Joseph Valoren's page

All perfectly cromulent words, no doubt.

Well either you haven't run into a couple of these items yet, or your vocabulary is in the upper echelon of Mensa. Seriously.

If its a word that you don't see when reading even the most complex of fantasy novels or even high end literature, then it probably is a word that doesn't belong in this particular contest.

I've also seen made up words within the mechanics of an item.

Maybe I just haven't seen the item(s) in question, then, because I'm neither that smart nor that well-read.

I said something above, and I want to clarify: I don't think a person should be penalized for using the right word simply for the reason that the reader doesn't know it. Made-up words, and words that are deliberately selected for being ostentatious or rare when there exist equally useful analogs, should be avoided, and on that I think we can all agree. I just also advocate raising the bar of readers' vocabulary whenever it's reasonably practical.

Did they use the RIGHT word? Words have subtleties to them and they can invoke various imagry and connotations when used properly. Sometimes an obscure word is perfect...sometimes a simpler one carries more weight.

This. I'm no advocate for using big words simply because they're big, but if the right word for the job is a more esoteric one, you do yourself and your reader a disservice by dumbing down your language.

There is, of course, also a point where one is making a piece qualitatively more difficult to read by virtue of the language one selects. I think you can make a compelling case for showboating when that happens, but that loses points from me more for being hostile to the reader as an overall work than for poor word selection.

When writing technical documentation, we aim for a grade 5 reading level. When writing game mechanics, the designers seem to write in a similar concise style.

That's simply not accurate. Technical documentation is not hobby fantasy roleplay mechanics. The former has to be understood by any layperson on the project, the latter by an in-group of dedicated hobbyists.

"No apologies for the language in Dungeon. Part of the joy of this hobby is reading, and part of the joy of reading is learning new words." - Erik Mona

If I don’t understand your item without having to look up several words, then I believe for a contest like this, you were trying too hard (or just trying to make yourself look smart.) Either way, bad idea in my mind.

You can vouch for your own vocabulary, but can you vouch for everyone else's? What exactly is the line regarding whether a contestant is "trying too hard"? Is it when you don't know the word? Because I haven't encountered any words I haven't known, yet. What if someone whose vocabulary isn't as expansive as yours saw your entry and downvoted it because they couldn't understand a given word without looking it up? At what point does the responsibility fall on the reader?

"I'm tired of voting and don't want to have to look up words that I don't already know" is a lazy, fatuous reason to downvote. Vote less or read more.

I disagree with all of you.

When I started gaming, I was eleven. There were many words I was introduced to for the first time via gaming books, and I had to look them up, process them, and understand them before I could really grasp the underlying concepts they represented. When I started playing old World of Darkness games at around fourteen, that presented even more extreme challenges.

Many of the words that are traded on in gaming fairly liberally are still mystifying to people outside of the fandom or gamer communities. But tabletop gaming is a reading-intensive hobby that requires being introduced to a massive lexicon of words that don't enter the average citizen's vernacular. The same could be said of many hobbies, but gaming, especially, by virtue of the breadth of words dedicated to its creation, demands an expansive vocabulary. Not to punish or keep out those who don't understand, but to give them a compelling reason to learn.

If we stop raising the bar of the understanding of the young and the newest additions to the hobby by insisting we create a dialog using only the words they can easily understand as a child, we do them a disservice by depriving them of the educational benefits of gaming, and we do ourselves a disservice by gutting one of the most positive, beneficial side effects of the hobby.

Edit: Almost all of you. Big ups, Raphael.

Also useful advice, if you think you have a chance at Top 32, arrange to be able to get time off work. I find I need time in big blocks to really get the brain focusing on a piece of work.

There is zero chance I can afford to do that. Missing a day of work means not being able to pay my bills. I'm sure a lot of my fellow contestants are in similar situations.

In other words, pressure can sometimes lead to your best work. [...] There's nothing wrong with writing a quick draft under a tighter, self-imposed deadline...then leaving your work alone for awhile...and finally coming back to edit it with fresh eyes after your subconscious has continued working on it while you were away. As long as you can do something like that before you finally submit, your work will likely be stronger, more polished, and more effective.

Very much this, yes. Like I said a few posts back, I tend to work better under deadlines, but I don't mean to give the impression that I don't pay attention to a project until I'm under the proverbial gun.

Since the cull, I've jotted down ideas for eight archetypes, researched archetype models, done a lot of thinking about gaps in the existing lineup, written up model archetypes unconnected to this competition, and have been researching the River Kingdoms as best as I can with the materials I have. But I'm reticent to put anything down just yet. I know myself, and I know I'm prone to second-guessing my own decisions and frequently end up with something totally overwrought if I don't force myself to stop.

I think it's important, as a writer, to be able to walk away from a piece and call it finished. The best way for me to do that is to not give my own sense of doubt time enough to get its hooks into me.

As someone who's used to project-oriented work where the deadlines are sometimes "two months from now", sometimes "yesterday", I'd like to offer another way to look at it. I'm sure three days is enough to write a good archetype. But since the contestants were given the details of the archetype round several weeks in advance, it wouldn't make sense to not start working if you think you have even the slightest chance of advancing. (And even if you don't, writing archetypes is good practice.)

As Neil said, when working as a freelancer, the turnaround depends on the assignment. For this particular assignment, you got lots of time. This time around, you do have the luxury of polishing your work. There's nothing unprofessional about using the resources you're given.

I didn't mean to indicate that it was unprofessional to start writing your archetype now. Conversely, I don't think it's an especially realistic representation of actual turnaround as a contract writer. Your experience is similar to mine in terms of meeting varying deadlines for a variety of work, but speaking for myself, I've never been asked to produce so little work so far in advance.

That being said, again, I'm not disparaging anyone who's been working on their entry for a long time. It's just not how I prefer to work.

I think you've hit upon one of the great separators when it comes to working in this industry. Creativity gets you in the door. Professionalism establishes a lasting presence if you want to keep getting opportunities. [...] the professional polish and ability to hit your marks makes a big difference in demonstrating who's ready to go the distance. Not just to the final round of the contest, but long after when you're hopefully a trusted resource in a publisher's pool of freelance talent. Strive for that and you'll be on the right track.

Couldn't agree more, Neil. I'm far from perfect at this, but I'm thankful in retrospect for the years I spent writing ad copy for hire. It was in no way stimulating, but knowing your paycheck is on the line learns you some good habits right quick. A competition like this is a hell of a gut check, I imagine, especially in the later rounds. Thanks for the sage advice.

This is the approach I used and it worked out pretty well. You've just got to be very nimble in your design adaptation and quick with your turnaround speed. The good news is that my run only gave us 3 days to process each round's rules and turn in our next submission. You guys get at least a week now, I believe.

Honestly, I think I'd prefer the shorter turnaround time. My experience with fellow freelancers in the past has shown me that many of them - many of us - don't have the flexibility, adaptability, and discipline to meet a tight deadline. Whether or not one can is often a good indicator of whether they have the chops to work. Which doesn't indicate, necessarily, that anyone who can meet a deadline should work for Paizo, or write for Pathfinder. But creativity is a common commodity; professionalism is rare.

Anyway, for all I know I won't even break the Top 32, but it's heartening to hear from a former winner who adopted similar methods. Thanks!

I've got maybe a half dozen idea seeds, but I won't be developing any of them until the Round 1 victors are named.

Certainly I could be fine-tuning my Round 2 entry now, but it seems to me a little counter to the spirit of the competition to so thoroughly front-load my entry: for example, I don't expect that the folks who actually write these supplements have the luxury of fine-tuning a single archetype for a month before publication. Moreover, I tend to do my best work under a deadline, so I'm waiting, and jotting down any interesting flotsam that occurs to me while familiarizing myself with the River Kingdoms in the meantime.

Naturally I defer to the experience of people who have been in the Top 32 or better before, but what, really, is the functional purpose of cataloging every entry? Or even some?

It seems to me that ultimately, the only entrants worth watching are the ones who break the Top 32, and no amount of bookkeeping on your end is going to alter who that is.

I suppose all this collecting makes for a fun exercise if you have the time for it, but is there some strategic intent behind it that's eluding me?

If you didn't vote for either item, they can sometimes repeat. As I understand it, items don't really leave the "next" queue until they've been voted on.

You have a rather appropriate avatar then...

Hah! No, that's just me, all the time.

I've seen my item three times now. I don't really know how many items I've voted on, but I've done so for hours and hours over the last week, to the point that there are some entries I've literally seen more than twenty times. I haven't seen a new item in days. I think I might be done, honestly.

Yeah, good luck to everyone.

Especially me. But you guys, too. :)

My personal litmus test:

Have I had a character who would be excited to find this item in an adventure? Lots of characters or a select few?

Would that character actually use the item after finding it?

What if a character encountered and NPC using that item - would it impress me at all then?

Can I envision more than one situation in which the item might be interesting/useful?

I don't think that is the sum total of what is 'superstar' but it has helped steer me away from some of my more mundane ideas.

This is a good litmus test, and more or less how I function. This year I gave my gaming buddies a selection of three items and asked them which one I should submit. The one they selected was the one the Sorc asked if he could immediately start crafting for use in the game, so I take that as a good sign.

Either that, or my friends want a powerful item on the cheap and don't mind seeing me go down in flames to get it, haha.

Respek, mjp. I didn't hear a peep from my group until I sat them all down before our usual session over the weekend and gave them some good-natured grief about it. Thankfully, everyone had read my writeup and had some good and insightful things to say, but nobody seemed to want to type up a response. Perhaps you can use a similar combination of guilt and a lack of escape routes to effect a critique from your friends?

Being so much like a hat of disguise it should have had a bonus to disguise checks. The item also has to be able to read mind so an extent to know what to make the wearer look like. Detect Thoughts should have been on the spell list for requirements also. The flavor was nice, but the mechanics and originality were off.

I'll grant that perhaps a bonus to Disguise checks to hide one's national origin might have been apropos, but I opted to reflect that with an increased knowledge of the local area. If the bonus was to Disguise it would be a very narrow field of use; there's no real reason such an item would grant an across-the-board buff to that skill. A Chelish citizen passing himself off as a native of Andoran requires a level of sophistication that simply changing ones clothes doesn't really touch.

It doesn't have to read anyone's mind, though, and no, detect thoughts should not be a required component. The ability to mirror cultural cues doesn't require telepathy, and that's all the hat does, is make the wearer a better mirror of the social group around him.

Joseph,

I understand your feeling - I also did not make the cut and to some degree (initially) I felt the "point" of my submission was missed. But here's the thing - the item you (or anyone else) submit is not in your campaign with your players, with there nuiance and idea of play - the item you submit is relative to all of the other items of that price range in Pthfinder with similar mechanics. The job of the judges is to evaluate the items empirically in the context of other similar items, other submissions, and similar prices, and look at not how your games work - but how they could be abused would be used in any game including those not heavy on story and role play - it really does come down (to some degree) to, "what does this thing do mechanically" - is this developer creative, clear, concise, and innovative within the framework provided - and the judges have to looks at several hundreds of submissions and comment in a tight time frame - they can't really labor over a given submission. There were a lot of items selected that none of my characters would want, and most would never be part of my game, or would simply be sold/donated/destroyed - but that is function of my taste not necessarily a reflection on the quality of the item or the submission.

I hope you'll submit next year and continue to create you're own material.

I more or less said what you just said in my response to the judges, when they posted their critique of my item. Clearly, the item - or any piece to be incorporated into a game - has to be able to exist autonomously of qualifications, specifications, and narrative unique to the designer. That is apparent. If an element doesn't speak for itself in the space allotted, it's not functionally very useful except to the designer.

On the otra, you can find flaw in anything if you look hard enough. I understand the judges had hundreds of entries to pore over, I just feel some of the potential of my entry was overlooked, and that's a shame, because it's narratively that I believe it has the most power to amaze. I still stand by it, but I'll still be entering next year, if eligible.

Traveler's Cap
So, this is a hat of disguise that you don't control, and allows you to make knowledge checks. Not really exciting. Add to that that you missed commas in your price, and make a point to call out that it will change based on the gender of the wearer, you have a clear impression of someone who is trying, but hasn't quite hit their stride. Try to veer a little further away from existing items next time.

Okay, I appreciate the fact that you looked at my item, thought about it, and wrote down your impressions for my consideration. Having said that, I can't really take anything helpful away from your thoughts as I both disagree with them completely and feel you've completely missed the point.

No, it is not a hat of disguise that you don't control and allows you to make knowledge checks. Far too much emphasis was placed both by you and the judges on the numeric qualities of the item. It doesn't exist to give a skill buff; the buffs are seasoning, not meat. The item exists as a tool of cultural assimilation. What a hat of disguise does for one's appearance, a traveler's cap does for one's personality, speech, and body language. Making it a hat, and therefore mutually exclusive with its close cousin, was a conscious choice, not an error of cleaving too close to an existing item.

To tell a stranger, based on one (very small) submission that they have not "hit their stride" is supremely arrogant and ill-informed, by the way, and not appreciated. The very best you can say about my professional credentials is that by virtue of having entered this competition I don't have a cover credit on a published gaming book, and that is all. Your credentials do not entitle you to any source of wisdom and authority I couldn't claim, myself.

Joseph Valoren wrote:

I don't really think that's what I was going for, but the fact that you all interpreted it that way means something needs fixing. I guess I sort of put the central thrust of this one in the wrong direction. Having said that, I still stand behind the concept of this item. Thanks for the feedback.

Joseph, I like your item concept, and I really feel what you're saying here :) Boiled down to its mechanics, it's a somewhat uninteresting item, but I agree with you that the concept and theme are neat, and that the mechanics implement it well. In other words, I like it :)

I think for Superstar, though, you've pretty much gotta go for either unusual mechanics, or brilliant flavor (or better yet, both). I think that's basically where you fell down here - a "good enough for a book of magic items" type thing. I feel like maybe, with the contest as a goal, this item might be able to be punched up a bit, in one or both of those directions. I'll mull this over and see if I've got any concrete suggestions. And in the meantime, kudos on a cool idea :) Social interaction items are notoriously rough to shove into mechanics...

Thanks for the kind words, Standback. You've hit upon what I was trying to do rather elegantly, so thank you for that. My circles tend to involve a lot of social interaction, and I wanted to make something that was both useful out of combat and something that could be prized by people other than itinerant, grave-robbing, monster-slayers, and I confess it wasn't easy. My first (laughable) idea was simply a ring that was enchanted with a cantrip; incredibly useful, novel in that it was a low-level ring, and utterly boring and flavorless.

I was really hoping the concept would have a bit more punch than it did, but I can understand why it didn't; I run a pretty subdued game, with very low power creep. Not to say that those who got into the Top 32 are all bombastic toys - far from it - simply that I was already shooting a little low and off the mark from the beginning.

Thanks again for what you wrote, it really is appreciated.

Now, back to trying to make headway in the industry the slow and difficult way, until next year rolls around.

Joseph Valoren wrote:

Traveler's Cap

*They left out the item name in the body of their submission. And there's few other missteps in presentation.

*I don't care for the core idea of the item. The hat of disguise and some decent ranks in a handful of skills can pull off what this item is attempting to do anyway. It's just a variation of an existing item. Not Superstar.

*Vote to Reject.

*Agreed. A hat of diguise + some skill bonuses is not Superstar.

*Reject.

*Rejected.

I don't really think that's what I was going for, but the fact that you all interpreted it that way means something needs fixing. I guess I sort of put the central thrust of this one in the wrong direction. Having said that, I still stand behind the concept of this item. Thanks for the feedback.

Input appreciated.

Traveler's Cap
Aura faint illusion; CL 1st
Slot head; Price 2400gp; Weight –
Description
This simple, cloth cap always appears as a hat that is fashionable in the wearer's current location, and is appropriate to the sex of whoever wears it. The owner of this hat enjoys a unique advantage in that wherever she goes, she is perceived by the people of that place as a native, effortlessly blending in with whoever she is in the company of. A traveler's cap disguises a character's skin tone, clothing, voice, and body language, making them mirror those of the majority of people around them, and confers upon the wearer a +2 competency bonus on Bluff and Diplomacy checks where being a local would be advantageous, as well as a +2 competency bonus on Knowledge (local) checks. A traveler's cap allows a character to make a Knowledge (local) check untrained, but it does not confer the ability to speak another language or appear as a different race or sex. A traveler's cap takes its cues from the people around it; it mirrors the norms of the social class and homeland of the majority of people in its vicinity. Favored by spies, diplomats, and some wealthier traveling merchants, a traveler's cap even enables the wearer to pepper their speech with appropriate idioms and have an innate knowledge of rules of local etiquette.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, disguise self, vocal alteration; Cost 1200gp

That avatar, those words, it feels like I just crushed your world... *walks away feeling really guilty*

Not at all! My PC erroneously bought both for a campaign we just started, and someone in the group pointed out that having both was probably unnecessary. The GM asked me to float the idea here. Your input, in fact, saves me the money I spent on the Glamer enchantment, allowing me to reallocate it elsewhere. It's good news, promise!

I've always interpreted the "as part of the disguise" part of the Hat's description to mean that you still need a "disguise" in terms of clothing.

I didn't interpret it as such. The first sentence of the disguise self spell reads "You make yourself - including clothing, armor, weapons, and equipment - look different." In fact, you deliberately can replicate a specific guard's uniform, but the armor wouldn't clink, and if someone touched it, it wouldn't feel like anything other than whatever you were actually wearing. Explain your reasoning?

Fair enough. I was curious if anyone could think of any way to quantify the stacking of these two items, but it seems the easiest way to deal with it is to simply assume that the former makes the latter unnecessary. Thanks for the input.

The only issue with that is that I already have someone with a longsword (Pendragon, God of loyalty and generalship). So either I go for a pair of longswords or I switch one of them.

Far be it from me to tell you how to run your game, but I'd seriously consider cutting either Pendragon or Kal-El from the pantheon, or at least docking one down to the role of demi-god or lesser deity. It sounds like those two deities eclipse each other pretty thoroughly in terms of weapon, portfolio, possibly even alignment and description?

If you were to make Pendragon a lesser deity with a slightly more specified portfolio - maybe a LN deity of military tactics and nobility or something similar - the fact that both use longsword as their primary weapon becomes less of an issue.

The thing about favored weapon is that it doesn't have to be a literal choice. It's a stylistic one. Batman's favored weapons include martial arts, batarangs, and stun gas; would you make the god Bruswain's favored weapon a boomerang? That would be awful. Just go with something that feels right, something that says "Superman" even if Superman never used the thing.

For Superman to walk around with a medieval weapon would be anachronistic, but if it was my game, I'd call it longsword. The longsword is the staple weapon of fighting forces the world over. It represents strength, authority, and might. I think it's a good choice, but you should go with whatever feels right to you.

As for Oa? I'd go a little off the map with something like favored weapon; wand, or ray.

With both using Disguise Self there would be no benefit from using both items at the same time. The benefits do not stack with each other as a result.

If the Glamered Enchantment said it just mimicked the disguise self spell but limited it to clothing, it would be open and shut. The enchantment doesn't list anything about creating a disguise self effect, though. It just requires that spell as a component.

Is there any practical advantage to using both the Hat of Disguise and Armor with the Glamered enchantment? The exact wording on each:

Hat of Disguise:

This apparently normal hat allows its wearer to alter her appearance as with a disguise self spell. As part of the disguise, the hat can be changed to appear as a comb, ribbon, headband, cap, coif, hood, helmet, and so on.

Disguise Self:
You make yourself - including clothing, armor, weapons, and equipment - look different. You can seem 1 foot shorter or taller, thin, fat, or in between. You cannot change your creature type (although you can appear as another subtype). Otherwise, the extent of the apparent change is up to you. You could add or obscure a minor feature or look like an entirely different person or gender.

The spell does not provide the abilities or mannerisms of the chosen form, nor does it alter the perceived tactile (touch) or audible (sound) properties of you or your equipment. If you use this spell to create a disguise, you get a +10 bonus on the Disguise check. A creature that interacts with the glamer gets a Will save to recognize it as an illusion.

Glamered Enchantment:

Upon command, a suit of glamered armor changes shape and appearance to assume the form of a normal set of clothing. The armor retains all its properties (including weight) when it is so disguised. Only a true seeing spell or similar magic reveals the true nature of the armor when disguised.

Both items use disguise self as a base component for item creation, but the wording of each item is a little vague. Could anyone make a reasonable case for there being a functional difference in how these two items operate, or any possible situational or numerical bonus for stacking them?

Usually, unless you have a table of newbies, they will say, usually after the first combat encounter, that they are looting all the bodies, and will continue to do so. SOP, really, for most Fantasy RPGs.

Well, not necessarily. Some of the guys in my group are straight-up gangsta roleplayers: I've had PCs decline to loot bodies for a laundry list of reasons ranging from "I respect him, I'm not picking over his carcass like a ghoul" to "My religion stigmatizes touching the dead" to "I don't need that idiot's leather armor and I'm not pawing at his smelly corpse to get it". And those are just some of the more mundane reasons.

Max gold assumes "defeating" all encounters, or figuring out some way to get the materials from a failed encounter (seen it done, at least partially). Each encounter lists out, in the scenario, how much of the gold value comes from that encounter, and usually what needs to be accomplished to gain that gold.

Cool, that makes the math an awful lot easier. I'll have to look for that as I'm reading over these Scenarios. Thanks for the heads-up.

The items that appear on the Chronicle are those items which your character would otherwise not gain access.

Since mundane (aka non-magical) items are always available, they will never show up on a Chronicle.

Sure, sure. It was more a question (to me) of whether acquiring those items during the adventure has any bearing on the end-of-session statistics.

One last little niggling question, to ensure I've got this straight in my head: does the end-of-session Max Gold award assume that the characters are taking and selling all gear found during the session?

If yes, does money from gear or gold from encounters they don't acquire (because they didn't loot the bodies, or let the guy run away, or accept a surrender, or whatever) count against their gold reward? Do you deduct gold from their award for mundane gear they didn't collect, or is it just assumed for ease of bookkeeping that the characters acquire all items in the session by virtue of completing it?

Amazingly, yes, that's how it works. If the party finds a pile of healing potions in the corner, hand those puppies out! You can use them all up in the final battle, and they'll still magically appear on the chronicle sheet, available for purchase.

Similarly, if you loot a Mook's body, you can wear his armor for the rest of the scenario, but it magically vanishes from your body at the end and must be purchased if you want to keep it.

I got the impression that was how it was handled, but I was unsure because mundane gear doesn't appear to show up on the Chronicle Sheet. Thanks, guys.

He can wear it for the duration of the scenario. At the end, it gets converted to gold along with everything else found during the scenario. The amount of gold awarded to each player cannot exceed the amount listed for the AR on the Chronicle. The player can then purchase the leather armor just like any other piece of gear.

So if I'm reading you right, the total amount of gold gained at the end of the session is reflective of the party having acquired and "sold" all gear encountered during the adventure? And therefore the gear can be acquired via post-session purchase the same as any other piece of equipment. Is that right?

What about consumables? Do they also follow the same rules, ie, that a consumable may be used mid-session but is still available for purchase and counts into the gold piece total at session end?

Potentially stupid question. I'm going to be running my first PFS game soon and cutting my teeth on it with a group of friends whom I'm pretty familiar with.

There's an issue that I see will likely arise that I can't find addressed anywhere in the material: do mundane items taken as loot ("gear") abide the usual loot rules for a PFS scenario? Can it be used during the course of the adventure and then subsequently purchased? Can it be taken as simple spoils and sold? If it must be purchased, for how much?

To illustrate, if I'm running Shipyard Rats for a level 1 party and after the first encounter the Rogue says "I'm taking and wearing the Nature's Cataclysm Druid's leather armor", how exactly is that handled?