It seems fitting that Ursula embraced the one thing she seemed to truly understand - Death.
[QUOTE/]'Indeed! We need to try to remember to paint her face with a skull, since she converted to that wacky elf religion.'
Aren't all elf religions wacky. It's either Death this and Death that or I worship Trees and Flowers!~
Nah, the man's hardcore...look at him...he's a dragon <i>and</i> an editor!
Plus, we're all geeks...and geeks have tremendous fortitudes for staying up long periods of time doing geeky things :).
Mike posted 42 minutes ago; isn't that about 5.40 am over there? Aren't you a bit bleary-eyed?
Soy milk does wonders for the constitution ;)
Contributor
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The long-awaited return of...
JASON BULMAHN DMs EBERRON
DUN DUN!!!
As we last left our intrepid band of adventurers, they received a seriously high level of squick when a ginormous spider-monster-thing followed them through a portal onto the other side of the continent. Fortunately, on the other side of the portal they met Jacobs's fourth character, the enigmatic and skilled Zulshyn (who only shares a language with Visoka, which is Elven).
Last night we followed Zulshyn into her tribe's encampment and were promptly led to their leader, the Aquasa. (We didn't even have to say, "Take us to your leader," which is fine really, since nothing good ever comes of that saying.)
The Aquasa was an older drow gentleman sitting on a throne made of a massive dead scorpion. Apparently, if you made him mad he would use the scorpion throne's tail to jab you through your thinky bits. So we made darned sure to stay on the Aquasa's good side. Amai bowed low and found a very interesting spot on the floor to stare at during the entire discussion. The Kid, though, expressing his wild young-man-ness, gave a slight bow before staring the Aquasa straight in the eye. The others in the group, not wanting to be rude or get turned into soup (hey, we didn't know at the time if drow were cannibals or not), only made eye contact when spoken to.
Anyway, the Aquasa went on about destiny and how a hunter can't hunt unless he knows himself. This made alarm bells go off in Visoka's head, as he himself had no memories older than... uh... the amount of game time that has passed since the campaign started. Turns out, he and Adso were in green tubes underneath the Mournland in a massive hidden complex belonging to House Cannith. As soon as Visoka laid all that out on the table, talking badly about House Cannith and their secret experimentation complex in the middle of what used to be Cyre, Amai became flustered (Amai d'Cannith, remember?).
"That's terrible," she said, "I can't believe Uncle Merrix would allow that! We have to let him know when we get back!" She went on and on in this way, completely freaked out that her family would do any such thing and absolutely convinced that Merrix wouldn't support such a decision. (No, Amai can't detect Merrix's alignment... which is lawful evil, btw.)
Anyway, sputtering city-girls aside, the conversation wrapped up with the Aquasa promising to reveal to Visoka how to recover his memories in the morning. Poor Visoka... he was on pins and needles the rest of the day, waiting for the dawning of the blessed next morning.
Meanwhile, mildly claustrophobic Amai (who grew up in the miles-high city of Sharn, if you'll recall) saw a ruined tower high above the valley village of Zulshyn and her people (called the Queltateer). Pointing up high (since she couldn't speak the language of the Queltateer), Amai made her desire to ascend to the top of the tower painfully obvious. Zulshyn agreed, and after a lengthy (out of game) discussion about how our characters were all fat compared to the drow (even those in peak physical condition) we started to climb. This led to Amai changing her shiftweave clothing into the "bikini" setting, which amazed Zulshyn. Visoka performed a similar (but less revealing) feat with his hat of disguise. Zulshyn was impressed. The Kid followed up our magic by... lifting his shirt and lowering it again several times in a row. Zulshyn was not amused. (See quotes, below.)
First stop, a watchtower manned by several drow scouts who possessed more arrows than we hoped they ever needed. Beyond the watchtower went another set of rope ladders up to the top of tall mesa/tower/place. There we found an ancient calendar with 13 spires (one of which was shattered). (Yes... those of you who know about Eberron know what that suggests...) Amai took some rubbings of the writings on the spires and we went back down. Amai wanted to sleep up there, but Zulshyn pantomimed a pterodactyl eating her in her sleep, which convinced Amai to sleep in the scorpion-covered hammocks of the village.
Upon our return, the village was in a festive mood. Everyone started drinking. Amai expressed interest in one of the ceramic cups because 1) it was pretty and 2) she wanted have something to take back to Sharn to show Uncle Merrix. The drow took that as a desire to drink, and filled the ceramic cup with alcohol. Now, Amai doesn't drink, and had until then never put any alcohol into her body. So she offered her cup to an ancient drow who seemed in charge of getting people drunk. Big mistake, Indy, big mistake! The ancient drow who seemed in charge of getting people drunk took the cup, took a swig, swished it around in his mouth, and spit it back into the cup. Amai was confused. Then aghast. She took the cup, bowed her thanks, and looked for someone to give it to... permanently. But then the village fell absolutely quiet, and everyone watched her. She started to panic a little. Visoka told her she needed to drink from the cup. Dutifully, she psyched herself up for it, then drank down the entire cup in a single drink. The entire village erupted in cheers. I had to roll a Fort save for her... got a 27... and she ran back into the tent the party was assigned to. When Visoka came in a few minutes later, she talked him into going around back with her to hold her hair while she forced herself to vomit.
With the village in an even more celebratory mood than even a few minutes earlier, Zulshyn playfully passed a massive bowl of alcohol to the Kid. The Kid took it as a challenge and passed an equally massive bowl to Zulshyn. The village erupted into activity. This, you see, was an official challenge to a drinking game.
The village took the Kid and Zulshyn over to a stump set up just for this drinking game, and the ancient drow who seemed in charge of getting people drunk came over laughing. He didn't bother explaining any rules, and instead he indicated to two burly drow men to pour an equal amount of berry alcohol into the empty bowls set before the contestants. In each round of this game, you see, the ancient drow who seemed in charge of getting people drunk chose what sort of alcoholic pain to inflict on the contestants: sometimes it would be just a regular bowl of berry alcohol, but more often than not he would "enhance" the drink with a little sumtin' sumtin'. Each type of drink is worth points, but it's unclear what the points mean. Essentially, the last contestant sitting wins the game. Each time a contestant takes a drink, he must make a Fort save (with a penalty for each previous drink taken). Two failed Fort saves lose the game.
Here's the drink-round by drink-round account of this epic battle for soberness:
Round 1—Super drink (berry alcohol + 1 drop of acid alcohol) (2 points)
Round 2—Regular drink (berry alcohol straight) (1 point)
Round 3—Poison drink (berry alcohol + scorpion venom in berries) (3 points)
Round 4—Player's choice: Zulshyn picked poison drink drink for 3; the Kid picked acid drink (berry alcohol + lots of acid alcohol) for 5
Round 5—Player's choice: Both picked acid drink for 5 (the Kid fails his Fort save)
Round 6—Regular drink for 1
Round 7—Player's choice: Zulshyn picked super for 2; the Kid picked acid drink (the Kid fails his Fort save)
With the Kid failing his second Fort save he lost the game 12–17. At that moment, Jason said to Sutter: "You wake up the next morning with 2 hit points, in incredible pain, tied to your hammock."
Amai tsked. Zulshyn laughed. Adso rolled his eyes. Visoka looked bemused. Keldrick didn't care. The Kid made an ass of himself, but he brought down the tension in the encampment a little bit with his antics, which I will now describe for you.
As he failed his second save, the Kid leapt to his feet. Far from being of the "passed out" kind of drunk, he was in the "furious frenzied" kind of drunk—thanks probably in large part to the acid drink he seemed so fond of. In his insanity, he head-butted the ancient drow who seemed in charge of getting people drunk and then ran through a fire. At that point, the drow decided he had gone too far—he was on fire and not reacting to it—so several of them grabbed billy clubs and beat him silly (nonlethal, of course). When he came to a half-hour later he restarted his rampage. The drow weren't interested in his shenanigans a second time, so they beat him silly once more and then tied him to his hammock.
As the Kid and Zulshyn sat around waiting for their hangovers to dissipate, the rest of us milled about in the encampment. Amai climbed up to the watchtowere again and pantomimed helping the drow on watch there. They agreed and throughout the morning they taught her what to look for out in the jungle. They also supplied her with 20 more arrows, bringing her total to 25. Late in the morning, though, Zulshyn came up to ruin her fun.
Zulshyn pointed down. Amai refused, pointing out into the jungle and pantomiming her watching. Zulshyn picked her up and slung her over one shoulder, then carried her back down to the ground. Not a fool, and not particularly strong-willed, Amai let herself go limp in Zulshyn' muscular arms.
The Aquasa had called.
In we went to the Aquasa's audience again. There he started up with the destiny talk again, but he also made two very interesting declarations. First, his mysterious son, Kaxat (who apparently lived behind a wall of darkness in the hut), would lead our expedition. Second, we would take 20 warriors with us. At that, Amai (still staring at that interesting spot on the floor) pointed at Zulshyn. The Aquasa assured us that Zulshyn would be going with us, as well as 20 MORE warriors.
In order to recover the memories of Visoka and Adso, we would undergo the rite of Tel-Quasmere, in the Valley of the Serpent.
DUN DUN DUN!!!
...
Quotes!
As we entered the village and saw the ruined tower behind it...
Sutter: "Is that where Princess Toadstool lives?"
Jacobs: "No, she's in another castle."
Jason (only seconds behind): "No, she's in—damn!"
Sutter, when the Aquasa spoke to us in Common: "Aquasa's got skills."
Tim: "He's got mad skilz."
The Kid, after our first meeting with the Aquasa: "Do you know anything about this whole destiny thing?"
Visoka: "Hmm? What?"
Zulshyn, to Visoka, after Kid raised his shirt: "Is he all right?"
Visoka: "He thinks you find him attractive."
Zulshyn: "Uh huh..."
Sutter, as we puzzle over the moon diagram atop the ruined tower: "I roll... What is it? Knowledge... moon...?"
Sutter, with a "Knowledge (moon)" check: "What's an eight get me?"
Jason: "The names of the moons."
Sutter, looking pleased: "All by myself."
The Kid, during the drinking contest: "I only have to take one more insanity juice to pull ahead!"
Sutter, after we pointed out how much Con damage he'd already taken during the drinking contest: "That's a good point. Too bad I'm not rational."
The Kid, as we stood before the Aquasa: "I do not want to throw up on my destiny's shoes."
'twas a good game... I think the Kid may have discovered a new calling as ambassador to Xen'drikian peoples. :) I also liked:
"I'm going to face my destiny like a man. A man on a stretcher."
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Contributor
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Official Amai d'Cannith Status: Sleepy but alive.
...
Last night we geared up and headed into the steaming jungle behind Oxiyuma, the Kaxat. March, march, march. Oxiyuma and his robot-like drow hunter servitors sure liked the hard walkin', and more than once they made disparaging remarks about the rest of us to Zulshyn (who kept most such remarks to herself). We started walking at noon and continued walking until it fell dark. At which time we kept on walking. When we humans suddenly slowed after sundown and began stumbling about, Oxiyuma became cranky (which is okay, as he's a jerk). As Zulshyn explained the situation (we couldn't see, blast it all), Adso took matters into his own hands and cast light. That put the drow into a tizzy, but eventually they calmed down and we followed them from behind.
A few hours into the march, Amai hit her wall. She became fatigued and stumbled about, slowing the group and agitating Oxiyuma even more. Taking pity on the hapless girl, strong Zulshyn slung Amai over her shoulder and carried Amai for the rest of the night.
Jacobs: "How much does Amai weigh?"
Me: "Ninety-eight pounds.
Jacobs chortles.
Me: "With my gear, about a hundred and four."
Turns out, Zulshyn really is quite strong. Amai's added weight put her at medium encumbrance, slowing her to a mere 30 foot movement (from 50)... which was still faster than Adso!
On the party trudged, until sometime near dawn Visoka's legs began to give out on him as well. Despite Oxiyuma's Crankiness being turned to 11, we settled into camp. Amai, who had already been passed out for several hours, never woke, even when Zulshyn placed her in the comforting embrace of a giant plant. The humans slept through the day, and by dusk we were all finally rested and ready to go again.
And off we went. Somewhere around 3am we came across a river. Oxiyuma declared that we must make boats to cross (more boat-building!). Thanks to the Kid's axe and Visoka's adamantine sword, we visitor-types had a boat only about a half hour after the efficient drow (showoffs). Without event, we crossed the river. Whew.
Only a short walk later Oxiyuma stopped us.
We had reached the Guardian.
The Kid then turned to Zulshyn, sliced open his palm with a knife, and offered his bloodied hand to the drow warrioress. Zulshyn eyed the Kid's bloody palm for a few seconds before realizing what he was up to. Slice. Handshake. Bond. (It didn't go quite that smoothly, as the following exchange demonstrates...)
Sutter: "I slice my palm and offer to shake your hand."
Jacobs warily eyes Sutter's palm, then pantomimes slicing his as well. D'oh! Wrong hand!
Jacobs: "Oh! Dammit!"
Jacobs pantomimes slicing the correct palm and the Jameses (and their characters) shake.
It was then time for battle. Oxiyuma belabored our role in the fight: hold back until the drow had reduced the Guardian with hit-and-run tactics, then move in for the kill. Yes, yes, Mister Meanie Drow, we understand already.
The battle began. Oxiyuma and his thirteen warriors (and not an "Antonio" among the lot of them) harried the giant with boomerangs. This went on for all of twelve seconds before the Guardian had had quite enough of that tomfoolery, thankyouverymuch. He raised his empty hand, palm down, and shot lightning into the ground. Seconds later, seven hill giant skeletons rose from the earth and put the fight to us all.
Realizing the battle hadn't gone the way Oxiyuma had intended, we split our attacks. Some fought against the skeletons, aiding the drow in bringing down the new terrors, while the rest of us focused on the Guardian. We hoped to keep him occupied long enough for everyone else to get back into the main fight (i.e., against him). During the course of that desperate battle, Amai was struck twice by the Guardian, both times dealing 33 hit points of damage (and since she only started with 43, she obviously got healed in between hits). After the second devastating strike against her, she hid in the trees and fired arrows (rather ineffectually, as I rolled three 1s in a row).
Meanwhile, Keldrick (played by Stephen's friend Jeff, who was out for a visit) flew up into the air and blasted the giant with his lightning breath. The giant didn't take too kindly to that and fired lightning into the ground again, causing himself to levitate up to Keldrick's level. A round later, he took a sizable chunk out of Keldrick's hide.
Jeff, after being reduced to 3 hit points: "Did I mention I was flying?"
The battle raged on for what seemed like a hopelessly long time. For several rounds, none of the skeletons fell. Then, suddenly, Adso turned his attention away from the Guardian and onto a nearby skeleton. He mightily swung his morningstar, smashing the creature in the chest, but when it did not fall he spent 2 action points to smash it again, yet it still did not fall... at that point he cast a spell that only takes an immediate action, "curing" it of 8 hit points and shattering the creature into a pile of dust.
That was the turning point for us. After Adso took down one skeleton, the others began to fall in quick succession. The Kid and Zulshyn teamed up on two, taking them down a few rounds later. The other ones fell to Visoka and the drow.
As the last of the skeletons fell, the Guardian turned his attention on Zulshyn and the Kid. It was then that Amai started hitting again, that the drow started peppering the Guardian with boomerangs, that Visoka began to fire his bow, and that Adso's morningstar swung true. In short, with our combined efforts we brought the giant to his knees... and then silenced him forever...
Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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Wow. You actually made that all sound so heroic. Not that sneaking around the perimeter and avoiding confrontation isn't important in a good battle....for a rogue. With 33 HP. Which coincidently was a popular amount of damage last night. Hmmmm.
I especially liked the Kaxat's proclamation, "The Guardian is dead. The valley is yours."
Oh, joy. A valley full of super mutated giants...all ours! Whee!
No quotes?!?
I'm reminded of the Eddie Murphy joke about horror movies and haunted houses...
"This a real nice house."
"GET OUT!"
"To bad we can't stay, baby!"
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Contributor
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No quotes?!?
I'm reminded of the Eddie Murphy joke about horror movies and haunted houses...
"This a real nice house."
"GET OUT!"
"To bad we can't stay, baby!"
This time I worked the quotes in with the narrative, as there were so few. That happens sometimes: we actually focus so much on the game that the small-talk and silliness take a back seat to playing.
That and there was no Mearls, who is usually responsible (in some way) for about 75% of our quotes. :D
-That and there was no Mearls-
Ah, ha. That explains it. Was he gone the time before too? I don't seem to recall any expletives being deleted out then either!
Well, we've discovered James Jacobs' penchant for recycling cool names. Tyralandi from Porphyry House Horror reappearing in a different guise as the cleric in the AoW campaign, and Zulshyn from Into the Wormcrawl fissure becoming a drow in Eberron. Nothing like a good name.
Creative Director
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Well, we've discovered James Jacobs' penchant for recycling cool names. Tyralandi from Porphyry House Horror reappearing in a different guise as the cleric in the AoW campaign, and Zulshyn from Into the Wormcrawl fissure becoming a drow in Eberron. Nothing like a good name.
It's true. And it carries on in the first Savage Tide adventure (which I wrote); three of the names of NPCs in that adventure... no, FOUR are names my own PCs have had. And I bet that once Zulshyn is killed (which should be soon, since Jason hates my characters), I'll be using a new name from some adventure I wrote. Might be time to play an awakened sperm whale druid...
Might be time to play an awakened sperm whale druid...
... albino hulking hurler? Who uses harpoons? Avenging the death of his father by a one-legged man?
James,
I was really hoping to see some of Chuko's extended family! I mean he must have an avenging younger brother...
"Wark!" the cry of freedom!
But *did* Visoka remember to draw a skull on Ursula's face? I don't expect Adso to do it...
-UrsuImeanAmber
Aww...
I thought for sure whe I saw that Mike was the last one to post it would be another update... I'm not sure what's worse my addiction to this campaign log or my addiction to D&D minis - I defintly know which one is cheaper!
I guess I'll just buy another 2 boxes of WotDQ - come on Bahomet or Eldritch Giant, no more Barneys (I've got 5 - ugh!)
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Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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But *did* Visoka remember to draw a skull on Ursula's face? I don't expect Adso to do it...
-UrsuImeanAmber
Hmmmm. I seem to remember some nice things said, and the obligatory looting of the body that typically follows the death of a party member.
After that, we put her remains in Visoka's bag of holding, where she stayed until we arrived at the lost drow village. Honestly, though, I don't think there was enough left to draw on....There MAY have been a funeral event, with a pyre and stuff.
I also remember Visoka filling the bag of holding with several 100 gallons of water to "rinse it out".
For Ursula, that somehow seems fitting. :p
Ah well, I'll trust that the fates arrange it so that Sim and Ursula meet up in the afterlife. And if they don't, maybe JB can use it as an adventure idea. Imagine a ghost Ursula following the party around, demanding to be reunited with Sim...
-Amber S.
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Contributor
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A Bad Night to be Amai
What do dream serpents eat when they don't have small scared monk girls?
Last night, Oxyuma the Kaxat sent us into the Valley of Serpents with some blindfolds, potions, and these dire words: "Be back in two days or I'll assume you're dead."
How reassuring...
In we went, tromping through the jungle like a bunch of city-bred jungle trompers. Well, except for Zulshyn, of course. Following a narrow path next to a narrow stream, we headed down, deeper and deeper into the waiting jungle. But to what end...?
Suddenly, Amai, the Kid, and Visoka spotted movement. That movement revealed dream serpents. The dream serpents attacked! Keldrick (being played by Mearls again) fell asleep. The rest of us made our saves or diverted our eyes. As the battle raged, the snakes came within melee range. Amai managed to awaken Keldrick. The snakes struck...
Hit by several attacks, Amai overcame the effects of most of the poison coursing through her veins. Sadly, she failed one save... reducing her extremely important Wisdom score. Her eyes crossed slightly, but she managed to hold herself together.
Seconds later, through the heroics of the Kid, Visoka, and Zulshyn, the two snakes lay dead. We travelled on.
Now, Oxyuma had warned us that the valley itself guarded the dream serpent mothers (one of which we had to find). We were a little confused as to what he meant. How can a geographic feature protect a creature? Well, when we rested that day we found out: In the morning, after our rest, we discovered we were no longer on the banks of the stream and our path had vanished. Somehow, we awoke MILES from where we fell asleep.
Most of the party seemed nonplussed. Oh yeah, being randomly teleported in the middle of night must happen to them ALL the time. But when I say "most" I'm obviously excluding someone. And I'm sure you can guess who...
Panicking, Amai suddenly burst into hysterics. Zulshyn, through Visoka, told her to calm down, but that only escalated her panic. The party waited for her tear ducts to empty and her monkish calm to return, which it eventually did. It helped that Zulshyn reported (after climbing a tree) that we hadn't actually lost any ground in the teleport—it was a lateral move.
So we continued walking and came—at last—to a random paved path. After following the path for a bit, we came upon a set of giant stairs. I mean here stairs made by and for giants, of course. The stairs led up to a miles-wide circular plateau, perfectly round like a coin, that rotated ever-so-slowly (about 10 feet per hour). We slowly ascended the stairs and looked out over the massive coin-plateau.
At about 10 miles across, the coin-plateau acted as its own little ecosystem. Snakes and serpents of all kinds (including the monk-chomping dream variety) slithered about everywhere. Various plants grew from atop of the millennia-old detritus on top of the coin-plateau, but despite the encroachment of the jungle we could still make out large divets in the surface of the coin-plateau. We also spotted some massive crystals floating above each indent. The crystals were wrapped in strange metal harnesses. Can you guess how many crystals and indents there were? Here's a hint: one crystal was missing. Oh it had an indent and a floating metal harness, but there was no crystal to be seen.
That's right. Those of you who know Eberron know there were thirteen indents and twelve crystals. :) Those of you who don't know Eberron don't care. It's really neat, though, lemme tell you!
Anyway, we made for the nearest indent, saw some dream serpents (but no dream serpent mothers), and boogied over to the next indent. Inside the second indent were two normal dream serpents and one Huge dream serpent mother. We had our target!
Most of us followed Oxyuma's directions to the letter: put on the blindfold, drink the poison, kill the snake. Amai, already pretty dumb (Int 8) and suffering from Wisdom damage, drank the potion without putting on her blindfold... and then went blind.
*sigh*
But at least we all got blindsight out of it. Visoka cast darkness on a pebble and tossed it into the indent, darkening about half of it. Then the fight was on. In the course of the battle, both Visoka and Amai made good use of the darkness, as they engaged the dream serpent mother head-on. The others worked their way through one of the lesser (but still frighteningly powerful) dream serpents and then took on the mother. Keldrick flew around, striking one of the lesser serpents and the mother with lightning blast after lightning blast (a breath weapon, doncha know?). She screamed in agony. In the distance, other screams responded.
More mother serpents were on their way.
At long last, after both of the people most negatively affected by Wisdom damage took damage exceeding half their starting Wisdom scores, the mother serpent dropped. Zulshyn immediately set to work harvesting its poison glands (what we came for).
Adso and Amai, the cleric and monk, sat in dazed fugues, their essential-to-their-classes Wisdom scores dropped into the single digits. Adso could cast no spell. We became, effectively, cleric-less.
So here's the scorecard:
1. We got what we came for. Now we just have to get out alive.
2. Our cleric took Wisdom damage and cannot cast spells.
3. Our monk took Wisdom damage and is also blind.
4. We have about a day to get back to the valley entrance.
And here's the quotes:
Oxyuma: "You cannot milk the dream mothers except with your chest."
Zulshyn: "I just figured that's how we were going to do it."
Stephen: "Boba Fett was a Cardasian leader!"
Jacobs, drawing a map for a freelance project: "This one is a giant kidney bean, I've decided. So when you come around the corner and see the bean..."
Sutter, dreamily: "Heart."
Mearls: "My opinion is now law... suck it!"
Jacobs: "I will point out the end effect: Kid alive; snake dead."
Tim: "We should go to the nearest depression."
Jacobs: "Yeah. I go to toward the nearest depression."
Tim: "Yeah, right there." *points at me*
Me: "Yeah, I'm depressed."
Jason: "You see rune-like things on the floor."
Jacobs: "Words!"
Jason: "No, they look more like diagrams."
Jacobs: "Words!"
Jason: "Yeah... words. Who am I to argue with stupidity?"
Me, after the dream mother poisoned Amai: "I milked the mother with my chest. Let's go."
Don't forget Adso's use of neutralize poison on the mother snake to render her venomless for the duration of combat! That was pretty awesome.
The thirteen indents and twelve crystals was, indeed, very cool.
If there had been a thirteenth crystal, and it was glowing an ominous red, that's when I would have run and never looked back. To a different plane, if possible.
13 - 1 = Staple of Eberron - Way cool Jason!
If Jason or Amber reads this I loved Secrets of Xendrik!
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Contributor
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That Deaf, Dumb, Blind Girl Sure Plays a Mean Sack'o'Taters
So okay, Amai isn't deafened and she isn't... well, okay, she is pretty dumb, but not in the "can't talk" sort of way. In fact, her type of dumbness means sometimes she shouldn't talk but does anyway.
Last night, we rejoined our intrepid band of adventurers as they readied to flee from some mother-serpent snakes on a mother-serpent plain. (Dude, you knew I was going to go there.)
Zulshyn estimated it would take her about... oh... two minutes to extract the poison glands we needed. She also estimated the snakes would be upon us in about... oh... one minute. Clearly, we were hosed.
Then Mearls (I mean Keldrick) had a sudden inspiration! It took him a few minutes (of real time) to convince Jacobs (I mean Zulshyn) and Tim (I mean Visoka) that his plan was genius. After they became convinced, Visoka handed over his bag of holding to Zulshyn. Keldrick then cast enlarge person on Zulshyn (and her gear, including the bag), who then chopped off the mother-serpent's head and shoved it in the now-much-larger bag. Zulshyn then snatched up the still-blind Amai (Zulshyn carries Amai around a lot, but as of yet Amai has not complained) and we all ran for it.
As we made our way to the edge of the mother-serpent plain and the stairs leading down some peoples' eyes began to recover. At the bottom of the stairs, everyone threw off their blindfolds (at least, those who were smart enough to put them on in the first place) and we talked briefly about how we all had injuries but we all lacked any means for making injuries go away (Adso's Wisdom was still 9 at that point). So we ran for it, through the snake-infested jungle (and do I mean snake-infested... they were more plentiful than fleas on a serf) and along a path that suddenly ended. Even after she returned to her normal size Zulshyn continued to carry Amai (who was still blind), reducing her speed to a mere 30 (which meant she was going as fast as most of the others, which is faster than Adso).
We fought off a couple snake attacks (the Kid telling Amai where the snakes were) before emerging from the Aureon-forsaken jungle valley. Whereupon we found Oxyuma the Kaxat had left. He did, however, leave behind a message and some potions. After drinking down most of the potions we began to make our way back to the village.
...
So, the quick Amai rundown: still blind, made four attack rolls but missed all four attacks, spent most of the session being carried around by Zulshyn. Doesn't sound like much fun, does it? Actually, as usual, I had a blast. :)
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QUOTES!!!
The discussion of Book of Exalted Deeds continued apace...
Jacobs: "Are you saying Mister Christopher Perkins doesn't know what he's doing?"
Jason: "No. I'm saying some people in this group aren't mature enough for that book."
Another discussion on something else ended with...
Jacobs/Mearls (simultaneously): "It's in the rules. It doesn't matter!"
I don't remember where this one came from...
Jacobs: "It has dignity like a hobo who doesn't beg but who only scrounges."
Second snake combat begins with adjusting minis to represent Zulshyn carrying Amai...
Me: "We can just assume I'm in your square."
Jacobs: "Hawt! Can we put that on the internet?"
(Turns out, yes Mr. Jacobs, we can.)
Later, after I thanked Jacobs for helping out Amai...
Jacobs: "You write the recap. I have to be nice to you."
(Did I ever mention what a swell guy that Jacobs is?) ;D
Then Mearls (I mean Keldrick) had a sudden inspiration! It took him a few minutes (of real time) to convince Jacobs (I mean Zulshyn) and Tim (I mean Visoka) that his plan was genius. After they became convinced, Visoka handed over his bag of holding to Zulshyn. Keldrick then cast enlarge person on Zulshyn (and her gear, including the bag), who then chopped off the mother-serpent's head and shoved it in the now-much-larger bag. Zulshyn then snatched up the still-blind Amai (Zulshyn carries Amai around a lot, but as of yet Amai has not complained) and we all ran for it.
Those are Hardy Boy plan creation skills you pick up only by playing 1e!
You forgot the fight with the ghost snakes!
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Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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Good synopsis, as usual!
We should also add that Mearls/Keldrick's infamous "glitterdust" casting ACTUALLY WORKED, making a battle with 3 dreamserpents much easier. Visoka finally got to make use of sneak attack damage again...I was very happy.
Also, I'm not sure it's quotable, but the discussion of Elvis, KISS, and the Village People was perhaps the funniest moment of the night for me....
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Contributor
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Good synopsis, as usual!
We should also add that Mearls/Keldrick's infamous "glitterdust" casting ACTUALLY WORKED, making a battle with 3 dreamserpents much easier. Visoka finally got to make use of sneak attack damage again...I was very happy.
Also, I'm not sure it's quotable, but the discussion of Elvis, KISS, and the Village People was perhaps the funniest moment of the night for me....
Thanks! :)
And yeah, that whole interchange was not safe for messageboards. ;D
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Contributor
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Amai can see clearly now, the blindness is gone...
Amai can see clearly now, the blindness is gone,
She can see all obstacles in her way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had her blind,
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright),
Sun-Shiny day.
Visoka can make it now, the pain is gone,
All of the bad feelings have disappeared.
Here is the memory juice he's been prayin' for,
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright),
Sun-Shiny day.
(With apologies to Johnny Nash.)
...
So last night we began the long march back to Zulshyn's village. But first, we had to rest. The two elves kept watch while the rest of us slept (Amai would have kept watch too except for the whole... you know... blindness thing). In the morning, in order to enjoy a whine-free day, Adso cured Amai's blindness. At that moment, she found religion and instantly became enamored with the Silver Flame. For the rest of the day, Adso gave her the run-down of what it means to worship the Silver Flame. (I find this turn of events surreptitious, as I had planned for Amai to gain a couple levels of paladin soonish anyway. So yay! Thanks Stephen!)
Anyway, we began the day-long march in high spirits. Along the way, we came across some giant footprints crossing our path. Relatively recent giant footprints as well, I should mention. (And by giant here I mean footprints left by a Large creature of the giant type, but also that they were frikkin' big.) We nervously continued, suddenly more alert and fearful.
We came back to the river that divided the lands of Zulshyn's drow from the lands controlled by mother-serpent snakes and found two of the three canoes still on our side of the river. We all piled into one and tied a rope to the other (to slow down any canoe-paddlin' snakes, don'tchaknow?) and dragged it along behind us. When we got about a quarter of the way across, a green giant (oh my yes, there were Jolly Green Giant jokes a-plenty) appeared on the bank behind us and seemed particularly angry that 1) we existed and 2) that he could see us. I mean, I'm not sure why he was so mad... it's not like we killed one of his friends... or...
Oh. Right.
So we dropped the tow rope and Amai grabbed up a paddle as well (leaving Visoka to guard us with his crossbow). The giant stood looking angry for a moment before suddenly becoming surrounded by a mist. The mist grew into a fog, which enveloped and hid the giant. As we reached the far shore we could just make out that the fog had descended to the opposite bank, but we couldn't tell if it was pursuing or not. We decided to waste no time pondering on that and shimmied on into the woods right quick.
A few hours later we came into a clearing holding three burnt-up trees. In one of the trees sat a Large white monkey. A Large white monkey with four arms!!!
Zulshyn gasped when she saw it. Apparently, Zulshyn's tribe think highly of girallons and those who can bring one down. She went on and on for several minutes about how beautiful and majestic the animal was before getting to the kicker: she wanted to kill it. Now, as you probably know, girallons kill people dead. They are not the friends of PCs like, say, any other CR 6 creature.
But then the girallon noticed us and, like the giant, decided Eberron weren’t big enough for all of us. It charged. We battled. The girallon took a full attack on Zulshyn, dealing 60 points of damage in the process… but Zulshyn SURVIVED! Zulshyn then took a wild chance and Power Attacked for full… and put the girallon into the Dead Book.
Bloodied but victorious, Zulshyn set about skinning the girallon, a task that took her a half hour. Before that half hour ended, though, we got a surprise. Zulshyn decided it would be fun to tease the city girl and cut off bits of girallon meat as she was skinning it. She then took the bloody uncooked meat and popped it in her mouth. Amai instantly made the “!!!” expression and ran to the edge of the clearing to send her breakfast back out the way it had gone in. As she returned from the impromptu vomitarium, Zulshyn laughed and spit out some of the girallon’s blood. Amai ran back to the clearing edge and dry heaved… and as she recovered from that she heard the jungle suddenly come alive.
Amai turned back to her friends and warned them something was amiss… just seconds before the undergrowth suddenly leapt up and attempted to capture—one might say, entangle—us. Keldrick and Adso, the slow and lumbering spellcasters, found themselves trapped by the plants. The rest of us nimbly danced out of the way.
The Jolly Green Giant (ho ho ho!) had arrived! After a fierce and terrible battle, in which a TON of bad rolling occurred (let’s see… Amai rolled a 3 on her initiative and followed it up with two 1s for attack rolls, Keldrick failed FOUR Concentration checks to cast <I>magic missile</I> while entangled, Visoka fired from hiding twice and failed both times, and even the Kid and Zulshyn missed with a couple attacks), we finally defeated the giant. Oof da.
Zulshyn then finished her skinning and we marched the final half hour to triumphantly enter the village. As soon as we arrived the Kaxat greeted us (warmly, no less) and told us the Asaqua wanted to see us. So we marched straight into his tent and he lavished us with praise. Then he gifted us with foil item cards (available for sell at Paizo.com). Which is to say he gave each of us a magic item gift of some importance. Amai, for example, got a monk’s belt. Woot!
Now then, for everyone’s favorite part of the show…
QUOTES!!!
Talking about each other’s characters…
Stephen: “And Amai talks in her sleep.”
Me: “And what does she say, Adso?”
Stephen: “My order’s vows do not allow me to repeat that.”
On the alignments of giants…
Zulshyn: “Maybe he’s a good giant—HA HA HA—let’s keep going.”
On girallons…
Zulshyn: “Oh, by the way. Don’t let them get close to you. They will open you up!”
More on girallons…
Zulshyn: “Look at its majesty. Such a wonderful creature. Oh, it’s just so beautiful! I just can’t wait to kill it!”
The son of more on girallons…
Sutter: “Dude! If I get savaged…”
Me: “Dude—you’re gonna get savaged.”
Jacobs: “Someone’s gonna die in this encounter.”
Sutter: “WHAT? You could have told me that before!”
On DM die-roll fudging…
Stephen: “Just making sure, cuz sometimes you CHEAT!”
Jason: “Oh, thank you.”
On the survivability of rogues…
Stephen: “’He made me hide!’ That’s like taking damage when you’re a rogue.”
On the confusion of sleep…
Zulshyn: “And every 15 hours he stops and DIES!”
No Mearls again?
I can't wait for the uncensored 'too-hot for the internet' version of Jason Bulmahn DMs Eberron!! ;)
Just wondering, would it be possible for some of you guys to post your PC stats to this thread? I'm just curious, I liked seeing the stats for the characters from the the AoW campaign.
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Creative Director
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Talk to Boss Bulmahn; he's a bit of a control freak and keeps our character sheets in a steel case under his desk when we're not playing; we have to check out our characters for the game using a punch card type system.
ANYway... I CAN tell you that I created my current character for one purpose; after going through three characters, I decided my fourth one would be Made Out Of Hit Points. SO: Zulshyn is a drow barbarian 3/fighter 3 who probably has as many hit points as all three of my previous characters had alltogether.
One more XP level and POW! Champion of Gwynharwyf! AKA: Casting spells while in barbarian rage, plus other goodies. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!
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Contributor
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Journey Into the LAND OF DREAMS!
Let's cut to the chase. We entered the Land of Dreams. But not before receiving stern warnings and precious little useful guidance from Ax'ayuma the Grouchy or the Aquasa. Yeah, thanks for the tips, fellas.
Anyway, our journey into the Land of Dreams began in the Aquasa's hut, wherein our hosts had set up six comfy-looking cots in the center of the room. Scorpions, of course, crawled all over those cots, and we all looked on with trepidation. The Kid, being youthful and disrespectful (thinks Amai, who is even younger than he), drew his sword and tried to scrape off the scorpions like a siding contractor scraping off dry rot from a house. The Aquasa made a O_o face and said, "Are my children not welcome to join you?"
The Kid managed a kinda weak "I didn't want to sit on them" excuse, to which the Aquasa replied, "They will move if you ask them to."
So we experimented. Adso sat his full-plate-wearing butt right into the cot, and scorpions scrambled for their lives. Amai looked at the scorpions and said, somewhat timidly, "Um, excuse me. Could you please move out of the way?" Much to her shock and delight, they did just that.
After we settled in they gave us bowls of a hot gloppy liquid they'd been brewing for at least two days. Amai made a poor attempt at humor, garnering another O_o look from the Aquasa. Youthful and disrespectful? What?
So we drank and fell asleep. We found ourselves together on an infinite, featureless plane of gray fog with a solid walking surface under foot. The Kid got down on his knees and pressed his face against the ground to see what it was. It turned out to be pinkish stone of a color one could describe as "fleshy." We assumed we stood on some gigantic beast, of the "this is no cave" variety. To test the theory, the Kid drew out an arrow and tried to poke it into the floor.
His attempt failed. We started walking.
After an indeterminate amount of time (I blame Kheldrick for not winding his pocketwatch. Okay, first I blame him for not owning a pocketwatch, and then I ascribe double blame for not winding it!) we approached St. Louis. Which is to say, a ginormous arch rose up from the otherwise infinitely featureless foggy plain. As we approached the arch, two forms rose up from the ground and took the shapes of griffins with bow-wielding mounts. They attacked!
Now, let me explain Land of Dreams physics real quick. When we entered the conference room in which we play, Jason had already written two lists on the giant whiteboard. One list contained a number of combat statistic adjustments for our characters: fast healing 5, +20 speed, fly at half base speed (perfect), and dream points. The second list contained a mysterious set of options, which I can't remember off the top of my head. This second list described what we could do with our dream points. Jason then launched into an explanation of Land of Dreams physics and how dream points worked. He also made it VERY CLEAR that we did not want to drop below 0 hit points. There's no "dying" or "stabilizing" in the Land of Dreams: you get knocked out, something BAD happens to you. We're a little fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing, but Jason assures us the bad thing is nothing we want any part of.
Anyway, we defeated the griffins pretty handily, thanks to some awesome Power Attacking from Zulshyn and a 47-point critical hit from the Kid. We all waited about a minute to let our fast-healing bring us back up to full and then, as one, on the count of three, we stepped through the arch.
Stepping through the arch brought us to the Land of Memories.
In the Land of Memories, we started first on a grassy plain with Amai's beloved Sharn off in the distance. Zulshyn found the idea of a miles-tall city imposing, awe-inspiring, and weird, and she said as much. It was at that moment we realized we could all communicate! Hurray for the magic of the Land of Memories!
Anyway, as we watched we saw a large wagon carrying injured Breland soldiers toward an encamped army surrounding Sharn. Then into view rode Whillip's father, Sir Argennoti. We followed him until he reached the camp, at which time he was greeted by a very young Whillip. Amai thought we'd all gone back in time and proposed we go to Cyre to try to warn the people there of its impending doom. For the first time (but oh so certainly not the last time) Adso had to explain to Amai that we hadn't actually travelled anywhere—it was all an illusion.
Just then, a cloaked figure brushed by.
A cloaked Visoka!
We tried to communicate with him, but we failed. So we followed him into Sharn. There we watched a series of—shall we say, “memory vignettes”—showing Visoka working for a halfling we’ve since killed and assassinating some aristocrat in an alley that culminated in…
The Murder of Visoka!
(DUN DUN DUN!!!)
As soon as Past Visoka’s assassin finished the evil deed and left with the parting words of “Next time, get a license first,” Past Visoka suddenly rose up and looked right AT Present Visoka. Amai, who had cried out in alarm when Past Visoka was murdered suddenly screamed again in surprise (and maybe a little fear?). (Come to think of it, Amai did a lot of screaming and crying and general caterwauling last night… I think all this time in the jungle is starting to get to her.)
Unsure of what to do, Amai called out to Present Visoka for guidance. He said to attack Past Visoka, so she charged. I think she missed, IIRC. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that Past Visoka used an effect requiring a Will save. Amai got a 21 on her save, and I figured that was probably safe enough. Nope! Suddenly, a ghostly figure appeared behind her, and Amai found herself flanked by a high-level rogue and a dangerous apparition. Past Visoka struck, slashing across Amai’s delicate six-pack of a midsection. (Wait, are girls obsessed with six-packs like guys are? Hmm… input?) Reduced to less than half her hit points (15/43), Amai readied herself to flee at the first opportunity.
Fortunately, Amai was not alone in the fight, and Zulshyn, Present Visoka, Adso, and the Kid rushed to her aid. Unfortunately, Amai still held aggro, and Past Visoka struck again. His attack killed her.
Amai died.
“HA HA,” declared Adso, “NOT SO!” Through his extreme piety, Adso convinced the Silver Flame to bend reality and reverse time by just a fraction of a second… just a miniscule moment… in order to save the life of his… friend? apprentice? traveling companion? Well, however Adso views her, he saved her life. Silver Flame bless close wounds.
Outraged by the devastating attacks against their friend, the rest of the party leapt to Amai’s aid, pummeling Past Visoka into submission. Defeated, Past Visoka evaporated into smoke and returned to his position of death in the illusory alleyway.
That’s when the Cannithites appeared. One, a cleric(?), healed Past Visoka’s wounds (he was only mostly dead). The other, a wizard(?), teleported Past Visoka away. Then the image faded to black.
As our eyes cleared again, we stood this time in a Karrnathi encampment. Off in the distance we saw a column of Silver Flame crusaders approaching. One of the Karrnathi smart-zombies ambled into the leader’s tent and reported his sightings. The leader told the smart-zombie to try to stop them, and as the smart-zombie trundled away the leader slit his own throat. All the smart-zombies in the encampment made their way up to the Silver Flame column and in an instant all of them crumbled to dust. (Don’t send a bunch of zombie mooks up against a whole column of paladins and clerics, dudes.)
Then a Silver Flame boss appeared on a little hill and demanded that all the Karrnathi people in the settlement convert to the Silver Flame. When none of them complied, he ordered the column to charge. Now, ordinarily, a heavy cavalry charge is a wondrous spectacle to behold. When its target is a group of unarmed women, children, and elderly, however, it becomes more of a genocidal murderous romp. And when the victims are further humanized by familiarity…
A woman stood near us as the cavalry began its charge. She saw what was about to happen and then moved to get away. “Come along, Adso,” she said. “We have to run away.”
Little Adso, maybe about five-years-old, clutched at his mother’s side. His mother, by the way, who was hampered with a limp. There was no way they could outrun a cavalry charge. No way at all. She tried to push him away from her. “Go Adso! Run!” Even Big Adso said, “Adso! Run!” But all Little Adso could only look up at Big Adso with tears in his eyes and ask, “Who are you?”
At the last possible second, Adso’s crippled mother shoved her boy aside, hiding him in the mud, as a horse-mounted paladin of the Silver Flame, a glorious defender of law and good, trampled her into oblivion. It was almost too much to bear. Amai cried. All were sobered.
As the murder subsided. As the wreckage of lives ended, the crusaders of the Silver Flame looted the impoverished village and made ready to depart. It was then that Little Adso stood up. As one, the courageous and pious paladins drew their blades to face this new threat. How bravely they shone in their shining armor, facing down the terror of a five-year-old boy. Such glory.
An old cleric of the Silver Flame suddenly appeared at Little Adso’s side and admonished the crusaders for drawing their weapons on a child. (Never mind the fact that he just played a part in murdering a whole village of innocents.) The scene faded with the old cleric asking Little Adso if he had ever heard of the Silver Flame. Little Adso innocently shook his head and said no…
We faded back in to see another scene a short while later, with the old cleric marching toward a glistening white city in the distance. A rope ran from his saddle to the wrists of Little Adso. “Keep up,” the old man admonished. “Yes, Father Kreiteg,” Little Adso said.
Then we saw a montage of Little Adso growing up under Father Kreiteg’s guidance. Little Adso at five. Little Adso at six. Seven. Eight. Nine… all the way up to seventeen. At first, Little Adso was treated little better than a slave. Slowly, though, his faith grew and he began to learn the ways of clerichood. And then…
Little Adso walked into the office of Father Kreiteg. “Father Kreiteg,” he said, “I’d like to ask you about my mother.”
“That is not important,” Father Kreiteg said. “Focus on the Silver Flame.”
“I have, Father. But I’d like to talk about my mother all the same.”
“That was a long time ago,” Father Kreiteg said, “and I am now retired. Like I said, it’s not important.”
“It’s important to me.” And with that, Little Adso drew his mace and brained Father Kreiteg. For good measure, he slammed his mace into his mentor’s head a few more times. Then he left the room.
As soon as Adso departed, the glass ceiling above shattered, and into the room descended four angelic figures…
…
Quotes!
Talking about the clompy brew we had to drink…
Jason: “Occasionally, they sprinkle in—“
Jacobs: “Cricket giggles?”
Talking about living with the natives…
Adso: “I’m coming back and I’m gonna be the Cortez of the continent.”
Talking about being afraid of the illusions we see around us (and only having an 8 Int)…
Me: “Irrational fears brought on by ignorance.”
…
Stats!
I know some of you are agitating to see the statblocks of our characters. For that to happen we’ll need to photocopy our character sheets, as Jason keeps them safe for us between sessions. We meant to do that last night, but we ultimately forgot. Maybe next time!
For the record, that was Visaka doing the brushing of the bed... the Kid yelled something along the lines of "fire in the hole!" and cannonballed into his. :)
Last night's game was one of my favorite yet. That scene with young Adso and the riders was surprisingly emotional... I love it when you actually get into the characters enough that you feel something beyond, "Woo! Combat time!" Who would have guessed that Jason did such a convincing little-boy voice?
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Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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Sutter, you beat me to it! Yes, Mike, that was Visoka slighting the old man and his pokey pets. Out of courtesy, of course ;-)
For everyone who hasn't followed the campaign (indeed, this journal doesn't pick up from the beginning), last night was the culmination of a plot started right from the beginning of the game, over 2 years ago. I thought it would be good to sort of summarize the significance of last night's game.
Jason started us all out each awakening in a glass cylinder of green goo. None of us retained our memories, save for 3 words (which we picked as we were rolling up characters) and the brief recollection of our final moments. I'm not sure what everyone else's 3 words and last memory were, but Visoka's words were: prince, mission, and dragonmark. His final memory was being backstabbed in a dark alley, with towers overhead. Sharn.
As it turned out, our characters were kept in suspended animation in a House Cannith underground research facility, deep in the heart of the Mournlands. So, with no memories of who they were, they set out to escape the Mournlands and figure out who they were.
Luckily, there are still two of the original party members in the party, Adso and Visoka. And last night, after playing for TWO YEARS, we finally set off on the dreamquest to get the answers of exactly who Adso and Visoka really were, and WHY they were put in suspended animation in Cyre.
So, Visoka turned out to be a thug/assassin for the Clan Boromir (aka the Mob), doing a "job" for one of the Breland princes who wanted a merchant "taken care of". And, thus, we got to see one past-Visoka skewer a gnome in the alley, all professional-like. Quite the departure from the Chaotic Good, unsure, hesistant rogue that Visoka is now. (Of course, how hard is it to kill a gnomish merchant?) Even more surprising is the fact that his old friend, Tablo Boromir, was the same halfling crime-boss that our party took down later.
And Adso, is an orphan taken in by the very people, the Silver Flame, who caused him to be one. Yet, there he is...a cleric of the Silver Flame himself. One with an intense dislike of the church he is supposedly serving...and he didn't even know why.
Last night = simply awesome to play. I have been in campaigns that have gone on for 2-3 years, sure. But, I have not been in a campaign that has been able to return, full-circle, to the beginning to complete a plot/quest set down during the first session. Quite the story arc, eh?
I'm not going to go all fanboy on these Paizo guys, but this is what D&D is all about, folks.
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Creative Director
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Agreed; it was a really fun session, and that's coming from someone who not only joined the campaign after the whole "You start with new characters with no memories" beginning, someone who's on his fourth character!
Although I do kinda wish there were a secret hidden memory vignette for Zulshyn... cause they're fun! Especailly if you find out how you brained your fake dad with a mace...
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Contributor
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So we have a session tonight and as of now it looks like we're going to have a full house (behold the return of Mearls!). Anyway, because tonight's session is going to conclude the dream sequencing part of the campaign, I feared it would also equate to the climax. Thus, Jason and I had this little exchange a few minutes ago:
Me: "This isn't going to be the climax and finale of the campaign, is it? Cuz we've got some revengin' to do."
Jason: "No, not the climax. Just the turning point."
I squeed a little at that remark. I can't hardly wait to see what happens tonight! :D
Naturally, I'll let you all know tomorrow. :)
I squeed a little at that remark.
BAD Mike! We do that OUTSIDE!
*sigh* Where's the damn carpet cleaner...?
Don't forget to do an "object lesson" and take away his dice so he won't squee all over the carpet again. :P