Here's my item. I could never find a name that I was happy with, thus it's pretty generic. That's probably the least of its problems, but, hopefully, it's still better than my last two attempts. :)
[
Taig, I'll take a shot at it.
The fortune gives you a boon, but is a boon that the player chooses. I don't like how that works, but the focus of your item is somewhat diminished by the number of options you make available.
10% chance of mischief, I remember that the judges don't like items that do that plus it waters down the focus of your item (again).
The price of this item may be off, it's a feeling I have.
My advice: keep a tight focus with what your item does.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
aka KissMeDarkly
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Awesomeness. Love the idea.
One thing I'm seeing a lot as I read this thread is a lack of paragraphs and this item suffers from that.
Now, the wording feels clunky and definately is need of polishing. Certain sentences feel like they should've been lumped together. Some words should be changed to represent the Marbles as plural and not singular. Compare what you submitted and what I edited:
As a standard action the marbles may be poured from the bag and directed at an enemy. The marbles will then, at a speed of 50 feet, torment the targeted creature by forcing themselves underfoot. In effect, every 5-feet of movement the target makes requires a successful DC 15 Acrobatics check to avoid falling prone.
As a standard action, you may pour the marbles from the bag and direct them at an enemy. Moving at a Speed of 50 ft. per round, the marbles will place themselves underfoot, if able. Every move action the target makes requires a successful DC 15 Acrobatics check to avoid falling prone.
Also this is too much dice rolling. I removed your Acrobatics check per every 5-feet of movement cause assuming it is a Human target with a standard move this causes 6 Acrobatics checks.
Montalve, this is a solid item. It just has a few issues.
That name isn't doing it for me. Perhaps if it was Hunter's Moonstone? A small change, yes, but it changes the feel of the item (for me at least.)
Second, I don't like how limited the item is. It only works on someone I point it at? Thumbs down to that. A better mechanic would've required that the moonstone be dipped in the blood of the enemy / prey to be hunted down. Get rid of the distance requirement. It limits the item even more by making the PC have to be right on the target's heels to be of any use.
Personally I feel, you should've allowed true seeing to show a target that they are magically being followed by showing the same path of reddish mist the Hunter's Moon created. Allowing for the chance of a Hunter becoming the Hunted.
What is asked... is given.
Pierce, this is a well written submission. My main issue with the item lies with the replacement of skeletons. This could easily get annoying / confusing for the Player whose PC owns it. I know I wouldn't want write-ups for 5 different skeletons.
I also think it should be without a slot. Not everyone will wear this around their neck.
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Cloak of the River
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 3lbs.
Description
This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water, and a + 10 to base speed.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, expeditious retreat, water walk; Cost 15,000 gp
Was this a joke? Has to be right?
Steven,
As a swift action, the wearer may also fall into the water and stand, upside down, on the underside of the surface.
The above is just too videogamey for me, I get it, but my mind recoils at it.
For the rest, actually quite good, it's just the videogame-like reversal that kills it for me.
Not very helpful, I guess, just a subjective feeling.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
aka KissMeDarkly
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Was this a joke? Has to be right?Cloak of the River
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 3lbs.
Description
This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water, and a + 10 to base speed.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, expeditious retreat, water walk; Cost 15,000 gp
No. This was not a joke. This was a 12 year old's first submission.
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Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot —; Price 3,500 gp; Weight 3 lb.
This tiny tree rests inside a shallow porcelain pot. Painted symbols decorate its outside rim. Every morning the miniature tree produces 2d4 goodberries that stay fresh for 24 hours. Upon command the tree grows huge and animates as a treant for 10 rounds. At the end of this time it remains permanently in place where it stood as a full sized tree. The normal tree continues to produce 2d4 juicy pears every morning that act as goodberries for one day.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, goodberry, liveoak; Cost 1,750 gpI do admit I already know my item is too much like a spell-in-a-pot. It also doesn't have quite enough spark to really jump out of the pack compared to all of the other excellent items that were submitted. I also was a little worried when I saw some discussion about whether or not a flower could be a wondrous item. But it was the best of what I had when the deadline came, so I went with it. I'm mostly just wanting to make sure my self-analysis is correct so I'll be able to better trust my judgement for next year.
Bonsai is the proper spelling. I hope that wasn't what did you in, seeing as you are referencing an actual Bonsai Tree.
What is asked... is given.
Pierce, this is a well written submission. My main issue with the item lies with the replacement of skeletons. This could easily get annoying / confusing for the Player whose PC owns it. I know I wouldn't want write-ups for 5 different skeletons.
I also think it should be without a slot. Not everyone will wear this around their neck.
I can see your point regarding the no slot issue. I compared the price with the Horn of Valhalla which if memory serves is no slot as well. So either I should follow suit or I could reduce the price alleviating some of Reckless' concerns in an earlier post. Hmmm, have to think on that one a bit.
I agree bookkeeping could be an issue. In retrospect maybe the biggest one and one I didn't even consider. Poor design on my part there.
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Oh man we had fun with this one--and not even at your expense! Sean took it hard on this one.
But first, here is what I said:
"That sure is a lot of BS writing to get a +1 and the ability to see color with darkvision (a drawback that I am pretty sure no one has ever cared about or has ever come into play--seriously has any DM ever said "oh man, I would have given you that detail but your darkvision only lets you see in black and white, not in color." I don't think so.)."
That was the main problem.
Long rejected, this thing took on a new life as Wes and I then started capping on the lame name of Nivi Rhombodazzle.
Wes said: "Do we SERIOUSLY have a character named Nivi Rhombodazzle? If not, I'm tempted to shoot this in the head just for that name."
Then, out of nowhere, in comes Vic and he dimes out Sean and posts that it was SEAN who came up with that lame name. Then the mocking of Sean began.
Wes says: "But really. Thanks Sean. THANKS."
Then Sean tries (weakly) to defend his creation: "One, she's a gnome. Two, I think she's named after someone, just like Preklikin is. Three, look at PCCS 133. If you're going to start murdering people for gnome names, start with McArtor. Then you can come looking for me. ;)"
I couldnt leave that alone: "Oh man, Sean. It's not even just a PC. Its a deity. Rhombodazzle. Really? But I'll give you a pass. Even Tiger Woods misses a putt now and then. Oh wait, maybe its time to hang up the Tiger analogies :)"
Yes sir, its always a good time in the judges chambers. :)
Hrm, well I do thank you for the colorless darkvision trap idea I just thought of. So your item and review was pretty useful actually.
Awesomeness. Love the idea.
One thing I'm seeing a lot as I read this thread is a lack of paragraphs and this item suffers from that.
Now, the wording feels clunky and definately is need of polishing. Certain sentences feel like they should've been lumped together. Some words should be changed to represent the Marbles as plural and not singular. Compare what you submitted and what I edited:
As a standard action the marbles may be poured from the bag and directed at an enemy. The marbles will then, at a speed of 50 feet, torment the targeted creature by forcing themselves underfoot. In effect, every 5-feet of movement the target makes requires a successful DC 15 Acrobatics check to avoid falling prone.As a standard action, you may pour the marbles from the bag and direct them at an enemy. Moving at a Speed of 50 ft. per round, the marbles will place themselves underfoot, if able. Every move action the target makes requires a successful DC 15 Acrobatics check to avoid falling prone.
Also this is too much dice rolling. I removed your Acrobatics check per every 5-feet of movement cause assuming it is a Human target with a standard move this causes 6 Acrobatics checks.
Awesome! Thanks for the great feedback:)
Yeah, wording was something i really got stuck at on this item:SI really like the changes you made, and actually have edited my item with your wording:) Perfect:)
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Was this a joke? Has to be right?Cloak of the River
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 3lbs.
Description
This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water, and a + 10 to base speed.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, expeditious retreat, water walk; Cost 15,000 gp
I don't think so. And, honestly, it seems like a decent item for a magic item book. It is kind of a spell-in-a-can so I can see why it wasn't chosen. The +10 to base speed should probably be limited to act in conjunction with the water walk ability to tighten it up to the theme. Other than that it seems decent, just not super star.
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No. This was not a joke. This was a 12 year old's first submission.Was this a joke? Has to be right?Cloak of the River
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 3lbs.
Description
This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water, and a + 10 to base speed.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, expeditious retreat, water walk; Cost 15,000 gp
I didn't assume his name equated to his age, but fair enough. It's lacking any kind of flavor needed to be a Superstar item, that is the biggest flaw that cannot be overlooked.
The slot is not set making it stackable with another cloak, and with no reason as to why seems wrong.
The description is literally one sentence, I don't think you can both both create a Superstar level item and describe it's functions in one sentence.
I would simply recommend looking over the past winners and losers and seeing what those entries consist of and what you would need to add to your description to make you a better designer.
We are all looking for advice here and thats all I'm offering, I missed the top 32 two years in a row so far, but I feel I'm getting better, next year I'm going to place I know it, and it's because I'm seeing what myself and others are doing wrong...actually it's more watching what others are doing right.
You made the right choice to enter, hope to see you back next year!
WW.
Ask and you receive, but be careful what you wish for:
Why caster level 12?
Price is off, I mean really off.
Your first 30hp power is not that much different than your twice a day 20 hp power, you probably could have tied them together?
No description for the armbands themselves, I would have added something about friendship because I don't want just everyone dump a loss of 30hp on me ;>
1) no description of bracers (add a dose of fluff)
2) tighten the mechanics and powers
3) bad pricing
dying to know...
** spoiler omitted **
It's one of the 'bad' spy robot submissions.
Explaining how your broken robot can be repaired would be helpful as well.
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Aura Moderate Universal; CL 12th
Slot Arm slot; Price 7,000gp; Weight 1 lb.
These armbands need to be worn by two separate people in order to function. Once per day, the wearer can have up to 30 points of damage transfer from the other wearer to him. This is a free action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. Twice per day, each wearer can choose to transfer up to 20 hp to the other, as a standard action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. Each wearer knows how close to death the other is, as per the deathwatch spell. As long as it least to person wearing and armband is conscious, the other automatically stabilizes. Both people must be on the same plane for these effects to work.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Shield Other, Stabilize, Deathwatch ,
Cost 3,500gp
Interesting idea... I seem to remember a magic item from somewhere that is similar... Hmmm.... anyway... It takes up an arm slot, but you only need to wear one of them. Does that mean you could use 2 of them at the same time( i.e. connected to 2 different people? ). You often use the phrase "the wearer", technically both people are wearing an armband. You did not denote one of them as a "master" armband so I am assuming that this phrase applies to either of the participants. It is a little confusing though.
"Same Plane" doesn't really limit it much and would probably jack up the price a bit. Also you have both a "pull" mechanic and a "push" mechanic for the hp sharing. This seems a little overly complicated and allows one side of the bond to possibly kill the other side. It seems that a non-willing participant should get a saving throw against the drain of hp. If you leave it as push mechanics in both cases, that might alleviate the problem.
I like the deathwatch effect. I'd probably change the stabilize effect so that it transfers 1hp from the linked wearer if the other wearer drops below 0 hp. As it is a magical healing effect it would instantly stop the bleeding and seems more in line with the desired theme.
I'd probably keep the Shield Other mechanic though. Basically each side takes half the damage either of them sustains( no save, but the armbands don't work on unwilling creatures ). Then put a limit on up. Like a maximum of 70 points of damage per day may be shared. This gets around the need for the user to burn free or standard actions, and doesn't give them a choice about sharing damage. Which I think has more risk and rp value. That doesn't mean it's better than the way you are handling it, just a different idea.
Anyway, I like the concept of the item. I also didn't point out your typos. My suggestion on this front is to have someone else read it before you submit it. Or try reading it out loud.
Good luck with your future submissions and I hope you enter again next year!
Well poo. Thanks for the honest feeback Clark. Between Harryhausen and Moorcock's Corum books you hit directly on the inspiration for the item. Unfortunately I obviously crossed the line from homage to uninspired copycat.
Anyone else see anything additional that I can learn from on the mechanics side? Price? Crafting components? Was the mechanical description tight enough to avoid a lot of argument at the table?
You know, I'll give you this--you picked an awesome source of inspiration and I applaud you for that. I love the scene in Jason and the Argonauts where the bad guy throws down the bones and up come the skellies. Its a classic fantasy moment. Its hard for us to judge items that come, in our view, from such a clear source of inspiration. I love the item. But its hard for us to reward that as Superstar, if you see what I mean.
No. This was not a joke. This was a 12 year old's first submission.
We had a couple entries this year that we strongly suspected were perhaps entries from younger D&D fans. If so, then they need a hearty pat on the back for taking a shot. So congrats to your 12 year old for entering!
Having computer issues, so i can't cut and paste my item - my gaming folders have been corrupted, all of them.
However my item was called "Amulet of Mirrorwalking", and i'd like to know what you guys thought about it if you can remember.thanks in advance.
James
I dont know if you saw my question so I will ask again.
Your entry references the "mirrorwalker" prestige class. Where did you get that from?
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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I would like to receive feedback on my item, and I'm working from memory so the description may not be exactly the same.
Bracers of the Master Swordsmen
If I might, Bulldozer?
I really like the mechanics of your item. It does two simple things, thematically appropriate, well. You've caught a lot of details in your write-up that seem to be common misses. As a GM, I'd like to see these at my table.
If I had any concerns, they would be:
- not a lick of description or background. I don't need to know who made the first one of these or who "the Master Swordsmen" were, but I'd like to know what they look like, or how the characters understand the bracers to function. Right now, all we have are game mechanics.
- some rules vagaries. Does the first effect apply only to enemies attacking me, or to those adjacent and making any sort of attack rolls. Does "for a round" mean the enemy loses his next regular action, or does it mean "until his next action"?
- These bracers seem awfully expensive for the limited utility they deliver.
But, of course, I'm not one of the judges.
And, incidentally, welcome to the Paizo boards. I hope you stick around and look things over. Lilith will be by shortly with a batch of her home-made cookies. (They're wondrous, but technically not "wondrous items".)
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8
aka Tarren Dei
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No. This was not a joke. This was a 12 year old's first submission.Was this a joke? Has to be right?Cloak of the River
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 3lbs.
Description
This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water, and a + 10 to base speed.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, expeditious retreat, water walk; Cost 15,000 gp
I like it. Not a single wasted word.
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Marathon Voter Season 7
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I like it. Not a single wasted word.No. This was not a joke. This was a 12 year old's first submission.Was this a joke? Has to be right?Cloak of the River
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 3lbs.
Description
This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water, and a + 10 to base speed.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, expeditious retreat, water walk; Cost 15,000 gp
He has a vicious editor with a red pen who is not afraid to use it.
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RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
aka Bats Kabber
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Strange, I would have though someone would have picked apart my armbands by now. Doesn't matter who, just gonna wait patiently for the review.
Did you by chance have any inspiration from George R.R. Martin on this one? It reminds me of the armbands worn by Teyn in his book "Dying of the Light"
I liked the concept. If you could work it out, I could see tons of uses for this item (both good and evil)
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
aka KissMeDarkly
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We had a couple entries this year that we strongly suspected were perhaps entries from younger D&D fans. If so, then they need a hearty pat on the back for taking a shot. So congrats to your 12 year old for entering!
Yes, congrats go to Wicht's 12 year old, Lil'Kid, for entering.
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Marathon Voter Season 7
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The description is literally one sentence, I don't think you can both both create a Superstar level item and describe it's functions in one sentence.
Brevity is the soul of wit. While I suspect that most items which are not canned spells will end up needing more than one sentence, I could envision a really good item being very brief. On the flip side, I think that many of the entries posted tend to be far too wordy.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
aka KissMeDarkly
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To be honest, Dragonborn3, I feel this is one of those "good, but not good enough" submissions. Your writing needs to be a little tighter and more polished. The second to last sentence needs a re-write. As I have before, I cite the need for paragraphs in this submission. Also, some description wouldn't have hurt.
You know, I'll give you this--you picked an awesome source of inspiration and I applaud you for that. I love the scene in Jason and the Argonauts where the bad guy throws down the bones and up come the skellies. Its a classic fantasy moment. Its hard for us to judge items that come, in our view, from such a clear source of inspiration. I love the item. But its hard for us to reward that as Superstar, if you see what I mean.Well poo. Thanks for the honest feeback Clark. Between Harryhausen and Moorcock's Corum books you hit directly on the inspiration for the item. Unfortunately I obviously crossed the line from homage to uninspired copycat.
Anyone else see anything additional that I can learn from on the mechanics side? Price? Crafting components? Was the mechanical description tight enough to avoid a lot of argument at the table?
Well my architecture professors always said to steal ideas from the very best and Harryhausen was that. :)
I appreciate your insight and if you, Wes or Sean have anything else that you have time and opportunity to offer towards the mechanics of the item I would be grateful to hear them but I know this can be a long and arduous process for you so I won't expect any additional attention when there are so many others looking for feedback as well.
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8
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Strange, I would have though someone would have picked apart my armbands by now. Doesn't matter who, just gonna wait patiently for the review.Did you by chance have any inspiration from George R.R. Martin on this one? It reminds me of the armbands worn by Teyn in his book "Dying of the Light"
I liked the concept. If you could work it out, I could see tons of uses for this item (both good and evil)
See, now I have to and find an book I've never heard of by an author I've never heard of!
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The description is literally one sentence, I don't think you can both both create a Superstar level item and describe it's functions in one sentence.Brevity is the soul of wit. While I suspect that most items which are not canned spells will end up needing more than one sentence, I could envision a really good item being very brief. On the flip side, I think that many of the entries posted tend to be far too wordy.
Granted, less is more. There is still a line you need to cross to convince the judges your item is awesome, and just posting the mechanics seems awfully dry.
If anyone can win next year with only one line I will stand not only humbled but prostrate myself to their mojo.
Grats again however for giving it a try Lil' Kid, you have years to perfect and hone your art of design.
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RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
aka Bats Kabber
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See, now I have to and find an book I've never heard of by an author I've never heard of!Strange, I would have though someone would have picked apart my armbands by now. Doesn't matter who, just gonna wait patiently for the review.Did you by chance have any inspiration from George R.R. Martin on this one? It reminds me of the armbands worn by Teyn in his book "Dying of the Light"
I liked the concept. If you could work it out, I could see tons of uses for this item (both good and evil)
Yes you should.
Martin is a genius. I like everything he's ever written.
I would appreciate feedback on my Wondrous Item submission.
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th; Slot headband; Price 5000 gp; Weight 1/2 lbs.; The Lapidarious Phylactery is a small lacquered linden wood box inlaid with painted panels of carved camphor wood. Each box bears six unique panels engraved with scenes from the lives of Nethyian saints. Embroidered swaths of grey worsted linen affix the box to the wearer's head. Gemstones placed in the phylactery confer upon the wearer particular abilities depending on the type and value of the gemstone. It requires a standard action to active the phylactery. Gemstones in the box turn to valueless dust once activated.
Agate (10gp) removes fatigued condition
Amber (100gp) remove disease
Amethyst (100gp) owl's wisdom
Bloodstone (50gp) obscuring mist
Carnelian (50gp) protection from evil
Chalcedony (50gp) hide from undead
Chrysoberyl (100gp) +4 WILL save vs. malevolence for 2 minutes
Chrysoprase (100gp) invisibility
Coral (50gp) cure light wounds
Hematite (10gp) resistance
Jade (100gp) eagle’s splendor
Jasper(100gp) delay poison
Jet (100gp) death knell
Lapis Lazuli (50gp) bless
Malachite (50gp) feather fall
Moonstone (50gp) charm animal
Onyx (50gp) cause fear
Peridot (50gp) remove fear
Turquoise (10gp) guidance
Tales speak of a Lapidarious Phylactery Maxi which can harness the powers of even greater gemstones.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, identify, mneumonic enhancer, creator must have at least five ranks in appraise and craft (jewelry); Cost 2500gp
This was one of our many mansion items. Plus, we noted that you spelled your item name one way in the caption and another in the body--consortium and consordium. Yes, its just a typo. But it set the wrong tone.
Thanks for the feedback, typo is one thing, mispelling your item name...well BOOM! delayed blast auto-reject, guess I was so focused on design, paragraph flow, item ability vs. cost factor I totally missed a fundamental thing of writing. Was everything else ok? If you don't answer that fine, thanks for taking time in responding to all of us.
I double checked my word doc I submitted, I don't see consordium anywhere in it, was it in the title of the post? Is that where I missed it?
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Montalve, this is a solid item. It just has a few issues.
That name isn't doing it for me. Perhaps if it was Hunter's Moonstone? A small change, yes, but it changes the feel of the item (for me at least.)
Second, I don't like how limited the item is. It only works on someone I point it at? Thumbs down to that. A better mechanic would've required that the moonstone be dipped in the blood of the enemy / prey to be hunted down. Get rid of the distance requirement. It limits the item even more by making the PC have to be right on the target's heels to be of any use.
Personally I feel, you should've allowed true seeing to show a target that they are magically being followed by showing the same path of reddish mist the Hunter's Moon created. Allowing for the chance of a Hunter becoming the Hunted.
Thanks for the comments and feedback Gerald :)
I actually debated if using Moon or Moonstone, and decided against the last one, I understand what you say about the feel, in a second thought it certianly carries a bit different feeling.
-I actually thought in making only effective on enemies you actually hurt or that hurt you... but then you need to eneter a fight or have them hurt, while its a great flavor its limits even more the power of the item (still i like the idea), and yes the concept was to have the hunter trailing its prey constantly, but yes, it limits the item in many ways.
the True seeing came as a last after though... and yeah it might be wrong.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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Brevity is the soul of wit. While I suspect that most items which are not canned spells will end up needing more than one sentence, I could envision a really good item being very brief. On the flip side, I think that many of the entries posted tend to be far too wordy.
I'll admit I had a few panicked moments of "I have how many words left?" with my submission, but trying to pad the text would likely have shot me down.
Plus when authors are paid by the word, brevity is the soul of cost ;-)
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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I would appreciate feedback on my Wondrous Item submission.
Um, my two C-bills, it's more a 'caster in a can' than a spell in a can. The gem to spell analogy is there but I think that's what shot it down.
"Lapidarious" sounds a little Bill + Ted to me. "Lapidarious! Bogus man" but I don't know the origin of the word, so I'll assume it's me. :-)
Hmmm... I don't have access to my files at this time, so I can't copy my submission in full....
Mine was entitled "The Cat's Coin"
although I think I know what the issue was right from the get-go (the fact that it was expensive as all hell)
But I'd like to hear the word from the man himself.
:D
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Love this one. I made a similar 'Hell's Brand' item, based on branding people with the pentacle of Asmodeus, and then gaining either the ability to cause the brand to flare up and cause pain and minor fire damage, or the ability to intimidate / cow the brandee, but it always seemed to end up either a Rod or a Mace item, and not really a 'Wondrous Item.'
The idea is just perfect for Cheliax, and for Asmodeans to use on their slaves.
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I would appreciate feedback on my Wondrous Item submission.
@Mr. Morris - Lapidary is a term commonly used in gemstones
As to the item... I think all the options + the bit at the end about the Lapidarious Phylactery Maxi pretty much did you in. It is kind of like a lot of spells in a can all put into one item. And the last sentence adds nothing to the item. Just hints at a possible artifact or improved version. The +4 Will vs Malevolence seems misplaced... there aren't rules for "Malevolence". I'd have put it as a +4 Will vs Evil( as defined by prot from evil ).
...
So like a wooden totem (that would be burned in the sweatlodge) or a magic warpaint?
...** spoiler omitted **
Like a War Paint of the Totem-Beast ? Check out my item on page 2 of this thread. We should form a beat-lovers group along with Bats :)
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Love this one. I made a similar 'Hell's Brand' item, based on branding people with the pentacle of Asmodeus, and then gaining either the ability to cause the brand to flare up and cause pain and minor fire damage, or the ability to intimidate / cow the brandee, but it always seemed to end up either a Rod or a Mace item, and not really a 'Wondrous Item.'
The idea is just perfect for Cheliax, and for Asmodeans to use on their slaves.
Yeah, I was a little worried it might be more of a rod. I was going to talk about Asmodeus' church making these, but I decided to keep it setting neutral by referring to the domains instead.
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RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
aka Bats Kabber
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Here was my item, I feel I may have been hindered by NOT adding Golarion fluff to it.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimensional anchor, ability to channel positive energy Cost 900
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I used the following to figure it's cost:
Single use, use activated 4x9x50gp = 1800gpLove to hear your thoughts on this item Clark.
I liked this one. It seems simple and straight forward. It basically pulls those pesky incorporeal creatures into the material plane. I can certainly see a use for this. I am curious why you put in the positive energy requirement, though.
I'd like to see what the judges thought of it.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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I would appreciate feedback on my Wondrous Item submission.
@Mr. Morris - Lapidary is a term commonly used in gemstones
And I am enlightned. I knew that there was a lapis lazuli (thank you Mr. Gygax!) gem, and assumed it was a derivitive, but it just sounded humourous to my ears.
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The idea is just perfect for Cheliax, and for Asmodeans to use on their slaves.Yeah, I was a little worried it might be more of a rod. I was going to talk about Asmodeus' church making these, but I decided to keep it setting neutral by referring to the domains instead.
True, and when I first came up with the 'Hell's Brand' idea, it was as a magic item for Clerics of Chardun, in the Scarred Lands setting, so it's definitely something that works in a 'generic' sense as well. (Bane, in the Realms, and Hextor, in Greyhawk, would also fit well, thematically, as would Zon-Kuthon, in a different sense, from Golarion, although I'd be inclined to make it not a branding iron, but a scarification knife, with the same basic effects.)
I would appreciate feedback on my Wondrous Item submission.
@Mr. Morris - Lapidary is a term commonly used in gemstones
As to the item... I think all the options + the bit at the end about the Lapidarious Phylactery Maxi pretty much did you in. It is kind of like a lot of spells in a can all put into one item. And the last sentence adds nothing to the item. Just hints at a possible artifact or improved version. The +4 Will vs Malevolence seems misplaced... there aren't rules for "Malevolence". I'd have put it as a +4 Will vs Evil( as defined by prot from evil ).
Actually malevolence is what used to be called possession, it is a specific attack form for ghosts. It is resisted by a WILL save.
I think the fact that it is a spell caster in a can killed it.
CJ
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RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32
aka Bats Kabber
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Like a War Paint of the Totem-Beast ? Check out my item on page 2 of this thread. We should form a beat-lovers group along with Bats :)
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So like a wooden totem (that would be burned in the sweatlodge) or a magic warpaint?
...** spoiler omitted **
That does it!! Let's form the a secret order of barbarian instigators. We can make all kinds of war paint and go around in-sighting random barbarian uprisings. We will send our hordes up against the dreaded wielders of the goblin skull bombs.
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
aka Draconas
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Here was my item, I feel I may have been hindered by NOT adding Golarion fluff to it.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, dimensional anchor, ability to channel positive energy Cost 900
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I used the following to figure it's cost:
Single use, use activated 4x9x50gp = 1800gpLove to hear your thoughts on this item Clark.
I liked this one. It seems simple and straight forward. It basically pulls those pesky incorporeal creatures into the material plane. I can certainly see a use for this. I am curious why you put in the positive energy requirement, though.
I'd like to see what the judges thought of it.
While its a neat item, the problem I see with this one is that it is too similar to one of the Top 32 items from the first year of RPG Superstar.
The Torch of Solidity to be exact.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16, 2011 Top 32
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
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Brevity is the soul of wit. While I suspect that most items which are not canned spells will end up needing more than one sentence, I could envision a really good item being very brief. On the flip side, I think that many of the entries posted tend to be far too wordy.
Amen. I know I should have stopped after 5 sentences or so.
Seriously, I went to college, then onto grad school. In college you spend your time turning 1 page into 10. In grad school we learned to turn 10 pages into 1. And it was one of the hardest darn things to learn in my entire educational history. Good job to your kid, Wicht. I'd buy that item.