Cerebrus Brainmuncher's page

Alright, alright, feel free to do so. No explosive runes, though. The last mad wizard we had here thought it would be funny.

It wasn't.

Hold on, hold on. We are trying to give these guys peace of mind here. Your Legion of Terror, what kind of activities does it involve itself with?

Some of our visitors here have had severe adventurer trauma, so putting them back into dungeon patrol, princess kidnapping, and standard countryside pillage & looting might not be a good idea right now.

Now, now, humans are good too. I mean, we can't keep people out just based on the scallyness of their skin. Or the size of their heads. Say, Tirq, has anyone ever told you you have a truly remarkable cranial structure?

How much brain does 2,000gp buy?

At least you had a time when adventurers were not so bothersome. Have you tried tasting a brain through those helmets? And those with visors, worst idea ever; can't tell you how much the tongue hurts when it gets stuck there.

And then there's the whole deal about them going bananas if you ask politely. I mean, seriously, you guys have like, what, five lobes? Can't you spare just one? Jeez.

*a note flutters down from a hole in the ceiling*

"Can we dim the lights, please?"

We've been trying to, but ever since that lantern archon had a midlife crisis and decided to hang up there indefinitely, we've been unable to switch the brightness.

We can move the chairs closer to that shadowy area near the pillar, though.

Tell me about it. I tried to start an association of reformed monsters, and I got laughed out of town.

Aye, I know. This is serious stuff, and some people treat it like a circus.

Do you feel like adventurers never appreciate what you do for/to/with/on them, their items or their organs?

That DM's only call you in when they want to fill a nasty corner of a dungeon, never getting a chance to be that important NPC everyone wants to rescue or at least get allowed to hand out a sidequest?

Does it seem like all you can do is force people to make saving throws, when all you really wanted was a hug?

Then, my friend, this is the place for you. Grab a chair, pick up some donuts, join the circle, and tell us your woes. We're here to listen, not to judge.

I know, right? These humans and their weird eating habits.

<Slurps from his Coolatta Oblongata>