Greg SMASH!'s page

Greg runs pell-mell through the fracas, weaving around Peter with a noise that sounds suspiciously like "Hibbidy gibbidy!" before parking himself firmly next to the bug-thing.

Double move to get into melee. That is all, for now.

Greg tries to intervene between Ogar and Gellion. "Don't kill him, Ogar! He can answer questions for us!"

AoO, assuming he's not dead yet; Power Attack is still on (-1) as well as -4 for non-lethal attack with a lethal weapon and +1 for inspire courage.

Greatsword, Non-Lethal Attack: 1d20 + 4 - 1 - 4 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 4 - 1 - 4 + 1 = 4
Damage: 2d6 + 7 + 1 ⇒ (6, 2) + 7 + 1 = 16 Non-Lethal

Then he gets in Gellion's face and tries another wide haymaker. As the blow comes in, Greg gets fired up and hollers his usual battle cry:

"WoooOOOooo!!"

Rage time! Power Attack! Smoosh!

Unarmed Strike: 1d20 + 6 - 1 + 1 ⇒ (17) + 6 - 1 + 1 = 23
Damage: 1d3 + 5 + 1 ⇒ (1) + 5 + 1 = 7

Never one to understand subtlety, Greg reels back with a bellow and a hoot n' holler, and beats the centipede with a DVD copy of He's Just Not That Into You stabs it with his big sword.

Rage time! RAWWRR! No Power Attack this time. I would like to actually hit lol.

Greatsword vs Jilted Lover: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (13) + 6 = 19
Smoosh Power: 2d6 + 7 ⇒ (6, 1) + 7 = 14

Greg does his usual technique to overcome fear, which is to scream incoherently and swing wildly, shouting "WOOOOoooo!!" It is made all the more surreal and confusing by the running mascara under his eyes that absolutely was not present before he started crying.

Rage time! Power Attack/shaken/inspired/flanking again (-2/+3 atk, +4 dmg). How long does the shaken condition last?

Raging Smack vs BBHMIT: 1d20 + 6 + 1 ⇒ (20) + 6 + 1 = 27
Damage: 2d6 + 10 + 1 ⇒ (5, 1) + 10 + 1 = 17

Confirm?! Does it matter?!: 1d20 + 6 + 1 ⇒ (8) + 6 + 1 = 15
Crit Damage: 2d6 + 10 ⇒ (3, 2) + 10 = 15

Greg looks unfathomably sad for a moment, but then laughs. "Aw jeez, Deb, you nearly had me going. That's a spider! Spiders can't talk!"

He flexes his pecs a few times and belts out a resounding "WOOOooo!!" as he leaps joyously into the room (provoking an AoO from Bingo) and swings recklessly at the spider.

Rage time! Greg is just really excited to be here, guys.

Power Attack vs Bingo Bongo Bonanzason III: 1d20 + 4 + 1 ⇒ (16) + 4 + 1 = 21
Damage: 2d6 + 13 + 1 ⇒ (2, 5) + 13 + 1 = 21

GM, I am so, so sorry.

Greg chops his sword down on the beetle, but instead of a violent eruption of messy gore, the beetle just... blinks out. Greg stares in utter confusion at the spot where the beetle used to be.

The fire beetle awakens with no memory of his past life, unharmed, in southern Milwaukee. He decides his name is--of all things--Greg. He gets a job at the local power plant (he finds, for some reason, he's very good with electrical grids; maybe he was an electrical engineer before he lost his memory?) and settles down with a nice Presbyterian girl named Daisy. They have three unfathomably ugly children that they love very much. Eventually, Greg the Beetle retires with a surprisingly comfortable 401k plan; he and Daisy move to Delray Beach, FL because they are old, and live out their last years in relative peace grumbling about Those Damn Commie Dems and eating liver and onions for dinner at 4:30pm.

On his deathbed, Greg the Beetle closes his little beetle eyes, drifts into the darkness toward the light at the end of the tunnel... and awakens a moment later in the process of getting undressed with a large Hispanic man in fantastic shape. Confused, Greg the Beetle glances over at a nearby mirror and sees a comely middle-aged Hispanic woman (played by Catherine Zeta-Jones) looking back at him. Greg says, "Oh, boy..." and the credits roll.

Greg isn't mad, he's just really, really enthusiastic!

Greg shrieks "Wooooo!!" and swings again.

Power Attack Greatsword vs Bug: 1d20 + 5 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (20) + 5 + 2 + 1 = 28
Damage: 2d6 + 15 + 1 ⇒ (4, 6) + 15 + 1 = 26

.... Oh.

Confirmation: 1d20 + 5 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (1) + 5 + 2 + 1 = 9
Damage: 2d6 + 15 + 1 ⇒ (6, 5) + 15 + 1 = 27

Assuming Ogar moved into flanking position.

Greg's shirt rips conspicuously under his chain coat, and he bellows "I'm helping!" at the top of his lungs as he swings at the beetle.

Raaaage tiiiime!

Greatsword Power Attack vs Beetle: 1d20 + 5 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 5 + 2 + 1 = 11
Damage: 2d6 + 15 + 1 ⇒ (6, 4) + 15 + 1 = 26

The ground next to the beetle is f++*ing GONE.