whom was very addicted to sniffing glue
promptly entered a trance, in which strange
visions, strange eldritch visions of a time
a time when meatgamers were no more
and nobody cheated at solitaire. Boring times!
was on the cover page of the
Dwarven issue of Seventeen magazine, along with
Naruto, the Hamburglar, Herbie the Love Bug,
Newt Gingrich and the cast of High
School Musical XVII in a moderately funny
broadway play based on the journals of
Grover, entitled Blue Monster has the Blues.
Abbie Liebowicz took the pix, but blurred
images of pornographic unicorns and a dwarf
eating his own head were the only
signs of sanity to be seen. Oddly,
Grover allowed all manner of riff raff
into the restaurant with the blue-headed guy
, provided they brought their own booze and
didn't shed monster hair on the chairs.
Chuck Norris came running into bar. Anger
and confusion reigned as Neth mixed threads.
Grover bumrushed Norris out th' door and
yelled "Don't come back before you fetch
Skip Wilmastead , the Kmart assistant manager, and
don't forget to remove the butter knife from
the toe jam container. Bring me a
pound of cocaine and a gallon of
dwarf bile! Oh, and a Mountain Dew!"
Shocked and awed into submission, Norris reluctantly
searched SoHo for copious amounts of flake
dandruff. Unfortunately, none could be found since
obsessive collectors had cornered the dandruff market
so he searched Chinatown for the bile
he needed to complete his potion of
dwarfitude. This peculiar draught enhanced beard thickness,
causing Ron Jeremy to say, "My goodness,
that's thicker than the hair on my
unnameables!" Speaking of unnameables, images of Cthulhu
and of Ron Jeremy look disturbingly similar
when viewed from the moons of Jupiter
Although if you squint you can see
their astral auras; however, as this usually
involves turning into pink mist from the
shocking sensory overload and is discouraged for
obvious reasons, including the trip to Jupiter.
After thirteen hours the Major Domo Sidlor
threw down his "Eat at Nyarlatotep's" sign
and, briefly contemplating the newly budding organs
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