I throw Pulg into the grinder and make him into a lovely (if hairy) sausage.
I supply the Immortal Whelk Lords with evidence of AoZK's crimes against Whelkanity and watch them rain righteous, Whelky justice on him.
I turn loose the zombie of Lawrence Welk on poor old Pulg. Pulg's brains get eaten to the tune of the Pennsylvania Polka.
I pull a tanker truck full of hydrogen to MD's back end, inflate him like a Zeppelin, and nudge him towards New Jersey.
I put IHIYC in a witness protection program. For what? Oh, nothing, really.
I wave my magic wand and summon Sissyl's Evil Twin, who promptly puts an end to Sissyl with an exploding Pop Tart.
I replace the bells on IHIYC's hat with Folger's Crystals and watch him descend into suicidal madness when he notices the difference.
I hand IHIYC some victory beer for his victory in this thread. It may or may not be poisoned.
I do an erotic dance for Goddity, causing them to regurgitate violently. Without a mouth-hole, they suffocate on their own vomit.
I enrol GoatToucher in the Anti "Interfering" With Other Sentient Beings League. With his raison d'etre gone, he promptly does the decent thing and departs this life.
I hoist up JDP by the throat and chuck him into the nearest abyss.
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:tricks MD into swallowing a tank of liquid nitrogen, which he then shoots, causing frozen MD head chunks to fly everywhere:
Now that's using your head.
:looks to director: Really? That's what we're going with? That's terrible! You rework this crap. I'll be in my trailer :storms off:
:I sneak into GT's trailer while he's on terlet. Quietly skirt around his creepy collection of mismatched mannequins. Fling open the bathroom door and BOOM! shotgun to the face. :
My corpse, riddled with a host of infections of arcane and unknowable origin, explodes, covering MD with gore and transferring the infections on to him.
His death takes several weeks. At some point he leaks brownish fluid from each of his orifices (but never two at the same time). When it finally comes, death is a welcome, almost ecstatic, release.
I deprive GoatToucher of nuns for a fortnight.
I deprive Pulg of his de-tangling spray.
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I give GoatToucher a housewarming gift: a toaster with an unreliable pop-up mechanism, and several boxes of (specifically) Kellog's strawberry Pop-Tarts.
I put IHIYC in the pop-tart, in the toaster, in GoatToucher's house, push the lever down and then run away very, very fast.
I clothesline Pulg as he is running away where he flips end over end and lands on an oversized frying skillet with the rest of the bacon. Kids! Breakfast is on!!
I hammer MD into a draconic spatula.
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I hack into GoatToucher's Internet account, get him an account on Pravda.ru, and publish several editorials in his name, all passionately, eloquently, unequivocally, and persuasively condemning Vladimir Putin.
I strap IHIYC to a MOAB from the EU targeting ISIS!
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I introduce Craig to the family of the traumatised hippo shortly afterwards.
I think it's time we went back to classics. I shoot IHIYC with the Death Ray™
I kill Goddity... To DEATH!
I run over GT with my monster truck "Molten Misanthrope" gunning the engine on his head and spray blood, brains and mud all over the cheering crowd.
I pelt MD with breakfast cereal until he expires. Takes a long time, but totally worth it.
I steal all of Pulg's breakfast cereal, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Deprived of the ability to break his fasting, Pulg shall starve. Muahahahahahaha, another brilliant plan!
I launch R2-FU into space on a collision course with the center of the galaxy.
I challenge Shadeblade to a Pustules At Dawn duel. Then, while he's fiddling about under his mask trying to find a suitable zit, I run him over with a very fast steamroller.
I bake Pulg into The World's Most Unappetizing Pie (tm).
I make an omelet from GT's head. Who knew?
After eating omelet-me, Sissyl develops a case of hyper-salmonella, the primary symptom of which is The Shrieking Poops.
In the end, she dies as she lived: naked on her bathroom floor, howling and convulsing with agony as her vital fluids (and smaller organs) are violently projected from her colon.
GoatToucher slips in the resulting pool and bangs his head against the cistern
Well, actually I didn't eat the GT-omelet, indeed didn't even touch it, but instead served it to J4RH34D. She took the bait and died in agony as described above. I mean, seriously, knowingly eating GT parts???
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Sissyl, with a smug expression on her face, goes off to see The Shrieking Poops at her local sports arena. Unfortunately, they're supported by Coldplay, so she dies of tedium before being able to hear a note of her heroes' performance.