Jackie had entered a nightmare. She had expected it to be bad... the sheer emotional abuse of the interview, the brutalness of the boot camp. All of this was what she had thought it would be... and more. It was so much worse.
And that wasn't the true worst of it. They were all kids... 'civilian' was in the definition. Even those that thought they were hardly military material... what does a kid know, really? But all the questions, all the forethought... it didn't help Jackie.
The deaths were the worst. The sight of someone, someone who was, who could have been a real friend, puking out their own guts. Of the sudden deaths, inexplicable. Of waiting to suddenly be torn in half by gods know what.
Even the other students were no refuge. If she befriended someone, would she see their face melt off onto the floor? If she was closer to someone, would she find them attacking her, turning mad and needing to be shot?
And what was going to happen to her? It was the waiting, not knowing.
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Swimming was distracting. It felt safe. Thrusting and kicking through the water, everyone and everything far away. Maybe if something mis-worked in her Threading, it wouldn't just kill her if she was in the water. Or maybe she just wouldn't leave behind a mess.
Swimming slowly. Feeling frustrated, she dove below. Breathing in. She swum. Hard, fast, as hard as she could. Gliding through the water. Easily. She almost forgot her troubles like this. She certainly didn't see the other end of the pool.
CRAK.
"glbhfsvck!" She shot up slowly, crawling up the side, fumbling at the edge of the pool, blood from her broken nose making a mess of her face. She heard shouting. She certainly had the self-control to lay there, a half-drowned-brunette rat coughing and sputtering, the world dizzy. It was obviously the world that was dizzy. It was grabbing her, grabbing her wrists. Unfair. She couldn't get hair out of her face, or stop heaving and trying to lose a lung of air.
Staying still, horking, miserable and still even if she wasn't miserable. Hacking, trying to toss up the water she swallowed. She didn't care to fight, wouldn't have to begin with. It felt good for all of a quarter second until her face met tile. She'd have settled for a victory cake.