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Now... if you embedded a wand inside that staff......

That seem pretty easy actually.. at any given round you would choose either A or B:

A: Attack and or use powers of the Staff as normal

or

B: Use charges off the wand as normal

But not both, unless of course the wands spell requires an attack roll, then you could use the Staff to hit them to pass the Wands magic along.

BUT... Heres the kicker..

What if you put a Staff in a Staff?

the Sneak Attack link

If you go there you can find an FAQ covering this very specific topic, and as it is open source I will post it here:

Precision damage (such as that dealt by a rogue's sneak attack ability) applies to more creatures than it did in previous editions of the game.

Some may balk at this but it can easily be imagined or explained as the rogue having found a weak point in the undead's "body" (such as a zombie's head) or even finding a crack or flaw in a construct's "body."

There is some degree of confusion as to what should separate a "critical hit" from a "precision-based attack" but in any event, in some cases they are treated differently.

Critical Hits

The following creature types (or subtypes) have immunity to critical hits (that is, they do not take any additional damage from critical hits):

Aeon (subtype): "Immunity to cold, poison, and critical hits."
Elemental (subtype): Elementals are "not subject to critical hits or flanking. Does not take additional damage from precision-based attacks, such as sneak attack."
Incorporeal (subtype): "An incorporeal creature is immune to critical hits (unless the attacks are made using a weapon with the ghost touch special weapon quality.)"
Ooze (Type): <Oozes are...> "not subject to critical hits or flanking. Does not take additional damage from precision-based attacks (such as sneak attack.)"
Protean (subtype): (50% chance to ignore, see below*)
Swarm (Type): "A swarm has no clear front or back and no discernible anatomy, so it is not subject to critical hits."
Precision-Based Damage (like Sneak Attack)

The following creature types (or subtypes) do not take additional damage from precision-based attacks (such as sneak attack):

Elemental (subtype): "<An elemental...> does not take additional damage from precision-based attacks (such as sneak attack.)"
Incorporeal (subtype): "An incorporeal creature is immune to precision-based damage (such as sneak attack damage) unless the attacks are made using a weapon with the ghost touch special weapon quality."
Ooze (Type): "<An ooze is...> does not take additional damage from precision-based attacks (such as sneak attack.)"
Protean (subtype): (50% chance to ignore, see below*)
Creatures Immune to Flanking

Opponents do not gain any special flanking bonuses against the following creature types (or subtypes):

Ooze (Type): "<An ooze is...> not subject to ... flanking."
Swarm (Type): "A swarm has no clear front or back and no discernible anatomy, so it is not subject to flanking."
Elemental (subtype): "<Elementals are...> not subject to flanking."

*Special: Proteans have a special ability called "Amorphous Anatomy" which might protect them: "<Amorphous Anatomy> grants <a protean> a 50% chance to ignore additional damage caused by critical hits and sneak attacks,"

While I appreciate every piece of advice I have seen here, and plan on using a few I find to be awesome ideas... in reply to all the "speak to your player and find out blah blah blah blah."

This game has been ongoing for a while as I stated in the OP and every time a spider slipped by me that player ran from the table in REAL FEAR.

That is not my intent as a GM, I want my players to know the can join my games and feel safe while having fun.

I do not wish to torture my players by exposing them to near debilitating phobias in a game that is supposed to be fun.

Outside of that I really do appreciate the suggestions, I find it nice to have a Forum like this where you can get multiple viewpoints on something because often someone will suggest something you never even thought of.

I never thought to ask about Clockwork types of arachnids and thanks to the suggestion I'll ask my player about it.

If this was just a CHARACTER Phobia I would abuse the living daylights out of it! But to clarify this is a PLAYERS PHOBIA and I am not a certified anything on how to treat such things so I do not view "killing your phobias in a game" as "cathartic" as much as "pushing deep seated buttons of fear in your player" and that is not my intent.