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I am GMing a Mummy's Mask campaign. We have four players including my wife, a veteran that I've played with for almost 20 years who we will name Josh (that's not his real name), a seasoned player and a newish player that has only ever played one other Pathfinder campaign that is still ongoing with another group.
The problem is between the veteran (Josh) and the the newish player (Theresa-also not her real name) on how Theresa is playing her character.
She is playing a paladin of Sarenrae. She has never played a paladin before, her only other experience in d20 games being a witch in a RotL campaign. She has no idea what the paladin trope is and is playing her character decidedly against said trope. Her paladin is cheerful,funny, flirty with the seasoned player's character (a cleric) and absolutely loves to trash talk back to me (the GM) when I am giving voice to NPCs and monsters found in the campaign.
This is driving Josh crazy. As in, he literally gnashes his teeth and will interrupt playing sessions to inform Theresa that she is "doing it wrong". Josh has played the same paladin for many years now and he plays it the same way every time: a 2 hand sword wielding, holier-than-thou and don't you forget it stereotype of the paladin trope for as long as I've known him which goes back almost 20 years now. He will tell her that a paladin can not be cheerful, definitely never flirty and talking trash to monsters and evil ne'er do-wells is, and I quote, "so far beneath a paladin that I'm shocked the GM is not giving you negative experience points every time you do it."
I have talked to him about this behavior and he is adamant that the only "real paladin" is the classic trope of one. He is constantly trying to alignment check her (Theresa does not know he is doing this but the rest of us at the table do) to trip her up and get me to switch her to an ex-paladin as a "learning experience".
FWIW I think the way Theresa is playing her character is more than fine. Frankly it is great to see someone go against the trope and still maintain the LG alignment. There is absolutely nothing that says a LG paladin can not flirt or be funny or trash talk the bad guys. She knows that Josh does not approve of how she does it but to her credit she doesn't care. She will keep playing her character as she sees fit.
Is there a polite way to deal with my friend? I think he wanted to play the paladin on initial class makeup meeting but instead is going with a warpriest that, I might add, has magically become the paladin trope but in a new class under his running of the character. This may be the genesis of why he has a chip on his shoulder about Theresa.
I can not stand what I call "RP bullying" and I have told him to stop it at the table. He has somewhat amended his behavior but still complains to me about it and makes a way to let his feelings be known in character with such gems as "I never knew a holy paladin of Sarenrae would be so shameless in her lust, is that just your sect or do all female paladins of Sarenrae behave like slatterns?"
He defends this as "just playing my character" which is just an excuse.
I don't want to kick him from the table. I have never really seen him get this way with another character before. I have said that not all paladins have to be roleplayed the same way but I just received a disbelieving silent stare in return. Appreciate any help. The campaign has been a lot of fun even with this monkey wrench tossed in.
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Remind him that he is not: playing a paladin; GM'ing this campaign.
If he keeps on with his behavior, excusing it as "just playing my character," deprive him of some of his spells claiming: "I'm just playing your god, and they don't approve of this behavior!"
Seriously, you may need to ask him to not participate in this campaign if it impinges on the fun others are having. If it's not bothering the paladin player, or the others, then maybe it's not an issue.
It's his problem, not yours unless you let it become yours. He can think whatever he wants or needs regarding how a paladin "should be played." Not his game. Not his time to impose that.
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What is Josh's warpriest's deity?
Have an avatar of his current god turn up along with one of Saranrae's and reprimand him in character. If he persists in being awkward, see how much he enjoys having to seek atonement to regain his own divine benefits.
It'd be better if speaking with him out of character worked, but if not you do have access to anything you want to use.
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No matter what words you say, if there are no repercussions when he does unacceptable things, you are telling him that his behavior is fine. It's called being an enabler.
If you're not enforcing, you're endorsing.
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Nah, he's right, you should be giving out negative exp
To him
Seriously though, from what I know, Sarenraes whole deal is redemption for those that can be redeemable isn't it? Kinda hard for someone to take you up on that offer if you're being 200% hard-ass
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What is Josh's warpriest's deity?
Have an avatar of his current god turn up along with one of Saranrae's and reprimand him in character. If he persists in being awkward, see how much he enjoys having to seek atonement to regain his own divine benefits.
It'd be better if speaking with him out of character worked, but if not you do have access to anything you want to use.
He is using one of the ancient Ossirian gods, Horus. There's not a lot of Horus background I can find to help me with "how would Horus handle this" but Horus is depicted as a honorable god so I could see him disapproving of a warpriest "slut shaming" someone.
Not a bad idea. The one thing I'll give Josh is that he has always been a firm believer in "the GM is God in a campaign" because he definitely has that attitude in games he runs. Flipping this on him would be interesting to see how he would handle it.
How has she been reacting to all this btw?
No matter what words you say, if there are no repercussions when he does unacceptable things, you are telling him that his behavior is fine. It's called being an enabler.
If you're not enforcing, you're endorsing.
The newish player, Theresa, is not actually complaining about it. I think she believes he is just trying to role play with her character.
There will be repercussions for his behavior. As I said, he stopped openly complaining but is now playing the "just playing my character" card to try and point out the "wrongs" of her RPing.
I was hoping someone had dealt with an issue like this before. If I'm being honest my almost 20 year friendship with the guy is giving him a luxury that I wouldn't give someone else for "RP bullying". Polite has worked to a point, not sure what else to do but ask for his character sheet and inform him that he's no longer welcome at the table.
Well he does seem pretty intent on someone losing their divine powers
Might as well be him :3
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How has she been reacting to all this btw?
When he was first complaining at the table she asked him then was she RPing it wrong because she had no idea what he was talking about (ie the paladin trope). I told her she was playing it fine, she was keeping as LG and obeying her goddess's tenets. She has taken that as the only approval she needed and has kept playing it the same. She has not complained about him because, and I'm guessing here, she thinks Josh is trying to RP with her and his character "just so happens to be a stuck up arse". (her words)
Okie dokie, here is the Paladin oaths of Sarenrae.
which I beleive comes from one of the Faiths books or Champions of purity.
(I found it on the Archives of nethys website)Paladin Code
The paladins of the Dawnflower are fierce warriors, like their goddess. They provide hope to the weak and support to the righteous. Their tenets include the following adages.
I will protect my allies with my life. They are my light and my strength, as I am their light and their strength. We rise together.
I will seek out and destroy the spawn of the Rough Beast. If I cannot defeat them, I will give my life trying. If my life would be wasted in the attempt, I will find allies. If any fall because of my inaction, their deaths lie upon my soul, and I will atone for each.
I am fair to others. I expect nothing for myself but that which I need to survive.
The best battle is a battle I win. If I die, I can no longer fight. I will fight fairly when the fight is fair, and I will strike quickly and without mercy when it is not.
I will redeem the ignorant with my words and my actions. If they will not turn toward the light, I will redeem them by the sword.
I will not abide evil, and will combat it with steel when words are not enough. I do not flinch from my faith, and do not fear embarrassment. My soul cannot be bought for all the stars in the sky.
I will show the less fortunate the light of the Dawnflower. I will live my life as her mortal blade, shining with the light of truth.
Each day is another step toward perfection. I will not turn back into the dark.But it sounds like your paladin player is acting perfectly fine. As the rest of these fine forum goes are suggesting its more of a problem with your warpriest player and it needs to be resolved out of game.
I think you edited your post but you mentioned warhammer and yes, both he and I have played warhammer for over twenty years. Actually back to the 80's for me.
His idea of a paladin is the holier than thou, look down my nose, constantly checking to make sure the party isn't violating rules, ready to donate all the party's loot, never crack a joke or be anything other than some steadfast Puritan warrior. Or as some Witch Hunter using Warhammer an an example.
Yes I edited as I felt my comments about your player were a bit out of line. There is no reason for me to imply that your veteran player is some manner of backwards gaming grognard but it looks like he could use a bit of an adjustment as to the level of "Grimdark" in his fantasy. At least for pathfinder games.
When talking about paladins the immediate literary example I use as an example is Michael Carpenter of the Dresden files. An honorable man, A strong man but certain not one to look down his nose at others or immediately punish others for not following his deity's interpretation of the world.
You might provide him with examples of what you consider is a "holy warrior" in a setting where not everything is attempting to murder you and your society has been stuck in a calcified feedback loop of mysticism and ignorance for ages.
He actually uses Grognard as his user name on a warhammer board. To call him old school in his thinking of RP tropes would be to put it mildly. He is a very grumpy Dwarf longbeard. His plus sides are he has forgotten more about the rules than most players know, he knows how to put together a lot of great mechanically different characters but when it comes to RP? Only the sterotypes. Rogues with hearts of gold, holier than thou paladins, etc.
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I have a similar occurrence at my table where some of the long time players don't like the way a younger player runs their cleric. I snip it in the bud every time with a quick - "he can play the character how he likes", and that's the end of it.
If Josh is complaining through his character, then it's just as much a roleplay as Theresa's paladin. If he continues to complain out of character, keep reminding him that she has a right to play her character how she likes. You can loan Theresa a copy of Excalibur and explain that Lancelot is a paladin so she can gain a better understanding of the class.
Wow! Don't let Josh play 5th Edition--they removed the alignment requirements for paladins! So there are LN paladins, CG paladins, NE paladins, the whole gamut! :-D
But I would recommend not making a mountain out of a molehill. If Theresa isn't feeling bothered or bullied by Josh's behavior, just let it be. It's no biggie unless someone at the table is feeling threatened or uncomfortable. It takes all kinds to make the world. Even kinds that think everyone should be the same.
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You have talked to him, and he has improved but not enough. That is actually a fairly good sign, in that at least he is trying.
My guess is that in you efforts to be polite, you failed to be completely clear. You need to be absolutely clear that he is being a bully and that that is not acceptable.
In character verbal sparring between two characters is acceptable, however in this case it really isn't 'in character' he is merely using his character as a sock puppet to speak his own words. Tell him flat out that you expect him to come up with in character reasons for his character to act in a positive manner, building up team spirit rather than knocking it down, and accepting of difference in personality. If he says his character can't do that, than tell him to make a new character since this one will have to leave the party and that he better make a new character that can behave appropriately.
If he can't do that, then yes, you have to tell him he is not welcome, although I'm pretty sure it won't come to that.
Only after he has rebuilt trust, both from you and the other players, should he be allowed a little more freedom in character criticism of other characters.
I suggest against getting into in game ramifications for his characters actions, because this IS a player problem, the 'what my character would do' is an excuse for being a jerk, and you don't have to support that sophistry.
To play devils advocate here; he has every right to rp his character disliking the personality of her paladin.
True, but I think the OP has made it clear that's not the source of the problem, nor has it been limited to the warpriest disapproving of the paladin's personality. It's possible he's mistaken in his assessment, but I doubt it. I've encountered people of the same mold before, who only have one way of understanding how a character class (or race, or other kind of archetype) should be played.
It appears the OP has had limited success in reining Josh, that's unfortunate, but it's not a lost cause either. I think the OP just needs to keep the pressure on him when his out of character prejudices bleed over into behavior at the table. Hopefully the behavior will be less and less of a problem.
Ultimately, the GM has a responsibility to keep players' behavior from ruining the game for everybody. Sometimes that requires a sharp rebuke which can be hard among friends.
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I have a similar occurrence at my table where some of the long time players don't like the way a younger player runs their cleric. I snip it in the bud every time with a quick - "he can play the character how he likes", and that's the end of it.
I have to do that a little bit too in a game I run. I've got 2 parents who sometimes try to jump in to tell their 8 year old daughter what she can and can't do. I had to raise my voice to shut that down one night and told them they can advise, but Zoe needs to make her own decisions.
I really feel for you on this one. Situations like these are the opposite of fun. Bullying is bullying, no matter the medium used.
As a heads-up, if she does realize he really means it or becomes unable to brush it off any longer (because this sort of behavior wears on everyone eventually), you could have a larger issue on your hands--so the sooner this is handled, the less drama down the line.
In character verbal sparring between two characters is acceptable, however in this case it really isn't 'in character' he is merely using his character as a sock puppet to speak his own words. Tell him flat out that you expect him to come up with in character reasons for his character to act in a positive manner, building up team spirit rather than knocking it down, and accepting of difference in personality. If he says his character can't do that, than tell him to make a new character since this one will have to leave the party and that he better make a new character that can behave appropriately.
I like this. A good OOC conversation about it being a team game, and "it comes across as bullying, even though may not mean it that way--can we work on how your PC relates to the other PC?" from yourself and another longterm friend could head him the right direction.
Asking him to alter the personality significantly may not work--some people have only one or two characters in them. However, he should be able to find reasons to get along instead of acting as he is. You might also explain that many of the classes have evolved since 1e, and see where that gets you.
IC bullying from OOC means is never classy and just causes bad feelings, as well as group mistrust, down the line.
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Sometimes "experience" in roleplaying can work against you. Josh is the one who's been "doing it wrong" for years (assuming he plays the Lawful Stupid stereotype to the hilt and makes the game less fun for the rest of his party) while Theresa's coming in as a newbie and doing great. There's no reason a paladin of Sarenrae wouldn't be a cheerful, positive sort, heavier on the Good than the Lawful.
Since I personally can't stand the paladunce stereotype, I'd start dropping less than subtle hints towards Josh to let Theresa do what she wants, since he's majorly b#!#%~&ing up a new player's attempt to play her character how she likes, and frankly it sounds like he's bringing down the table's overall fun level. Maybe give him a Phylactery of Faith as a backhanded gift and have it ping on him when he starts character-policing her.
Seeing as Horus and Sarenrae are only one step apart in alignment with significant portfolio overlap, it wouldn't be too hard to have an NPC priest of either (both?) step in to wrist-slap Josh if he doesn't take the hint.
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The newish player, Theresa, is not actually complaining about it.
If you came to my home to play some game you'd never tried before with a group of total strangers, and my old friend of 20 years was kind of annoying you but everybody else took the behavior as normal, would YOU speak up right away?
A lot of people would feel like they were the troublemaker if they said something in a group like that, and so instead they'll either just stop showing up, or suffer in silence for a while in hopes it goes away and THEN just stop showing up.
Remember, every time Josh does something and you don't intervene, you are announcing to everyone (including both Josh and Theresa) that the behavior is normal and acceptable. Speaking out to say that you're bothered by behavior that the group you're in is labeling as normal and acceptable is not something most people will do.
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Huzzah, Jiggy!
Grond, as someone who plays a chipper, happy paladin in PFS, I applaud your new player. She should be getting kudos, not grief.
Please have an OOC conversation with all your players about how there are many different ways to play a character class, and how innovation can be a great thing.
Talk to the bully in advance of the conversation, so he knows that it is coming. If he chooses to leave, let him. My guess is that Theresa senses something is VERY wrong, and that she's blaming herself rather than coming to you. Don't let this situation shut her down.
Hmm
Tell 'josh' to put on his big boy pants and stop being a jerk. 'i'm just playing my character' is simply a smokescreen to cover up jerkitude. By saying it he knows he's in the wrong and is sulking like a spoiled brat.
I have talked to him about this behavior and he is adamant that the only "real paladin" is the classic trope of one.
punch him in the dick, in other words, anywhere on his body since he is one. :P
Yeah, sounds like he's hung up on old stereotypes grounded in Judeo-Christian expectations.
Well, that just doesn't apply, certainly not in world of Golarion, and Sexual hangups or frowning on Smiling, Joking behavior
has zero basis in neither the class or setting material...
If anything, and to give a 'productive' way out, you might want to discuss the setting sometime,
in a way that happens to point out the cultures/religions where such attitudes ARE the standard...
Although even then, violating those would not really be grounds to lose Paladin-hood,
but instead would just be social friction with traditional culture defenders etc.
If he's going to pretend to use his own character's roleplaying as excuse to pursue his agenda,
I would make clear to him that his own character may run into problems with deity etc for overstepping the bounds,
where his attitude goes beyond the ken... Not necessarily mechanical consequences at first,
but deal with NPCs of his religion who would present another persepctive when they witness him pushing his agenda.
Point out to him that she is playing a paladin of Serenrae, the goddess so laid back, *ALL* the other (non-evil) gods like her.You're confusing Sarenrae with Shelyn.
It's an easy mistake to make since they're fairly similar in many ways; the big differences are that Shelyn focuses heavily on both physical and metaphysical beauty in addition to her faith in redemption, and Sarenrae backs a politically powerful cult that is borderline evil.
Honestly, Golarion is very welcoming to non-traditional Paladins in general. The only god that I would expect to strongly support your old school stick-up-his-butt Pally is Torag. Even Iomedae was a devout follower of a Lawful Neutral god before she ascended.
Of course, this issue has nothing to do with Golarion's canon and everything to do with an old dude being a jerk to a new player.
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His idea of a paladin is the holier than thou, look down my nose, constantly checking to make sure the party isn't violating rules, ready to donate all the party's loot, never crack a joke or be anything other than some steadfast Puritan warrior. Or as some Witch Hunter using Warhammer an an example.
Frankly - if he ever tries to give away other party members' share of the treasure (as you mentioned above) - he should fall. It's stealing, no matter his reasoning. Arguably Robin Hood style stealing (though far less so as it wouldn't be from evil men who'd arguably stolen it in the first place) - but he was called the Prince of Thieves for a reason.
The paladin 'Josh' likes to play epitomizes the things that make many players not like to be in a party with paladins. It sounds like 'Theresa' is doing a far better job of playing a paladin than 'Josh' ever did.
Errmmm, that word does not mean what he (Josh) thinks it means, that being trope. Aka, trope, a common or overused theme or device. Thus in reality, harsh as it sounds, Josh's "this is how a paladin is" in fact lacks any real worth, and your newest player Theresa, has in fact dodged this common paladin trap all on her own as a newish player (congrats to her BTW, nicely done.)
Perhaps spinning Josh's falling back to the old paladins are only X and never A, Y, or Z trope on its head and showing how HE is pushing a lack luster and dull view of a class puts him squarely in the wrong.
By Josh's (flawed) logic, all rangers must fight with two scimitars and have panthers. All dwarves must be fighters and use only axes and shields, all clerics must....you see where I am going here. Thus, buy ancient and proven useless gamer logic, his dwarven warpriest is doing it wrong (still on his logic, not actual logic) by his OWN admission. Hey, you don't get to pick and choose your outdated/outmoded gaming tropes, you want one to be a big deal, well get ready for mega cookie cutter Tolkien fantasy, and don't you DARE be creative sir. When faced with that argument, mayhaps he will start behaving himself. That is just how I would deal with the issue.
Grond, I'm with the majority that says "Josh" has the problem and "Theresa" is an asset.
There are rules and there are traditions. The rules call for a paladin to follow a code of conduct that is deliberately fairly vague but written. As long as Theresa isn't violating THAT, "Josh" can - and should - be required to cease and desist. HE is being the Bad Player and with 20 years under his belt, he should know it.
This has to happen out-of-character. Bottom line it. "Dude, find me a rule that says paladins can't or even shouldn't be friendly, flirtatious, outgoing, positive people. Find me a rule that says what she's doing is even almost wrong." If he can't do it, it's time to concede and STOP RUINING THE NEW PLAYER'S FUN.
Look, at my table Dwarves typically have Scottish accents, because... reasons. If a new player came in and did a Chinese accent (Mandarin or Cantonese, take your pick), sure, it'd rub me the wrong way, they I'd roll with it because doing ANY accent is going the extra mile.
Sit "Josh" down, buy him a beer/lapdance/puppy, and lay the ultimatum on him.
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I will tell Josh that he maybe should learn how to play a Paladin, and listen what Theresa has to say about Paladins. He might learn a lot.
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I think Jiggy has summed it up this situation well.
The old-timer is totally in the wrong here: He's trying to dictate how another player RPs her character and he's not taking hints or blatant requests to tone it down. I totally agree not to try to correct out-of-game behavior with in-game penalties. It sounds like you have spoken with him out-of-game, and he's switched his criticism to in-game, in-character RP decisions. That's better, though he's walking a very fine line.
If "Josh" is still being a jerk about it, pull "old school" right back at him (out-of-game, of course)... You're the GM, you think "Theresa" is playing the character just fine, and if he disapproves, that's his problem, and his alone. He's acting like a bully, and needs to knock out off, or you might have to ask him to sit out this campaign because he's making the game less fun for everyone.
I may be reading into the situation, but this also sounds like 'Josh' is being sexist too. I have a feeling that his knickers would be in less of a twist if 'Theresa' was 'Terrence.'
It sounds like 'Theresa' is being a good sport about this. Continue to encourage her RPing the way she wants.
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Look, at my table Dwarves typically have Scottish accents, because... reasons. If a new player came in and did a Chinese accent (Mandarin or Cantonese, take your pick), sure, it'd rub me the wrong way, they I'd roll with it because doing ANY accent is going the extra mile.
I'm not fond of that one either which is why I pretty much do anything but. Yes, including but not limited to Jamaican.
Hey, I wanted to do a dwarf with some Caribbean accent too. Preach it, brother (or sister)!
Anyway, I would not make a big personal issue out of it - no need to cause more dissent and frustration than necessary - but I would have a word or three with the warpriest player. Hopefully he can get the point that he shouldn't be a jackass. I would also check again if the paladin player is really okay with it - if she is, and he dials it down a bit, perfect. PCs don't necessarily have to be best friends or never criticize each other, especially if the players don't mind this interaction.
From a social perspective, followers of different gods - even of similar alignments - can find each other quite grating. However, I'd expect a bit of - at times grudging - respect for the chosen of an allied faith. All but the most sour Toragites can recognize that whatever - and whoever - a Sarenite Paladin in good standing is doing, s/he is a skillful warrior for a good cause and his/her heart is in the right place... mostly.
Get him to bring you a copy of Horus' expected behaviour of his followers (along with anything else important that a GM running a game with a follower in the party should know) and see if being an unprovoked ass in character is violating anything. If it is, then you have something to look out for and that his character may want to look out for; if not, you still got some reference material from it.
Also, like another poster suggested, ask him what in Sarenrae's code he thinks her character is violating. He may have something specific he actually thinks she's violating or it may finally click for him that what goes for some might not fit every character.
Maybe bring him an example of a deity whos rules it would actually BREAK to play a Paladin the way he thinks they HAVE to be played.
Maybe bring him an example of a deity whos rules it would actually BREAK to play a Paladin the way he thinks they HAVE to be played.
Erastil and Shelyn come to mind. Possibly Abadar as well.
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Point out to him that she is playing a paladin of Serenrae, the goddess so laid back, *ALL* the other (non-evil) gods like her.You're confusing Sarenrae with Shelyn.It's an easy mistake to make since they're fairly similar in many ways; the big differences are that Shelyn focuses heavily on both physical and metaphysical beauty in addition to her faith in redemption, and Sarenrae backs a politically powerful cult that is borderline evil.
No, I really wasn't.
Relationships
Sarenrae counts all non-evil gods as companions, and even communicates with evil deities in the hopes of converting them from their dark ways. She has some distrust for Asmodeus due to arguing over the souls of the dead. Her only true enemy is Rovagug.
Okay, technically, it actually says she likes all the other gods, not they like her. But really, anyone who can get along civilly with everyone but Rovagug and maybe Asmodeus is not going to be bothered by a happy flirty paladin.
Shelyn is liked or loved by everyone. Sarenrae gets along with everyone. It is the difference between being the most popular girl in the class, and being the person who can hang out with any clique they want any time they want.
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I appreciate everyone's input and advice. I called him this evening and told him I was sending him a link in an email and I wanted him to check it out and give me a call once he had.
About thirty minutes later he called and was apologetic. It turned out my suspicions were right in that he wanted to play a paladin this campaign and was not expecting the, as he admitted, new girl to want to play a martial character and thought she would want to play an Elf magic user of some sort.
I asked him why he thought she would want to play an Elf magic user because it honestly confused me and he sheepishly responded that almost all new players that were girls in his experience wanted to play an Elf magic user of some sort or some kind of Dark Elf ranger.
We had a nice talk and I told him that kind of thinking was really insulting to other people, explicitly sexist even, and he agreed. He then asked me how I liked how he RPed his paladins over the years. You could have cut the dead silence that stretched out with a sword. I finally told him that while I didn't mind the "typical" paladin every once in a while the fact he played it the same way each time made it less interesting. Not to mention it made it always a source of IC conflict with any kind of rogue class or a character that was not very religious.
He said he would apologize in person to Theresa at our next meeting and he would stop the attempts to alignment check her and criticizing her RP. I told him I would hold them to this and if he did not change then despite our being friends for about 20 years I would ask him to step out of the campaign. He agreed.
So hopefully all of these comments that came from someone else besides myself helped turn him around. We have this argument before to lesser degrees over the years and I think he just tuned me out this time because he thought it was just another argument and not a real issue affecting other players.
Thank you guys and gals for your help. :)
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This kind of stuff happens sometimes, role playing is a social experience after all, and sometimes people don't get along. When I GM I have a rule: there are no RP police, the only character you have any control over is your own.
That being said, I play with a guy who's all into Tolkien-esque tropes and hates any deviation from that. Luckily, he's not really hostile about it so we can all get along.
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I personally have made a death-seeking misanthrope paladin who doesn't really believe in justice and righteousness winning and thinks people are awful but is going to keep throwing himself into dangerous situations until either he gives up (and falls), he dies, or someone proves him wrong.
I don't think a person like that would be willing or able to become a Paladin in the first place...
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I appreciate everyone's input and advice. I called him this evening and told him I was sending him a link in an email and I wanted him to check it out and give me a call once he had.
About thirty minutes later he called and was apologetic. It turned out my suspicions were right in that he wanted to play a paladin this campaign and was not expecting the, as he admitted, new girl to want to play a martial character and thought she would want to play an Elf magic user of some sort.
I asked him why he thought she would want to play an Elf magic user because it honestly confused me and he sheepishly responded that almost all new players that were girls in his experience wanted to play an Elf magic user of some sort or some kind of Dark Elf ranger.
We had a nice talk and I told him that kind of thinking was really insulting to other people, explicitly sexist even, and he agreed. He then asked me how I liked how he RPed his paladins over the years. You could have cut the dead silence that stretched out with a sword. I finally told him that while I didn't mind the "typical" paladin every once in a while the fact he played it the same way each time made it less interesting. Not to mention it made it always a source of IC conflict with any kind of rogue class or a character that was not very religious.
He said he would apologize in person to Theresa at our next meeting and he would stop the attempts to alignment check her and criticizing her RP. I told him I would hold them to this and if he did not change then despite our being friends for about 20 years I would ask him to step out of the campaign. He agreed.
So hopefully all of these comments that came from someone else besides myself helped turn him around. We have this argument before to lesser degrees over the years and I think he just tuned me out this time because he thought it was just another argument and not a real issue affecting other players.
Thank you guys and gals for your help. :)
This is exactly why it's always important to speak with problem players out of character, away from the group. You did a great job and I hope other GMs learn from your example. I'm glad that there's been a positive resolution!
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From where I sit, the issue is not about 'how to play a Paladin' or 'what would the God want' but more of a 'my superior position is not getting the respect it deserves'. Unfortunately it is a disgraceful way for an older/long-time player to behave. And does nothing to reflect the benefits of the experience and quality of those that have played RPG's since the early days.
Having a young whipper-snapper come along and demonstrate good quality role-playing maybe getting up his nose. One may even surmise that not only that, she is female 'to boot'and has the audacity to stand up to his 'trite trope tantrums'. Good for her.
He's lost sight of how important it is for players to respect each other and needs to wake up to the reality, clean up his act and realize that the 21st Century is already 15 years in... before he's consigned to the 'doddering old codger' pile and treated accordingly.
[Edit: Pleased to hear that you've got it sorted, that the air's cleared and things are moving forward pleasantly.]