
Ambrosia Slaad |
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{hacks KC's phone, changes ringtone to "Everything Is Slaadsome!" theme}

Kobold Catgirl |
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You attack your own people? That's not very lawful.
The needs of the many-leveled outweigh the needs of the few.
Oh Tiny and unassuming Kobold,
Steve Holt?
Steve Erwin.
BARBARIAN HAVE SIMPLE QUESTION FOR CLEAVING KOBOLD:
AM YOU BARBARIAN?
IF NOT, WHY?
How many long-lived Feral Gnashers have you seen?
Take that number and divide it by 1.3333333(etc) and you'll have your answer.
Why are you avoiding the question?
I mean do you realize how many edits I had to do to get that picture right?
I even took into account that you might have a reach weapon.
Literally every single one. And also about forty more, with a quickened fireball.
Look, there was a gnome in the center of the group! Or possibly a mosqui—You have no right to judge me!
Meh. Kobolds can wait at the end of the line; it is clearly much more important that Paizo's rigid anti-slaadi bias is addressed first.
I'm gonna ask again—are you sure you exist?
Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip ...
I would like to point out that there is no stat block for poodles nor even a passing mention in the bestiaries and I ... oops
Yip yip yip grrrrrr yip yip yip yip yip
<piddles all over the thread>
Where's the button to summon the anti-poodle gelatinous cube? I swear I had it around here somewhere...damn it...
{hacks KC's phone, changes ringtone to "Everything Is Slaadsome!" theme}
That's the phone the poodle ate. I don't have a phone anymore; I carry out all my important calls via fax.
One more reason we're better - Goblins also update threads more often than kobolds.
That is also a reason you are worse.

Kobold Catgirl |
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Having a long tail is actually seen as incredibly ugly. It's a societal thing. Much like fat is regarded as highly attractive by certain members of the human race because it ensures a longer life than being emaciated, long tails are regarded as highly unattractive because it gives monsters something to grab you by as you're fleeing.
Sadly, this has led to the somewhat barbaric practice of tail cropping, which is actually a major problem afflicting many parts of kobold culture, especially those in the "Darklands Down", as we try to call the lower and generally more dangerous regions where kobolds live, as many kobolds do not realize the severe health risks that can come with tail cropping, or are not even given a choice, which—
Pillage first, then plunder? Or is it plunder first, then pillage? Or do I just burn everything?
GIVE ME MY STUFF BACK

Goblin Cleaver |
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Even the Slaadi Chaos Masters recognize the wisdom of the rule, "Plunder before you burn."
Now, given that Kobold Cleaver has already been plundered ...
*Sets Kobold Cleaver on fire.*
Yay! Fire and kobold pain at the same time! This moment can't possibly get better.
*turns around to listen to something*
What? It's a boy? What's your point? I stand by my statement, it couldn't have, and hasn't gotten better. Leave me alone, woman. Good throw it in the cage with the rest.

Ceaser Slaad |

Yep. And given that there wouldn't be a decent ROI for giving Kobold Cleaver drugs letting him have a thread was the cheaper solution. Although whether or not letting him have a thread is cheaper than a round of .45 ACP ammo remains to be seen. I'd sure hate to see Paizo's bottom line take a hit over Kobold Cleaver.

Pillbug Toenibbler |
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KC, does it bother you when some Great Old One plucks a nightmare out of your head and visits it upon the southern half of an entire continent?

Ceaser Slaad |
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Now I lay me down to sleep. As I do my favorite dream repeats. Kobold Cleaver being chased by all the venemous snakes in Australia. Poisonous snakes with hemotoxic venom. Poisonous snakes with neurotoxic venom. Poisonous snakes using a combination of hemotoxins and neurotoxins in their venom. Eventually Kobold Cleaver's screams for help are heard. Great Cthulhu comes on the scene. He reaches down, picks up Kobold Cleaver, and eats him. The dream ends. I wake up feeling refreshed and eager to face a new day. The poor venemous snakes in Australia, having had their prey stolen from them, plot how to do better next evening. Great Cthulhu takes a righteous dump, and the cycle is ready to repeat when I go to sleep again. :-)

Kobold Catgirl |

Please do not post on this thread anymore. You have all committed shameful disgrace after shameful disgrace in lieu of submitting questions worthy of my attention, cruelly bullying and mocking the entire proud kobold race. You have ignored your bans, you have laughed at my pain, you have stolen my name, and you have not even followed the proper submission format. I am closing this thread. If anyone continues to post here, they will have my lawyers to deal with.
BANLIST
Everyone except me and Teter, who, need I add, IS A CLOSE PERSONAL FRIEND WHO HAS HIS FINGER ON THE BAN BUTTON FOR ALL OF YOU.

Pillbug Toenibbler |

Your mom said she calls you Deer because you also carry Lyme disease. And because she'd like to mount your stuffed head on the wall.

Master Pugwampi |
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Please do not post on this thread anymore. You have all committed shameful disgrace after shameful disgrace in lieu of submitting questions worthy of my attention, cruelly bullying and mocking the entire proud kobold race. You have ignored your bans, you have laughed at my pain, you have stolen my name, and you have not even followed the proper submission format. I am closing this thread. If anyone continues to post here, they will have my lawyers to deal with.
BANLIST
Everyone except me and Teter, who, need I add, IS A CLOSE PERSONAL FRIEND WHO HAS HIS FINGER ON THE BAN BUTTON FOR ALL OF YOU.
*dances into the thread*
♪♫ Oh and we're posting,
Oh yes we're posting,
We're posting morning, noon, and nighhhht! ♪♫
*dances out of the thread*

TheRealKoboldCleaver |

Please do not post on this thread anymore. You have all committed shameful disgrace after shameful disgrace in lieu of submitting questions worthy of my attention, cruelly bullying and mocking the entire proud kobold race.
You are by yourself a shameful disgrace who mocks the entire proud Kobold Race.

Goblin Cleaver |

KC, who exactly are your lawyers?
Three hobos he met on the side of the road, having shared a bottle of rotgut with and discussed philosophy, before promptly being vomited on by Hobo #3, as Hobo #2 passed out and defacated himself. One had a copy of "Law for Dummies" which was only missing 1/5 of it's pages due to impromptu wiping sessions, and was willing to work on contingency, which let's face it is really all KC paid attention to.

Pillbug Toenibbler |
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Hello Gobold Cleaver,
I'm a reporter from the Fishwrapper Is it true that the lower levels of Tucker's Kobolds dungeons are just orgies of drugs and interspecies sex acts so depraved that even drow blush? Also, what are the logins & passwords to both your cellphone and your cloud account filled with incriminating and/or embarrassing photos?

Goblin Cleaver |
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Hello Gobold Cleaver,
I'm a reporter from the Fishwrapper Is it true that the lower levels of Tucker's Kobolds dungeons are just orgies of drugs and interspecies sex acts so depraved that even drow blush? Also, what are the logins & passwords to both your cellphone and your cloud account filled with incriminating and/or embarrassing photos?
Unfortunately, it not being Tucker's Goblins, I'm not 100% sure, but... I doubt it.
Kobolds are actually pretty prudish. They don't even do it on the corpses of their enemies while roasting gnomes over a fire and singing about killing dogs, which is pretty vanilla if you ask me.
Maybe there's drugs down there, though. That explains why all the defenses.
His Username and Password are "Hot4Deekin" and "Password". I know. I tried telling him.
The idea that he's five ferrets is ridiculous. Outrageous, even.
There's six of them, and one is a guinea pig.

Kobold Catgirl |
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Also, what are the logins & passwords to both your cellphone and your cloud account filled with incriminating and/or embarrassing photos?
What the goblin said, though they're mostly pictures of Comrade Anklebiter cavorting with bankers and corporate fatcats. I was going to blackmail him with them, but it turns out he's dead broke.

Goblin Cleaver |

Pillbug wrote:Also, what are the logins & passwords to both your cellphone and your cloud account filled with incriminating and/or embarrassing photos?What the goblin said, though they're mostly pictures of Comrade Anklebiter cavorting with bankers and corporate fatcats. I was going to blackmail him with them, but it turns out he's dead broke.
What about the one of...you know...you...with the thing...under your tail...and the bottle of mayonnaise?