard or something. I mean, geez!
I've been guarding this citadel every single day. Can't they get another guard to help me out?
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Hey, George, how's the adventuring life treating you? It's taken me three years of fighting the occasional toad showing up in the cornfield, but I've finally gotten better at making pottery and swimming.
So what have you been up to? Oh, going from a farmer's second born child to literal godhood? That's pretty neat.
Now, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. So, I know you summoned an Elder Fire Elemental in my kitchen the other day, and that's why my entire family and childhood home are now burnt to a crisp. But you did roll a pretty high diplomacy check, so I think we're good for now.
Anyway, take care, and hey: don't worry about the ogres destroying the town square. That's an encounter so far below your level that it doesn't even happen anymore unless a plucky group of low-levels come wandering through here.
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"Of course I'll sell you the sword. But this is a hamlet 120 leagues from nowhere. Aren't you just a bit curious how I happen to have a Called Vorpal blade + 5 in my tiny shop?"
<sigh> They never want to hear the story.
I'm a farmer too. And I have my father's sword too. How come I can't be the chosen one?
Shopkeep: Welcome to the the Hicktown General Store. We sell the finest agricultural equipment in the barony... Actually, we sell the finest everything in the barony, because we're the only shop.
Adventurers: Excellent. We just killed the Ogre King and took his giant-sized +3 human-bane bastard sword... It should be worth welll over 50,000 gold pieces!
Shopkeep: Huh. Well, around here we'll probably just beat it into a plowshare. I'll trade you for 500 gold in store credit and a jar of my husband's award-winning picked beets.
I feel really bad about getting that adventurer so mad the other day that it changed her alignment.
#sorryichangedyouralignment
In our town you have to be the mayor, the captain ot the guard, or the owner of the inn to have a name. It's a year long tradition.
Superstitions says that really bad things will happen to anyone who gets a name.
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None of us are statted and so we can't even hoe our vegetables properly!
If I take off my hat birds will peck at my exposed brains.
Can someone make change for a silver piece?
I wish someone would invent a place to store my valuables instead of the obvious treasure chest, which doesn't even match my hunting décor.
Me.
I have been waiting for years for the right adventurers to come along so that I can betray them with a neat little twist they didn't see coming. Until then, I can't reveal my true self...just years and years of pretending to be a nice guy. Years and years!
<Sigh> We're on our fourteenth child due to all the sacrifice to the gods requirements around here. I mean, geez, they aren't even gods; it's just one monster and a few cultists. I sure wish a group of appropriate skill and experience would vanquish them.
Well I thank you for vanquishing that space squid. Now if you could just do something about that hole it came out of.
