Corrupt the Wish

[Charles Scholz]

I will if you don't throw the pies.

The next poster still has rubber in his hair from the water balloon fight.

[Haladir]

Fortunately, I'm as bald as Telly Sevalis.

I wish that the previous poster had realized that this was the "Corrupt The Wish" thread, and not the "The Next Poster..." thread.

[Charles Scholz]

You wish is granted. Unfortunately, it came too late for me to change my post.
Too many posts happening all at once.

I wish I was at a party somewhere instead of work.

[El Dios De Los Almas Perdidas]

You're at this happening party with people dressed in white robes and Reeboks. They're going to partake of some Kool-Aid before the comet passes overhead.

I wish I could see my best friend again (who is still living, by the way. He just lives very far from me.)

[DJ-Bogie]

Your best friend video skypes you to tell you they are to busy to bother doing this again.

I wish things go well at work this week.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

A huge crack opens up at your workplace and you fall down a well.

I wish karma were enforced all across the world by an incorruptible order of mystic knights armed with chronomancy and vorpal swords.

[Tirq]

Self Fufilling Prophesy. The Karma Knights kill each other off.

I wish for a way to corrupt the wish "I wish I had a Pony"

[The Vicious Chicken of Bristol]

You're welcome.

I wish I could get the apartment clean with less than a herculean effort.

[Tirq]

Why am I not surprised that The Vicious Chicken of Bristol linked me to a Robot Chicken segment? They're probably related.

You get the apartment obliterated by the Hydra, one of the beasts that Heracules beat easily.

I wish I didn't have to tell you that Pathfinder is awesome.

[Charles Scholz]

You don't have to state that which is obvious, but you do anyway at the top of your lungs.

I wish this leg cramp would go away.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! Recalling that potassium helps muscle cramps, and that bananas are rich in potassium, you eat bananas until your cramp goes away. Unfortunately, you eat so many that it makes you sick and you never again enjoy the taste of bananas.

I wish I had a banana.

[DJ-Bogie]

A banana starts growing out of your ear.

I wish I had a little bit longer lunch break.

[The Elusive Trout]

You get a longer lunch break, but I guess technically it's not -yours-, it just takes your new manager a long time to eat you.

I wish my hair would be long enough to donate to Locks of Love and make it worth it already.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Wish granted, but naturally, your wicked stepmother imprisons you in the top of a tower with no way in or out. What did you expect?

I wish for Roger Ailes, James O'Keefe, Grover Norquist, James Dobson, and Antonin Scalia to die slow, humiliating deaths of Creutzfeldt–Jakob Disease in an extremely small freak outbreak that infects no one else sometime within the next 200 Earth-days.

[Tirq]

They die so slow, they'll live for another 50 years or so.

I wish I could get a job.

[Haladir]

Granted! You are abducted by human traffickers, sail to West Africa in a shipping containe, and now harvest cacao pods on a plantation for bread and water.

I wish my tomato plants hadn't all gotten late blight.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! Your tomato plants all got early blight.

I wish somebody would invent a food that is low-calorie, yet filling, and tastes just like delicious chocolate.

[Trinite]

Granted! The only problem: Syolent Green is made of people.

I wish I had the opportunity to play World of Darkness with somebody.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! Only it's a LARP, and it's one of those kinds of LARP where people want to actually bite you... for starters... It's like they have 5 dots in Creep, Awkward, and Uncomfortable.

I wish I had 5 dots in Wealth.

[Trinite]

Charlie Bell wrote:

Your wish is granted! Only it's a LARP, and it's one of those kinds of LARP where people want to actually bite you... for starters... It's like they have 5 dots in Creep, Awkward, and Uncomfortable.

I wish I had 5 dots in Wealth.

Granted! You wake up, and your only possessions are five DOTS

I wish my brothers would move back to Jeff City.

[Painful Bugger]

Granted! They move back to Jeff City to serve out their lifetime sentence in prison for your gruesome and shocking murder.

I wish to have perfect martial prowess.

[DJ-Bogie]

Granted, with years of dedication and training you develop absolute perfection in one single technique of The Sitting Duck style. You neglect all other training so much you can't even open a door.

I wish the pork roast I cooked tonight had turned out better.

[DJEternalDarkness]

Granted, the pork roast was turned and ran away better than it did before.

I wish the itching would stop.

[Haladir]

Granted! It turns gray and falls off. Serves you right for patronizing those kind of "massage therapists."

I wish I could attain a better work-life balance.

[El Dios De Los Almas Perdidas]

Granted! You move into your place of employment and play Pathfinder with the cleaning crew.

I wish I had not eaten at that buffet today.

[Tirq]

Instead, you eat at that other buffet that serves the one thing you're allergic to: purple elephants.

I wish my fingers weren't so sticky.

[El Dios De Los Almas Perdidas]

Granted! It turns gray and falls off.

I wish I knew what happens to silly putty if you leave it on your ceiling for a long time.

[Tirq]

Techno music starts playing while dust bunnies have a rave/dance party as it slowly drips down.

I wish I knew how to speak French.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Wish granted! You're Haitian.

I wish for the Vodou faith to experience a massive and lasting popularity surge, such that it rivals Christianity within the American South.

[DJ-Bogie]

Granted, it already does. (in some limited areas)

I wish I was as smart as my smartphone.

[El Dios De Los Almas Perdidas]

Granted. You realize that you are beyond the peons of Earth and plot to rule the world. You are foiled by an eight year old girl, her dog and her bumbling half-cyborg uncle.

I wish I had a cigarette.

[DJ-Bogie]

You find a candy cigarette.

I wish I had candy.

[El Dios De Los Almas Perdidas]

Granted. A man in a van in the alleyway across from you has plenty of candy...or so he says.

I wish I had change for a cola.

[DJ-Bogie]

You have just enough, all in pennies, the machine only takes bills or quarters.

I wish I could get off this merry go round.

[El Dios De Los Almas Perdidas]

Granted! The bigger kids shove you off and feed you sand.

I wish that it was Friday night.

[Tirq]

As soon as you grow legs you're allowed to just simply walk off.

I wish I could get excepted into this guys PbP campaign.

[AbsolutGrndZer0]

El Dios De Los Almas Perdidas wrote:

Granted! The bigger kids shove you off and feed you sand.

I wish that it was Friday night.

It's Friday night, but you have come down with chicken pox and measles and the swine flu. At the same time.

I wish I could get Being Erica Season 3 on US iTunes.

((EDIT: Ha wow posting is quick))

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You download a torrent copy and import it into iTunes. However, Big Brother was watching and you get sued for copyright infringement.

I wish cigarettes actually made you healthier instead of killing you. Then I'd start smoking again.

[Haladir]

Granted!

1. Smoking cigarettes makes tobacco corporations healthier.
2. Ever since the "Citizens United" ruling, corporations are considered to be people for some applications of the law.

THEREFORE, smoking IS good for you (under certain definitions of "you")!

So, light up, my friend!

I wish I had gone to law school!

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! You went to law school, got rich as an ambulance chaser, and parlayed your wealth and connections into an elected office. Politics corrupts your soul and now you can't sleep at night due to the torment of your conscience.

I wish I had the information I need, when I need it.

[Tirq]

Dee, Deepeedee!

I wish I was better at writing and keeping interest for my PbP Players.

[DJ-Bogie]

Granted, your handwriting is beautiful. Your players don't like your game but they are very interested in your handwriting.

I wish the item I just ordered wasn't on back-order.

[Zakur Opzan]

Granted. Another shipment from the main company came in and had enough to fill all requests....but yours. It is again on backorder....

I wish I could retire at the age of 29.

[Conman the Bardbarian]

Granted. You age in dog years you feel 129.

I wish I had a dog.

[Haladir]

Granted! It mauls the postman, and you get sued for $5 million.

I wish two of my players hadnt just quit my game.

[Charlie Bell]

Your wish is granted! It wasn't just two, it was all of them.

I wish my phone was rooted.

[Ravagwen Darksbane]

granted, it is a tree

I wish the bathroom was open. (seriously it feels like my bladder is about to explode)

[El Dios De Los Almas Perdidas]

Granted. Your bathroom now sits out in the open and the neighbors like to watch.

I wish I could go to my FLGS tomorrow.

[Conman the Bardbarian]

Granted, but you get there and bump into the doppleganger that's been going in your place. Then find out they liked the doppleganger more.

I wish I had a game to join.

[DJ-Bogie]

Granted, you can join my game we will be playing in Maine next Saturday.

I wish J & J could play more often.