The ancient oak double-door, intricately inscribed with scenes of long-forgotten battles and legendary happenings, swings slowly open at your touch. beyond is a great hall bedecked with fine banners and lined with trophies. Dominating the hall is a long table, set for many guests and piled with the choicest foodstuffs. At the far end sits your host, the infamous Count FuelDrop.
Please, have a seat. he says regally, indicating a place-setting near the fire.
As you sit down, a hunchbacked servant brings you a list of the finest beverages, some of which were laid down by emperors long-forgotten, their domains now mere footnotes in the pages of history. your host leans forward and addresses you, along with the other noteables seated around the table
Ladies and Gentlemen. i have called you all here to discuss a grave crisis that has gotten far out of hand. in short, we have gathered to discuss a solution to... The Poodle Problem
from outside comes the crash of thunder.
The rain lashes against thick windows of stained glass set in high in gothic frames. The hunchbacked servant bustles past, bringing some unseen dish to another guest, further up the table
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You're not French...are you?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I think he just needs a little love. *humps Count Fueldrop's leg*
Problem solved.
Alright, who forgot to close the door? own up.
the ancient vampire lord raises his hand and, with an arcane gesture, banishes the poodles back to their own thread.
Speaking of which, I think I need to "banish" those enchiladas I ate.
*drops a landmine*
{sigh} You vamps never do your research. Is that glitter, BTW?
If you want the poodles dealt with, you just need to negotiate with their known enemies. However, the Jacks will expect compensation.
Why did they put me down in here too!? GAH! X_X
I say we just buy a rottweiler and call it a day.
I say we just buy a rottweiler and call it a day.
That won't work. Once he is exposed to the poodle virus, it'll only be a matter of time before it transforms him into a poodle too.
I'm not just a carrier of the poodle virus, I'm also full of more poodle hair than the poodles themselves. I'm 200% more poodle than they are.
what kind of compensation are we talking about, jack?
Virus? We must be dealing with some serious magic here. I vote we hire Amiri. She ain't afraid of no yappy little b&!@!es, bewitched or no.
Last time they tried that, they just made her part of the pack.
What about wassisname? The Alchemist. He could stand at a safe distance and throw combustible lemons at them.
He uses poodle juice in his serums.
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...
Nuke the planet from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
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Poodles are like roaches, they'll just mutate and live on. My country-men's experiments proved that the Poodle shall inherit the earth in such an event. That alone ended the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Prepare the Death Star.
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The poodles humped the exhaust port.
Gods damn it. I thought I told Ambrosia to fix it.
Why do you think Stormtroopers wear armor if it doesn't stop the lightsabers or blaster fire? It's to protect them from poodle humping.
Watch the opening scene of A New Hope. Notice that the Rebels sometimes go down when a blaster bolt strikes near them, while the Stormtroopers only go down when a blaster bolt hits them. It seems that Stormtrooper armor does provide some protection, just not against a direct hit.
It seems that Stormtrooper armor does provide some protection, just not against a direct hit.
Watch the opening scene of A New Hope. Notice that the Rebels sometimes go down when a blaster bolt strikes near them, while the Stormtroopers only go down when a blaster bolt hits them. It seems that Stormtrooper armor does provide some protection, just not against a direct hit.
The Rebels wouldn't have been able to repel a poodle assault at all.
All you need is love. And lots of lube.