You are a lowly, pathetic kobold. You stand in a dark hallway alongside three other poorly-equipped members of your kind.
Your name is Pun-Pun. You are a faithful divine minion of the Great Unpronounceable God of Serpents, Caecilians, and Similarly-Shaped Sorts, whose name cannot be pronounced by kobold or human mouths and has therefore never been successfully transcribed to text.
As a divine minion, you would normally be regarded as a potent and valued member of your tribe, possessing great powers of shapeshifting and a near-suicidal lack of fear. Unfortunately, your tribe worships the Manic and Mute Goddess of Muck and Malaise, an ooze god whose name is perfectly pronounceable by all save the one entity who knows it, the aforementioned MAMGOMAM*. They see you as an unfortunate waste of space, and do their best to get you killed with incredibly dangerous guard missions. Your only friend is Bon-Bon, a viper who hangs from your wrist and whispers ancient and unknowable secrets to power beyond the dreams of mad gods which you can't hear, as the viper is hanging from your wrist and not somewhere sensible but silly-looking like your snout. But Bon-Bon refuses to shut up.
Naturally, the aforementioned light level is inconsequential to you, as you can see sixty feet in the dark—almost to the end of the hallway. The eighty-foot Hallway of Hilarity is, true to its name, pocked with doors that lead nowhere but are hilariously trapped. A sign on the other end proclaims the hallway's name so that adventurers are sure to get the joke before they die hilariously.
What do you do?
*It should be noted that to abbreviate the deity's name is regarded as nothing short of heretical, and you only dare to do so in the confines of your own rattling little lizard brain.
You examine your three fellow kobolds. They are each equipped with a standard-issue gnomeprodder, a suit of standard-issue leather wrappings, and a sling. The sling is not standard-issue—command is generally against investing in ranged weapons due to "budget constraints"—but generally kobold guards are able to scrap together enough cloth to make something. It gets you hell from the brass, but it might just keep you alive. If you are attacked by cave pheasants or need to redirect cave llamas or something.
The kobolds' names are Awk-Awk, Gah-Gah and Greep. Like all kobolds, they were named after the first sound they made upon hatching. This is regarded by most as a terrible way of naming anything, but kobolds are nothing if not traditional.
Awk-Awk is a kobold male generally deemed to be highly attractive. His hobbies include standing, pacing, and shrieking at things. He is regarded as a kobold paragon, and has been placed here to ensure that he does not live to challenge the chief for rulership of the tribe.
Gah-Gah is a kobold female. She possesses a revolutionary, chaotic mindset, and is secretly planning a coup against the chief on behalf of her vegepygmy masters forget I said that, you aren't supposed to know that yet. Her hobbies include funsai (the label on the box says, "Bonsai made fun!" Also, bonsai with fungi, and extremely cheap, and the fungi don't really grow so much as release poisonous spores) and pulling levers.
You do not know Greep, but you know of her. From what you have heard, she is the chief's least favorite daughter. Greep is known to be extremely bloodthirsty, and is expected to be the first of this team to die.
Most likely by a few seconds. This is the outermost, most accessible point of the entire warren.
In answer to your question, Awk-Awk scratches his head and shrieks out his response. In the Common tongue, which he is attempting to learn so that he can shriek in two languages while battling adventurers. "IS VERY CATCHY. BUT ME THINK HE SELL OUT. GOOD HOOKS, NO TEETH. IS DISAPPOINT. DEEKIN USE TO MAKE GOOD SMART MUSIC. NOW HE PANDER TO MAINSTREAM. IS ALL LOVE MUSIC AND BATTLE BALLADS."
You did not understand a word he just said, as you chose to learn Aklo instead of Common for your second language. After all, ropers might not be likely to listen to reason, but they're more likely than adventurers.
Greep shakes her head. "I haven't listened to the new one yet. I don't think the music really speaks to real kobold issues anymore. The last one didn't mention the spilling of gnome guts at all. Deekin has lost touch with his original fanbase."
Gah-Gah gurgles and spits out some spores. Ha ha, classic Gah-Gah.