A Diabolically Evil Villain's page

Hmmm, I just realized something: This first stage of my evil plan has been entirely too effective in drawing in the heroes. A proper villainous plan needs to have many unnecessarily complicated and vulnerable to disruption layered moving parts that seem reasonable on the surface but when you look closer actually make no sense at all. I’m selling myself short by potentially winning in just a few short steps, this plot needs to be far more sinisterly bizarre and practically unworkable for it to worth calling a true villain’s scheme!

For no discernable reason you’ve won this round Heroes of Paizo!

*releases souls*

But I shall return to haunt you again, mark my words! Next time Heroes! Next time!

*teleports away in a flash of dark light*

<Explodes>

You would. You don’t have the intestinal fortitude to be a real villain my friend.

A Diabolically Evil Villain wrote:

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Just for the record, I am not one of Paizo's heroes.

Occupy Paizo!
Down with anti-goblin bigotry!
For workers revolution to smash Killer DMs!

I am pretty great, though.

Then you may appreciate the world to come, where all the PCs who ‘heroically’ smashed their way into your peoples homes and stole your hard won possessions are all in chains and the goblins ride them around like ponies.

Yes. I would like that very much.

Then the future is bright for you Comrade, the future is bright.

Damn me for the freedom of the Chaotic Evil!

Alas, I am bound by immutable Law.

I do, however, know a certain Old One or three who are less, shall we say, discerning.

Have your people call my people.

We'll do lunch.

Agreed!

*steeples fingers and cackles madly in delight at the thought of a fresh influx of juicy, delicious souls*

I'm also willing to sell other people's souls, and at substantial discounts, especially for bulk purchases.

Hmmm, do you accept cash that has been stolen solely from the pockets of innocent, hard working taxpayers who trust the government they think I represent? I only ask because I’ve known other soul vendors who have hang ups about this, which is odd, considering their profession, but I suppose everyone has to draw the line somewhere.

All souls into the pot...roll 3d6 and highest unique number gets them all.

*Rolls 3d6* "6+4+5=15!"

*rolls 3d6* “6+5+6=Swings a greataxe into yellowdingo’s face”

Get outta here ya mangy mutt! These souls are mine! Mine!

Speaking of souls, mine is for sale. I accept all major credit cards and Pay Pal.

$1,000,000 OBO

What is your game, eyebally Turner beast? You think I don’t recognize a fellow villain when I see one?! Explain yourself before I unleash the BootyChewers ™ upon you!

Damn, they say trap the soul, but they trap the body. Bastards!

And, well, I guess this thread may be a gem, but I doubt it's worth 1000 gp.

Spells with misleading names are deliciously evil! Are they not? They are, in fact, a symptom of the evil I have spread throughout the ages.

When the first DM crawled forth from his cave with nothing but a loin cloth and a D20 made of stone, it was I that whispered to him dreams of unlimited power over helpless PCs and implanted within him a desire for their blood. From that day forth, every antisocial gaming style, every rules argument, every killer DM, all are my work. And it is not just the players of the games that are effected either; the games themselves writhe under my necrotic touch. You think it is difficult to create a well balanced game that is also dynamic? Try doing so with my dark thoughts invading your mind:

“Yessssss, one of these abilities summons a ham sandwich, the other, alters reality and let’s you do whatever you want, including summoning a ham sandwich, it totally makes sense to make these abilities the same level.”

Foolish game designers, they think that their thoughts are their own but they are nothing but puppets!!!

A thousandy years of subtle manipulation and the destruction of the fun of countless gamers has lead me to this, my endgame, my takeover of the Paizo messageboards and the looting of the secrets cleverly hidden within by the staff!

Nothing can stop me!

Ahahahahahah!

And do not worry, my evil investment banking firm Gold Mansacks has artificially inflated the value of this nearly worthless thread and gotten foolish PCs to invest their life savings in it, it will have value long enough to trap every last one of you heroes.

I have no soul. So I guess only the atheists/materialists will be left standing.

Explosive thread indeed.

How trap the soul works

“But wait!” You heroes at large might whine to the DM: “This thread isn’t a gem!”

Come now, you wouldn’t have touched it if you didn’t think it might be a gem.

You keep what you kill.

A man after my own…what is that thing called again? Oh yes, Heart.

A Diabolically Evil Villain wrote:

You fool! The rule book will never get in the way of a Killer DM killing you, even if you prove him wrong he will just add a house rule on the fly proving him right! Do you know nothing of gaming?!

I know everything about gaming. If the Killer DM tries to kill me with fiat, I just ignore his fiat with my own fiat. Then I turn into CoDzilla and destroy his campaign like Tokyo. Massive fires and death rays.

I must give you your props then: You may be the single greatest PC I have ever encountered…you have slain the Killer DM and absorbed his power like a Highlander.

Just for the record, I am not one of Paizo's heroes.

Occupy Paizo!
Down with anti-goblin bigotry!
For workers revolution to smash Killer DMs!

I am pretty great, though.

Then you may appreciate the world to come, where all the PCs who ‘heroically’ smashed their way into your peoples homes and stole your hard won possessions are all in chains and the goblins ride them around like ponies.

The Killer DM is wrong, as clearly shown in the rule book!

You fool! The rule book will never get in the way of a Killer DM killing you, even if you prove him wrong he will just add a house rule on the fly proving him right! Do you know nothing of gaming?!

I'm a ginger, so the spell doesn't effect me.

The Killer DM says otherwise!

Three of Paizo’s greatest heroes down already! How much time does this world really have left?!

You fool! You accepted it!

*trap the soul spell effect triggers*

Soon! Soon I will have trapped all of Paizo.com’s greatest heroes and then, then the website will be mine and mine alone!!!

Ahahahahhahaha!!!