As a joke, a buddy gave me a copy of Violence some years back.
In and among the crap like the random apartment generator and the wandering victim table, you have things of beauty like this:
"Here’s what I want to do. I want to go into a Quake®
deathmatch. And I want to strip down to a loincloth, sit
down on the floor with a begging bowl, and call after the
lunatics with the plasma guns as they flee past me, saying,
“It is all samsara, it is all illusion, my friend” — for
truly it is, pixels on a screen. “Reject the fleeting temptations
here, what profiteth you another kill? There is another
path.”
And I want him to turn, think twice—and then I will
smile benevolently as he tosses a rocket my way, blows
me to my reincarnation as my peaceful self—and he runs
on, and kills and kills again, quad damage, armor, another
clip, heal and heal and blammo to the floor—until finally
he turns, lays down his gun, and sits by me, asking me to
teach. And then one by one, the players shall gather by
me, sitting, assuming the lotus position, touching the
ground in the earth-witness gesture, letting their thoughts
still, contemplating that strange Quake sky as it streams
overhead, peaceful, in unity, transforming this one, small,
cyberrealm of unending war and mayhem into harmony.
Sigh.
Right.
I wanna be a shooter bhoddisatva, baby.
Man, I am so full of sh*t"
F.A.T.A.L. has been mentioned multiple times. Why does this thread continue?
Do I seriously have to quote the rules to show just how horrible it is?
Then again, quoting the rules would get this thread locked up, my post deleted, and possibly my account revoked.
You are right. Any game that answers the question burning in every role-players mind about exactly what the circumference of your characters large intestines exit is, deserves the title hands down.
I challenge anyone to beat FATAL in it's useless grossness and awful mechanics! Seriously the words "Ripped Orifice" should never be penned as rules.
I think we need to start on the "2nd worst RPG" if this thread is to continue.
S.
Yeah, I kinda read the title of the thread as "The Most Awful RPG in the World (Besides F.A.T.A.L.)..." Otherwise, not a lot else to say.
hahaha. Sorry Chris, DH wasnt the worst game youve ever played. Turned out you liked it. 8p
Know what game I never liked? Shadowrun. Specifically 2 edition. Im sure most of you disagree with me, but it just didnt do anything for me. I would have rather played Ninjas and Superspies or All Flesh Must be Eaten. I actually like both of those games, my only complaint with em, being that it would be hard to run more than a one-shot with em.
Yeah, Shadowrun 2E had the problem that, even given obscene levels of resources, certain obstacles in adventures would be literally unbeatable. Like, the Hard Armor rule - which all armored beasts and vehicles had - made it almost impossible to injure them with any weapon available in the game. Including anti-tank missiles and assault cannons. Like, okay, you're facing a dragon with a Body rating of 12 and 8 points of armor (this was in a published adventure module). What that means is that you need a weapon with a damage rating of 21 or greater to injure them. See, with hard armor, you add the armor and body rating together, and subtract them from the damage rating of your weapon. There are no weapons with a damage rating of 21 or greater. The highest, the Assault Cannon (which is basically an 80mm cannon firing explosive shells) is 18D. That would give the target number of -2 to resist damage - for every pair of rolls that they beat -2 on a d6 (which means any roll that isn't a natural one), they reduce the damage level, from deadly to serious, serious to moderate, moderate to light, and light to none. Given a minimal roll of 12d6, that would be a pair of ones and 5 pairs on non-ones, given average distribution. So they could stage the damage down 5 times. At 4 stages, they would be taking no damage at all, so shooting them with an assault cannon is almost doing negative damage.
The answer, of course, was to use magic - but the dragon's magic was stronger than a PC's magic could possibly be.
Yeah, I kinda read the title of the thread as "The Most Awful RPG in the World (Besides F.A.T.A.L.)..." Otherwise, not a lot else to say.
You could argue that FATAL isn't an RPG so much as an exercise in misogynistic stupidity (or an abortion on paper, or a Great Old One sanity-draining textbook, etc.), so the title still work. >_> <_<
@ Petrus222: Did you miss that Violence was a satire, and the designer himself stated it wasn't intended to actually be played.
Unlike, FATAL, of course, whose designer touted it as "the best game ever!"
Yeah, Shadowrun 2E had the problem that, even given obscene levels of resources, certain obstacles in adventures would be literally unbeatable. Like, the Hard Armor rule - which all armored beasts and vehicles had - made it almost impossible to injure them with any weapon available in the game. Including anti-tank missiles and assault cannons. Like, okay, you're facing a dragon with a Body rating of 12 and 8 points of armor (this was in a published adventure module). What that means is that you need a weapon with a damage rating of 21 or greater to injure them. See, with hard armor, you add the armor and body rating together, and subtract them from the damage rating of your weapon. There are no weapons with a damage rating of 21 or greater. The highest, the Assault Cannon (which is basically an 80mm cannon firing explosive shells) is 18D. That would give the target number of -2 to resist damage - for every pair of rolls that they beat -2 on a d6 (which means any roll that isn't a natural one), they reduce the damage level, from deadly to serious, serious to moderate, moderate to light, and light to none. Given a minimal roll of 12d6, that would be a pair of ones and 5 pairs on non-ones, given average distribution. So they could stage the damage down 5 times. At 4 stages, they would be taking no damage at all, so shooting them with an assault cannon is almost doing negative damage.The answer, of course, was to use magic - but the dragon's magic was stronger than a PC's magic could possibly be.
Nope, also incorrect.
First, in 2E, hardened armor works like vehicle armor, so your dragon in the above example is immune to weapons of power 8 or less (so if you try to stab it with a knife, you won't hurt it). Also, the damage code of the weapon is lowered by one level regardless of its power.
Second, armor and body are never added together. So with the uber assault cannon, since it's over 8, it will damage the dragon. Since it does 18D, you subtract 8 (armor) from 18D and get a target number of 10 (and the damage code drops to Serious from Deadly). The dragon rolls 12D (body) against this TN to soak the damage.
The dragon needs to roll at least six 10s (on six-sided dice!) to take no damage at all.
Of course, body armor of 8 is pretty high, but come on, it's a dragon!
Ever shelled out money for what appears to be a great RPG only to get it home and after a close read discover it is unplayable? Or how about hearing the hype on a game only to discover that it wasn't very good? Ever discovered the rule system of a game is too complex to make heads or tails of?
Exalted comes to mind as the game with the greatest distance between the hype and the reality I've ever actually played. In fact it is often hyped precisely for the things it is diametrically opposed to in reality. I.e. "ubercoolawesome cinematic action" while in truth its mechanics are heavy, clunky, punishing and encourage mindless repetition of the same actions in battles. "Heroic heroes who challenge destiny and go beyond the impossible" while the main aesop of the actual setting is "rising above your position in life determined by heavens is both evil and stupid" (not that more that one person ever succeeded in this, and she's now the Big Bad). And so on.
Ever shelled out money for what appears to be a great RPG only to get it home and after a close read discover it is unplayable? Or how about hearing the hype on a game only to discover that it wasn't very good? Ever discovered the rule system of a game is too complex to make heads or tails of?
It would be called Fourth Edition. I wanted to like the game so much and it looked so interesting but only after several sessions stubbornly trying to like it it just wasn't very good.
Granted, D&D4 is hardly bad enough to get lumped in with some of the awful games listed here. It's no Batman Roleplaying Game, for example.
Ever shelled out money for what appears to be a great RPG only to get it home and after a close read discover it is unplayable? Or how about hearing the hype on a game only to discover that it wasn't very good? Ever discovered the rule system of a game is too complex to make heads or tails of?It would be called Fourth Edition. I wanted to like the game so much and it looked so interesting but only after several sessions stubbornly trying to like it it just wasn't very good.
Granted, D&D4 is hardly bad enough to get lumped in with some of the awful games listed here. It's no Batman Roleplaying Game, for example.
Mine would be Rifts. *sigh* Such potential...
On the subject of FATAL (yet again) the designer said he wanted to make the most realistic game possible.
Let's grant, just for the sake of argument, that he did that. (I am not saying he did or did not, just giving him the benefit of the doubt for argument.)
That said, realistic =/= good, realistic =/= fun.
I have both editions (yes, I know, I'm a glutton for punishment) and some of the things from the first edition have been changed (like the rampant racism), however, it's too little, and far, far too late.
You forgot to mention that it is possible, by the rules, to have a negative anal circumference.F.A.T.A.L. has been mentioned multiple times. Why does this thread continue?
Do I seriously have to quote the rules to show just how horrible it is?
Then again, quoting the rules would get this thread locked up, my post deleted, and possibly my account revoked.
You are right. Any game that answers the question burning in every role-players mind about exactly what the circumference of your characters large intestines exit is, deserves the title hands down.
I challenge anyone to beat FATAL in it's useless grossness and awful mechanics! Seriously the words "Ripped Orifice" should never be penned as rules.
I can't believe I'm about to have this conversation, but...
The "ahem" circumference table has a minimum that is equivalent to '2 fingers' from the same species - negative isn't possible, well at least during character generation.
I can't even imagine what the designers were thinking when they penned such gems as (and I quote) "or never have accommodated sufficient Manhood"
I need to shower now <shudder>. FATAL just plain wins.
S.
You think that's bad? You should see the rules for racist magic armor, which turns you into a nasty stereotype of a black, Asian, Hispanic, or Jew. It's all rendered somehow worse by the fact that in the FATAL universe none of these races/ethnicities even exist.
Add Gang Rape the RPG to the list.
I wish to God I was making that one up.
At least FATAL had a certain majesty to its bloated awfulness.
...the fact that something made me put a vaguely positive slant on @#$!ing FATAL speaks volumes...
A game that makes FATAL look good? I disbelieve!
Really, I'll need a link to accept the existence of such a horror.
A discussion of it, anyway. The link to the actual game (if you want to call it that) was apparently removed at the request of the author cause people were downloading his stuff without his permission.
Oh, and not just an RPG, but a LARP.
I found a link to where you could (provided you have industrial quantities of mind-bleach) email the author to get the game.
You forgot to mention that it is possible, by the rules, to have a negative anal circumference.F.A.T.A.L. has been mentioned multiple times. Why does this thread continue?
Do I seriously have to quote the rules to show just how horrible it is?
Then again, quoting the rules would get this thread locked up, my post deleted, and possibly my account revoked.
You are right. Any game that answers the question burning in every role-players mind about exactly what the circumference of your characters large intestines exit is, deserves the title hands down.
I challenge anyone to beat FATAL in it's useless grossness and awful mechanics! Seriously the words "Ripped Orifice" should never be penned as rules.
That just means that they have met some upper management types. ;P
That said, realistic =/= good, realistic =/= fun.
Don't get me started.
A role playing game must be realistic!
When was the last time one of your characters used the bathroom in scene?
Blank stare.
That said, realistic =/= good, realistic =/= fun.
Don't get me started.
A role playing game must be realistic!
When was the last time one of your characters used the bathroom in scene?
Blank stare.
I've had it happen. And I've had them take a bath, smoke a cigarette, etc. Being realistic doesn't mean that you minutely detail every minute of the life of the character.
Mine would be Rifts. *sigh* Such potential...
I definitely agree with you on this... aside from the constant OCC one-upsmanship as new source books came out, Rifts would be an amazing setting to play in using Pathfinder or some other rules that don't slow down game play when you have more then one PC playing...
Actually a lot of Palladium games have great concepts/backstory to them, but everytime I think of playing in one, the thought of playing through the damned system of theirs makes me shudder. I even liked their dndish Palladium rpg line, it had a really nice, gritty feel about it. It's probably too late to completely change his system :(
Mine would be Rifts. *sigh* Such potential...
I definitely agree with you on this... aside from the constant OCC one-upsmanship as new source books came out, Rifts would be an amazing setting to play in using Pathfinder or some other rules that don't slow down game play when you have more then one PC playing...
Actually a lot of Palladium games have great concepts/backstory to them, but everytime I think of playing in one, the thought of playing through the damned system of theirs makes me shudder. I even liked their dndish Palladium rpg line, it had a really nice, gritty feel about it. It's probably too late to completely change his system :(
Rifts has fantastic potential, anchored down by a really s$%+ty system. A system that heavily depends on combat shouldn't make it such a huge investment for the characters. What I mean by that is this: Given a party of 1st level characters vs a small group of mooks, in D&D, you've got better than average odds that the players will make it through, gain a little loot, gain a little XP, and carry on. In Rifts, assuming everyone makes it through combat, half of the party will need new armor that they can't afford, repairs they can't afford, and ammo they can't replace. And this is against enemies with only basic equipment and no attribute bonuses - because even the worst skilled person on the planet has a 75% chance of hitting (5 or better, with bonuses, on d20).
Rifts has fantastic potential, anchored down by a really s@~%ty system. A system that heavily depends on combat shouldn't make it such a huge investment for the characters. What I mean by that is this: Given a party of 1st level characters vs a small group of mooks, in D&D, you've got better than average odds that the players will make it through, gain a little loot, gain a little XP, and carry on. In Rifts, assuming everyone makes it through combat, half of the party will need new armor that they can't afford, repairs they can't afford, and ammo they can't replace. And this is against enemies with only basic equipment and no attribute bonuses - because even the worst skilled person on the planet has a 75% chance of hitting (5 or better, with bonuses, on d20).
Exactly, and not only that but if you want to try to play some of the interesting, but not high powered classes, you had better hope your GM will accomodate you and not toss in the more ridiculous monsters/enemies. Rifts Atlantis is still one of my favorite source books ever, but man you would be wailing away at most of those creatures forever...
I still wonder how my life would be different if I picked up Shadowrun instead of Rifts for my first RPG.
A discussion of it, anyway. The link to the actual game (if you want to call it that) was apparently removed at the request of the author cause people were downloading his stuff without his permission.
Oh, and not just an RPG, but a LARP.
I found a link to where you could (provided you have industrial quantities of mind-bleach) email the author to get the game.
I love what they say about it at the link... "Not meant to be fun to play". Gee, and here I was worried that the Live-Action gang rape RPG would treat the subject disrespectfully.
Maybe it's just me, but it still feels highly creepy.
I love what they say about it at the link... "Not meant to be fun to play". Gee, and here I was worried that the Live-Action gang rape RPG would treat the subject disrespectfully.Maybe it's just me, but it still feels highly creepy.
To be fair, I think this concept is WORLDS away from FATAL and other games. This isn't exactly adventure gaming, it seems more like intense dramatic improvisational theater (with rules), though I don't know what the rules actually were. The idea is to present it as a BAD THING and explore the concepts that make it a BAD THING.
From reading the description of the game, the concept for all the 'players' made me uncomfortable, as it should most reasonable, rational and respectful people. It's definitely a boundary pusher, and not something one might get together every week and play.
There's a fine, fine line when you try this sort of thing. My first experience with pushing emotional boundaries in an RPG was with Shoah, a Holocaust sourcebook for Wraith, the White Wolf ghost game (albeit this one was published under the Black Dog adult imprint). They handled the subject well, and pointed out that RPGs can talk and explore subjects that make us uncomfortable.
The GR game above seems to aim for similar discomfort. Should everyone play it? Probably not. Will folks hoping for a quick titillation like it? I would bet not. Should it have been created? I don't know.
It seems more like a therapy/learning experience than a game, but then again, I enjoy depressing foreign movies that teach us more about the human condition. This (and many of the other 'games' on the site) seems to be the RPG equivalent. More power to them.
I'm reminded of a bit from the Onion movie "How to Host a Rape".
That said, realistic =/= good, realistic =/= fun.
Don't get me started.
A role playing game must be realistic!
When was the last time one of your characters used the bathroom in scene?
Blank stare.
Roleplaying games must not break suspencion of disbelief, for many this means sticking relatively close to reality.
I had goblins attack a PC while he was on the long drop privy a short way form the house where the party where staying in a game of WFRP once.
I have been tempted to submit an event for GenCon, running RoHoWa using the FATAL system, with the adventure crossing over into the World of Synnabar via the TimeCube.
Players must rescue the TubGirl oracle from...
...no, I can't complete that. I'm off to go get some Jack Daniels to erase the last part of that incomplete sentence from my brain.
I'm half afraid that people would show up. I'm a three quarter afraid that they'd want to make it a LARP.
This is the best thread I have ever read...I dont know half of these monstrosities but OMG I never dreamed there was that much crap out there. White supremist RpGs? Rules that are totally incomprehensible...I have been laughing my butt off reading this.
The one crap system I know and agree with is Rifts. Best concept, Best settings, but absolutely worst rules I have ever played. Scratch that==the rules were so crappy I never played a full on Rifts game because everyone I knew homebrewed the living hell out of it to make it playable. When D20M came out, the same guys all dusted off their rifts stuff and rebooted under D20M.
|
Anyone doing a PbP FATAL game? Just curious. $10 says it doesn't last the first session - actually doesn't last character generation!
What the hell. I'm feeling ridiculously sadomasochistic at the moment. Let's do this thing! I'll start making up my character tonight. I may even finish making my character sometime this week...who knows?
Roleplaying games must not break suspencion of disbelief, for many this means sticking relatively close to reality.
I had goblins attack a PC while he was on the long drop privy a short way form the house where the party where staying in a game of WFRP once.
My own experience has been quite different. I have never needed to have a scene revolving around a character relieving him or herself of bodily waste (where is Tom Hanks when you need him?). But then I have never needed the capacity to differentiate the ballistic damage between a .38 and .44 either.
You want more realism in your game, fantastic. More power to you. Just recognize it is a preference and not an objective proof that any given system is feces.
Roleplaying games must not break suspencion of disbelief, for many this means sticking relatively close to reality.
I had goblins attack a PC while he was on the long drop privy a short way form the house where the party where staying in a game of WFRP once.
My own experience has been quite different. I have never needed to have a scene revolving around a character relieving him or herself of bodily waste (where is Tom Hanks when you need him?). But then I have never needed the capacity to differentiate the ballistic damage between a .38 and .44 either.
You want more realism in your game, fantastic. More power to you. Just recognize it is a preference and not an objective proof that any given system is feces.
Again, it has nothing to do with realism.
Exalted is one of my favourite games, and I hardly think having characters jumping 30 metres before slamming a sword the size of a person into a warstrider could be called realistic.
But i suspect that if we sat down to play DnD, and i started talking about my characters cyberware, remotes, and anti-material rifle, and how I think we should lure the BBEG into the cathedral before dropping the building on him with high explosives, I am sure you would be some what confused and annoyed about it.
But i suspect that if we sat down to play DnD, and i started talking about my characters cyberware, remotes, and anti-material rifle, and how I think we should lure the BBEG into the cathedral before dropping the building on him with high explosives, I am sure you would be some what confused and annoyed about it.
Actually, if you were sitting down to play D&D - and actually had "cyberware, remotes, and anti-material rifle" - I would be confused and annoyed because you clearly be a better "Powergaming Munchkin" then I am! ;P
Actually, if you were sitting down to play D&D - and actually had "cyberware, remotes, and anti-material rifle" - I would be confused and annoyed because you clearly be a better "Powergaming Munchkin" then I am! ;P
Cyberware - construct grafts.
Remotes (assuming you mean drones rather than like...TV remotes) - summoned/undead beholderAnti-materiel rifle - wand of disintegrate fitted onto a crossbow stock
High explosives - fire seeds spell in holly berry bomb mode (or tome of "I cast explosive runes on all these pages individually then bound them together" and a lowest-possible-CL dispel magic)
Cathedral - cathedral
^_-
Actually, if you were sitting down to play D&D - and actually had "cyberware, remotes, and anti-material rifle" - I would be confused and annoyed because you clearly be a better "Powergaming Munchkin" then I am! ;PCyberware - construct grafts.
Remotes (assuming you mean drones rather than like...TV remotes) - summoned/undead beholder
Anti-materiel rifle - wand of disintegrate fitted onto a crossbow stock
High explosives - fire seeds spell in holly berry bomb mode (or tome of "I cast explosive runes on all these pages individually then bound them together" and a lowest-possible-CL dispel magic)
Cathedral - cathedral^_-
Cyberware - construct grafts.
Remotes (assuming you mean drones rather than like...TV remotes) - summoned/undead beholderAnti-materiel rifle - wand of disintegrate fitted onto a crossbow stock
High explosives - fire seeds spell in holly berry bomb mode (or tome of "I cast explosive runes on all these pages individually then bound them together" and a lowest-possible-CL dispel magic)
Cathedral - cathedral
The crossbow stock is for amusement/coolness value of course.
And yes, she does mean that.
These elements are ofcause possible, but you can see I am sure how they clash with the themes and motifs of DnD.
These elements are ofcause possible, but you can see I am sure how they clash with the themes and motifs of DnD.
Yes, I got that. ;D The elements you used do clash with the Fantasy Genre (except for special cases like Shadowrun or Dragonstar).
Of course, with the way some people actually play D&D, your ideas were not so shocking. :(
The crossbow stock is to make it a rifle. A wand without the stock is just a wand. ^_-
Alternatively, create a construct in the shape of a rifle that has a bunch of ranks of UMD and is "programmed" to use it on a wand every time the trigger is pulled. Load wands into a magazine (or a revolver setup, making it like the Borderlands sniper rifles). Then you can have different "rounds" for different situations! ^_-
And actually, I had a wizard once who used to leave about half her spell slots unfilled, and fill them as needed during adventures. At the end of the day, any slots that were unused and high enough level for it got converted to explosive runes, cast on random pieces of paper, and stuffed into a scroll tube with others (and stored in a handy haversack so there wouldn't be accidental detonations). I never needed to use the thing, but it was my insurance policy in case we got in over our heads - by the end of the campaign, there were a thousand or so d6 worth of runesplosions stuffed in that tube. >_> <_<
A discussion of it, anyway. The link to the actual game (if you want to call it that) was apparently removed at the request of the author cause people were downloading his stuff without his permission.
Oh, and not just an RPG, but a LARP.
I found a link to where you could (provided you have industrial quantities of mind-bleach) email the author to get the game.
That LARP doesn't deserve to be anywhere near a list of "worst games." The point the creator is trying to make is dead on accurate (1), and that's a perfect way to make the point. But once abstracted from the context, it's almost bound to offend. Because it's so easy to abstract it from its context (you need to know the MET scene and the Scandinavian+ scene), it's probably not the wisest thing to do.
Looked at another way, people just don't get the joke, which, even if assumed to be a bad, tasteless, or otherwise unnecessary joke, is nowhere near F.A.T.A.L., because that game is completely and utterly serious.
---
1 - Well, to be precise, he's refuting a widely held belief. I still think he's wrong, because the author is assuming that, since the process is wrong, the result is equally wrong. It's the functional equal to someone saying that, since Darwin's specifics of evolution are wrong, then evolution as a law of nature is wrong.
Mine would be Rifts. *sigh* Such potential...
Abnout 6 years ago, I ran a campaign of GURPS:Rifts (all home-brew)
Of course it worked well--it was GURPS which is a functioning rpg system. I think Palladium came up with their rules by dropping acid while reading 1st ed CoC and listening to Led Zepplin albums backwards. Then they did some mushrooms while typing it on a TRS-80 PC with torn 5 1/4 inch floppy disk drive and sent the disk to the publisher.
Of course it worked well--it was GURPS which is a functioning rpg system. I think Palladium came up with their rules by dropping acid while reading 1st ed CoC and listening to Led Zepplin albums backwards. Then they did some mushrooms while typing it on a TRS-80 PC with torn 5 1/4 inch floppy disk drive and sent the disk to the publisher.
Palladium wrote the rules for Rifts by writing out a blank table for percentile dice, then leaving it in the hands of Vietcong interrogators for two weeks, with someone on copious amounts of cocaine transcribing the sessions.
An entire spellbook chock full of explosive runes ... I like it!
Rifts has fantastic potential, anchored down by a really s@~%ty system. A system that heavily depends on combat shouldn't make it such a huge investment for the characters. What I mean by that is this: Given a party of 1st level characters vs a small group of mooks, in D&D, you've got better than average odds that the players will make it through, gain a little loot, gain a little XP, and carry on. In Rifts, assuming everyone makes it through combat, half of the party will need new armor that they can't afford, repairs they can't afford, and ammo they can't replace. And this is against enemies with only basic equipment and no attribute bonuses - because even the worst skilled person on the planet has a 75% chance of hitting (5 or better, with bonuses, on d20).
Exactly, and not only that but if you want to try to play some of the interesting, but not high powered classes, you had better hope your GM will accomodate you and not toss in the more ridiculous monsters/enemies. Rifts Atlantis is still one of my favorite source books ever, but man you would be wailing away at most of those creatures forever...
I have a feeling that the only way RIFTS and its ancillary systems will truly hit their stride ... is when K.S.'s estate finally permits another interested party to do a 'conversion' book or something very similar.
|
That said, realistic =/= good, realistic =/= fun.
Don't get me started.
A role playing game must be realistic!
When was the last time one of your characters used the bathroom in scene?
Blank stare.
I played in a 3.5 game where the party was fed necrotic dumplings by a sweet little, old halfling lady (who wasn't sweet or a halfling, but it did turn out she was old).
We did make use of the privy in game for that scene, although some details were glossed over to keep us from spitting up our cheetos...