Always taking a Wiz's page

A simpler way is to get the Leadership feat, and have your cohort flank with you, assuming your GM doesn't nerf the feat like mine does :(

Your life is about to be like a halfling vampire; short and sucky

(after several successful attacks) You keep leaving your defenses wide open; like your mom does her legs

(to a group of orcs) What's the difference between a gold statue and a pile of dead orcs? There isn't a gold statue in the room we just left

(from an ogre with a spiked chain)
You're gonna look like pulled pork when I'm done with you
Mmmm... I'm gonna make me some meat pudding

The rest are from a redneck character of mine:
We're about to run you through like a frog jumping on a porcupine.
We're about to topple you over like a sleeping moo cow.
We're gonna beat you like a borrowed mule.

In my defense, the party was getting stomped. One pc died and a few others came close. I normally summon only a few big things, but we were fighting incorporeal monsters, and lantern archons were the best choice I had for dealing with them.

My favorite was Rezzocanezzen the gnome wizard. He had a falling out with the religious monk in the group who thinks all magic is vile. Rezzo turned invisible and tried to use Ghost sound to imitate the monk's God and convince him to allow the group to cast spells on him (the monk didn't even let clerics heal him). Well, the monk saw through the ruse and chased poor Rezzo away.

Rezzo left town in fear of the monk, but not before hiring bards to sing his theme song on a regular basis in the taverns the monk visited. In case you're interested, his song went like this...

Rezzo the wizard has arrived
so there is no chance his foes will survive
He burns these here and freezes those there
so effortlessly with 'dramastic' flair.
They cower and hide from his arcane might
no demon nor beast would dare enter the fight
for Rezzo the great has now leveled the place
and defeated evil with power and grace.
His battlemates cheer and lift him up high
for now they can all breathe a relieved sigh
'cause Rezzo has saved the group once again
from a most greusome and torturous end.
And now that the women in town are saved
it's Rezzo's bed prowess that they all crave
for he has skills beyond battle might
but describing those skills would take several nights.
So we end the ballad with reverence
for the wizard who makes brilliant minds look dense
his genius, wisdom and humility
make Rezzo a role model for you and me!

Thanks for the suggestions! I think I'll use the writable tokens to keep track of hp and summoning durations. The average damage per round based on target AC formula can be more cumbersome than it's worth, so I think I'll stick with rolling the dice ahead of time.

For those who have a DM who doesn't want players to roll ahead of time, you can use a tackle box to help keep attack/damage rolls organized. You can keep a d20 and a damage die in each compartment of the box, shake the box, and you have a dozen separate attack/damage rolls without having to sort though a table full of dice to match the d20's with their same-colored damage dice.

I was wondering if anyone has a good way to keep all of your summoned creatures organized. In a few fights, I've had as many as 9 lantern archons summoned (ranged touch attacks are great), each with two attacks, on top of the other spells I was casting. 18+ attacks/round gets to be a bit much, but it saved the party last game.

The way I keep organized is to copy the stats of the most-used monsters into a binder arranged by level of the summoning spell. I'll use a small dry erase board to mark what I've summoned, their hit points, how many rounds they've been around, and what their attack and damage rolls are (I roll these ahead of time). When it comes to my turn, I'll tell the DM what the minions are targeting (usually same target to keep things simple), the ACs that my minions hit, and add up the damage appropriately.

I've had other players roll attacks for some of my minions, but I don't like having to take their attention away from what's going on so they can do the work I'm responsible for.

Has anyone else come across a simpler way to handle all the number crunching? I was also thinking of coming up with formulas for determining average damage per round and just multiplying times the number of minions, but I doubt the DM will go for that.

WIZAAAARD!!! Any relation? :)

Sorry, no relation to the handheld device. I was referring to my tendency to play wizards. And no, I don't have a prostate problem :), for some reason I thought the play on words was funny at the time.

EDIT: I was confusing reduce person and shrink item, so replace "reduce item" with "shrink item" for the first post.

There are a few spell combinations I use often, and I was wondering what other combinations or just creative uses for spells work well for you. Here's a few to get us started...

-Web, then summon swarm (spiders) or
-Black tentacles, then summon swarm (bats) (the tentacles can't grapple the bats)

-Invisibility, reduce item, and permanency on a giant caltrop. Drop it in a square, and let enemies come to you to impale themselves on it.

-Reduce item and permanency on an iron wall with arrow slits = instant cover for your mages or archers

-don't forget that earth elementals can burrow through stone, which means they can burrow through walls (also useful if you can't pick a door's lock), or they can burrow through a foundation to topple most buildings :). Not bad for a 2nd level spell (summon monster 2)