Karatorian's page

I kinda like this, but I'm torn. You've got a good idea, which is a set piece battle on a gnomish flying deathtrap. Sounds like fun. The execution is a bit flawed though.

At first glance, I looked at the map and thought "Hey, Spelljammer, this could be fun." Then the judges came down on it hard and I was starting to think that it didn't really belong in Paizo's world. But then it was pointed out that the dragon airship actually came from one of Paizo's own sourcebooks, so you get a break there.

The main issue is actually the villain himself. I'm still at a loss to explain what a vampire wants a flying ship for anyway. But seeing as we've only go a glimpse at the wider plot, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt there. But when an undead (apparently a noble one too) wants a flying ship, a gnomish deathtrap isn't the ship he wants.

So either you needed a different flying ship, or different bad guy to fight on it. As I actually think the whole thing works better at lower levels (where the PCs are less likely to have flight themselves), dropping the vampire angle looks good.

If really attached to the VonTeado family, you should have used an airship powered by pure elemental evil, not high-test acid. I don't know what a full vehicle stat block would have cost you in word count, but I think you could have squeezed it in by tightening up some of your other bits. (Plus, it would give a GM with the vehicles rules some more guidance on running the encounter, which is good, because it looks kinda complex.)

The other big issue is that your deathtrap looks to be too effective. It's just brimming with TPK. Yes, I know 20d6 is terminal velocity falling damage. It's still not nice to drop that sort of threat on low level PCs. The explosion on top of that is just crazy. It seems like you're trying to ensure that nobody short of epic can survive a crash landing on this thing. Seems kinda pointless. (Thought I suppose a pretty explosion as it goes down has cinematic value.)

More likely, you're trying to ensure that, no matter what, the ship is utterly destroyed. Seems kinda mean to dangle something like that in front of the PCs and then blow it up. The PCs are gonna want the airship. If letting them have it derails your campaign, then this scenario is all wrong.

And altogether I think the whole thing feels railroaded. To get to the fun bit, you have to chase the vampire onto the ship. If you try to deal with him in some other way, it all falls apart and you get the boring bits. (And you do have to chase him, you can't sneak around. Otherwise I don't see the hasty take-off with unsecured "fuel" happening.)

Once you're on the ship, it's a round by round clock to fiery death. Kill one of the gnomes and it's even worse. Seriously, they've got no backup what so ever? There's a strong motivation to kill at least a couple to make the others "straighten up and fly right." Once that happens, every has to abandon ship or die. It doesn't matter if you're a tinker gnome with max ranks in Pilot (Spelljammer, um I mean, Airship), you can't even try to soften the blow.

I think the parachutes is a little too real world for the sort of fantasy Paizo produces. Sure, they'd work and avoid the TPK, but the players would either have to use out-of-game knowledge to use them (which I can't say I'd blame them for, as you've forced the issue) or wait for the gnomes to jump ship and hope they can do the same. Also, you've neglected all the rules the GM is gonna' have to make up on the fly to use them. One shot feather fall items (even if already used by Ebberon) for the same effect makes more sense.

If it seems like I've come down really hard on you, it's just because you've managed to come up with an idea I liked enough to pick apart.

Nobody cares about your opinion; get back to the Worldwound or Abyss or whatever pit you crawled out of!

Actually, I care. While on the surface appearing to make a complete mockery of the contest, (and being hilarious while doing so), these reviews actually ask some pointed questions. Questions such as: "What good is this for a socially oriented character?", "An evil character?", "A really high level character?", Etc. Then again, they say that if you explain the joke, it's not funny. So maybe I shoulda' kept quiet.

I didn't manage to read through everything in time to vote, but if I had, you definitely would have gotten it.

The Map

The map alone was a huge factor. Not so much the map's execution (which was also good), but the sheer amount of flavor coming from all the little hints as to what else is in store.

The side view of the dungeon is especially nice, even before one reads the evocative names. One look as a potential DM, and I think, hey, that's a cool dungeon. It strikes a delicate balance. It's not flashy in some gonzo way, but it's not a boring hole in the ground either.

You can tell at a glance this thing is massive. Additionally, it's not just a stack of dungeon levels on top of each other. The mostly solid space with small passages between rooms kinda' reminds me of the cross section of an Egyptian pyramid, which is about perfect, considering it's a tomb.

I also like how the map shows the whole level, with enough detail to use it. A lot of the other maps used much of their page space for overview stuff that's not tactically useful. With yours the GM still has a combat grid if the PCs do something unexpected. (i.e. trying to leave the room in the middle of the fight, or do some stealthy recon.)

The Backstory

I love the Gloomspires. If someone was so inclined, they could have a whole campaign exploring these things. While it looks like you did your homework slotting them into Paizo's world (but I didn't bother checking), what matters more to me is that I can drop these babies off the coast of anywhere and they work just fine. I also actually like the hand-wavy original origin of them. If I where to use them in my personal world, I already know who built them. Thanks for that.

Now onto Eightfingers himself. Nice pirate name there. I'm honestly curious as to which eight fingers he still has. And how he lost them. I'm rooting for congenital defect, 'cause I think that's just creepy, but it's probably more mundane.

The basic story of a pirate who buries all his treasure is classic. Not terribly original, but sure to tweak the interest of both kill-happy loot-seekers and more serious role players. Buries himself also? Now, that is original. Good stuff.

Hrethnar's background is deliciously evil as well. It makes it sounds like he deserves his fate, which is good for getting the DM into the BBEG's head. If the PCs find it out, it also serves as a preview of Eigthfinger's wrath should they fail.

The Encounter

I didn't run it, so my evaluation of this could be a bit off, but it looks good to me. The formatting and organization seems pretty professional. I'm also impressed that you put in a full stat block, given the word limit. I suspect this is because you can write tight and flavorful prose, which frees you from the constraints of the word limits.

A lot of people have mentioned that the skeletons are push overs, and it's probably true. However, I like the surprise attack. Timed properly, they might be a good distraction before being destroyed. Besides, it sounds like the upper levels aren't exactly a walk in the park, so how much channeling has the (inevitable, I suppose) cleric gonna have left? And still save some for the rest of the level and the BBEG? (And I don't think one wants to spend the night here.)

Additionally, I get the impression that Hrethnar is a mini-boss. So the dungeon as a whole might be Lv5 an this is actually a CR+1 encounter. At the CR9 level though, I do think the individual creatures are getting too weak to be relevant. Then again, more bang from the improved necklace may just do the trick.

Speaking of which, the fireballs are an especially nice touch. I love how it takes the common PC tactic of spamming AoEs at everything that moves and uses it on them. Also, being a bog mummy allows Hrethnar some latitude to fire some (of the weaker ones) up close if need be.

As for whether the vampire spawn are justified or not, I guess I'm pretty easy. You can stock the undead pirate's tomb with whatever undead you want and I probably won't mind. Even if he's not personally a vampire (unknown, but unlikely), or doesn't keep one handy (as some have speculated the high tier version does), he's probably had some kind of interaction with one at some point in his three centuries.

Finally, the hazardous terrain and the layout of room, especially the long chain ladder add even more appeal.

Oh, now I get it! It's all a clever ruse to court the Succubi vote. I'm not sure if that'll be enough to save it though.

One thing I noticed is that it produces natural sunlight and recharges in natural sunlight. So, six of these, timed properly, could recharge as many others as you can squeeze into the area of effect. (It must be my inner Johnny (M:tG slang for a combo-player) that spotted this.)

I don't think it's particularly abuse-able by a single character or party, but a large organization (perhaps one who manufactures them) could exploit this to recharge them even in completely dark environs. Fun.

A sun blade should also work as a recharging system. An intelligent one (special purpose -- slay vampires) which could activate it's sunlight power on it's own would work best (and make a interesting NPC).