MasterOfWar's page

First glance, without reading comments- Terrible.
Second glance, without reading comments- I love the side view and the way this is laid out.

The Good-

Tiered + water + secret library = epic

Extremely creative and bold

The Bad-

First impressions count and the coloration threw me off.

Needs a bit of polishing

Honestly, one of my favorite maps and I really hope you make it so I can see what you come up with!

The outer...whatever...reminds me of the Manmolds from the adventure "The Harrowing." There a level of similarity that is striking. It's not an exact duplicate, but I suspect the core concept was lifted.

The Good-

Beautiful, well drawn, and with a an outer section that could present some fun things if trapped.

Great location to choose

The Bad-

Stairs down- how far down?

Outer wall seems heavily inspired by, if not derived from, a published adventure.

Speaking of, in an age of magic, what's the point in the outer structure at all? Without the height given I'll assume it's 15 feet tall, and thus, easily surmounted even without a 2nd level spell. A grappling hook would do the trick nicely.

Confusing use of colors- don't use the same color for doors as you do for the area with pillars.

Overall I'm disappointed as there could be so much going on in this map

Another 8-bit NES map. Lacking charm and any detail.

Harbor is massive. If they're doing that much shipping the city should reflect that level of wealth and commerce- even if the city is fading in wealth and importance it's not like the old buildings would have disappeared.

Points for thinking of defense at least.

Rich atmosphere but yeah, at first I thought there wasn't a grid used at all.

The Good-

Love the detail, the varied levels and tactical opportunities presented here.

Cockatrice enclosure.

Giant hovering sphere!

The Bad-

Grid not really visible in many places

Tyrant's Tower- That sounds awesome...wait...nothing...

Giant hovering sphere...?

Barracks are a bit small to my mind

So....this has the most potential of any map I've seen so far, but there are some serious underlying flaws. That said, I'd like to see what you come up with for the next round so I may vote for you.

Odd map insofar as there are things I really like about it and things I really dislike.

The Good-

Varied areas for combat- the two areas of the ship that are above water, the area of the ship in shallow water, deep water, platforms and especially the zip lines all make for what could be an exciting and highly mobile encounter....especially if fires start breaking out.

The Bad-

I'm probably going to get a reputation for this but what kind of ship is this? Two-masted ships in the Western style, as this is, were Brigs or Brigantines. Brigantines usually topped out at 100 feet, whereas Brigs could get to this size, but didn't have the raised decks in the bow and stern.

The lines aren't crisp where they should be- like on the boat. If there's structural damage you could indicate weak areas on the map key.

Overall I am not voting for this map, though I see exceptional potential in the concept for an high-action fight!

One of my favorite maps!

The Good- Extremely well thought-out and executed
As with Charlie Bell's map the overall design is elegant and symbolic in a way that I think a Dwarf would go for.

I can see myself living here- it has everything you could want.

Most of the layout is logical and fits with a stronghold

The Bad- Um....the handle of the axes in the floor aren't perfectly straight? I'm going to have to nitpick here.

Why does the dumbwaiter come out right beside the stairs and not in the main dinning room?

I feel like the sarcophagus could use some more information, like who is in it. If the titular heroine built this, did she have a sarcophagus made for herself? Maybe an esteemed ancestor?

Is this a stronghold or a redoubt? A stronghold is a permanent fortification- which this appears to be. A Redoubt is either a temporary fortification- the type Roman soldiers built before camping each night- or a place within a stronghold where you make a final stand.

I'm guessing a stronghold. I would have liked to see more real defenses in place- traps are all well and good, but where are the barricades, murder holes, and so on?

The Confusing-

Was this stronghold abandoned or is it active? If it was overrun by enemies I'd expect there to be broken barricades and looting (ax in display case still present, so no looting). If it's active, why are there Haunts?

What I'm getting is the place was overrun, the Lady killed, but enough of her followers survived to make the sarcophagus, though despite dying in battle and winning she became a Haunt.

I think several more Haunts would have added a lot to this and helped tell the story better.

Wow, so when I decide to be nitpicking I type a lot more. I want to reiterate that this is an epic map, has my vote, and I want you to advance!

Everyone else has noted these things but..

The Good- Interesting concept. I do like the idea of tidal conditions being used in combat - perhaps in an area with very high/low tides that, for X magical reason, change much more frequently or rapidly than normal. That said, this is the town sinking and not about tides....

I do like the varied terrain with solid land, water of varying depths and stable platforms.

I would use a variation of this as a fun challenge for players who forget that most of the world is water. Seriously, swim is an important skill.

The Bad- It's simplistic compared to 8-bit NES games.

Nothing really dynamic about it. I got really excited thinking about tides but nope, just the town is sinking.

It's just boring I guess.

I'm sorry, but I am definitely not in favor of this map.

I like this map, especially for the artistic nature of it.

The Good- From a tactical perspective I appreciate that there are areas for large creatures, but also areas that medium and small creatures could use to their advantage in a fight. The river presents some interesting opportunities like rock falls given the implied steep nature of the rock surrounding it - I envision almost a canyon.

The Bad- I do think it could the scale should be larger- I know that cuts into the level of detail but with something this bit I want a sense of vastness that isn't present with 10' squares- meaning the width is about a football field.

That's a point I hadn't considered- the shape of the mouth. As usual with me I did some research.

This would have to be a stratovolcano given it's size.

The shafts of volcanoes are often fairly circular until they hit the top where lava builds up and cools and makes them very irregular.

However, some avoid this, like the Niragongo Crater. Also of note, volcanic lakes, like Kelimutu crater lake, and the "moon lake" of the Greater Hinggan Mountains. I chose those as they're good examples and on three different continents.

I'm going to operate under one of two assumptions because, as previously mentioned, this is my favorite map and I want to see more shiny things like this.

First, we all know Dwarves are OCD so they just carved it to be a perfect circle where they could.

Alternatively, the grid-pattern doesn't allow for the minor irregularities to be shown in great detail.

Best map I've seen so far, by a long shot. You've got my vote!

I'm going to copy Crystal's style for this.

The Good:

-Subtle Hammer/Axe motif in the layout
-Fits with Dwarven culture both with the above and in the utilitarian nature of the building.
-Excellent attention to detail and use of space
-Volcanic Shaft- "Oh, your city uses torches at nice? That's cool. We use a volcano."
-Creative use of space- 3 levels is a great way to avoid what appears to be nearly universal otherwise- the single level map (well, there's one that has tiers at least).
-Of all the vaults/crypts/tombs we're seeing this is really the only one that has any depth to it. The rest just seem...."Ancient X of Y abandoned/inhabited by Z."
-Well drawn and easy to comprehend/envision with a logical key

The Bad:
-As noted it's not jumping out as "HEY I'M TOTALLY NEW!!" Though then again, I feel like if we keep rewarding people for totally new ideas we just push the boundaries of the game farther and farther and start introducing really silly things. So, maybe sticking with the classics isn't a bad thing.

This is my #1 pick!

This was my favorite item in the entire line-up.

Like Owen, I love the dichotomy of the traditionally humble item with all the gold and jewels. Reminds me of the Catholic Church- Bishops tend towards stylized crooks, some of which are this ornate.

I actually voted against almost every staff due to the nature of them....even a tightly themed selection of spells is just too....meh...something an adventurer could commission on their own so why bother? The unique mechanic here and potential for all kinds of creative uses made this stand out brilliantly.

I've noticed several people have mentioned pricing and I'll openly admit that I have no idea how to price such items, but for what it does an the potential uses, I can see this being fair for what you get.

As far as the uses I've imagined for it, well.....

My DM is going to hate you.

I've been playing RPGs for a long time and always found crafting enjoyable. My previous long-term character was a Wizard who crafted a lot and I got to be very creative with it.

I'm at a stage in life where I have just enough free time to have fun and do something like this, and that if I win, unlikely as that is, I would be able to do something with the contract.

Plus, it's a fun way to be creative and the contest is always a blast from the outside.

I'm new to submitting to the contest

I'm a huge fan of this.

First it's a useful creature. A lot of people try to go over the top and make things that are awesome, but frankly you're not going to get a lot of fun out of. This, well, I could run an amazing game session with just these. This is in part due to the Brachiator special ability. Nothing's more fun then having a party realize the bad guys have cover, are not going to be easily engaged in melee, and are surrounded by things that fireballs would ignite, much like the party. Forest fires make for great entertainment. Though I tend to picture these in larger numbers, hurling barrage after barrage of sticks at the party as they scamper through the tree tops.

As the others have mentioned it comes from a mythical creature and, like many gamers, I enjoy that aspect of it. The name is unique, but recalls something vaguely familiar, which I think adds to the atmosphere.

I admit this is weaker than your other entries, but hey, it's still a great idea and I for one really want to see what else you can come up with.

I highly recommend this to advance.

Micman- thanks for the clarification. Though I'm a bit disappointed that there's no way to combine Wizard and Rogue levels for purposes of spellcasting.

Kradlum raises a great point - the objective of the encounter is to save two of the NPCs, which adds significant difficultly to any situation. The PCs know the NPCs are in the area, which should have limited their ability to use things like lightning bolts, for fear of causing what happened - blasting one of the vital NPCs.

One question to Micman- How does a Rogue 6/Wizard 1 cast lighting bolt? I'm more of a 3.5 guy than a Pathfinder- is there something I'm missing that allows this? It seems a bit overpowered.

I really enjoy having something I have to do other than "kill bad guys," which is one of the things I love so much about this encounter- it's brilliant on several levels and has a lot of depth, and could be expanded in several ways.

Anthony- Love Map Fu.

Burying the bones doesn't have to occur in the middle of the fight- there's always something you have to do with haunts to make them go away forever, but you can neutralize them for a while in the usual way. It's not an immediate combat threat, it's more of a week later the PCs go "Hey, why are the lights back on in the villa? I thought we got rid of the ghosts..."

Alright. I've read through all the entries and many of the comments and I find it interesting that the judges seem to be generally leaving negative feedback, with only a couple recommending entries forward and the expected differences of opinion. My group got together and played through several of the encounters, yours included, and I'm basing my comments on what we experienced.

I'm a huge fan of everything you've done thus far and really think you deserve to win. While this entry wasn't your best (the twisted-fae is my favorite), it's still well thought out and capably executed. I've seen enough experienced professionals produce crap to say that if this is the worst you're going to do, you're Gary reborn.

1st- The visual element. While not as ornate as many battle maps I've seen, I do appreciate the clear-cut, understandable layout. The use of numbers, the map key, and everything are extremely well done and my group had no problem understanding everything once the encounter was over and it was revealed. My DM, the god of battle maps himself, is used to more ornate maps, but appreciated the ease of use and accessibility your map offers - not every DM is experienced enough to handle some of the more complex maps presented by others.

2nd- The set up- I LOVE revolutions/insurgencies and the plot- the PCs working with the rebellion- immediately had my attention. It's great, adds some confusion to the fight and honestly you had my support on the spot. It's a variations from the standard "Go here, collect this, kill these, return" hack-and-slash dungeon crawl that requires a great deal of intelligence and role-playing and I'm impressed by your utilizing this. It may not appeal to everyone, but to history/warfare buffs/professionals, its a big draw.

3rd- The bad guys- I really enjoy your monsters and the unique twist you seem to bring to the table, and the Baron in this is another example of such. I play a well-dressed wizard who is of minor noble blood and was targeted by the Baron, which confused me as the larger threat was arguably our Cleric. Afterwards the reason for this was made clear, but to experienced gamers throwing a twist like that keeps the game interesting (come'on, who hasn't slaughtered at least 50 ghosts on here? If you don't make them unique, they're boring), and for new gamers it keeps the game full of wonder and excitement (remember way back before we all had memorized the Monster Manual?). So, major points on that. The confusion caused- the two ladies arrive, ruffians in pursuit of them, the PCs in pursuit of ruffians, ghosts already there and generally hating everyone- was genius. In our play-through we were confused, I was for pulling back, others for destroying everything and the paranoid cleric who thought our friends were witches who summoned the ghosts and demanded we burn them immediately. Cue Monty Python Witch scene. The deliberate confusion to the PCs played out brilliantly, making what could have been a much easier encounter and making it more difficult by far. Our DM had no problems running the bad guys and keeping track of everything. So, props there as well.

4th- How it played out. Most importantly we, the PCs, won. That's always a plus. What makes it better is that it wasn't an easy victory, and we were still paranoid and frightened at the end, searching the grounds for more monsters, jumping at anything, etc. The fight was exciting and one of the best I've played through in a long time.

5th- Criticisms- The map could have been larger, though I'm assuming out buildings were totally burned down in the fire it would have been good to leave the foundations of them around, and expand the main buildings a bit. Still, I don't have as many issues with the size as some of the others.

There were editing problems, though as someone who has played through Gary's "Hall of Many Panes," I'm used to far worse from the creator himself, so it's not a huge deal.

The variant Ghost should have probably been a higher CR, though since it engages the ruffians as well the sheer opposition to it makes it easier than if it had been a standard ghost fighting a standard party, and as this variant is significantly weaker than a standard ghost, I can see lowering the CR to a 3 or 4.

6th- Summary- While there were some slight issues with this encounter, I believe that when its actually played through those problems are completely redeemed by the talent you've continued to exhibit throughout this contest. The twists, ingenuity, design and overall conception make this one of my favorite entries. When considered with the other amazing ideas you've brought to the table which have kept you consistently in the top (according to comments at least), I can tell you have a tremendous amount to offer Paizo and it would be a shame if you were not hired.

I strongly recommend this entry.

I agree with Raza- the versatility you've consistently brought with every entry is impressive and leaves the GM with a wide range of options. Of all the entries, this is by far my favorite.

I'm a much bigger fan of giving GM's general guide lines and the tools to do things on their own, with a lot of room to adapt, than I am the very story/plot/situation-driven monsters many others have presented. This could be a plot driving element, or it could be just something that the party hears about when they stop in a random village one night, and they might decide to do something or they might not, either having a possible plot impact.

The creature itself is unique and, as many have pointed out, lends a creepy aspect to the game that's not normally present. It also explains why all the villages in old horror movies are ugly- this thing drained their charisma.

On that note, Kirth brings up a really good point- too often in Pathfinder/D&D is charisma treated as a dump stat by most classes. The importance of charisma is directly linked to good role-playing- if you lose charisma, you're losing your looks, your social skills, your patience, and to some degree your will power/presence. The added rping after the fight when the once charming rogue is now at a severe penalty makes this worth voting for by itself!

As for the grammar debate on the use of "them" instead of "he/she," well, if that's the worst thing people can say about this entry, than let's all just vote for it.

In practical application, or rather, in game, most organizations are plot devices, so I find that criticism to be along the lines of "It's not like everything else so we don't like it."

Personally, as a long time gamer who enjoys both strategic campaigns full of political intrigue and hack-n-slash, I think this group offers a huge amount. First and foremost, the PCs could be unknowing dupes helping out of a desire to do good, finding out the truth and coming to terms with it, or they could know and try to fight against it- now imagine trying to do that, a group of hardened adventurers attacking a beautiful young singer and her choir claiming they're demons. How is general populace going to react? Torch-wielding peasant mob. Now the PCs are on the run and hunted. The possibilities of this kind of organization are endless, and I applaud the creator for coming up with something unique.

Another clever aspect is that the idea, while sturdy and able to stand on its own, leaves enough open that any DM worth their dice can expand upon it. Is it just the lust the choir inspires that they're after? What about that universal motivator- cash from donations? Perhaps the primary goal is corrupting Clerics & Paladins? Monsters on Maple Street, anyone?

Overall I'm a huge fan of the seemingly good organizations being well and truly evil and using the purity facade to dupe the masses. I think its a universal theme that everyone can relate to.

So, this needs to be voted onward and upward!