Bear on a Unicycle's page

*rides through, increasing post counts*

*rides through chased by a swarm of guinea pigs*

Watch the opening scene of A New Hope. Notice that the Rebels sometimes go down when a blaster bolt strikes near them, while the Stormtroopers only go down when a blaster bolt hits them. It seems that Stormtrooper armor does provide some protection, just not against a direct hit.

The Rebels wouldn't have been able to repel a poodle assault at all.

Why do you think Stormtroopers wear armor if it doesn't stop the lightsabers or blaster fire? It's to protect them from poodle humping.

The poodles humped the exhaust port.

Poodles are like roaches, they'll just mutate and live on. My country-men's experiments proved that the Poodle shall inherit the earth in such an event. That alone ended the Cuban Missile Crisis.

He uses poodle juice in his serums.

Last time they tried that, they just made her part of the pack.

He'll have to catch me first!

*rides away chased by a horde of Guinea Pigs*

OMG, even Sebastian dresses up like Courtfool for Halloween!

One time, I farted in the bubble bath and it made a big bubble, so I popped it and it smelled really bad.

Bear on a Unicycle wrote:

*eats Ambrosia Slaad*

<SLAP!> You at least need to buy me dinner and a movie first, Fozzie. ;)

I'm cheap, so I'll just go wakka wakka... O_o

Edit: and I had dinner... in the basket.

Bear on a Unicycle wrote:

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

TheWhiteknife wrote:

Everything from "We will Smurfberry you" on down is pure comedy gold.

{The United Socialist Smurfistanian Republic immediately nationalizes all reserves of Comedy Gold}

But weez on a silvah standud. Nyuck nyuck!

{takes Bear's pic-a-nik basket and gives him a voucher for two turnips, a roll of toilet paper, and 1/6th of a small goat}

*eats Ambrosia Slaad*

You all saw it! She tried to give me more food, after I ate everything in that basket!

TheWhiteknife wrote:

Everything from "We will Smurfberry you" on down is pure comedy gold.

{The United Socialist Smurfistanian Republic immediately nationalizes all reserves of Comedy Gold}

But weez on a silvah standud. Nyuck nyuck!

Dark_Mistress wrote:

Vic Wertz wrote:

Eric Hinkle wrote:

...wooden magnetic dress-up dolls. I am not kidding.

They make magnetic wood now? You kids today have it so easy. In my day, magnets stuck to one thing: refrigerators. If you wanted to stick a magnet to anything else, you'd have to weld it there yourself.

You welded magnets to wood? :)

No, he made a wooden refrigerator, obviously.

The Green Revolution has gone to far this time.

*races through the thread chased by a herd of guinea pigs*

It's not a TuMo!!!

*Ahnold's voice*

*rides through the thread, chased by a horde of Guinea Pigs*

What are we not doing again?

Philosoraptor wrote:

If I am not replying to anyone and succeed, am I really replying to this thread?

Yes.

You philosoraptors drive me nuts.

Do they get good gas mileage?

Studpuffin wrote:

Thanks for the ear worm. :P

"Botany Bay? Botany Bay! Oh no!"

Nucular wessels.

Bear on a Unicycle wrote:

Miserable Old Bitty wrote:

Cranky McOldGuy wrote:

Talonne Hauk wrote:

GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!

Hey kid! That's my line!

g$!#!&n whippersnappers

No one wants to hear what you have to say, you old coot!

Get a room!

What are you implying?! That's filthy!

*jabs with a knitting needle*

I'm implying that there is some serious, SERIOUS, unresolved lust there... Grandma.

*rides away as fast as he can*

Cranky McOldGuy wrote:

Talonne Hauk wrote:

GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!

Hey kid! That's my line!

g$!#!&n whippersnappers

No one wants to hear what you have to say, you old coot!

Get a room!

*s&%~s in the woods*

RE Smurfs::

First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?

Ask a woman.

*Rides through the thread with a Cassio recorder blaring Sir-Mix-Alot*

Wet Blanket wrote:

Well, do you pronounce moot as if it rhymes with cute, or do you pronounce moot as if it rhymes with loot? That makes a lot of difference.

The question is moot.

Studpuffin wrote:

...

How come when I press 100 on the microwave it skips all the way down to 59 a second after I started? I just don't get it! What happened to the other 40 numbers in between?

To reply to your queries, 1) Moot, and 2) also Moot.

Justin Franklin wrote:

I like this version of the Gunslinger way better then the previous one!

Your opinion is Moot.

John Kretzer wrote:

...but think of what that would do for the economy.

More Moot.

Crimson Jester wrote:

I would rather stay mute on this moot point.

Your desires are Moot.

Shipwreck wrote:

...How could I say no? Boy, I should've said no.

Your regrets are Moot. And knowing may be half the battle, but the battle is Moot.

Charlie Sheen wrote:

Everything else is moot. When I'm winning!

And, your delusions are Moot.

...

To sum up: Moot.

Terrorists are after everyone. Jesse Jackson said so.

Gary Teter wrote:

]Sorry.... turns out that even gazing upon the FAWTLhouse was enough to bring calamity and destruction upon us all.

That is not dead which can eternal post,

And with strange aeons even FAWTL may server roast.

Is your name Hate-Smash or Hates-MASH? Cause I loved that show.

I say we let 'em go!

Suck it.

MY TONGUE GOT STUCK!

You know what I feel like doing today? Lets go mock an old guy. Hey, those kids beat us to it! Maul them, maul them all!

*rides through the thread, chased by magpie ninjas in aprons*

Quakers on unicycles.

I'm not a quaker... at least not anymore.

In Soviet Russia, cherry picks you!

*rides into thread chased by a massive ice paraelemental*

Bear on a Unicycle wrote:

Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:

Bear on a Unicycle wrote:

*rides through the thread at full speed, but gets his unicycle wheel lodged in JRHM's ass and is ejected out the doggy door*

WHOA!

Get it out! Get it out!

*yanks out his unicycle and rides away, leaving a trail of vaseline*

{peeping through rear window with binoculars from his apartment} Oh, oh my! Thats so wrong... Jack Tripper! {falls off stool, breaks hip}

*honks comical clown horn*

Bear on a Unicycle wrote:

*rides through the thread at full speed, but gets his unicycle wheel lodged in JRHM's ass and is ejected out the doggy door*

WHOA!

Get it out! Get it out!

*yanks out his unicycle and rides away, leaving a trail of vaseline*

*rides through the thread at full speed, but gets his unicycle wheel lodged in JRHM's ass and is ejected out the doggy door*

WHOA!

lynora-Jill wrote:

Jack Hammer wrote:

A studio?

No wonder we're Angry Jacks.

We need a secret lab, weapons locker, new garage, smoke house, or better yet a brew house.

Sweetheart, in case you forgot, the studio is how we afford all of that stuff.

Oh, and the architect want you to please make up your minds on the design for the brew house or it'll never get built. ;P

If Jack the Stripper had a credit card swipe on his backside he'd probably make more money.

Can I get stamps too?

*rolls through the thread, leaving behind a trail of empty beer bottles*

Zeugma wrote:

I wrote a response to Mr. Mona.

Also, I spoilered it because I didn't think it's 100% on topic since this thread is about the APG. It is a bit tangential (but not as much as unicycle bears).

I got noticed! SQUEE!!!

Bear on a Unicycle wrote:

Ayn Rand books taste terrible.

Must be all the cardboard characters.

At least I got the fiber, since I'm not allowed in the woods by restraining order.

Sebastian wrote:

What kind of bear eats corn? Ew.

Bears are the goats of the forest. Ask any ranger at Yellowstone... they'll eat ANYTHING you leave behind.

Ayn Rand books taste terrible.

Since I'm on a unicycle, it's in cursive!

Dragnmoon wrote:

Sebastian wrote:

And possibly s%%%s in the woods.

But don't we all?..

Quit s#!%ting in my woods! :p

I spelled your name in them for you!

I hate Ayn Rand.

SNARF! Lion-O!

*Races through the thread, chased by a Curmudgeon of Guinea Pigs*

Wet Blanket wrote:

Cosmo's Lucubratious Hand wrote:

Crimson Jester wrote:

Jeremiziah wrote:

You know, these Forums Are Way Too Long.

Welcome to the manic maniac thread.

*skitters out looking for the depressed pessimists thread.*

Tell me where it is when you find it. That's like the Holy Grail for me.

Really? Because for a pessimist to be depressed, it means everything has to be going well for him. He's always thinking everything's going to go wrong, but he's always wrong, so he gets depressed... ;)

Yeah, like if he lost some of the mass in his gut too!

Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:

Who said anything about humping?

Why, JRHM! I had no idea you enjoyed being the humpee.

*cough* right hand... *cough*