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meatrace

Nov 16, 2014, 10:12 am

Alright I made a cryptic post a couple days ago promising to start a thread explaining why I'd been gone for a while. Just getting around to it now.

Six weeks ago today, I came home from work at 2:30 in the morning to find my girlfriend of 10 1/2 years still awake, much to my surprise, and fully dressed no less. "It's over" she said as she flung a 'Dear John' letter at me and walked out the door.

I won't go into the gory details as to why she left, but suffice it to say she has left my entire life in a bloody shambles. We've been together since 2004 and been living together since 2005. She's basically the only person I've ever lived with as an adult, and I've never lived alone before. I'm stuck in a 2 bedroom I can't afford, in a job I hate and planned to quit once she found gainful employment and could support me in my final push towards graduation, and I'm sharing a vehicle with her. She was also the 4th player in both of my gaming groups, leaving us up a creek, and her family had basically become my family, making the upcoming holidays, I'm sure, awful, as I have nowhere to go.

She says she still cares about me, that she still loves me, but just as a friend. I've spent the last 6 weeks just trying to distract myself, to spend more time with friends, but really, she was my best friend. I've tried to concentrate on school, but my grades have been declining precipitously. She has moved on and is seeing other people already

There's a lot more, but that's the gist of it.

Quark Blast

Nov 16, 2014, 03:03 pm

I have a much older brother with a similar story. He basically stopped living at home when he and her started dating in late high school. He was basically adopted into her family and we hardly ever saw her. They went off to college together in a far off place (several states and 2,200 miles away) and some few years later she just up and left. And, seemingly without missing a beat, started dating others. They were together at least 8 years IIRC.

Something reminded me of her this last summer when most of the family was together for a reunion so I asked my brother; Whatever happened to "X"? <passing over certain details as the Internets make the world incredibly small sometimes> She hasn't done so well and my brother is currently unattached so I asked him if he was going to look her up?

The short answer was "No" but then he told me about a time during high school when she had gone to some social function and was on her way back home after the event. She stopped by our house to say goodnight and he gently brushed her hair away from the front of her face so he could see her as they talked. She freaked and batted his hand away saying that she had "spent hours" getting her look right and now he was "messing it up". Mind, she's headed home to take a shower and go to bed. The social function is over. Yet she was more than miffed at my brother for touching her hair.

So, apparently she was weird like that and it only got worse as the years went by.

With hindsight he sees a missed chance by his younger self to have saved his current self many years of trouble. On the other hand, he now has many subsequent years without that trouble and isn't looking to throw more good time at a net-bad experience.

Maybe there's something like that in this for you? Looking at it like bullet-dodged rather than best-friend-lost.

Don't know what to say about the rest of it - her family, holidays, job you hate... Talk with your friends and ask for constructive criticism, make a Plan-A (and a Plan-B), and then go for Plan-A. 'Cause taking no action will get you what you've already got and it sounds like you don't want that.

Grand Magus

Nov 16, 2014, 03:13 pm

Women are a dime a dozen. Find a new one.

Freehold DM

Nov 16, 2014, 04:12 pm

I'm sorry meatrace. I am going through some difficulties there myself and things got really bad earlier this year. I'm still on eggshells myself despite some positive changes, and I am ready for the possibility things may go weird and wrong for no reason. I wish I had something more profound to say as someone going through something similar, but I dont. I only have apologies.