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Noted. I had suspected it was a balance issue but wasn't sure. I appreciate your feedback as I'm sure everyone else does with regards to their items. Cheers!
I would ask myself, "Does this country intrigue me, and would I be compelled to adventure there?" If the author can't grab you with the presentation of his country, why would you go out of your way to purchase an adventure there? Since we're scheduled to get only one vote, these people are going to need to really make their settings memorable!
Fortunately my item didn't hit any of the pitfalls noted above (I think!); if Clark or Erik would care to chime in on what may have killed it, it would certainly help me going forward. Thank guys! Spoiler: Brooch of Social Grace
Originally designed with the socially inept wizard in mind, these items of jewelry have also been commissioned by wealthy families or adventurers for special occasions. This eye-pleasing accoutrement can be used to clasp a cloak, sash, or similar piece of formal wear. The brooch persistently grants its wearer a +2 competence bonus to Diplomacy, Bluff, and Gather Information skill checks. Upon activating the brooch, the wearer will subconsciously speak, gesture, and conduct himself in a manner that any person who converses with him for 5 rounds or more will find most pleasing. This may manifest itself by, for example, having the wearer take on a regional accent that the listener shares, or by having the wearer gesticulate with his hands in a manner that puts the listener at ease. Once 5 rounds of conversation have passed, the listener's attitude will improve one category (see Diplomacy skill). The listener’s attitude is subject to change as normal, and any person can have their attitude improved only once per 24 hour period. Once per day, the wearer can charm someone, as per the spell charm person. Faint enchantment; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, charm person, Price 6,500 gp.
Excellent flavour text. I like this item quite a bit and really its the flavour of how the item works thats taking it from something pretty basic to a cool item that catches my imagination. Thanks Jeremy. I was hoping to create a fairly basic, low-level item that was easy for a DM to work with in the game, but was still fun and flavorful. Still not quite sure where I went wrong for this competition, but there's always next year. :)
Brooch of Social Grace Hmmm, the constant battle between simplicity and robustness. I think you might be on to something. Thanks for the look-see.
*casts Summon Clark* Hey Clark, if you're in the mood and care to offer your two cents on my Brooch, I'd be most appreciative: Spoiler: Brooch of Social Grace Originally designed with the socially inept wizard in mind, these items of jewelry have also been commissioned by wealthy families or adventurers for special occasions. This eye-pleasing accoutrement can be used to clasp a cloak, sash, or similar piece of formal wear. The brooch persistently grants its wearer a +2 competence bonus to Diplomacy, Bluff, and Gather Information skill checks. Upon activating the brooch, the wearer will subconsciously speak, gesture, and conduct himself in a manner that any person who converses with him for 5 rounds or more will find most pleasing. This may manifest itself by, for example, having the wearer take on a regional accent that the listener shares, or by having the wearer gesticulate with his hands in a manner that puts the listener at ease. Once 5 rounds of conversation have passed, the listener's attitude will improve one category (see Diplomacy skill). The listener’s attitude is subject to change as normal, and any person can have their attitude improved only once per 24 hour period. Once per day, the wearer can charm someone, as per the spell charm person. Faint enchantment; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, charm person, Price 6,500 gp.
Hmm. Any idea why my quote tags aren't working? No ending /quote tag?
I'll take you up on that offer Justin, thank you. Brooch of Social Grace Originally designed with the socially inept wizard in mind, these items of jewelry have also been commissioned by wealthy families or adventurers for special occasions. This eye-pleasing accoutrement can be used to clasp a cloak, sash, or similar piece of formal wear. The brooch persistently grants its wearer a +2 competence bonus to Diplomacy, Bluff, and Gather Information skill checks. Upon activating the brooch, the wearer will subconsciously speak, gesture, and conduct himself in a manner that any person who converses with him for 5 rounds or more will find most pleasing. This may manifest itself by, for example, having the wearer take on a regional accent that the listener shares, or by having the wearer gesticulate with his hands in a manner that puts the listener at ease. Once 5 rounds of conversation have passed, the listener's attitude will improve one category (see Diplomacy skill). The listener’s attitude is subject to change as normal, and any person can have their attitude improved only once per 24 hour period. Once per day, the wearer can charm someone, as per the spell charm person. Faint enchantment; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, charm person, Price 6,500 gp.
Hey Clark, if you're in the mood and care to offer your two cents on my Brooch, I'd be most appreciative: Spoiler: Brooch of Social Grace
Originally designed with the socially inept wizard in mind, these items of jewelry have also been commissioned by wealthy families or adventurers for special occasions. This eye-pleasing accoutrement can be used to clasp a cloak, sash, or similar piece of formal wear. The brooch persistently grants its wearer a +2 competence bonus to Diplomacy, Bluff, and Gather Information skill checks. Upon activating the brooch, the wearer will subconsciously speak, gesture, and conduct himself in a manner that any person who converses with him for 5 rounds or more will find most pleasing. This may manifest itself by, for example, having the wearer take on a regional accent that the listener shares, or by having the wearer gesticulate with his hands in a manner that puts the listener at ease. Once 5 rounds of conversation have passed, the listener's attitude will improve one category (see Diplomacy skill). The listener’s attitude is subject to change as normal, and any person can have their attitude improved only once per 24 hour period. Once per day, the wearer can charm someone, as per the spell charm person. Faint enchantment; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, charm person, Price 6,500 gp.
Well, I guess I can take solace in the fact that my item didn't fail in a common way... :/ Thanks Clark, I'm sure that will help a number of us who didn't make it this time. Any other thoughts would, of course, be appreciated.
Ok, I'm not proud. I really want to know how my item was received. I can do bribery: Picture a steaming hot apple pie on your desk in the morning... Mmmmmm... Apple pie... Or perhaps a yummy pizza? Web work, I can do web work, cleaning up code, deleting old items, database maintenance... Ummmm... How about Customer Service Peon For A Day? That has a nice ring to it, I'm available every Thursday... I JUST WANT TO KNOW! LET THE TRUTH BE FREE!! *pant pant wheeze* Carry on... :/
Syringe of Retribution The name doesn't really mesh with the crunch. When I think retribution, I think phrases like 'eye for an eye' and 'revenge'. Is the item meant to determine a subject's loyalty? Or is it designed to be a multi-use item depending on whether the recipient is friendly or unfriendly? It's a little confusing to me. Bag of Scolding The item is consistent and fun, but I think it fails the "My character would want this" test. It's not really designed for the PC or DM in mind, and so falls short in that regard. Bountiful Sapling I can't tell if the tree can repeatedly produce potions, or if it's a one-shot deal. It's a wonderfully thematic druid item, I like it a lot more than your time shifting item. Your friend is clearly not a druid lover. :) Second Thought Wow, I like your image of a cap that grows extradimensionally and eventually becomes self-aware. I think you need to expand on what will eventually happen when the cap becomes intelligent. Will it always be content being a mind shield, or will it tire of its role and crave something more from its existence? You have a compelling item, keep going with possible results and consequences. Belt of Heroic Action Very crunchy, perhaps too much so. While it does a fine job of adding action points to a campaign that is lacking them, what reason would a DM have for using this item in his world rather than simply adding action points into it instead? Prescience Pillow Perhaps Lesser Restoration could be added to the requirements to account for the first power listed? Given a capable DM, this item could be very useful and I could see most parties wanting one for their extended journies.
Goblin Gruel Is the Wisdom damage permanent? Temporary? Restorable? 40 gp seems inexpensive, not to mention it's really more of a potion as opposed to a Wondrous Item. I like the flavor of the Gruel (not literally, ick), I think there's a lot you could do with the mechanics to make it an interesting item. Quill of Translation You might want to add Animate Object to the creation requirements, which will affect the price. Quite a nice item. :) Torque of the Ermine It should give a bonus to any Escape Artist check, yes? Not to mention how popular it will make you at the local bar. ;) A short, focused item; I like it. Fangs of the Crescent Moon Monster Manual = non-SRD. It's odd that undead would lose hit points with these installed. The vampire entry is confusing, you say "they" are destroyed; do you mean the vampire or the fangs? If you meant the vampire, you should have said "it" or referenced the creature specifically. Dead Man's Hands I like the name, and the effect and price seem appropriate. I question its use by good-aligned creatures, perhaps they should be negatively affected by wearing them? Portable Pavilion of Perfect Pause I am going to guess that the title lost you some style points. It's tough to pull off alliteration without sounding corny. I can't see any adventuring party not wanting to have one of these at the given price, which leads me to believe it might be undercosted. Very handy to have! Bracelet of Spellbinding Seems to be a solid item, though trying to encompass all of the affected animals is a bit clunky. Unfortunately, I don't really know how to avoid it without being vague. Also, the term sorcerer-druid bothers me, but that's probably just a personal taste thing. For the most part, it looks good!
Armband of the Apothecary A solid item! I like the intertwining snakes and the concept of the different alignments. It's dangerous to give healing powers to non-healing classes, however, and this may be why your item was rejected. Gloves of the Badger The wearer is able to tunnel through earth, but does not create a tunnel. I'm a bit confused there. I assume this means the burrowing is only useful to the person wearing the gloves then? That person cannot lead a party through the ground? Do the gloves allow someone to breathe underground as well? How do the gloves affect creatures like earth elementals? I'm left with more questions than answers. :) Mantle of Resurrection Seems to be a DM item; not many PCs would care to wear one, I don't think. Seems good, but doesn't have the flash to be considered a top item IMO. I like it. :) Misleading Cloak A spell in a box (cloak) item. Unfortunately, it's pretty vanilla, so nothing really comes out and grabs you. Now, if your image exploded in a shower of elemental ice when it's hit, (any Subzero fans out there?), you might have gotten another look. :) A good start, but needs some spice. Headband of Momentary Defiance Wow, very small cost on a reusable item! The holy water is an odd vehicle for recharging it as well, since the Headband has a very arcane feel to it. I think this might be better as a permanent item with a much higher price tag on it. Helm of Legendary Inspiration It strikes me that any character that uses Knowledge (History) won't benefit much from Whirlwind Attack, and vice versa. Also, bards, who are the most likely class to be able to use both benefits, are generally chaotic in alignment, so you've excluded them as well. The powers don't seem to work together well, IMO. Warpaint of Au’rik You mention the warpaint countering the Elvenkind items, but the crunch doesn't really match the fluff. An interesting item, but I would go a different direction with the supporting fluff.
Well, it doesn't charm them for 5 rounds, it's simply a requirement to get the improved attitude. They're free to do whatever they want in those 5 rounds. The item is more designed to smooth talk people who wouldn't ordinarily be very helpful, like surly town guards or grumpy merchants. I'd sure like to know if the Brooch was overpowered, or just plain boring. It's a bit frustrating to be in the dark about it, but maybe the guidelines that the judges have suggested posting may help determine the problem.
Just as a side note, I hope I don't come across as bashing the items posted; I am hoping that the comments I provide will help the designers, not discourage them! I haven't seen any real stinkers here yet!
Diviner's Chalk I like the flavor, but it seems expensive and I don't quite get the Modify Memory component. I like the item overall. Quill of Secrets I see where you were going, but the item description doesn't flow very well. What you might want to consider doing if you redesign it would be to focus on one or two powers, rather than giving it a laundry list of powers. Firehaire's Bestiary A bane to DMs with custom creatures. :) Seems a reasonable, if not overly flashy item. Gauntlet of Life Transferance I question why an item created by a mage is fashioned out of iron plates? I just can't see an item seemingly designed for arcane classes being made out of materials that don't mesh with their class. It also gives healing to non-healing classes, which may be a mark against it. With a change in flavor, this item could work. Bag of Hostile Challenges Your entry is a bit confusing. The name of the item conflicts with the potentially helpful entities that are summoned. Also, "Figurines used to summon a creature to assist the activator are depleted upon activation." Does that mean hostile figurines aren't depleted? A bit of a head scratcher in some areas.
Thurburner Stone I like it. The flavor in the 2nd paragraph is a bit disjointed, but it's creative. Kerchief of Restoration Another useful item, though I think you may want to consider a maximum number of uses per day to prevent abuse. Pastwatch Orb Seems fairly limited in use for the cost. It doesn't... grab me. Another interesting story device, however. Pocket Orrery I like the foresight theme, but it may have suffered from the "swiss army knife" syndrome mentioned by Clark in other posts. The Time Stop power seems a bit out of place as well. It has potential for a world that has pocketwatches. Boots of Stinking Retreat It appears as if you felt you needed more 'padding' in your entry at the last minute. You could drop the last three sentences and you wouldn't lose anything, IMO. It's a good item! Wyrt's Remarkable Implement I see potential here, but I'm drawing a blank as to what a mage would do with it and why it's priced in artifact territory. A little abstract for my tastes, but as I said, there's potential here.
Circlet of Takasi As others have mentioned, the +10 bonus seems large. The side effect and general cursedness of the item may have hurt it as well. Blessed Bracers Bracers don't really qualify as a Wondrous Item. It's also exceeding difficult to find Paladins that have Craft Wondrous Item as well; only they can cast the required spell. Vudran Cups Perhaps a little gimmicky for the judges? An exceeding handy item for a con artist, yes, but other than that I can't see much use for it when compared items like a Bag of Holding. Lok's Own Coin An interesting item, but very corner-case (the +10 bonus) and unusually broad (dodge bonus) at the same time. I suspect it may have lost points given the hodge-podge feel. Gauntlets of Elvenkind I don't know if Gauntlets qualify as Wondrous Items or armor; I suspect the latter. You don't give creation requirements for the lesser version and greater version separately, which would likely be an auto-reject. They have potential, however. Lantern of Light Long Lost It's creative, but strikes me more as a story device rather than a normal Wondrous Item. A party that has one of these lanterns puts a lot of pressure on a DM to either have histories prepared for almost everything in the game, or be able to improvise very well. It's well done, nice work.
I present my item here, please let me know what you think! I'll go through and give some comments on entries others have posted in the thread. Brooch of Social Grace Originally designed with the socially inept wizard in mind, these items of jewelry have also been commissioned by wealthy families or adventurers for special occasions. This eye-pleasing accoutrement can be used to clasp a cloak, sash, or similar piece of formal wear. The brooch persistently grants its wearer a +2 competence bonus to Diplomacy, Bluff, and Gather Information skill checks. Upon activating the brooch, the wearer will subconsciously speak, gesture, and conduct himself in a manner that any person who converses with him for 5 rounds or more will find most pleasing. This may manifest itself by, for example, having the wearer take on a regional accent that the listener shares, or by having the wearer gesticulate with his hands in a manner that puts the listener at ease. Once 5 rounds of conversation have passed, the listener's attitude will improve one category (see Diplomacy skill). The listener’s attitude is subject to change as normal, and any person can have their attitude improved only once per 24 hour period. Once per day, the wearer can charm someone, as per the spell charm person. Faint enchantment; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, charm person, Price 6,500 gp.
Me too, though I don't expect them to be able to do this for the 800+ rejected entries. I wish I knew what the primary rejection reason was for future reference though. :/
Why I didn't read the judges' minds before submitting my item is beyond me. Stupid, stupid, stupid!! *bangs head against desk* Live and learn, I'll make a note for next time. :/ I hope the judges do share some of their thought processes at some point! It would be most valuable for those of us who are new to this. :) |
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