Did someone say Locusts? I love the taste.
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Roar-bot . . . I mean, Rib-it
Please excuse my hand writing. This is my first time attempting this. Tristan has too much on her mind to write and I believe she will want someone to record the last few days. This means that I, Hop-Toy Dan, greatest of all amphibians, will attempt to record the major events of the last few days. This quill is almost as big as I am though and I fear that writing may be tiring work. After Tristan’s last entry the oddly shaped humanoids talked with Tristan and the others at great length. The details of this exchange are of little significance save for the fact that the leader, the albino, believed that these events had been revealed to him in a dream. He would need to move his people away. Tristan saw this as an opportunity. The gem mines near the village could be bolstered with the people of this village. Tristan used this as an opportunity to see Lavinia. Her silly warm-blooded brain began making excuses even before we made it into her offices though, and instead of staying and visiting, she suddenly needed to return to the ship. I told her she was too rash for all the good it did. Instead of staying with Lavinia she slept in her cabin with only me for company. I don’t think humans are good at being alone. Tristan has managed well enough these last few years but lately she’s struggled. She spent far too long talking to the fetish. I believe the thing is useful for her. It is a good tool and it has taught her much but she spends far too much time talking with it. Acting as though it were actually flesh and blood. She must know that the entity only pretends to inhabit the fetish. Her mind is the conduit this entity uses to project itself across time and space. Tristan knows this. For some reason she continues to pretend. Early the next morning Tristan and I rejoined her companions. Tristan told the Albino that his people were welcome at the village. The ship would return home and it would take the strange humanoids with it. The albino thanked Tristan and the others. Then he led them to a great stone in a place which he called the Cavern of the Sleeping God. He said the great stone was a demon fish and that it was still alive. We didn’t think it was possible but Buffy examined it and she confirmed what the albino said. Then Tristan and Kale spoke and for once the mammal agreed with Tristan! Every demon fish they encountered would be destroyed. Starting with the one before us, naturally. Inside the stone shell was the gurgling flesh of a living creature. Tristan was at a loss to explain the thing. Nothing we’d ever read or encountered was anything like this. Tristan decided that she’d need to research these creatures when we returned to Sasserine. Little of consequence occurred on our continuing trip downward. We were attacked by a strange floating eye creature with some sort of powerful anti-magic eye. It had other eyes, with other powers, but save for the weak willed Fredrick none of us fell victim to any of its abilities. Towards the end of the day our troglodyte guide seemed to get very fidgety. He was more mammal or lizard then amphibian so I couldn’t tell what was bothering him but as we approached a great underground temple he ran forward calling to something he called “father”. A ghostly troglodyte appeared, seemingly in response. Something didn’t seem right about the situation. Tristan best summed it up by saying “The ghost knew too much.” Tristan was even sceptical that it was actually a ghost. What it really was we couldn’t determine. Tristan’s attempts to dispel magic were laughable at best. If Fredrick had taken up spell casting its doubtable Tristan could have dismissed his pathetic magic. She also failed to see any sign of illusion. Unsatisfied with the ‘ghost’s’ story but unable to figure out what the creature really was Tristan had a great deal of difficulty convincing the others to abandon the plan to destroy the ‘Tlaloc Tear’ the entity told us about. Strangely it was the mammal that saw reason and agreed that destroying the tear would be a last resort. Tristan was quite agitated after that encounter. She felt there was something she had missed. She acted as though she had an itch she just couldn’t quite scratch somewhere in her mind and most of my attempts to calm her were rebuked very curtly. I had half a notion to let her fret. Still, this needless obsessing was not good for her, so I distracted her by talking about Lavinia. This made her very cross but as usual it did the trick. Tristan’s mind wondered . . . for a time. It was sometime after we’d gone to bed when I felt the snap. Tristan lay awake pretending to sleep. I have no idea who she thought she was fooling but I felt her mind going at a dizzying pace. It was impossible to catalogue it all but I picked up glimpses here and there. At first she was still obsessing about the earlier encounter. Then she started dissecting the images she’d seen in her dreams. At this point things moved faster and faster. She recalled religious readings. She tried to rationalize her thoughts of Lavinia. She ran through her interpretations of the Necronomicon. She recalled her conversations with the fetish. She ran through dozens of other bits and ends. Thoughts flashed across her conscious far to fast for me to comprehend. Tristan’s mind is far more powerful then mine. She can analyze multiple things at once. I struggle sometimes just following one of her thoughts. In the darkness she was completely alone with her mind. She flashed through volumes upon volumes of information in the blink of an eye. To Tristan they weren’t volumes though, they were pieces, and it slowly dawned on me that she was attempting to assemble an unimaginable and monstrous jigsaw. I couldn’t even begin to understand what or why. I believe her need was something akin to the human condition. Tristan often explained to me that humans need to know why. “Why what?” I’d asked. I was confused. “Why anything,” she’d replied. I felt she couldn’t explain it. It was something beyond her grasp. But it was something she needed to know. As my mind raced back to that moment I felt the snap. Tristan had assembled her Jigsaw. I caught a glimpse of something incredible. It was impossible for me to comprehend. But it was incredible. I felt an amazing calm wash over Tristan. Then, in the darkness, I saw that vacant smile creep onto her face. In a heartbeat Tristan faded into sleep. When she woke she did so with that smile. “Everything makes sense now Hop-Toy,” she said. Answering the question I never asked. The others didn’t notice Tristan’s change. I suspect that it was too subtle for them. They could only judge by what they saw. I had the advantage of feeling Tristan’s mind. I felt a calm radiating from her that I’d never felt before. It felt strange at first. This was an emotion that I often tried to instil in her but one that was usually quite alien. The change was truly in her head. I felt a fundamental change in the way her mind worked. Her mind usually frothed like rapids, boiling and churning with a thousand different thoughts, now her mind seemed to flow like a great raging river: smooth and straight but there was a powerful undertow. Neither river was safe for toads. The other change that I noted was that she was strangely quiet. Tristan has always had trouble keeping her voice inside her head. As long as I’d known her the thoughts and ideas that bubbled near the surface would often spill out of her mouth. Normally she mumbled. She was audible but usually incomprehensible. Now she was completely silent. This is what bothered me the most. Tucked away in her pocket or sitting on her shoulder I found her voice quite comforting. Indeed it was the only life I can recall now. My mind has expanded far past the capacity of others of my kind thanks to bond with Tristan. The calm, though strange, was serviceable but the silence was bothersome. I realise that her mumbling was not normal for humans or even for most humanoids. It cased her grief not being able to control her own voice. Sometimes she’d speculate that her lack of friends was due to this strange quirk. I suspect that part of the reason others kept their distance was due to her exceptional abilities. She was always top student in her class, almost always the smartest person in the room, and her incredible work ethic led her to graduate years ahead of her contemporaries. Approaching such a mind would be intimidating. I suspect that her inability to connect with others probably has more to do with her absent father and emotionally distant mother. Tristan certainly feels self conscious about her muttering and worries about how others perceive her. But I suspect that her lonely childhood that made her an introvert and left her unable to express love. Still, in theory, her quieter persona could make her more socially acceptable. As for the rest of our journey I have very little else to tell. Before we stopped traveling for the night we came across some more of the semi-petrified devil fishes. Tristan and the mammal would eventually see that they were destroyed but first they needed to deal with some bugs. The cavern was infested with some really nasty insects. They were much larger versions of insects that we first uncounted in Sasserine. They were tenacious and likely ravenous. Only Tristan, our troglodyte guide, and I escaped un-bloodied. Tristan didn’t seem in the mood for writing. She seemed intent on exploring her new mind. I took up the task of recording our exploits for her. And it proved to be a monumental task. The quill Tristan uses was like the sword the mammal uses in my hands. It’s not very heavy but it is awkward. Tristan’s journal on the other hand weighs more then I do. Pulling it out of her haversack and opening the blasted thing was the hardest part of this ordeal. I believe Tristan will resume writing tomorrow thankfully. How she writes so much is a mystery. I have recorded three days in less then Tristan can write about one. Hop-Toy Dan
Hop-Toy's eyes bulge at the talk of predators, something seems to ripple under the skin, as if tentacles or worms struggled to break through: Spoiler: "and storks," Hop-Toy practically shouts, "Snakes and Storks and sometimes bullfrogs! I hate frogs, ugly stupid creatures . . ."
amphibian:
Spoiler: "I consider her a bit of a pet project, the human has brains and guts, but really no common sense at all. It's quite astounding really. We have a nice arrangement, she does most of the thinking, working, spell casting, and she takes care of me, giving me slugs, grasshoppers, and crickets as well as the occasional bath, and in return I talk sense into her from time to time. It's not bad work if you can find it. One word of warning though: Humans are complected creatures. They have these weird 'feelings' and these unusual 'fears' and so you need to really study then to figure them out. I spend a lot of time micro managing."
Hop-Toy turns, looking rather excited (for a toad). Spoiler: "Do you know how long it's been since I've met someone, besides Tristan, that I could talk to? Nobody speaks amphibian! And Tristan hasn't always given the most faithful translations! The worst of it is now that I've been in her service for so long most other creatures that speak amphibian are too stupid for me to even enjoy conversing with! And don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my conversations with Tristan, but you try talking with the same person for the next eighty years. Most of the time I know what she's going to say before she says it."
Hop-Toy gives the smurf a glance out of the corner of his eye, "Croak Cccrooak?*" Hop-Toy asks. Spoiler: *"you speak amphibian?"
"Croooaaaaaaaak croak Croaaaaaaakkk*," Hop-Toy replies out of the side of his mouth, as he half turns to regard the dwarf. If a toad could shrug you'd assume that the familiar just shrugged. *In case anyone can understand amphibian: Spoiler: A rough translation of amphibian:
<It is as my valet says, planer travelers come in all sorts>
<He's probably safe Tristan,> the strange toad thing says in amphibian, <his mind is likely like my own, and thus the knowledge is harmless as he probably don't perceive it on the same level as you.>
<It was only a guess,> the toad like thing says, <ordinarily only amphibians can understand me, so it's highly likely that something of that stock was used in the mix. Tell me, can you breath underwater?>
Hi ho, Hop-Toy the toad here, (I’m not entirely sure why the author told me to say that, but he assured me that humans should find it amusing), and I’m here to fill two important roles. One to offer up some notes for this particular journal entry, and two, to fill time while the author desperately struggles to find time to write with so many distractions in his life. He doesn’t watch TV I’m told, except Stewart and Colbert, CSI, the national news, the local news, Simpsons, Family Guy, Amazing Race, W5, and the occasional TV special. Also I’m told that he sometimes watches TV shows off the internet (mainly British TV) . . . but only when he should be writing. Long story short: he’s a slacker. Not at all like my henchwoman Tristan Lidu. This guy could use a toad on his shoulder to spur him on I think. Anyways: let’s have a look at his rendition of the Lidu diaries. We start off with a brief look at the day we managed to dislodge our ship. This little section briefly touches on the three days of no encounters. It’s best that we glazed over that section. Tristan doesn’t do well with nothing to do. Limbo would be worse then hell for her. We nearly wore a path into the deck with her pacing (when we weren’t flying and circling the ship like buzzards . . . or storks). Tristan was quite happy when we were ready to move the ship . . . success or failure she was just happy for something to happen. The mashers could have been potentially deadly. They were attracted by the grinding of the reef and if they hadn’t made the cardinal tactical error of appearing within thirty feet of one another. If you happen to own a wizard in your party (as my little group does) then anytime opponents group themselves together you can't help but cackling and happily rubbing your hands together in anticipation. What is Tristan Eating this time? Not bugs or slugs like a sensible creature! There is far more nutrition and flavour in . . . hmmm, read the note . . . Mashers. Tristan is eating mashers . . . fascinating. What is fascinating is though, is Tristan’s love of eating large dangerous monsters! I think it makes her feel somehow powerful . . . what? Fine! Moving on. Hezrou demons aren’t normally this dangerous, well within my little group’s ability, but the filthy frog appeared right in the middle of the ship, and the doors and stairs were cut off . . . unless you wanted to walk through his stench. Close quarters are truly the only place where these demons are truly dangerous. I have to admit that I don’t understand humans at all. The bath scene for example, I watched the entire thing unfold, and I still have no idea what happened. Lavinia and Tristan just sort of stared at each other. Tristan got all quite about it later, like something major had happened, and yet nothing did happen. Confusing. I mean Lavinia was hardly the first person to see Lavinia without her cloths on, Kiki, Buffy, Churtle, and myself have seen her without her cloths plenty of times. Lavinia wasn’t even the first person to see her in a bath. Seeing as Tristan seems to have feelings for Lavinia I hope the other female wasn’t disgusted by her smooth skin and smaller stature. We toads prefer our women big warty. What do you mean too much information? I thought that was what I was here for! Fine. Fill in the story. The interesting side note to James’ woodland adventure was that Jade Ravens returned shortly after Tristan and I rescued him from the woods . . . like the same night. It seems James’ exploits were simply an enormous waste of time. Sort of like how frogs are an enormous waste of flesh. The election was also something that I found very confusing. Tristan’s choice of Lavinia should have been final. Why people disagree with her is beyond all understanding. Why would people, under attack by such fearful enemies, side against Tristan? For once even the stupid mammal had agreed with her. Humanoids claim to be smart but I can’t see how the matter could even be open to discussion. My forces were likely far more capable of levelling the town this crimson fleet, they seemed to be doing more for the war effort than anyone else, and Tristan is normally quite intelligent and so I saw no reason not to allow her this little indulgence. Why wouldn't the town's folk see this? I can’t say I approve of her sneaking around, she even admitted that Lavinia would have been furious had she found out, but she did it anyways. I suppose this was one of those things were she really felt she needed to do something even though she didn’t. It was kind sad really. If a promise is so dangerous and binding why does Tristan feel the need to make them? Why not say “I’ll help you,” or “I’ll try to make you mayor”? These aren’t promises and it would keep her from feeling the need to do anything unnecessary. As I said smart, but no common sense sometimes. Previews for next week? Hmmmm, the preparations continue. There’s a gathering of heroes from all across the island. Oh, I see here that there’s a couple of new characters popping up, Smarnil le couard and Eric Smith . . . odd sounding name . . . ‘Eric?’, I wonder what strange part of the world he’s from? Oh and battle plans are discussed and the team finally decides to give themselves a name. I wonder what it will be? I can hardly wait. I hope they go with my suggestion: “Team Toad!” Also, if you liked my interpretations of events, let the author know. I might get to do more notes on these entries. Maybe even get my own segment ”Get familiar with a familiar” where I answer your questions. What? About anything really. No not just the journal entries . . . not everyone is lucky enough to have their own familiar, I can answer all of life’s burning little questions . . . sure I can! You see this is why you need a familiar! Fine, fine, why don’t you go back to searching YouTube for more clips from the Gong Show. Ok, thanks everyone . . . see you next week hopefully . . .
Toads are superior beings
For a time it seems as though Malfaerr intended to ignore Saurig's comments, but the strange toad like creature locks it's pulsating eyes on the half man, half rork, and Saurig suddenly hears a strange voice in his head: <Malfaerr can't drink coffee,> the voice seems to say, sounding like someone speaking through a membrane, <It makes her edgy and far more easily agitated. She really shouldn't be allowed any sort of stimulant. I'm Hop=Toy Dan by the way . . . I'm guessing that you have some amphibian blood in you somewhere.> |