AAAA! I'm sleeping in the basement!Seriously? Think about the last time you were in your basement.
AAAA! To the sewers!
<waits for KC to find out for himself>
It would be better to tell him before he has some webs in his sleeping bag...
Cue KC going "Shatner" in 3, 2,...
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<waits for KC to find out for himself>It would be better to tell him before he has some webs in his sleeping bag...Cue KC going "Shatner" in 3, 2,...
Yeah... when I'm at about a post a minute, I know I'm not getting much work done.
You're not safe there either...AAAA! To the sewers!AAAA! I'm sleeping in the basement!Seriously? Think about the last time you were in your basement.
Fine. TO THE BOARD!
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Fine. TO THE BOARD!You're not safe there either...AAAA! To the sewers!AAAA! I'm sleeping in the basement!Seriously? Think about the last time you were in your basement.
*releases giant spider on to the Board*
Always Neutral Colossal Vermin
Init +1
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AC 18 FF 17 Touch 3
(-8 size, +1 Dex , +15 natural)
HD: 10000
HP: 135000 (10000d8+90000)
Fort +5011 Ref +3334 Will +3333
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Speed 30ft, 20ft climb
Base Atk +7500 Grp +7532
Attack: Bite +7508 4d6+24
Full Attack: Bite +7508 4d6+24
Space 30 ft. (6 squares) Reach 20 ft. (4 squares)
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Abilities Str 43(+16) Dex 13(+1) Con 28(+9) Int -- Wis 10(+0) Cha 2(-4)
Stat Points Gained From Advancement: 2500
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Total Feats: 3334
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Poison(Ex): Fortitude save DC 5019(+5000 HD, +0 Racial, +9 Con, +0 Feat) avoids
A monstrous spider has a poisonous bite. The bite deals 1d4 Str initial and secondary. The save DCs are Constitution-based.
Web(Ex): Fortitude save DC 5019(+5000 HD, +0 Racial, +9 Con, +0 Feat) avoids
Both types of monstrous spiders often wait in their webs or in trees, then lower themselves silently on silk strands and leap onto prey passing beneath. A single strand is strong enough to support the spider and one creature of the same size. Web-spinners can throw a web eight times per day. This is similar to an attack with a net but has a maximum range of 50 feet, with a range increment of 10 feet, and is effective against targets up to one size category larger than the spider. An entangled creature can escape with a successful Escape Artist check or burst it with a Strength check. Both are standard actions the DC for breaking the web is the listed DC + 4 (from a specific racial bonus). Web-spinners often create sheets of sticky webbing from 5 to 60 feet square, depending on the size of the spider. They usually position these sheets to snare flying creatures but can also try to trap prey on the ground. Approaching creatures must succeed on a DC 20 Spot check to notice a web; otherwise they stumble into it and become trapped as though by a successful web attack. Attempts to escape or burst the webbing gain a +5 bonus if the trapped creature has something to walk on or grab while pulling free. Each 5-foot section has 6 hit points, and sheet webs have damage reduction 5/�. A monstrous spider can move across its own web at its climb speed and can pinpoint the location of any creature touching its web.
Tremorsense(Ex): A monstrous spider can detect and pinpoint any creature or object within 60 feet in contact with the ground, or within any range in contact with the spider's webs.
Darkvision(Ex): 60ft
Vermin traits(Ex): Immunity to all mind affecting effects (charms, compulsion, phantasms, patterns, and morale effects)
Fine. TO THE BOARD!
{telepathically:} Ummm, you should really stay out of the Slaadi thread then. Cobb Slaad has recently undergone a transformation that'll give you eight-legged nightmares.
Good thing there's no spiders here...
AAAA! I'm sleeping in the basement!
And then, spiders who don't weave webs install themselves in cluttered, secluded bases. Basements and closets are prime real estate for them... I wonder how many spiders can share the same sleeping bag once he starts sleeping in the basement
Fine. TO THE BOARD!
Isn't the net full with Web-Crawler bots?
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I don't mind spiders, except black widows. They creep me out. When I was a teachers aid back in Junior High, we had a black widow in a jar in our classroom. All of us aids were too afraid to open the jar to feed it so it never was fed. Yet somehow it lived the entire semester. That is why I hate black widows.
Now scorpions are something I can't stand. When I was in second grade, some kid decided it would be fun to throw a scorpion at me. I can't even stand the sight of them now.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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I was a guest teacher in Las Vegas a couple of years ago. As I was walking down the sidewalk, a scorpion ran right in front of me, about a foot away. So, I wondered, what should I do if it stung me? Should call 911? Should I just walk it off?
As it turns out, these suckers are dangerous in a very different way. Their venom doesn't race through your body and paralyze your organs or anything. It rots the flesh, so if you try to shrug it off, your foot falls off.
Huhn.
On a funny side note for arachnophobes: statistically, a person is destined to eat around 4 spiders in his sleep over the course of his life.
On a funny side note for arachnophobes: statistically, a person is destined to eat around 4 spiders in his sleep over the course of his life.
I know a lot of ground-up spiders and insects are considered acceptible in our daily food supply.
On a funny side note for arachnophobes: statistically, a person is destined to eat around 4 spiders in his sleep over the course of his life.
I comfort myself with the fact that these spiders are generally extremely small. The scientists just 'forget' to mention that part.
Boo.
I comfort myself with the fact that these spiders are generally extremely small. The scientists just 'forget' to mention that part.
Here you go, KC. If you can just get more funding devoted to this, then not even the cockroaches will inherit the Earth... just the robots.
Boo.
Fortunately, that mini is so lame and unrealistic, I can ignore it.
/\That seems wrong. If I had morals, they would be most displeased.
Boo.Fortunately, that mini is so lame and unrealistic, I can ignore it.
/\That seems wrong. If I had morals, they would be most displeased.
KC, do the right thing.
I comfort myself with the fact that these spiders are generally extremely small. The scientists just 'forget' to mention that part.
*dun dun dun!* but... how can you be so sure? You're asleep when it happens after all. Ever woken up not hungry, as if you already had breakfast? >=P
Does telling yourself that make you feel braver, KC?
Does telling yourself that make you feel braver, KC?
Seriously, what are you supposed to be? A big hunk of metal? A real rejected creation?
Something . . .
Creative Director
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Not to weird anyone out... but there could be a spider INSIDE of your monitor.
True story.
About a month ago, I was watching TV. My TV is pretty big at about 50" widescreen or thereabouts, and as I was watching it from across the room seated comfortably on the couch, I noticed something strange.
There was a weird black splotch on the screen up along the upper edge, about in the middle.
At first, I thought a big chunk of dust or something had gotten lodged at the edge of the screen. Then I became worried that a fingernail sized chunk of pixels had died. That possibility made me sad.
And then, suddenly, the black splotch moved. And I could see individual legs wriggling. From across the room.
I got up to investigate, and Lo! there was a spider IN MY TELEVISION!!!! It had gotten inside somehow and had crawled up between the picture tube and the glass/plastic/whatever covering in front of the picture tube, wedged its body up there, and its legs and half its body was hanging down over the screen. I tapped the top of the TV just above my visitor and it moved. I tapped again and it moved again. Eventually I got the spider to climb OFF of the screen and into the TV's internal workings. It's probably still in there, for all I know. I'm okay with that, though, since he's no longer in the way of my entertainment.
But he's still in there. And he probably has friends.
Not to weird anyone out... but there could be a spider INSIDE of your monitor.
True story.
About a month ago, I was watching TV. My TV is pretty big at about 50" widescreen or thereabouts, and as I was watching it from across the room seated comfortably on the couch, I noticed something strange.
There was a weird black splotch on the screen up along the upper edge, about in the middle.
At first, I thought a big chunk of dust or something had gotten lodged at the edge of the screen. Then I became worried that a fingernail sized chunk of pixels had died. That possibility made me sad.
And then, suddenly, the black splotch moved. And I could see individual legs wriggling. From across the room.
I got up to investigate, and Lo! there was a spider IN MY TELEVISION!!!! It had gotten inside somehow and had crawled up between the picture tube and the glass/plastic/whatever covering in front of the picture tube, wedged its body up there, and its legs and half its body was hanging down over the screen. I tapped the top of the TV just above my visitor and it moved. I tapped again and it moved again. Eventually I got the spider to climb OFF of the screen and into the TV's internal workings. It's probably still in there, for all I know. I'm okay with that, though, since he's no longer in the way of my entertainment.
But he's still in there. And he probably has friends.
Checks spider drone currently monitoring the Jacobs' residence. Signal strong. Much data on file.
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Not to weird anyone out... but there could be a spider INSIDE of your monitor.
True story.
About a month ago, I was watching TV. My TV is pretty big at about 50" widescreen or thereabouts, and as I was watching it from across the room seated comfortably on the couch, I noticed something strange.
There was a weird black splotch on the screen up along the upper edge, about in the middle.
At first, I thought a big chunk of dust or something had gotten lodged at the edge of the screen. Then I became worried that a fingernail sized chunk of pixels had died. That possibility made me sad.
And then, suddenly, the black splotch moved. And I could see individual legs wriggling. From across the room.
I got up to investigate, and Lo! there was a spider IN MY TELEVISION!!!! It had gotten inside somehow and had crawled up between the picture tube and the glass/plastic/whatever covering in front of the picture tube, wedged its body up there, and its legs and half its body was hanging down over the screen. I tapped the top of the TV just above my visitor and it moved. I tapped again and it moved again. Eventually I got the spider to climb OFF of the screen and into the TV's internal workings. It's probably still in there, for all I know. I'm okay with that, though, since he's no longer in the way of my entertainment.
But he's still in there. And he probably has friends.
My partner's brother had a fly in his computer monitor like that. The only difference was it promptly died right where it was, and he had to get a new monitor.
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I got up to investigate, and Lo! there was a spider IN MY TELEVISION!!!! It had gotten inside somehow and had crawled up between the picture tube and the glass/plastic/whatever covering in front of the picture tube, wedged its body up there, and its legs and half its body was hanging down over the screen.
I got up to investigate, and Lo! there was a spider IN MY TELEVISION!!!! It had gotten inside somehow and had crawled up between the picture tube and the glass/plastic/whatever covering in front of the picture tube, wedged its body up there, and its legs and half its body was hanging down over the screen.omg im on teevee!
Most of us are going "Awww, he's cute," but the Kobold is sitting somewhere with his back to the wall, a M41A pulse rifle in one hand and a can of bug spray in the other.
Don't forget, he's also talking to himself to bolster his courage.
Don't forget, he's also talking to himself to bolster his courage.
He's probably strapped a flamethrower to that M41A by now too. You're made of pewter, right?
Pure, Chinese Hasbro Plastic!
But the flames of his paranoia will ne'er touch me!
Pure, Chinese Hasbro Plastic!
But the flames of his paranoia will ne'er touch me!
Even better. After he melts you down, I'll pour you into a My Little Pony mold. I'll paint you pink with a rose mane and big blue eyes. Then it's bright red nail polish on your hooves, and I'll sprinkle glitter all over you while the paint is still wet.
Sure, the Drizzizzizzizzt minature will point and laugh, but that's ok 'cause you'll be a magical horsey.
Madam, you have confused me for a Sebastianite. I have my dignity!
Madam, you have confused me for a Sebastianite. I have my dignity!
Hello Kitty, Pound Puppies, or Strawberry Shortcake would be OK though...
Most of us are going "Awww, he's cute," but the Kobold is sitting somewhere with his back to the wall, a M41A pulse rifle in one hand and a can of bug spray in the other.I got up to investigate, and Lo! there was a spider IN MY TELEVISION!!!! It had gotten inside somehow and had crawled up between the picture tube and the glass/plastic/whatever covering in front of the picture tube, wedged its body up there, and its legs and half its body was hanging down over the screen.omg im on teevee!
Actually, I'm coming into the Board, a backpack full of atomic bombs in one hand and a rocket launcher in the other. I will kill you all.
Why, that's not very neighborly of ya!
Actually, I'm coming into the Board, a backpack full of atomic bombs in one hand and a rocket launcher in the other. I will kill you all.
I've seen the Tron Legacy trailer. I'm already pretty good on a motorcycle, and I'm practicing my frisbee skills. We'll see who derezs who first.
In walks an unbelievably adorable young kobold with a cheery, high pitched voice.
Hey, KC, it's me, Kobie! Your number one buddy!
I brought popcorn and some cartoons for us to watch together.
Proudly shows KC the DVD he brought.
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Actually, I'm coming into the Board, a backpack full of atomic bombs in one hand and a rocket launcher in the other. I will kill you all.Most of us are going "Awww, he's cute," but the Kobold is sitting somewhere with his back to the wall, a M41A pulse rifle in one hand and a can of bug spray in the other.I got up to investigate, and Lo! there was a spider IN MY TELEVISION!!!! It had gotten inside somehow and had crawled up between the picture tube and the glass/plastic/whatever covering in front of the picture tube, wedged its body up there, and its legs and half its body was hanging down over the screen.omg im on teevee!
Unless there's some kind of unstable radionuclide of silver involved, I couldn't care less.
Madam, you have confused me for a Sebastianite. I have my dignity!
Nope, all my enemies (and scores of innocent civilians) will be smooshed and remolded into My Little Ponies. I have hideous plans for the Jacks (hint: part Pony, part Care Bear).
The Kobold gets to be a chibi Tachikoma.
Yay! I love tachkomas! They're like cyber siders!
Gee, KC sure is being quiet tonight. I was hoping I could sit in his lap while we watched Jeff trying to connect with his father.
In walks an unbelievably adorable young kobold with a cheery, high pitched voice.
Hey, KC, it's me, Kobie! Your number one buddy!
I brought popcorn and some cartoons for us to watch together.
Proudly shows KC the DVD he brought.
Dear lord..and I thought I hated Joe...
Listen, Kobie, why don't you go to bed now? You can watch...um...Barney or something when you wake up in the morning.
Wrath of the Spider Queen...
Eyes enlarge and sparkle.
Madam, you have confused me for a Sebastianite. I have my dignity!
Whoa there little fella! You seem to be operating under the false assumption that you're as cool and awesome as me! Believe me, nothing could be further from the truth.
Now I'm not saying you're not cool, or awesome....by normal human standards. But to think you might come somewhere close to my level....Let's just say "Delusions, meet Grandeur".