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*distributes ¨"Pet Your Poodle Lovingly Policy" memo all around the office*Poddle? Is that P-Diddy's new nickname? I'm not sure HR will like people petting him.Whatcha' talking about zombeh? Get your facts straight!
*nibles on zombeh's tastee leg bone*
Looks like you need to attend employee sensitivity training to learn how to handle dealings with people who have eye trouble.....
Hey,
Did anyone get an email from IT that had nothing in the subject line? I didn't open it in case it contained a virus.
T
<<Ingnores email due to empty subject line.>>
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Hi all, I'm the new guy, I just wanted to announce that we'll be holding an interoffice meeting to resolve any hard feelings that I was hired over some of you who have been with the company for several years because of a degree that I got because my parents are rich, that I didn't really work all that hard for, also the fact that my uncle is president has nothing to do with my pay bonuses or high starting position. At the meeting complaints will be filed and we will be performing several trust building excersizes. Please note that attendance is mandatory and will be followed up with performance reviews that will not in any way be influenced by any complaint filings.
Regard,
Vice President of interoffice meetings.
No, the Auditer Accountability Committee monitor's the Auditing Committee. The Auditing Committee audits the individuals on the Auditing Committee, not the committee as a whole.Okay, this is the auditing committee assigned to track auditing productivity. Anyone have any preliminary words before we officially get started?Yes, I've noticed that all the same people are on all the auditing committees, including this one. Does that mean this committee was set up to audit ourselves?
But I'm on the AAC too!
Can someone tell me who sent out this reminder?I'll need to petition Security for permission to quiz the IT department to find out who sent it out. The you can file a request with Corporate for access to sensitive information files and then find my report.
Who said that?
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Can someone tell me who sent out this reminder?I'll need to petition Security for permission to quiz the IT department to find out who sent it out. The you can file a request with Corporate for access to sensitive information files and then find my report.
Actually I've decided it will be much more productive to have a meeting between the IT department, the security department, and the records department, to figure out a way to prioritize reminder requests and ensure that duplicate copies are printed out and faxed to every department. I may even raise the question of triplicate copies. Oh we should also have your department and the environmental department to discuss the impact triplicate copies will have on our new paperless office. I'll send out inter office flyers to make everyone aware, the meeting will be this tuesday in place of the employee appreciation seminar, since that only involved your department.
Regard,Vice President of interoffice meetings.
Actually I've decided it will be much more productive to have a meeting between the IT department, the security department, and the records department, to figure out a way to prioritize reminder requests and ensure that duplicate copies are printed out and faxed to every department. I may even raise the question of triplicate copies. Oh we should also have your department and the environmental department to discuss the impact triplicate copies will have on our new paperless office. I'll send out inter office flyers to make everyone aware, the meeting will be this tuesday in place of the employee appreciation seminar, since that only involved your department.Can someone tell me who sent out this reminder?I'll need to petition Security for permission to quiz the IT department to find out who sent it out. The you can file a request with Corporate for access to sensitive information files and then find my report.
Doopidy-doop-doop-doo.
*drinks straight the watercooler*
Licklicklick...
Who said that?It's all pretty clear in the Employee Handbook. Appendix N, page 7374, third paragraph of the 2nd column. Do you even care if you keep your job?
I'm still waiting to receive my employee handbook, as they were out of print when I was hired. A backlog journal was started so employees at that time would eventually receive one. That was 4 years ago.
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Since the trainings I was running for the call center employees ran longer than scheduled, please be aware that Facilities is going to be answering the phones for a while. Our customers are advised to keep their questions and concerns to themselves, because calling us about it while only make them, and our Facilities people, more confused.
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I'm still waiting to receive my employee handbook, as they were out of print when I was hired. A backlog journal was started so employees at that time would eventually receive one. That was 4 years ago.Who said that?It's all pretty clear in the Employee Handbook. Appendix N, page 7374, third paragraph of the 2nd column. Do you even care if you keep your job?
That is your responsibility. Consider this a written warning that you have been violating the company dress code for the past 4 years by wearing a button-down collar. One more infraction may lead to termination.
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I'm still waiting to receive my employee handbook, as they were out of print when I was hired. A backlog journal was started so employees at that time would eventually receive one. That was 4 years ago.
The people on that list were supposed to report to HR last December to pick up their copies. That's why you didn't get Christmas bonuses, they were spent on buying the handbook.
They might still have yours, but probably you'll need to wait for the next shipment in 2014. Once you do get it, you'll have to make up all of the annual Employee Handbook Review Quizzes that you've missed. You may as well petition for a request to schedule those makeup quizzes now, it'll really help move things along efficiently.
But...but...I just moved my desk!HR has informed me that you're getting a brand new stapler, to go with your brand new desk and your brand new office down in the basement.
Can I have Sandra's stapler?
{spots new stapler on new desk in unoccupied boiler room in the basement; desk is too heavy to steal, so steals the stapler}
I'm still waiting to receive my employee handbook, as they were out of print when I was hired. A backlog journal was started so employees at that time would eventually receive one. That was 4 years ago.Who said that?It's all pretty clear in the Employee Handbook. Appendix N, page 7374, third paragraph of the 2nd column. Do you even care if you keep your job?
The Employeed Handbook has been updated 4 times ever since you got in, so now you have to update to 4eh or go PF... errrr I mean... huh, nevermind
The Employeed Handbook has been updated 4 times ever since you got in, so now you have to update to 4eh or go PF... errrr I mean... huh, nevermindI'm still waiting to receive my employee handbook, as they were out of print when I was hired. A backlog journal was started so employees at that time would eventually receive one. That was 4 years ago.Who said that?It's all pretty clear in the Employee Handbook. Appendix N, page 7374, third paragraph of the 2nd column. Do you even care if you keep your job?
~Hugo points to a sleeping dragon who was trying to read the first version~ SNORE!!!
Alguien sabe donde esta el comedor para empleados segregados hispanos?
SNORE!!! ~Dragon drool~
Alguien sabe donde esta el comedor para empleados segregados hispanos?
Por favor! Hablan en Engles?
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If anyone has anymore complaints about the Fax machine, you can fax a memo over to HR in Building 4.
Didn't we remove the fax machines for inter office email and virtual fax with the new office outlook that was installed by IT last Tuesday. Also Since the update on Tuesday my computer needs to be backed up and seems to have a virus on it. It keeps asking me to play some game named Pogo or something, and whiel entertaining gives me no access to my files or this weird thing called Mesh. If you need me please find me in the break room since my computer is not functioning.
Some of the employees from the New New York office are wandering if the dress code pertains to them or if they can still wear their shalwar kudthe.
If anyone has anymore complaints about the Fax machine, you can fax a memo over to HR in Building 4.I tried doing that, but the fax machine wasn't working. What should I do now?
Staple a copy of your Fax Outtage Report to your New Desk Reassignment Completion form and drop it by the IT department.
Alguien sabe donde esta el comedor para empleados segregados hispanos?Por favor! Hablan en Engles?
Also, management has decided your name should be changed to Joe Smith for better intagration.
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Alguien sabe donde esta el comedor para empleados segregados hispanos?
Je ne savais pas que les Hispaniques ont été séparés. Cependant, je n'ai pas remarqué que les Guatémaltèques et les Mexicains ne semblent utiliser une salle de repos différentes, avec un groupe sur le nord et l'autre sur le sud. Qui va où? Je ne sais pas.
I tried doing that, but the fax machine wasn't working. What should I do now?Our fax machine is out of paper. Can someone please fax some over?
I would, but I am affraid it would just get deleted. ;)
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If anyone has anymore complaints about the Fax machine, you can fax a memo over to HR in Building 4.Didn't we remove the fax machines for inter office email and virtual fax with the new office outlook that was installed by IT last Tuesday. Also Since the update on Tuesday my computer needs to be backed up and seems to have a virus on it. It keeps asking me to play some game named Pogo or something, and whiel entertaining gives me no access to my files or this weird thing called Mesh. If you need me please find me in the break room since my computer is not functioning.
Hm I think we need to have a meeting about this.
Regards,Vice President of inter-office meetings.
Also, management has decided your name should be changed to Joe Smith for better intagration.Alguien sabe donde esta el comedor para empleados segregados hispanos?Por favor! Hablan en Engles?
jeeeeez.... I mean, Geeeeezzz...
*goes trade tacos for hamburgers*
I tried doing that, but the fax machine wasn't working. What should I do now?Our fax machine is out of paper. Can someone please fax some over?
You can take a blank sheet over to the copy machine and make more.
Apparently Facilities has other responsibilities, and they are no longer available to answer our phones. I have replaced our phone queue with an endlessly looped recording of "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. It's impossible to be angry when that song is playing.
{awaits obligatory Kanye West appearance sure to follow}
It's impossible to be angry when that song is playing.
Oh yes, forcing men into a lifelong commitment they are unsure of just so you can let yourself go is always catchy.
Who is bitter?
I just received an email from a Prince in Africa who needs our help. I can't afford it alone, so I thought I'd start a pool here at the office. Apparently, our donations will eventually be returned with interests. Not only that, but we'll be helping this prince get back his inheritance. Can I get anyone to join the pool with a donation?
I just received an email complaint from a customer who for some reason explained to me that he doesn't "want to put a ring on it." Can someone explain this to me?
We are going to start a support group for those, whose genders we will not identify nor discriminate against, that do not wish to put a ring on it.