Quotes In Your Game

Dungeon Magazine General Discussion

After reading Wil Save in #116, I started to think about some of the different quotes that have made it into our game. Most of them are from movies, but there are several from books, television, and most recently, Order of the Stick.

Here's a few quotes and allusions that have become common in my games:

There was a rogue variant that gave up sneak attack for bardic knowledge. He proved to be an incredible source of information. The group had a lot of avid Stargate SG-1 watchers, and when he would make any knowledge or bardic knowledge check, we just called it a "Daniel Jackson" check.

The female gamer made a joke about leaving the campsite to go the bathroom. I said "There's a line." She appropriately replied "Why is there ALWAYS a line?" (Link goes to Order of the Stick #87, but see #86 as well.)

And often during a lull in player coments someone pops up with. "Aren't you forgetting something?" Then someone else "Like what?" The first person "Like your character's paralyzing fear of water." Second person "Oh, yeah..." Everyone "AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Which is sometimes accompanied by an "OOOOHHH!" Followed by "No, it's more gutteral, AAAAAHHH."

There was a favorite quote that cropped up in my AP1 game recently...

"No, a Dire Wolf is not a martial weapon."


My group always starts to laugh when they encounter a ghost. It's because of their first adventure ever "Raiders of Galath's Roost". When few of party members (1st level) entered the elven tomb and encountered the guardian ghost, party's bard started a smalltalk. And when the ghost grew inpatient and asked the party to leave, bard started the last sentence:
"Oh Allmighty Casper...".
This was of couse followed by frightfull moan and the party stopped running in few minutes.

"Concentrate all your firepower on that Super Star Destroyer."
That's a common one in my group when we decide to ignore the little bad guys and go straight for the leader.
The quote, in case you didn't know, is from Admiral Ackbar in "Return of the Jedi."

Well, I'm running a Star Wars campaign for our group at the moment, and so quotes from all five movies are flying around all over the place :-)

Most noticably our Mon Cal Jedi shouting "its a trap" whenever he can get away with it, "its not fair" when things go wrong, paraphrasing Vader "I want (whatever) not excuses" or "asteroids/bounty hunters/darkside minons do not concern me, Admiral" and that perenial favourite "I have a bad feeling about this.

Given the New Republic Diplomatic mission content of the game, and the feat of the same name, "Diplomatic Immunity!" - from one of the lethal weapon movies, is a rather common occurance, too :-)

I run a D&D fantasy game and once every two weeks I put out a newsletter detailing events happening in the game world, and also outlining a summary of the past adventure. I also include quotes from the players during the last session. The following is some of those quotes:

A conversation between Tebryn (elf ranger) and Rinzari (Gnome Rogue)

Tebryn - "That dog you ride.."
Rinzari - "Yeah, what about him?"
Tebryn - "What is he, a dire Chihuahua or something?"

Arleth (human rogue) speaking to Eam (human sorcerer) and Ragineau (human ranger)

Arleth - "Try not to blow up the library until I tell you."
Ragineau - "Do you always have to tell him that?"
Eam - "Pretty much."

A coversation between Tebryn (elf ranger) and Eam (human sorcerer)

Tebryn – "We need more offensive spells!"
Eam – "Oh, I’m plenty Offensive!"
Tebryn – “Yes, you are. But we need spells!"

“Gee, even the Gnome knew not to move in on that one.” – Monachre (dwarf cleric), after Tebryn the Ranger confronted a rampaging troll.

Rinzari (gnome rogue) (yelled to Eam (human sorcerer) while being grappled by a gibbering mouther) – “Cast ‘Make it Dead!!'"

This next quote took place when the group had to battle againstt the BBG in the dungeon. It was a Half/Demon who, before engaging them in combat, offered them some food, a hot cup df tea, and some good conversation (he was lonely).

Ragineau (human ranger) “Do we have to kill you? You’re such a nice guy!” Ragineau to the Half Demon Lord.

I have many others but I'm getting a tad too long winded, so I'll just quit while I'm ahead.

The funniest quote I've had in my game in the past few years is, "Hey Brian, keep that beholder busy for a minute while we sneak around!" Unfortunately, it was less than a minute.

When my party sets off a devious trap, we might get a "Where is the override?!? THE OVERRRIDE?!!!!!", quoting Khan from Star Trek 2, when Kirk tricks him by lowering Khan's shields.

When the Barbarian in the group wades into melee, he signifies that he is making full use of his Power Attack by stating "Set greatsword to 'Kill'".

And a slightly obscure one ... in an old campaign, the party was trying to traverse a trap-ridden treasure room. The effects of the traps (and how to avoid them) could be learned from solving various riddles in a certain amount of time. One of the riddles said "Lest you be caught in burning rain, may you reflect from whence you came", meaning that if the characters could see themselves in the mirror above the entrance, they were in a "safe path" from the fire trap that was about to blow. They missed 3 of the 4 riddles that I wrote, including that one, and were destroyed almost to the man. To this day, when they set off a trap or miss some huge hint, I might get an exaggerated "Ahhh ... from whence we CAME!".

My group is blessed with a number of intelligent and sarcastic people:

"How about I go first, and you rush in and save me when something horrible happens."
--party bard, answering a question about party order while entering a dangerous room

"It looks like the party bard was here two or three days ago, he was pregnant, and he has pups. No, wait, that's a badger."
--DM, after the party ranger blew a tracking check

"If you try to kill a hydra by chopping off its head, it won't work, 'cause it will just grow back two heads. So what you do is use a double-barrelled shotgun and shoot it in the heart and cut off the flow of blood to its brain so it dies of lack of oxygen."
--A gaming buddy's five-year-old son (and likely future gamer)

"What's the Disable Device DC on an Iron Golem?"
--The party's extremely optimistic rogue

"Shping" became one of our multi-use phrases. It's primarily a verb, and it means, "Use the Wand of Identify upon". As in, "Dude, that armor is glowing and spiky and has dragons enameled all over it. You should totally shping it!"

"Naked dwarves are considered vermin, right?"
--Party's female elven wizard

Player: Wait. Did you just say, "The FIRST demon"?
DM: (shifty-eyed) You worry too much.


"Trying to come up with Dungeons and Dragons-themed parade floats is...harder than it sounds."
"Wait, blue dragons are what, again? Lightning? $@#!" --after a successful Shocking Grasp
"I'm NOT the closest person to the Pit Fiend, okay? I'm not!"

My game has had some memorable quotes as well.
A rogue came limping back to his comrads to report what was ahead

Rogue: "Well, I was sneaking up on these two Ogres, when they saw me.
Fighter: "What happened"
Rogue: "They slapped me around anc called me Susan"

The Rogue character's name was instantly changed to Susan.


DM: You come up to a standard wooden door. You can hear the growling of some strange beast coming from behind it. What do you do?
Player: "I hit SAVE GAME and kick in the door!"


When trying to decide who would open a chest, the party all pointed th the Rogue who responded, "What? Do I look like I'm wearing red?"

This one is better in telling, but here goes.

A barbarian charged into a room and yelled out a new battle cry.

"No real fear!"

The players all cheared, then fell silent in contemplation for a moment before one of the other plauers inquired, "Do you mean "Know real fear!" as in, you want the foes to be frightened of thier imminant deaths, or "No real fear!" as in, you have no fear of your foes and thus boldly dash into battle?"

Barbarian Player "Um...Can I go back out of the room and try that again?"

I've been known to use Green Silly Putty as green slime and clear plastic icecubes as gelatinus cubes. So in one session a player had gone to the restroom and upon returning asked, "So, we fighting an ochre jelly?"
To which he got the truth "Naw dude. Mark just sneezed on your figure."

See, this is even more entertaining than Wil Save and doesn't negatively impact Dungeon Magazine...

ASEO out

Patrick Weekes wrote:

I think this is my favorite one so far.

Going through Maure Castle I had a player that died 2 sessions in a row. Party encounters evil, nasty statue and is deciding how they want to invesigate. Player that has died twice in a row asks: "Do we really need to know EXACTLY how this statue is going to kill us? Can't we just say that it's bad and leave it alone?"

Here are a couple of quotes from our games that have occasionally transferred out to our non-gaming lives.

“I’m not Evil, I’m just practical.”
“Optimism is just pessimism that hasn’t been raped yet.”

(I am the DM in all these.)

DM: Even if you (gnome) gave her (halfling) the money to buy one, she can't have the Haversack with the other magic items. The magic item limit is 1000 gold to start off.
Gnome: Hence the Hewards Halved Handy Haversack.
DM: LOL I like that!... Halved!

(This is one of those, 'you had to be there' things.)
Player A: I know what would make a nice cameo in the game... Elminster riding a chocobo!
Player A: Or maybe elminster in a tavern eating Chocolatey Chocobos Cereal.
DM: LOL!!!
Player B: Elminster riding Pestilence on a chocobo with Gary Gygax's head.
DM: LOL!!!! I can't stop laughing!!
Player B: Thats cameo efficiency... do it all in one.
DM: While eating chocoly chocobos!! Dude, I want chocolately chocobo cereal!!
DM: With little moogle marshmallows!!
DM gaffaws with rage!!
Player B: How the hell do you type so well when laughin?!! I hit the keys like a crazy ass gorilla when I am laughing!
DM beats the desk!
Player A: And have Vincent on the package eating it with a smile?
Player B: And the back would have drizzt talking about adding bananas.
DM is starting to get a side-pain. LOL
Player B: he'd use his scimitars on the bananas and his catch phrase would be "ITS BEEN A SLICE KIDDO!"
DM: LOL!!!!!!!
Player B: Then theres the obligatory "Berry Berry Peanut Buttery Choco-Chocobos Cereal! "We eat what we like!"
DM: I am soooo glad that I keep my logs!!
Player B: With a cameo from Cap'n crunch wearing mage pants. Arghhh... matey.
Player B: Did you ever notice how Captain Morgan poses extremely like Elminster.....conspiracy??? Maybe a photo of his alcoholic youth?

Yah, maybe more later... these are actually kinda lame but they *are* my favorite. :P

(Okay so I'm bored)

Player A holds up a stick of chalk. "Well, if all else fails, we have this."

(This was due to her character's overall ability at making me laugh at almost everything she said.)
DM gives Player A some EXP (25) for making the DM laugh and spill her pop on the desk..

Gnome wizard failed a Melf's Acid Arrow spell with low failure backfire. He had rhubarb stalks stickin out of his ears for a day. That was great. Then in the same campaign but with different players, I had a cameo of the rhubarb stalks lyin in the sand. Yay for inside jokes. :P

(More later maybe.)

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