Ulysses's jaw drops when he sees Sigrun's unmistakeable red mane. He looks up at Melech, who is staring agape in the direction of the finish line. "Melech. Melechmelechmelech! Look who it is!"
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Ulysses elbows Melech out of the way and takes a look at the harnesses.
Ulysses breathes a heavy sigh of relief, pulls the potion of cure moderate wounds from his bandolier, and administers it.
He's not the most nurturing type, but he does his darnedest. "You're alive. Don't move." He looks up to Melech. "Get her off of the course!"
This isn't what I planned at all. Ulysses has time for that one thought before the spectators are kind enough to break his fall. He quickly assesses his injuries; he'll have some bruises but that could have gone way worse. A quick glance at the camels assures him that they are okay, if a little worse for wear. He sees that Melech is battered and bloody; the big man has clearly gotten the worse of it, but they've all had much worse and come out the other side just fine. Then, finally, he spots the other driver. Oh, no. It's worse. This is the one thing he didn't want! Stupid, stupid gnome! He leaps to his feet and sprints as fast as his little legs will take him to the other driver's side, not even thinking to check if there are other racers coming. When (if?) he reaches her side, he pulls a smelling salt vial from his bandolier, pops the cork, and waves it under her nose.
Please don't be dead.
Ulysses, who can still barely see over the lip of the chariot, looks up at Melech's plea. What does he expect me to do? He quickly goes through his inventory. Bombs... no, bombs are fine for cultists trying to kill us but no reason to hurt other racers or their camels
He spent all that time doing alchemy with Leopold in his room; why didn't they make any smoke bombs, or even a thunderstone or two?! Most of his stuff is meant to deal damage, and he doesn't want to hurt anyone. He just wants to slow them down. ... huh He pulls a tanglefoot bag from his bandolier. He is pretty sure it won't glue a half-ton camel at full tilt to the ground, but that's actually a good thing in this case. Coming to a sudden stop would not be a good thing for the camel, the chariot, or its driver. But if he can slow them down, just a little. Also, he can't help but admit that he is a little curious what a tanglefoot bag will do to a half-ton camel running at full tilt. Without giving himself a chance to talk himself out of it, he loads the bag into his bombchucker and heaves it at the camel (or, rather, where he expects the camel to be when it lands).
Ulysses feels as if he can see each individual grain of sand aloft in the wind. He begins Neoing his way around them, dodging as if his life depends on it... and then he realizes he is wearing goggles. He stops and looks sheepishly up at Melech, hoping the big man didn't notice; Melech's s~~+-eating grin and laser focus on the chariot in front of them assures Ulysses that Melech wouldn't notice a tanglefoot bomb to the face right now. It is odd to see Melech this way; ordinarily, Ulysses is the having-a-blast-despite-their-imminent-deaths role filler in the party. He feels an unexpected pang of jealousy at Melech's glee, but quickly realizes that there is no rule that only one of them can have fun at a time. He puts his hands on the lip of the chariot and pulls himself up on his tip-toes to better see the race course ahead of them, and whoops in harmony with Melech. "Let's GOOOO!!"
Ulysses sees Melech barely react as the poison bolt hits him, but he decides that he is better off avoiding getting hit altogether than fighting off whatever nastiness the cult has in store for them.
He ducks beneath the lip of the chariot. A split second later a bolt passes through the exact spot his head occupied a moment before, and he is suddenly very thankful for his diminutive size. "You okay, Melech?!"
It's been a while since Ulysses last threw a bomb, and he cackles as it is far more effective than he could have hoped. He pokes Melech with an elbow. "Did you see that?! HaHA!" He doesn't have much of a view over the lip of the chariot, but he can see well enough to know they have a quick decision to make.
Quickly sussing out the best route, he points it out to Melech. "THAT WAY!"
"Hold on"?! That's literally all I am doing! And then it occurs to him that he could be doing more. This new chariot is clearly not in the race and only here to knock them off course, so why not do some damage as they go by? He quickly preps a bomb and hucks it at them.
During their preparation, Ulysses demonstrates the use of his alchemical allocation extract. Melech and Obadiah both scowl at the thought of swishing with the heroism potion that Ulysses has used countless times, but the benefit is simply too great. At least they don't have to swallow. As he steps into the chariot behind Melech, he realizes he can barely see over the top of the protective shell. This ought to be interesting. He downs his heightened awareness extract and nods to Melech that he is ready.
Ulysses tilts his head as Danu is discussing her spell. "Wait, I have this spell too! Well, a potion of it. But I make an extract that allows you to use a potion without consuming it. And I can share it with everyone now! So you can save your scrolls, Danu. Or you can use a scroll on yourself and prepare more spells. I think that's how wizards work, right?" He pauses, deep in thought, then shrugs. "I can give it to three people, including me. It will last 50 minutes."
Ulysses remembers reading a kickass story about a ragtag group of adventurers that fought a bone golem outside of some crusader's tomb in Lastwall. They managed to prevail, but it was not fun. One of them kept getting bone prisoned, the sorceress was utterly useless (he tries really hard to not look at Danu while recounting this tale), the two archers were only slightly more useful given its resistance to pokey damage, and the two guys who could actually hurt it were both inches from death. It's no wonder he ran like hell. "I am stronger now than I was then, so my bombs will hurt it, but Melech's flail is going to be key. Obadiah, you and Danu will need to keep him alive and out of the bone prisons while he and I try to bring it down." His eyebrows raise as he remembers another important detail. "Oh! The bone prison can squish. You really don't want to get bone prisoned."
Ulysses has been dreading speaking up about this, but he can't just pretend he doesn't know. He clears his throat. "I, um. Yes. I have been there. I can take us there." He looks up at Melech. "I'm afraid we're going to need him there a lot more than we have here. Um. No offense."
Not much (besides the obvious) scares Ulysses, but the prospect of dying while reading -- after having survived all that they've endured to get to this place -- is simply too much for Ulysses. He, for one, plans to take the phrase 'abundance of caution' to its logical conclusion. He won't be tempting fate here today.
Ulysses has already forgotten about the miracle he performed to gain them this degree of attention. After all the death and strife they have seen, to be doted after and listened to with rapt attention is literally the greatest thing that could have happened to Ulysses. He greedily eats every exotic food that is placed before him (and some that are placed before others), telling the stories of their deeds in between bites. As his audience gets drunker, they become even more encouraging, and before he knows it, he is standing atop the table, animatedly describing how Nebta-Khufre magically panicked almost everyone in their group, spelling certain doom for the party (and Wati), but Obadiah's powerful protections against fear saved the day. And then Danu literally scared Nebta-Khufre to death, turning his own weaponized fear against him. Eventually he runs out of story to tell and sits back in his seat. Worried that this will mean the other guests will turn their attentions elsewhere, he blurts out, "Does anyone want to meet my tumor monkey?"
Ulysses smiles and hopes that they're getting a lot of RP bonuses.
Ulysses blacks out as he feels some external force briefly take over his actions. When he comes to after Obadiah finishes speaking, he doesn't know what he did, but he somehow knows that it was exactly the right thing to do to impress Muminofrah.
Ulysses completes the trifecta of utter magnanimity, but then worries that they've wasted their rolls on the rabble when they're really going to need them later...
"We need to talk to Muminofrah. She outranks Deka."
"My mummy rot got better. And Danu here is a master researcher. She found what we needed in only 2 days! We'll be in and out and will leave everything like we found it."
Ulysses interrupts. "Yeah! Have you ever had a funeral mask try to take over your brain? It's scary!" At Obadiah's reproachful look, he squeaks out a "Sorry," and takes a step back.
You wouldn't think it was possible for a 3"2', 42 lb. gnome to support a 6"2', 215 lb. human (especially when that human is so blacked out that he is basically dead weight), but somehow Ulysses manages to get Melech's drunk ass into bed. On the way to his own room, he stops by to let Obadiah know that he should probably prepare lesser restoration for tomorrow's inevitable hangovers.
Ulysses nearly jumps for joy. "Yes! There is a Watian arak that I have been dying to try! To the tavern! Danu?"
Ulysses stands on his tiptoes to see over the desk. "He's right. It was bad. I got mummy rot! You do not want to get mummy rot." He shudders. "We are just trying to help."
"Huh. Was Hakotep a Shory?"
Ulysses laughs and claps his hands together when the gloves resize. He knew that they would, but it is still a delight to see them shrink down so small of their own accord. "I'm glad you like them! Every day I will fill each of them with one of my infusions. If we get into any trouble, I want you to drop down and poke me with those tiny needles on the fingers, okay? Don't worry, it won't hurt me." He looks at Leopold's tiny face and marvels again at how expressive it is. But then he frowns. "But don't risk yourself to do it! If you get hurt, I want you to jump right back onto me. It will heal you up."
Ulysses rushes the others to the inn, while trying to not seem like he's rushing the others to the inn. Once they have their rooms, he excuses himself, heads to the room, and locks himself in. He plops down on the floor, pulls out his new poisoner's gloves, and says, "Leopold! I have a surprise for you!"
Ulysses has a better day than Melech. Book learning isn't normally his thing, but it is a nice change of pace after several weeks of almost dying. He can tell he won't be able to stand doing this for very long, but the first day is actually kind of fun. Osirian history is fascinating.
After acquiring the poisoner's gloves, Ulysses wants to retire to an inn immediately so he can try them out with Leopold, but he knows they are here for a reason and resists the urge. He will have his chance soon enough. Besides, he can't prepare more extracts until tomorrow anyway.
"Don't look at me. I'm a chemist."
Ulysses can't take his eyes off the funerary mask the entire time that Sebti is talking. When she sets it on the desk and says that they should take it, it takes all of his willpower not to snatch it immediately. He waits, holding his breath and feeling the blood rise in his cheeks, until it seems like she is done talking, then he steps forward, grabs the mask, and puts it in his pack. He doesn't even look at the purses.
Melech says something and then, after a few seconds of silence, Ulysses realizes that everyone is looking at him. Did Melech ask him a question? He looks up. "What?" Before Melech can repeat himself, Ulysses's brain catches up and finally hears what Melech said. "Oh. Oh, yes, of course." What Melech doesn't know is that the script has been fully flipped; Ulysses will follow Melech wherever he goes. How could he not? His life was so boring before he met Melech. And their two new friends have turned out to be quite intriguing as well. He notices that everyone else are still looking at him expectantly. "Yes. Yes, I'm in."
After a few days' rest recovering from his brush with mummy rot, Ulysses dives into his new book about hobgoblin alchemy. Devious creatures, hobgoblins; he doesn't think he'd necessarily want to be friends with one, but he had heard they have a way to make his fire bombs even more potent, and... well, dog with a bone and all that. After a few hours reading, he thinks he is ready to give it a try. "Leopold? Fancy a bit of chemistry?" The weird little monkey schlorps off of Ulysses's stomach, gives the gnome a thumbs up, and they go to work. Ulysses downs one of the crafter's fortune extracts he'd prepared earlier, then dives in on his first attempt at creating unstable accelerants.
The next morning, Ulysses doesn't feel any worse, but the drained feeling from yesterday still lingers. And the blackening, dessicating skin on the backs of his hands is... well, it's alarming.
Ulysses visits Obadiah before they all turn in for the night. His normally unflappable demeanor is flapped. "I... uh. I feel terrible."
"Flying dude has fire resistance!" Ulysses tries to deftly move away from the mummy so he doesn't get smacked again.
Then he throws a bomb at mummy #2, hoping that it doesn't also have the fire resistance.
Ulysses moves up to the edge of the room and throws a long-distance bomb at Nebta-Khufre.
Ulysses downs his final shield extract for the day.
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