last pockets of resistance and thus completed
the yuan-ti's nefarious plan of world domination
using millions of babies and their nannies
firmly under hypnotic control and commanded to
demand even more high priced designer clothing
manufactured by goblins in halfling owned sweatshops,
and sold at drastically reduced prices to
unsuspecting but Kathy Lee-loving consumers who frequent
those horrid places of reckless savings and
loud, unwashed masses. This caused the People
to stampede the store to reach the
stab me stab me Elmo dolls. When
they were all killed by said Elmos.
Hasbro was then sued by all those
crazy parents who thought Stabing Elmo was
for stabbing. Hasbro was forced to settle
the figurative boiling kettle down on metal
hots plates in order to undue the
fiasco that Elmo's world was causing their
stockholders. The ghost of Elmo arose and
decided to sell his controlling shares to
his equally annoying friend, big, purple Barney
and his cabal of creepy imagining youths
who would only squander the new-found wealth
on unseemly tattoos and piercings in their
friendly neighborhood tatoo parlor. Then they would
hop in the car, drive to Vegas,
Where the newly tatooed gruop would visit
the cast of CSI. To their dissapointment
they all look really bad in real
life. Regardless, the intrepid youth continued on
with the farcical facade of joyous discovery
subconsciously knowing that much later they would
"Access Hollywood" made them look more foolish
than Pauly Shore, Andy Dick, and John
Denver's zombified corpse all dressed in lederhosen
singing showtunes from the Sound of Music
which, of course, looked ridiculous since he
(Andy Dick that is) couldn't sing worth
anything, and zombie John Denver kept interjecting
with a zombie's habitual whisper of, "Brraaaiiinnnsssss."
Thank God I'm a country boy, because
Somewhere out there on that horizon, Out
there where the braiiiiinssssss roam free from
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder
of a rather large and ponderous giant
poodlezilla named Prince Roger of the Azalea
Plant. This foul beast enjoyed stomping on
those too slow to get out of
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