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One of the boxes I'm supposed to break down is six feet tall, three feet wide and about four feet deep. I say f+!@ breaking it down, I should just mail it to NobodysHome so he can weatherize it and add it on to his house so he can charge some dot com twit 100,000 a year in rent.
I hear storage units are all the rage out there. :-)
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NobodysHome wrote: And FYI, Paizo's site has been amazingly bad for the last 12+ hours: I could get to the messageboards, but not go into any thread. Same thing for me. All last night at work I had that same problem(I even tried two other computers, just in case it was something screwy with mine). So, sorry no jokes last night. Hopefully I'll be able to post some tonight. But not right now, I have to get some dinner.
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I'm so used to working on Friday or Saturday that I keep finding myself telling people "have a great weekend!" Judging by people's reactions that's not something people want to hear on Monday.
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Sister Alice sat down for breakfast on morning, and Sister Janet said "Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Sister Alice was confused, but didn't say anything. She went to get a cup of coffee, and Sister Barbara smiled at her and said "Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of bed this morning." Sister Alice was more confused, but still said nothing. She took her dishes to the sink and Sister Catherine looked at her and said "Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Sister Alice was now getting angry, so she left the room. In the hall she ran into the Mother Superior and said loudly "Do NOT tell me I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The Mother Superior was a little taken aback, and replied "I was just going to ask why you are wearing the Bishop's shoes."
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A woman went to the hardware store and told the clerk she wanted to buy a hinge. The clerk said "Ok, follow me" and led her through the dark, narrow aisles to the back of the store, where the hinges were kept. He asked "Do you want a screw for the hinge?" The woman was shocked and asked "What did you just say?" The clerk repeated "Do you want a screw for the hinge?" The woman thought for a moment and said "No, but I will for a lawnmower."
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A woman tells her doctor "Kiss me." The doctor says "What? Why would I do something like that?" The woman says again "Kiss me, now!" The doctor replies "Absolutely not!" The woman demands a third time "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!" The doctor answers "No, it's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having sex right now!"
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What's the average bra size in a Florida retirement community? 44 long.
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A lady went to the doctor and complained that all her pubic hair had fallen out. The doctor said "No problem, I have a glue that we can use to reattach the hair." The woman said "But doctor, wouldn't that be sexual hair cement?"
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What did the bra say to the hat? "You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift."
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Is an essay full of expletives an example of cursive writing?
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A woman got married, but her husband was abusive so she divorced him. She got remarried, but that husband ran away with another woman so she divorced him. She married a third time, but that man couldn't perform in bed so she divorced him. She put an ad in the paper that read "Looking for a man who won't abuse me, won't leave me, and won't fail in bed." The next day the doorbell rang. There on the porch was a man with no arms or legs. He said "Hi, I saw your ad in the paper." She asked "Tell me a little about yourself." He said "Well, I have no arms so I can't hit you, and I have no legs so I can't run off with another woman." She then asks "How do I know you're any good in bed?" He smiles and replies "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
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I got my review. I'm moderately successful at sales.
The lesson learned here.
Anyone can be moderately successful, if you don't try.
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A new teacher on her first day asked her class what their Dads did for a living. Little Billy said "My dad's a doctor." Susie said "My dad's a lawyer." Johnny said "My dad's dead." "Oh, I'm so sorry," replied the teacher. "What did he do before he died?" Johnny said "Shit his pants and turned blue."
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If you have a ball in one hand, and another ball in your other hand, what do you have? A man's undivided attention.
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A guy goes to a drugstore and buys some condoms. The pharmacist says "That will be $5 plus tax." The guy said "Tacks?! I thought you just slid them on!"
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Three women are walking home from church one night when a drunken man ahead of them falls face down in a mud puddle. They go up to him and flip him over, but can't tell who he is because of all the mud. The first woman unzips his pants and says "That's not husband." The second woman looks and says "You're right. That's not your husband." The third woman looks and says "Hell, he's not even from our town."
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A pair of statues, one male and one female, are visited by a fairy godmother. The godmother says "You two have given people such joy over the decades, I am granting you both 10 minutes of human existence as a reward." The two statues become people, and instantly run off behind the bushes. There is a lot of commotion for 5 minutes, then they return. The godmother says "You still have 5 minutes left." Pleased, the man turns to the woman and says "Great! This time you hold down the pigeons, and I'll shit on them!"
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I used to work in a factory doing quality control on Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls. I got fired because I gave all of the dolls two test-tickles.
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On Halloween, a young boy went trick-or-treating dressed as a pirate. He knocks on a door, and an older gentleman answers the door and asks "What are you dressed as?" The boy says "I'm a pirate!" The man asks "Where are your buccaneers?" The boy says "Under my buckin' hat!"
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That's all for now. Maybe some more later, if the website keeps working.
captain yesterday wrote: We're all super ahead of schedule this morning. Pea Bear has a solid twenty minutes of sitting around watching YouTube after getting herself ready for school. This describes us so very well, when we're ahead for school...
captain yesterday wrote: I love warm weather, so easy to get up and going in the morning. :-) This, though, does not! XD
(Though I imagine you and I have a different definition of "warm" locally...)
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gran rey de los mono wrote: A woman tells her doctor "Kiss me." The doctor says "What? Why would I do something like that?" The woman says again "Kiss me, now!" The doctor replies "Absolutely not!" The woman demands a third time "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!" The doctor answers "No, it's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having sex right now!" This made me laugh out loud in public. Nice one.
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One more quick one:
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Elephino.
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Rosita the Riveter wrote: Clilling at a bus stop in San Jose. Dude in a suped up and lifted SUV covered in decals advertising a dojo of the fine art of bullshido comes out of a side street blaring aggressive fighting music (like, that blend of rock and rap who's name eludes me), almost hitting a bicyclist.
Now that's what I call douchebaggery.
That's... terrible.
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Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Phone interview went okay this afternoon. Probably won't hear back until next week. Meanwhile, Disney trip is winding down with Fantasmic tonight, and two more days in the parks. Checking out Friday.
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Tacticslion wrote: captain yesterday wrote: We're all super ahead of schedule this morning. Pea Bear has a solid twenty minutes of sitting around watching YouTube after getting herself ready for school. This describes us so very well, when we're ahead for school...
captain yesterday wrote: I love warm weather, so easy to get up and going in the morning. :-) This, though, does not! XD
(Though I imagine you and I have a different definition of "warm" locally...) 30-70 degrees is kind of warm. 70-90 is warm. Above 90 is really warm. Above 95 is time to make jokes about Arizona or Texas depending on which one they feel like complaining about at that moment.
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captain yesterday wrote: Tacticslion wrote: captain yesterday wrote: We're all super ahead of schedule this morning. Pea Bear has a solid twenty minutes of sitting around watching YouTube after getting herself ready for school. This describes us so very well, when we're ahead for school...
captain yesterday wrote: I love warm weather, so easy to get up and going in the morning. :-) This, though, does not! XD
(Though I imagine you and I have a different definition of "warm" locally...) 30-70 degrees is kind of warm. 70-90 is warm. Above 90 is really warm. Above 95 is time to make jokes about Arizona or Texas depending on which one they feel like complaining about at that moment. what he said.
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Tacticslion wrote: As an aside, I give Autocorrfect a lot of grief, but it can be helpful (sometimes a lot), and it can even surprise me by doing something right when I've made an unintentional mistake, like it automatically capitalizing both 'w's in "Wonder Woman" - credit where it is due... It's hard to believe no one commented on this. Like, at all.
Dang it, Autocorrect, I can't even compliment you without problems...
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I used to name my autocorrect "putocorrector" a lot on my old phone because I hated it, "puto" being a curse word.
I named it like that so many times that each time I typed it right it corrected itself to "putocorrector" again.
It knew what it was.
TL, I discovered that some time ago, and I am excited about it too. Even if I don't have a PC, I want!!!
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What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but it takes real talent to pee soup.
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What does a Dalek spa attendant say? EXFOLIATE! EXFOLIATE!
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How do you think the unthinkable? Just shteer into the itheberg.
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Students from East Podunk College were visiting Harvard. One of them asked a passing Harvard student "Can you tell me what building the student center is in?" The Harvard student snootily replied "Don't you know you should never end a sentence with a preposition?" The East Podunk visitor said "Ok. Can you tell me what building the student center is in, f~~$-face?"
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Werner Heisenberg and Erwin Schrodinger are driving in a car when a cop pulls them over for speeding. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies "No. But I can tell you exactly were I was." Thinking this strange, the cop searches the car and finds a dead cat in the trunk. He says "Did you know there's a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies "Well, I do now."
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What do you get when you combine a joke with a rhetorical question?
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I was helping my Mom make cake when she asked if I wanted to lick the frosting off the beaters. I said "Turn them off, and I'll think about it."
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Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.
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gran rey de los mono wrote: Werner Heisenberg and Erwin Schrodinger are driving in a car when a cop pulls them over for speeding. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies "No. But I can tell you exactly were I was." Thinking this strange, the cop searches the car and finds a dead cat in the trunk. He says "Did you know there's a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies "Well, I do now." Its a good thing Freud wasn't in the car or they really would of been in trouble.
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A mathematician and an engineer are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman ahead of them. They both make some quick measurements, pull out their calculators, and do some math. The mathematician says "I have no intention of pursuing her, as my calculations show it would take an infinite amount of time to reach her." The engineer double-checks his figures, and starts after her saying "According to my calculations, in ten minutes I'll be close enough for practical purposes."
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A physicist sees a man about to jump off a tall building. He calls out "Don't do it! You have so much potential right now!"
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There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
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How many psychologist does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just 1 but the light bulb has to want to change.
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A proton goes to check into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he has any luggage. The proton says "No, I'm travelling light."
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If you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by it's diameter, what do you get? Pumpkin Pi.
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What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.
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A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician are out hunting when they see a deer 50 yards out. The physicist does some quick calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle and fires, but his shot falls 5 yards short. The engineer does similar math, but adds a fudge factor for wind resistance and fires, but his shot goes 5 yards long. The statistician jumps up and down excitedly, yelling "WE GOT IT! WE GOT IT!"
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Vidmaster7 wrote: gran rey de los mono wrote: Werner Heisenberg and Erwin Schrodinger are driving in a car when a cop pulls them over for speeding. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies "No. But I can tell you exactly were I was." Thinking this strange, the cop searches the car and finds a dead cat in the trunk. He says "Did you know there's a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies "Well, I do now." Its a good thing Freud wasn't in the car or they really would of been in trouble. Sometimes a car is just a car. Unless it is repeatedly entering and backing out of a tunnel.
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The inventor of the USB connector died recently. His funeral was pretty awkward. They tried to put the coffin in the ground, but it wouldn't fit and they had to turn it over so it would go in.
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