Ierwin Vest, the Dragon Hunter's page

Looks Good! Thanks all and "G'day!"

No worries from me.

"SKY KEY!" exclaims Ierwin.

"CRIKEY! THE QUAT!" exclaims Ierwin.

Ierwin half hums a little tune to himself. While crawling about looking under the furniture for rare, poisonous spiders.

"♪♫ I come from a land down under
Where beer does flow and men chunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder
You better run, you better take cover. ♪♫"

Ierwin looks up embarrassed. "Sorry. I reckon it's a translation of a traditional dwahrven post-Quest fawr Sky song."

Previously on Pathfinder

*Arioch wrote:

Arioch turns to Ierwin and tells him, "Hey use this wand on our cleric until she wakes up."

"Sure, Mate!" Ierwin says gamely. "Wat's its command phrase?"

"Hey how's it going everyone?"

Using the magical command phrase "Hey, 'ow's it goin' everyone!" Ierwin activates the wand twice to bring Cara back from her near-death experience.

Presently on Pathfinder

Ierwin half hums a little tune to himself. While crawling about looking under the furniture for rare, poisonous spiders.

"♪♫ I come from a land down under
Where beer does flow and men chunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder
You better run, you better take cover. ♪♫"

Arioch turns to Ierwin and tells him, "Hey use this wand on our cleric until she wakes up."

"Sure, Mate!" Ierwin says gamely. "Wat's its command phrase?"

After examining the fallen you notice that they are all still alive but will surely die if they are not stabilized.

Ierwin checks everyone over to see that no one dies (loudly commenting as he does so). "Woah! Noice bow! Hey! This dwahrf is a sheila! They ahah so rahrely seen in the wild. This is a real find! Might be the beahrds.... This one though 'as 'ad a close shave. Crikey! look at the bloody size of this bloke's club! Oy, wat's this?" reaching for one of the mysterious trinkets.

untrained knowledge (religion, MAX 10 result, Yes, I know he can just take ten): 1d20 ⇒ 8

"Just junk." he says and tosses it aside. "Now wat's in heah?" he says investigating a coin purse looking for an ID.

I assume Buzzwinkle actually attacks the dwarf.

Yes. ;)[/ooc]

Human greatclub, disabled

Ierwin reaches down and grabs the man on the floor's collar and then punches him dead in the face.

unimproved unarmed v formerly angry man (vs prone): 1d20 + 2 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 2 + 4 = 26 non-lethal damage: 1d3 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3
HOLY CRAP! THREAT!
confirm?: 1d20 + 2 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 2 + 4 = 9 additional non-lethal damage: 1d3 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4

"Ya get knocked down, but ya don't get back up agayyn, mate."

Arioch slides over to flank the dwarf and goes for the old 1-2!

Wow that sucked!

Are you using my dicebot?

"Um... Sic her... I guess?" says Ierwin.

handle animal (wounded, companion): 1d20 + 12 - 2 ⇒ (9) + 12 - 2 = 19

Maaldrek steps to the south and attacks.

[dice=scythe, divine favor, fate's favored, alter self]1d20+4+1+1+1
[dice=slashing dmg, divine favor, fate's favored, alter self]2d4+4+1+1+1

Sorry. I may have touched your dice app. :(

Then, depending upon the results, Ierwin does some of the following:

A. Orders Buzz forward (next round) toward the archer Handle animal (wounded companion): 1d20 + 12 - 2 ⇒ (12) + 12 - 2 = 22

2. And/or fires his bow at the berserker, or the archer if the former is down (cover, into melee): 1d20 + 2 - 8 ⇒ (19) + 2 - 8 = 13 damage: 1d8 ⇒ 2

And/or III. stabilizes the dwarf.

"Oh fawr the bloody pantheon's sake, stop complayynin' already!" Ierwin shouts over the fighting, as Cara moans and rolls over, her wrist falls over her forehead, the palm face-up in the 'Whoa is me' pose.

"I mean wo's really 'avin' the bloody bad day heah afder all? Ya'ah just lyin' theah comatose. We'ah the bloody ones fightin' fawr our lives with a rotten drunk moose gettin' in the bloody way!"

He kicks her with enough (magical) force to stabilize her.

Because I am curious: 1d20 ⇒ 14 OMG! I didn't think d20s went that high! ;)

will save: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22

"CRIKEY! WATCH WHAT YA'AH DOIN', MATE! YA COULD HURT SOMEONE!" Ierwin shouts at the archer. "Are you alright, Cara?" he says to Cara the shaft of an arrow shaft protruding from her stomach. Seeing her not stagger or keel over he figures she's fine and can walk it off.

Crisis averted, Ierwin draws his bow and fires at the short guy with the stick from behind cover.

longbow v angry man: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (8) + 2 = 10 damage: 1d8 ⇒ 2

And plants the arrow in the rock face before him.

"Remembah ta aim Ierwin, ya ding bat." he mutters, berating himself.

"Oh Buzz."

Ierwin crawls out of bed at 1pm to enjoy his first non-10 hour work day (technically evening to early morning and actaully with the commute and unpaid for lunch they last 12 hours, but hey) in two weeks. He wants to make coffee, but has to wait for the dishwasher to finish so he staggers up to his computer... and does his utility bills--BUT THEN! ;)

"Um? Sic 'im, I guess."

handle animal v Buzz (companion): 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (3) + 12 = 15

Ierwin whispers the magic words "Try kickin' him in the bloody nuts, mate." He casts guidance on Buzz again.

Now he just needs to avoid landing on "Go to jail - Do not pass go. Do not collect $200". ;)

Or trying to make change at the dollar store for a fiver.

"Ummmm. Foight? I guess?" says Ierwin a bit confused.

handle animal (companion): 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (10) + 12 = 22

"That's weird nawrmally moose ahah very protective of their personal space 'n will kick the bloody heck out of anyone they don't liyyke wo gets too close." he explains.

He casts guidance on Buzzwinkle.

"Hmmm.... I believe the walls are not natural; rather, someone cleared this area using the stone shape spell."

"Oh? I was garn ta say it might av been burrowed out by a small delvah. Ya see delvers give off this acid tha-."

"Heads up! I hear footsteps coming towards us!"

The monk jumps to his feet and reaches for his Sansetsukon.

"CRIKEY!" exclaims Vest in amazement.

Arioch gathers his professional equipment and tells the others, "Let's make sure there aren't any extra surprises in moving that name plate. Anyone want to write down Wiffle on the chalkboard? Or do we say 'Wiffle' to the statue? Hey Cara, please hit me with some divine guidance would ya?"

I'll officially say it Ierwin casts guidance on Arioch.

Ierwin slaps Arioch on the shoulder and says "No wawrries, mate! What could possibly go wrong?"

perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (14) + 6 = 20

"CRICKEY!" shouts Ierwin in stunned amazement at the coin's pronouncement.

Wait...I know what spell it is...I remember one of the brothers at the abbey showed us...I can do that spell...have to concentrate on it to recall it. You call forth animals and such...I don't recommend activating it...

"Awww!" says Ierwin, disappointed.

"Crickey, they actually place these newspaypers on yah doawrstep rathah than just toss them in the bloody flowah beds awr on yah roof? Absalom really is 'the city at the bloody cender of the bloody wawrld.'" Ierwin says of the pile of newprint.

"Here let my help you out Maaldrek, your pants don't have pockets anymore."

"THAT'S NOT A POCKET!"

perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (16) + 6 = 22 But which one?: 1d2 ⇒ 1

After peeking in all the rooms Ierwin has a revelation. "Anyone notice this house 'as no fireplace, kitchen awr gahrderobe? it's liyyke a scribe designed this place rathah than an ahrchitect."

"BUZZ!"

"Crickey a gnome!" says Ierwin in awe of the little man at rest with his book. He goes on to explain "Now nawrmally ya only find them in gahrdens, but this one 'as a special enclosah built just fawr him!"

The pan flies up to block Cara's line of vision.

"Oh my god, what happened to you?!" she asks with great concern and wants to run down to see what is going on.

Ierwin pulls a large skillet off the wall rack and uses it to fan the flesh and fur-smelling smoke from the stairwell, and as a censor bar if needed.

And it ends bleed damage!

But everyone needs a good bleeding. ;)

"Well done, everyone. And Maaldrek, I never heard of anyone who asked to be set on fire in order to deal damage to enemies. Usually I'd say that's stupid. But you seem unharmed, so it was the right tactic, it seems... Those swarms really are annoying - and dangerous, too."

Baldrum thoughtfully strokes his beard.

"Let's deliver those notes to VC Dreng, shall we?"

"Well, maybe Maaldrek should buy some new pants first.... Um, two 'ands there, mate."

"Now that's a hot sauce! Glad i didn't grab that. I thought it was yah healin' potion, Baldrum. I would av 'ated ta av poured that down someone's throat."

Ierwin moves along the wall around the burning tiefling and the core of the swarm and out toward Arioch. Single move, he Readies to move again if the swarm pursues him out of the cave.

Ierwin pats Cara on the shoulder and says "Good luck we'ah all countin' on ya."

He casts guidance on Cara, and takes one step to the west.

knowledge (nature): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (11) + 8 = 19

"OH! THE COMMON LONG-EARED CAVE BAT! BEAUTIFUL!" shouts the Dragon Hunter. "These tiny little nippers av well-developed talent fawr echolocation 'n decent oculahr vision they use fawr huntin' prey--mostly tiny insects. Ya can't really hit them because they ahah so small so most people usually scahah them off with a little fiah."

Then, after Cara's attempt, he says "A little mawah fiah."

Where's Ierwin in the initiative order?

perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (15) + 6 = 21

"Heah ratty ratty. Heah ratty."

It takes about an hour until you have really searched the whole place....

I have characters who could do the job in not less than eight hours!

"We should inspect each bottle, drink them down, 'n set the empties aside so we know which ones we've checked."

In Area A13.

"Ooo, what's in heah? This reminds me of the openin' of all those games I played as a kid weah ya 'n yah mates would go on yah first adventah 'n it was always in a dungeon undah a tavern weah the ownah sent ya in ta deal with their rat problem."

"If you want, Arioch, I could just hop back over and give you a push. It's narrower ahlong the edges of the room. I would try balancing on that. Just stehp across."

No worries, Ierwin didn't take the plank--everyone seemed to be looking at it suspiciously like it might have been a mimic or something. ;) He just hopped a 5' gap, which as it turns out is pretty easy (and low-key funny).

"Right! Now who brought a light? Anyone?" Ierwin says looking about. "I nevah go anywheah without mine!"

Ierwin casts light on his forward-facing, chest-mounted belt pouch.

perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (7) + 6 = 13

"Crikey! look at all the bottles!"

Home. Map position updated!

perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (11) + 6 = 17

"Here lemme get on the other side and have better look. There ain't enough room to stand on this side."

He takes 10 on his acrobatics check for 12 and hops to the other side of the gap at a narrow spot.

Ierwin crouchs down and takes a closer look at the other side of the suspicious board.

"CRICKEY! I can't suss it out. What are you all lookin' aht?"

If someone could pop him into the space south of the bridge. My Google slides-fu on phone is apparently not strong.

The orc woman smiles at Ierwin with her toothy lips and suddenly pushes his arm down with a surprisingly swift movement.

“Ha ha ha … don’t worry!! You did good!!! But we have orc blood and orc tactics!!!“ the two siblings start laughing!!

sense motive: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (17) + 2 = 19

"CRICKEY!" says Ierwin shaking his arm free of the tingles. "Too right!"

Shrade continues "Listen, if you need our assistance you only have to call us! We are adept at creating distractions and ..." suddenly she is interrupted by Garl

"... and we are adept at inflicting property damage, both of which might help you!" Garl says with a smirk.

Shrade slaps him again with a smile and says "No really, we are also willing to perform modest amounts of breaking and entering, which might help you get valuable information without dirtying your own hands ... well for the right pay of course!" and they both start to laugh.

"I should be gettin' back ta the others, but I'll keep ya both in mind." says Ierwin rising from his seat.

Meanwhile....

"Grrrrrrrrr...."

When Ierwin starts laughing the two siblings look at each other and laugh, too.

"Hey! I suggests an arm-wrestling contest!" Shrade shouts.

"Pah! I do not arm-wrestle with a woman!" Garl says which leads to a hit on the head delivered by his sister.

"Let this idiot talk! Come here and give me your arm!" Shrade says to Ierwin and Arioch ready for action.

Arioch nominates Ierwin, "Yeah this guy here is a Dragon Hunter and he was telling me how he was looking for a challenge! Come on Ierwin, give it a go!"

Looking at Shrade, Arioch thinks 'Great googly moogly this broad would take my arm off! Maybe I can distract her with another victim I mean option...'

"Right! I'll give it a go!"

After a moment he explains "Ya see a piercer is a vermin. It resembles almost exactly a stalactite (similahr ta a dahrkmantle), only with eyes in the sides. The piercer is actually a giant gastropod of which the pointy pahrt is its shell."

Then he wipes the tears form his eyes and takes another drink.

"An then I said 'Piercer? I bahrely knew her!' BWAHAHAHAHA!"

In order:

diplomacy (gather info): 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5
diplomacy (gather info): 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (19) + 1 = 20
diplomacy (gather info): 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (13) + 1 = 14
diplomacy (gather info): 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (5) + 1 = 6

"Aye mates! Don't mind Buzz heah. He knows his way ahround a bahr." says Ierwin to the table of half-humans. "So wat's shakin'?"

Outside

The question hangs in the air for only a scant moment when Maaldrek offers his coins before the figure pulls back his hood to reveal the wizened face of Venture-Captain Drandle Dreng. He gives a crooked smile, soaked head to toe from his unprotected time in the rain. His clothes smell faintly of cabbage.

“Sorry about that Maaldrek,” he says with a wink. “I always like to play a little joke on agents when I stumble across them during my jaunts into town. Now, why did I summon you fine folk here again…?”

Dreng shakes his head from side to side, as though trying to knock water out of his ears, despite the constant downpour.

“Ah yes, the Wounded Wisp! I’m undercover now and can’t stray far from the site I’m watching, but I need someone to retrieve a package for me from that fine establishment. It’s among Absalom’s most storied taverns, you see, and one that holds a special place of privilege in the Society’s lore as the place where the organization began. Well, I could drone on and on about it, but standing out in the rain is doing none of us any favors.”

"Wait one second. I thought the bloody Pig's Paunch was the place the Society got it's stahrt." says a man with a broad smile and a rough and ready look about himself, and perhaps an even rougher accent. "Anyway, I'm Ierwin Vest, Any one 'ere seen a moose ahround town? I usually find 'im 'angin' out at bahrs like this place drinkin' 'imself rotten."

untrained knowledge (history): 1d20 ⇒ 17

Inside.

"THERE YOU ARE BUZZ!" says Ierwin to the smallish moose at the bar. The ruminant belches long and loud and looks glassily around.

"Oh Buzz." Ierwin says with a sigh. Then the outdoorsman makes introductions with broad sweeps of his arms. "Everyone, this is Buzzwinkle, 'n Buzzwinkle this is everyone. Bahrkeep I'll 'ave what 'e's 'avin'."

A moment later.

Knowledge (nature, take 10): 10 + 8 = 18

Upon noticing Illyndar fox companion Ierwin gets down on hands and knees, and greets them with pets and chin scratches. "Oh ayyn't you just the cutest little fennie*. I'm Ierwin 'n that's Buzz. What's yah name aye? What do they call ya mate?"

* Note, if the fox is not a fennec fox, Ierwin uses a different cute, Australian-sounding nickname based upon the fox's actual breed.

"Did I mention, I've got a moose?"

My guys are... I have no idea. I haven't really played them, or even the class before. But I DO have a moose. Apologies in advance for Ierwin's accent.

"I've got a moose!"

"I'll 'ave a go, mate!"

"No worries."

I don't play a lot of druid-types--aside from this guy (based upon a famous Crocodile Hunter) and his best pal, Buzzwinkle, who I got to play for part of one game--and crikey, he's only 1st level, so I'm just shoving Noah (who's about 12 to 15 times as powerful) off to the side to deal with an "indeterminate number of other spiders".