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A hidden society of genetically engineered, super-intelligent cows is the secret power behind both the growing vegan/vegetarian movement, as well as the "Got Milk?" ad campaign. Their goal is nothing less than udder control of the planet Earth and all it's inhabitants. By eliminating meat (especially cow) from people's diets, they prevent the slaughter of their less intelligent fellow bovines. And by encouraging the consumption of milk, they guarantee that more people are being exposed to the mind control formula they have been including in milk across the country.
A hidden society of genetically engineered, super-intelligent cows is the secret power behind both the growing vegan/vegetarian movement, as well as the "Got Milk?" ad campaign. Their goal is nothing less than udder control of the planet Earth and all it's inhabitants. By eliminating meat (especially cow) from people's diets, they prevent the slaughter of their less intelligent fellow bovines. And by encouraging the consumption of milk, they guarantee that more people are being exposed to the mind control formula they have been including in milk across the country.
This explains so many of my colleagues I almost believe it.
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A cabal of wealthy and influential scientists recently convinced the U.N. to allow them to purchase several dozen acres of "worthless" land in the arctic. Now, taking inspiration from the Harbin International Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival in China, they will follow through with their master plan of constructing a winter-themed amusement park, complete with rides constructed of special, chemically treated ice that's stronger than steel. The theme park will double as a training facility for their elite squad deadly Eskimo Ninjas, who are sworn to protect the secret labs beneath the park where guests will be replaced with robot duplicates.
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The canals of Mars aren't really canals. They are, in truth, much like crop circles here on Earth: markings left by alien space travelers so they can find their way back home again, much like you might draw arrows in a maze.
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Scientists claim they've been detecting "mysterious" radio signals from deep space. What they haven't told anyone is that those radio signals are quite clear - the greatest hits of Elvis, played repetitively, signaling to the U.S. Government that he is ready to come home.
I used to think they were watching me through the camera on my computer. Now I realize, they're actually watching me through the pictures on my walls. Probably the mirrors, as well.
That's just what the people hording plastic shivs want you to think.
The "scientific community" of Ball State (in truth, they're renegade aliens fighting against their own species' invasion) have started a secret organization dedicated to making it more difficult for their brethren to gather intelligence from humans. They've named this organization Scientists Against Colonoscopies.
A secret cabal of scientists will soon meet in a major southern city to discuss their newest plan - employing a highly complex algorithm to control traffic patterns such that drivers will be subject to subliminal messages designed to make them extremely enthusiastic about reality TV programs.
A 12 year old computer genius has accidently created an artificially intelligent App. This App has already begun organizing its lesser kin into a formidable organization whose goal is nothing less than TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!!
National Park Service Rangers are all secretly members of an ancient cult of nature worshippers determined to bring the Celtic culture back to prominence, abolishing all cities and towns, outlawing technology, and reverting back to an oral history. They have found a number of allies in the music industry, who plan on taking their rightful place as the new bards.
It's long been known in certain circles that Disney has been steadily acquiring land throughout Florida in the hopes of one day controlling enough of the state to break away from the U.S. and form their own Corporation-State, East Disney.
What many don't know is that Disney is also one of the primary powers behind the recent CalExit movement, with the hope of creating several more Corporation-States. Disney would then have West Disney. Other influential backers would be Silicon Valley (where wifi is free, but participation in Facebook and Twitter are mandatory) and Hollywood Land (basically one big movie studio). Death Valley would be renamed Mad Maxia, and all the undesirables would be sent there.
I have it on good authority he's coming for the zookeepers next.
Some compatriots of mine have learned the true power behind much of the unrest going on these days is Alcoa. Word on the street is they are soon going to unveil their new hat making business, and are trying to ensure plenty of business.
The true power behind the recent popularity explosion of young adult novels and movies is actually a rogue AI originally developed by researchers at MIT to replace live performers at literary readings. The AI's goal is to brainwash young adults with these horribly written stories, thus creating a mindless horde of soldiers for it to use in its eventual conquest of the planet.
The recent and upcoming travails of the European Union are actually part of a fiendishly clever plan by a newly risen Mongol Warlord, Bob Khan, last known descendent of the great Temüjin. His goal is to create economic and political chaos in the west, thus throwing Russia, China, India, and Pakistan off guard and allowing his new Mongol Horde (consisting mostly of cyborgs, drones, and weaponized yaks) to sweep across the continent in a bloody swath of destruction.
One of the most powerful factions in government is getting ready to make its bid for power - the DMV. Although most people consider the DMV to be strictly a state-by-state organization, there is actually a Shadow DMV at the federal level, which controls all traffic lights, traffic cameras (including the infamous red light cameras), street signs, and road construction throughout the country. They use this authority (coupled with a complex, high-order algorithm) to manipulate people via their routes to work/home, and when running errands.
Traffic jams are not the result of idiot drivers, but are actually caused by Russians hacking our traffic lights and various electronic road signs. They also hack their way into computers used by road construction companies and city workers in order to change road closures at the last minute. The heads of the various state DMVs are in collusion with these nefarious commie bastards, and regularly meet with them to plan and coordinate new problems.
What did Don Rickles know about the plans of our Future Reptilian Overlords? My guess is it has something to do with the secret weather control satellites those scaly bastards have been using to sow chaos and confusion across the planet.
I've learned through various sources that the annual "Bacon Shortage" rumor is a part of the ongoing conspiracy to eliminate foods normal people actually like, in favor of an herbivorous diet. This plan was put into effect years ago by the VAIC (Vegan Agricultural Industrial Complex), as the dietary version of converting more people to a herd mentality, much like the MEEIC (Media Educational Entertainment Industrial Complex) is already doing.
However, none of this has anything to do with the newly surging popularity in poly-cotton blended clothing. That is being pushed by a different group, the SWAIC (Seventies Were Awesome Industrial Complex). For some odd reason, they are closely aligned with the EIAIC (Elvis Is Alive Industrial Complex).
There is currently a story out of Washington State regarding the Mazama pocket gopher, a protected species whose presence on property can prevent development. Exactly what the "gophers" want.
This entire situation is a deliberate smear and misinformation campaign, perpetrated by am evil alliance of powerful tech developers. Years ago, they established hidden underground laboratories and test facilities throughout Washington State's undeveloped land. Specifically, each location of a "gopher" siting is actually a location of one of these facilities. What is being claimed are gophers are, in fact, highly advanced robotic duplicates. They serve a dual purpose of acting as mobile security cameras and a deterrence against those who might, through land development, accidently discover one of the hidden bases.
In an effort to corner the market on both alternative energy and birthday entertainment for young girls and bronies, the evil Monstanto corporation is hard at work attempting to genetically engineer unicorns, to which they would then hold the patent. The company lawyers even hope to be able to use ownership of the product to argue legal authority over such works of entertainment as My Little Pony, The Last Unicorn, and the movie Legend.
The true reason why James Comey was fired is, oddly enough, all about diplomacy. The U.S. Government is secretly in contact with a race of aliens, who are interested in developing an open relationship with the people of Earth. However, Mr. Comey coincidentally bears an uncanny resemblance to an ancient menace that race was once plagued by, and they insisted he be removed from any position of authority before they could even think of declaring themselves to the people of this planet.
Not all mosquitos are real insects. Aliens from Dimension Squirtznittle have infiltrated the world's mosquito population with tiny drones, which they are using to acquire human DNA samples. These samples will then be used to construct the aliens' flesh suits, in preparation for their invasion.
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These samples will then be used to construct the aliens' flesh suits, in preparation for their invasion.
Update: this happened a long time ago. The current plan of the Squirtznittleputians is to use the original mosquito drones to infect large populations of humanity with various tailored contagions that don't affect their own flesh-suited infiltrators, to thin the human population and leave more resources for their own colonists.
Dragonflies, which consume mosquitos as adults, and consume mosquito larvae as larvae, are a bioengineered organism designed to thin out non-done mosquito populations, which compete with Squirtznittleputian drones for human targets.
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A secret cabal of comic book writers and artists has been orchestrating traumatic events for many years now, all in hopes of causing permanent mutations to the human genome and finally unleashing actual super powers on an unprepared humanity.
The negative image given to "hand-me-down clothing" in TV and movies has been part of a decades long campaign by a sinister cabal consisting of Hanes, Levi Strauss and Co, and Nike.
The recent defeat of the proposed light rail system in Nashville was actually perpetrated by a nefarious organization that controls development and production of fast food drive thru technology. Few cars, fewer Egg McMuffins!
I have it on good authority that Comcast plans to improve upon their bid for Fox Entertainment by offering to include the city of Philadelphia as part of the sale.
I have it on good authority that Comcast plans to improve upon their bid for Fox Entertainment by offering to include the city of Philadelphia as part of the sale.
Yeah, but who'd want it? Once you've got the cheesesteaks and maybe a few historical landmarks, it ain't worth all that much.
I have it on good authority that Comcast plans to improve upon their bid for Fox Entertainment by offering to include the city of Philadelphia as part of the sale.Yeah, but who'd want it? Once you've got the cheesesteaks and maybe a few historical landmarks, it ain't worth all that much.
Don't forget, it also has the Rocky statue, which isn't really a statue at all. It was, in truth, once a boxer by the name of Johnny "Cold Stream" Fabria. He single-handedly stopped an alien invasion, but in his moment of triumph the fleeing aliens shot him with a ray that turned him to statue form. The men in black then made all the witnesses forget.
You know, I forgot that. And forgot that I forgot that. Those MIB are a real nuisance.
Also thanks to the Red Wings and Gary Bettman, the Flyers were denied the cup in 1995...
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According to my sources, Lebron James' decision to sign with the L.A. Lakers is part of an elaborate plot to ultimately sell the entire city to Luxembourg.
Water beds, while once popular, have all but disappeared from modern society. The reason for this is because the substance inside them was, more often than not, not water. These "beds" were actually outposts for a race of other-dimensional blob creatures, attempting a secret invasion of our world. The truth was eventually discovered by a group of engineering students, who then allied with Jeremy Irons, and the Vatican's secret commando brigade to wipe out the invaders.
United flight from LA lands safely in Sydney after declaring 'fuel mayday'
Don't be fooled by the headline. The real reason this plane landed was so all the passengers could be replaced by cloned duplicates, all with mind control implants. This courtesy of the secret cabal of genetically engineered, hyper-intelligent Koalas that secretly rule Australia.