Elminster, Rockstar of Wizardry's page

I'd just like to point out how small and unassuming my tower is.

Unlike Khelben's.

If you really must know, Szass Tam and I were once lovers, if that is shocking to you, so be it.

I think I'll base my mythic wizard off Gandalf. Especially at the higher mythic tiers.

Oh okay, it's going to be like that is it.

Blasts bus tires with lightning.

Swoops in, obliterates six cells of the Cult Of The Dragon before anyone can lift a finger, Polymorphs into three different cats so he can sneak in and cuckold three different rulers, and then makes it back to his tower by sunrise to chief and berate Lhaeo.

Probably just jellin.

Fireball.

The answer is always Fireball.

Lights joint from Vangerdehast's burnt carcass.

Why haven't I had any problems with the website yet?

Maybe setting up that mythal was worthwhile after all.

So ballocks to you, Elminster.

EDIT: Yeah, these ones. Right HERE.

glares at the Crystal Ball, takes another drag off his pipe.

Lhaeo! Google "Mythal" again.

Martha!?!

glares at the competition. Takes another drag off his pipe.

Lhaeo!! Pack my bags! It's time for a crossover!

Best "House MD" quote ever:

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a hooker who plays the hurdy-gurdy?"

It varies.

Yes, Gandalf was the best, can we get off it!

Lhaeo! Call Peter Jackson back and find out where my movie is!

I don't care how unrealistic it is to have Chris Pratt play me, just make it happen!

Wait!

If I converted to Pathfinder, I'd get even more hit points!

F~@! yeah b~#!*es!!

smashes whiskey bottle on the ground.

Lhaeo! Pack up the Portable Hole!.

~hocus interuptus~

Oh, you want a wizard's duel, eh dragon!

Very well, whoever can Polymorph into a cat and shag the most other cats, which are hopefully, lady wizards that are also Polymorped as cats.

And maybe, this time we should keep it to lady cats that are also lady wizards Polymorped as cats who I didn't raise as my own. It's starting to get weird.

Trust me, multi-classing isn't easy, but it's totally worth it.

Chicks dig a wizard that can wield his steel. :-)

I'll save you, but I'm gonna totally rub it in your face later.

You're right....I better destroy the entire crystal sphere, and kill Ao to boot.

I'll stop it! But not before shagging your girlfriend and verbally abusing Lhaeo.

Wild card b@+##es!!

Quote:

I took my kids out in below zero temperatures for sledding.

Need things warmed up a bit eh. Fireball!

You call that a Fireball!

casts maximized enlarged extended Fireball

Now this is a Fireball!!

I shag everything! Every-thing!

Seriously, read one of my books, bet you can't make it ten pages before I whip it out. While smoking hella pipe and throwing s*+~ at Lhaeo.

That's just what Elminster does.

teleports in, Hasted, cops feel, takes picture, uploads it onto instagram, gives invisible Lhaeo a thumbs up, teleports out, fire bombs Zhentil Keep, shags The Simbul as Cats under Vangerdehast's bed, teleports back to tower, makes Lhaeo smell fingers, smokes some pipe, goes to bed like a f#&#ing boss!

Just so we're clear, I get to f$+@ everyone in the movie right.

Follow up question: Will it appear that Florin dies, only to heroically show up later to dramatically kill Fzoul.

Cause if so, I might as well Disintegrate him right now, unlike Gandalf, Elminster isn't upstaged by anyone.

anyone!

Just so long as I get my Jedi Harem of 7 sisters, sure why not I'll save Star Wars too.

Go on...

Great!

Now there's competition!

Elmie, help me! I've got magical powers I don't know how to control, Bonnie Tyler hair and, wusst of all, all of my clothes have fallen off!

Starts taking Herbal Viagra, smoking his pipe and gives Lhaeo a camera phone before turning him invisible

Coming my dear!!

Elminster, Rockstar of Wizardry wrote:

I'll save you!

I'm not a female. You can't save me.

C'mon! Why do you think I created the Polymorph subschool, and Axe body spray.

I'll save you!

Celestial Healer wrote:

Sharoth wrote:

Ohhhh!!! I know what I want for Christmas. Sadly, it might be NEXT Christmas.

My brother (who manages an Intel CPU design team) joked that after "Skylake", the next generation will be "Skynet", and then the generation after that will be allowed to name itself.

a cry for help.

You called?

Can... can it wait, I'm working on this three way with Dove and Florin Falconhand polymorphed as Cats and the spell only lasts so long.

Edit: in hindsight I kinda regret taking levels in all those other classes just because I'm f#*%ing Elminster

Guess who saved the day again b!@~*es?

This m~%!$$&*&!#*!!

See now that's how you brag!

Now where did Lhaeo go with my weed...

Alright!

So who woke up Moander or resurrected Bane or pissed off whom ever, doesn't matter, let's just knock this out so I can bang your girlfriend and chief my pipe.

That's right b**!~es! Elminster saves the day again!

Don't mind me:-)

I'm just here to steal your thunder, bang your girlfriend (or boyfriend, I gots the spells to make it work) and Save the f#$~ing World!!