You are goblins of the Licktoad Tribe. Or at least you will be someday. For now, though, you’re whelps—ravenous, amoral, grumpy goblin children who learned to stop eating rocks only a few months ago. But with every day that passes, your whelping cage seems smaller and smaller. The outside world increasingly beckons to your goblin curiosity (and appetite), but the hateful cage bars holds you at bay.
A few other whelps flourish in the cage, even as the smaller and weaker ones are thinned out. Kettlehead stands literally head and shoulders above the competition, being a goblin of impeccable flatulence and having already fashioned himself an impressive hat from a teapot left lying too close to the cages. Even adult goblins—legendary Chief Rendwattle Gutwad among them—have taken note of Kettlehead and his advanced skills of poking the rest of you with sticks and delivering bruise-inducing noogies.
But today is special. Today, instead of a bucket of fish heads, whelp-wrangler Loptop brought a key and unlocked the door to your cage, spilling you sorry lot into the world for the first time. Other Licktoads gather around, eyeballing you and chewing on the fish heads that should have been yours.
“You all are too big for cages,” Loptop snorts. “But you’re not Licktoads yet. Licktoads gotta be useful. Licktoads gotta be tough! Licktoads gotta earn their places in the tribe. And that’s what you’re gonna do now! Show us where you belong, even if that ends being the boneyard!”
'Whelp Mother' Loptop points to the biggest dirt patch in the village "Go now, over there." She points with a stick at the group of you. "First one there get chance at fresh bug to eat!" She snorts, then proceeds to swat at some of the slower, dumber whelps with her switch. A mass of 'growed up' goblins have started to circle the dirt patch, chewing on fish heads, old sticks, and even a well chewed boot.
"I bet that kettle one wins!" Shouts a short goblin, barely out of the whelp cage himself. One of his neighbors chewing on the boot promptly kicks him upside the head with it. "Yer wrong Phil, now get me a fishie!"
The crowd anxiously awaits your arrival.
Poog sneezes a spray of multi-colored globules onto Kettlebell, cackling maniacally. "Oops. Thought Kettlehead? Kettelbell? Thought Kettlebell was fire. Made Poog excited. Guess Kettlebell more like Kettlesmell now!" He quickly scurries away, hoping to avoid KB's wrath.
"What about you? Look weird with big round head," Poog looks sidelong at Reta Bigbad. "Not usual goblin size. More room in cheeks for bugs?"
Mogmurch races for the indicated patch of dirt, leaps into the air and slides face-first through the dust. "Kettlebell? Kettlehead? He's gonna lose. I nose it."
"Big head?" The female goblin pokes her cheeks. "Better to headbutt with!" And so Reta topples out of the cage, headfirst...
Bonking another goblin silly with her huge cranium. "Haha! Reta is fast like a goblin dog! Not slow like those horse dogs!" She runs off towards the patch of dirt.
Loptop quickly swats Poog with her switch "Kettlehead biggest whelp I grew in long time. He way too good to play whelp games with snotlings like Poog!" Kettlehead gives Poog a wet willy on his way into the village towards the big hut, then resumes scratching his behind...
Mogmurch looks up from his cloud of dust just in time to see Kettle's finger firmly implanted. Looks like he's already won!
More of the recently spilled whelps race towards the dirt patch hoping for a plump juicy beetle perhaps? A wriggling earthworm wouldn't be terrible! Oh man, even an overgrown moth would be better than rocks. They round the edge of the crowd and skid to a dusty halt, mouth's dragging.
"Why them two babies standing there like two dead toads in a puddle?" Asks a striking goblin fellow. "I dunno, stop poking me!" Replies his smaller companion. They both quit their bickering and start lobbing dried goblin dog turds at Chuffy and Reta.
Reta avoids the worst of it thanks to her quick tumble and GM sniping. Chuffy isn't so lucky.
"Smells like dog!" Reta leaps aside and sniffs the dirty remains.
Poog frantically shakes off the wet willy as he speeds ahead towards the dirt patch, arriving much later than everyone else. "Not fair. Loptop hit Poog, Poog get disadvantage." Then the little goblin steps aside, grinning as Chuffy is pelted with poop.
Loptop finally plucks Chuffy up by the ear and drags him into the dirt patch, leaving him in a heap with the rest of the motley crew of whelps and adults alike. "Shuddup!" She hollers, her patience running thin and her belly rumbling hungrily already. The goblin chewing the old shoe stops mid chomp and looks up. Three others, all picking their nose in perfect unison pause nervously and look in her direction. "Its time for the whelp games to BEGIN!!" She roars, and the crowd goes wild!
"Blinky is gonna make a meal outta these ones!" Says someone in the crowd. "No she's not!" Says another. "Maybe she is!" Says a third. Before you know it the sounds of a brawl rings out from the back. Loptop rolls her eyes and directs everyone's attention to a overly large spider that's being prodded into the dirt patch with a couple long sticks. Its about the size of a goblin's head, with scarlet hued hairs all over its body. Its got eight eyes that blink in groups of four. The four on the left, then the right as it looks around the crowd nervously.
"Listen up whelps. ONE at a time, go tie this leash on Blinky. If you do good then maybe you get a prize. If you do bad then maybe Blinky eat you (and you get no prize)." She holds out a length of old boot laces tied together and waits for the first goblin to claim it.
"OoOooh!" Poog looks wide-eyed at the big spider. "Poog want to ride spider just like Zarongel rides horse! Poog will make it his own horse! Hehehehe!"
First, Poog takes out a handful of dirt that's in his pocket and throws it in the spider's many eyes, then he tosses the leash.
Each new attempt, the goblin lays a glowing palm on himself, the power of Zarongel enhancing his abilities.
Poog is the bravest and/or quickest whelp to act. He tosses his precious pocket dirt at Blinky's bank of eyes, unfortunately Blinky sees it coming and manages to shut half of them. What he doesn't see coming though is the leash and superior spider wrangling skills of one POOG! He loops the leash over its head and ties a secure knot.
Loptop looks up from the worm she was eating and raises an eyebrow to see Poog easily leashing the spider. "I very much not see that coming.." She mumbles through a mouthful of worm before waving the excited victor to her side.
"You did good, you win prize." She commands, pointing at the stick poking goblins to retrieve the leash and reset the encounter.
She opens up a dirty sack and pulls out a patch of blue fur with tree sap stuck all over it. She plants it firmly on Poog's chest. "If you live long enough to fight beasties then this help, now move." She swats him unceremoniously to the side to make space for the next competitor.
"What name this game has?" Mogmurch asks. "If it be the Happy Beat, then I got a special goblin whelp talent for that one, I do."
He tries to tie a leash to a particularly large spider, wrangling the head-sized scarlet spider while trying to tie a secure knot - without succumbing to the monster's poison.
"What name this game has?" Mogmurch asks. "If it be the Happy Beat, then I got a special goblin whelp talent for that one, I do."
He tries to tie a leash to a particularly large spider, wrangling the head-sized scarlet spider while trying to tie a secure knot - without succumbing to the monster's poison.
Mogmurch lifts himself up out of the dirt and follows in Poog's excellent Blinky wrangling footsteps. Loptop barely has time to finish her last worm as he drags the spider towards her on the shoestring. "You too? I'm starting to think I've raised the best crop of Licktoad whelps since... well.. MINE!" She digs out another sticky blue fur badge and sticks it to Mogmurch's chest before pushing him out of the way.
"Ok, best not screw up who's left. Chief Rendwattle Gutwad have big prize for me if you do good, and I have bite marks for you if you DON'T!"
"Ha! Spiders like Reta almost as much as Reta hates dogs!" She grabs a leash and gingerly runs up to the spider. But the spider's having none of that.
"Bah!" She recoils from the bite. "We just playin'. Now spider will listen!"
"Baaah!" Rita (probably) tumbles again. "This isn't over yet."
Loptop's eyes go wide for a third time as Reta Bigbad manages to snag the spider with the laces and ties a knot from hell to hold the leash steady. "I can heard Chief now: Yes, you may take a jar of my bestest pickles Loptop. You make great whelps!" She day dreams out loud until a eyeless fish head smacks her in the face.
"Don't think I didn't see that Luuf! Just wait till I get back to our hut..." She scowls and pins a badge on Reta before nearly pushing Chuffy into the ring. "Any day pimple face, I got pickles to get so don't fudge up!"
Three whelps have succeeded on their first attempt. Will the fourth be so lucky? Stay tuned to find out!
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"Okay, okay, just watch - you guys haven't seen nothing yet," Chuffy grins toothily, outwardly ignoring the jeers and insults of his fellow goblins while inwardly adding their names to his list of 'Things He'll Probably Stab Later'.
Deciding to take advantage of a couple of the 'dog' turds still stuck to his body, Chuffy begins smearing the turds over his armor. The feces mix with the pus that oozes from his many boils, forming a stinky, horrifying mixture of stickiness. While he'd normally attempt to sneak up on Blinky even Chuffy's smart enough to know that it probably wouldn't work since everyone's standing out in the open. So he does the next best thing - and charges at the spider, attempting to make some sort of a dive-tackle against it.
"BANZAIIIIII!"
During the ensuing wrestling match the little goblin attempts to subdue the spider long enough to get the leash around its 'neck' without being bitten.
Depending on the effects of being bitten, Chuffy's got this trait:
Pustular (Ex) - Your face is covered with unpleasant pimples and outright boils that have a tendency to pop at inopportune moments. Although this makes you particularly ugly, you are also used to discomfort. Whenever you’re subjected to an effect that causes the sickened condition, you may make two saving throws to avoid the effect (if a saving throw is allowed), taking the better of the two results as your actual saving throw.
"POOG HAVE TROPHY!!!!" The whelp frantically hops around, pointing to the blue badge stuck to his chest. Little Poog watches on as the other whelps manage to wrangle the spider with great success, and his cheer dance slows.. and slows.. and eventually comes to a halt. "Oh. Mogmurch have badge too. And Reta have badge. Chuffy have badge? Almost all have badge. Badge not.. so.. special anymore.." He plops over on his butt, defeated.
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Chuffy decides to go undercover. Undercover as a goblin smeared with goblin dog turd. His pustules pulse with amazing vigor as the source of their power is amplified ten fold. With a war cry to rival any whelp that has come before him (and a few goblin adults), he launches a surprise attack on the now weary and thoroughly annoyed spider.
The tactic proves nearly perfect as he lassos the shoelace around its head in the confusion and gives it a granny knot to keep it secure. In a rather odd turn of events though the small goblin hops on top of the tiny spider and yanks the reins, whooping at his victory. Blinky's eight legs give out from under him/her/it and it falls flat with a crunch. Lucky for him he walks off without anyone noticing his double granny when a triple was required.
Loptop raises both well plucked eyebrows and grins. Pickles here I come! She pulls out another blue badge and tosses it underhanded at Chuffy, preferring to keep some distance from the stink. "You win a badge, he win a badge, you all won a badge. Now I go get my pickles n you head to fire pit for next game." She runs off to the big hut.
After Loptop runs off for her reward, some of the other goblin tribe members drag off the crunched and broken Blinky and toss her on a smoldering fire. "8 legs much less scary and tasty with fire." He grins, a series of swollen fang marks mar his arms and legs from his time as Blinky's 'handler'.
Loptop returns quickly, a foul look on her face and not a pickle in sight or scent. "Oh great and stingy Chief declare no pickles until games are done, and no pickles if games aren't won.." She gives the group a death stare then explains the guidelines of the next game.
"Put hot rock in mouth then say mean thing to other whelp. The meaner n cleverer is best. Best be good cuz rocks get hot like fire. Don't suck." She points to a pile of small stones around the firepit then waves her switch towards the whelps. "Go already!"
"Ha! Easy!"
"You stinkier than a... uh... hmmm...." Reta can't think up a good insult. The stone blazes inside her mouth...
"Horse... butt... that stinks... mmm. My insult stinks! Let me try again."
"You so dumb you tried to ride on wolves, but you went to a dog kernel!" Reta laughs on her own joke a few times before finally spitting out the stone.
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Its no surprise that big tough Reta Bigbad is the first to stuff a hot stone in her mouth. Of all the whelps in the cage she took the longest to stop eating rocks. Why, there's probably still a couple rubbing together down in her stomach as we speak.
The crowd of goblins circle the great fire pit and watch the newest test. Well, some watch. Some are still digging out stubborn boogers, persistent ear wax, or dealing with an itchy anus. The crowd has grown though now that the smell of roasting food drifts through the village.
While Reta's mouth is quite heat resistant, her brain takes some time to warm up a good burn for her whelp-mates. Finally though she latches onto some low hanging fruit and insults Poog and his penchant for riding things. Rempty, one of the other whelps, pulls her attention away from Mogmurch just long enough to break into a full on snickerfest over whatever a 'dog kernel' was. Regardless, laughs are like lice: once one shows up pretty soon everyone has them.
"Good burn, good burn. You get prize big head." Loptop pulls out a small cone made of tree bark and hands it to the girl. "When you wanna make someone real skerd, use that." She smiles, remembering the trinket fondly. "Now go away, and stop eating my rocks." She kicks it back towards the fire to reheat.
"Who next? Blinky smellin' good..."
Mogmurch is confident he can prove his wit, even in the face of extreme pain.
Plucking a hot stone from the fire pit, he pops it into his mouth, and letting it dance about on his tongue and between his cheek and gums, he mumbles a clever insult at Kettlehead.
"Kettow-'ead 'ave too much boogers. Make 'ead fat wike muth-woom!"
Then he purses his lips and spits the hot rock at the star whelp. "Pick yer nose once in a while, why doncha!"
Poog chuckles slyly. Tossing insults was something being such a brave whelp lended itself to, and he felt right in his element as he tossed a hot rock into his mouth.
"You look like big ugly..." OW OW OW Poog pats his cheeks as the rock heats up, but he can't hold it, and he spits it away. "Not fair! Rock was cursed by longshanks god!"
"But rocks tasty..." Reta frowns as she has to step aside and let others eat rocks.
Mogmurch proves he can suck rocks with the best of them, and, after some extra thought, can toss out insults like a well trained self esteem assassin. However the target of his jab is no where to be found. In all the commotion you didn't notice him come back from the big hut.
Luckily, Rempty, Mogmurch's own personal tormentor, and good stooge of Kettlehead is there to take the brunt of the attack in his stead. The crowd jeers the young goblin girl and a shower of flicked boogers fly in her general direction (the ones that aren't eaten first of course).
Loptop nods acceptingly of the insult and even flicks her own booger at Rempty in a full on act of disgrace. Rempty runs off whimpering from the crowd. "Guess that one four feets." Loptop shrugs her shoulders and tosses Morgmurch his prize then hollers "NEXT!"
In steps Poog. So small, so mighty, soooo over that hot rock in his mouth! Before anyone can even look up from their finger he's already spit his rock to the ground. "FAIL! No prize for you!" Calls out Loptop as she looks towards the last... again. Chuffy.
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"Always save best for last," Chuffy remarks with a nonchalant shrug as all eyes turn to him - again. He walks forward and deftly scoops one of the hot stones into his mouth.
*CRONCH CRONCH CRONCH*
And proceeds to chew on it like a cow chewing its cud as he tries to think of a good insult. It takes a few moments but then, finally, you can almost see the tiny candle that pops up above his head as something comes to him.
~Woses awe wed,
Your bwood is too,
You wook wike a monkey,
And bewong in a zoo!~
Then he spits the chewed-on rock out of his mouth before it actually starts to do him damage.
What Chuffy lacks in personal hygeine and overall social skills (which are numerous), he makes up for apparently in hot rock sucking smoothness. He rolls the rock around in his mouth until a decent zinger comes to the forefront then unleashes it on... Mogmurch!
The crowd loves anything sing songy or rhymie. He hits both and a good guffaw is had by all. "Good, more badges. Here." She tosses him another mini trumpet. "Guess we know who need to do better." She looks at Poog before explaining the next challenge.
Blinky the once beloved/hated pet spider of the Licktoad Tribe is hauled off the fire and descended upon by hungry goblin spectators. The eight legs are quickly torn off and fought over like turkey legs on Thanksgiving. Over the roar of the chaos Loptop explains the rules n regs of the next challenge as she eats the spider's charred abdomen.
"Listen up whelps. Just because you do OK so far don't mean you done. BURP." A spray of spider web flies out of her mouth and onto Floop's face.
"We needs good fun to see while we feast and you gonna be that. The more it hurt the funnier it is right? Yep. And... go."
Reta climbs up one of the tallest huts she can. "Haha! Reta show you how to fall from up high. First you throw head forward!" She exaggerates a headbutt and her huge head throws her body off balance. She goes tumbling down off the cliff!
"See? Just fall head first and everything be okay..." Reta makes a fool of herself before collapsing.
Reta knows what she's doing when it comes to hitting others and herself. She climbs to the tip top of the Chief's Big Hut and proceeds to faceplant off the top.
Her efforts are more than enough to entertain the crowd as they pick spider hairs out of their teeth. "Ow. Maybe next time try a belly flop!" Loptop pulls out an old spring from the prize sack and gives it to Reta. "If you get hit use this and BOING! All better."
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"Wait for me, Reta!" Mogmurch follows the big girl, scrambling up to the top of the Chief's Big Hut. He teeters at the precarious edge of the roof. Then he stuffs a grubby hand into his pants and pulls three rocks out of his codpiece. The whelp tosses them into the air, juggling the unwieldy and funky stones with amazing skill for a goblin whelp. Then he opens his cavity-infested mouth in a full-throated thrash metal scream!
Things go boom when Mogmurch throws,
Much more fun than using bows.
Sometimes where the boom boom blows
Is not my fault—that’s how it goes.
On the next circuit, he tosses all three rocks into low-earth orbit, then swan dives off the roof. Arms and legs outstretched like an airborne crucifix, he hits the dirt hard with a sickening thud. Before the clouds of dust can settle, the three rocks land on his head in rapid-fire succession.
"Mosh Pit Dance!" Mogmurch yells as he staggers over to the hut to climb up and try again.
Chuffy watches the antics of Reta and Mogmurch with an expression that's as full of jealousy as it is begrudging admiration. His brow furrows in thought; he'd need something extra good and hurty to compete with all the falling stunts. As he thinks - it's a bit of a slow process - his eyes wander over to the burning fire and then down to his numerous boils and pustules.
And a slow grin creeps across his face as he gets an idea.
"Hey, who watching fire!?" Chuffy suddenly yells, leaping to his feet. "It getting low! That no way to treat a good fire," he huffs indignantly as he pulls out a bottle of harvested pimple squeezings. "Got just thing - bubble goop! It burns good."
The goblin then makes a show of racing forward as though to dump the bottle's contents onto the fire but as he comes within just a few paces of the fire he 'trips', fumbling the bottle and causing the contents to splash all over him as he takes a dive right into the edge of the fire and flames!
"Oh, owwww, fire really hurts...!" Chuffy whines; while the execution might've looked impressive he utter fails to actually sell that he's in any pain.
Mogmurch dooms himself as he tries to repeat the same act as Reta, or at least that's how it seems as the crowd barely looks up from their meal as he bounces three times after hitting the dirt. But his persistence pays off as he tries it again and this time manages to catch more eyes as he's obviously doing it in more pain.
"You bounce higher the first time, but second time looked like you really feel it. You get badge." She tosses him a rusty spring then hollers
Chuffy is the next to feel his creative juices flow, or maybe cash in on previously flowing 'juices' instead. He isn't wrong when he says the fire has been not properly maintained. The crowd has been quite distracted between eating and games to notice.. at least until Chuffy dumps a bottle of oil into it and boils a few of his own boils in the process. The ensuing "OOOOoo!" and "Aaaahhhhs!" however appear to be for the flames and not his personal discomfort.
"Fire like you Chuffy! More more!" Orders Loptop, her eyes on the dancing flames.
Hollers the crowd as they look to Poog who looks miserable in the corner after too much bog juice.
Poog looks up from his seat in the muddy marsh, wiping a length of snot off his face just as Chuffy burns himself. He leaps up in excitement. "Poog can make own fire, but might be too dangerous. Too bad, fire's fun. So much fun! It's okay, because Poog has different idea!"
The goblin fishes out the wooden goblin doll from his pocket, and marches over to the side of a hut. At the same time he punches the goblin voodoo doll in the face, Poog smashes his own head against the side of the tent, a big welt emerging from his round forehead.
.. Unfortunately, his head smashing is too enthusiastic, and he passes out.
Poog rouses himself (and also apparently his mini-self) and sets about adding more racket to Chief's Big Hut. His first smash is pretty funny, but not quite up to par. His second is far too unoriginal to get more than a smile as he falls over stiff.
A familiar face strides out of the hut and drags the snoring Poog back to the fire, leaving him in a heap. "Poog knock too hard, stupid Poog." Grins Kettlehead as he heads off into the tribe's garbage pit to find some breakfast.
Loptop gives Poog a little poke with her switch and shrugs "Poog not dead, or dead. Who knows, we find out later! Time for next game." She herds the remaining whelps towards the mud pit.
The whelps and goblins make their way over to the thick mucky mud on the edge of the village. Tall, water loving willows sway over head. Their weeping, drooping branches swaying in the slight breeze of this hot summer day. Underneath the trees a rich, dark mud has developed over time, perfect for wriggling pink earthworms.
"Ok, finally last game whelps. Scoop up muds, no hands or feets! Find wurms with tongue, gimme worm. Ok? Go." While the whelps have to do it the hard way, the rest of the tribe's goblins start picking and poking through the mud to find their own snacks.
"Hehe! Reta find worm! Reta find lots of worms!" And so Reta scoops a bunch of mud into her mouth.
Wait, that wasn't mud at all. "Hmm, tastes like chicken! But chicken not worm! Me try again."
"Mmm, now that taste like worm! Mmm mmm." Reta smiles, proud of herself. Only when Loptop glares does she realize something is wrong. "Oh, me not supposed to eat the worm? Seems silly, but okay."
Reta puts another scoop of mud in her mouth. "Oh! Oh! Me find worm- AGH!" The worm struggles down the wrong chamber and Greta begins a coughing fit. As she finishes coughing, she burps. "Second worm no go down easily. Oh right! You want worm alive." She feels her belly. "But me eat too many worms already. Me gonna sit next to Poog."
She wins the battle, but not the war.
"Look at me, guys! Do like Squealy Nord!" Mogmurch gets down on all fours, squealing like a pig and snuffling about in the dirt with his nose. "Maybe Kettlehead play banjo music, yeah?"
Mogmurch proves his swine-like prowess, raising his filth-covered chin with a grin, a worm dangling from his lips like a spaghetti noodle before he sucks it into his mouth with a wet smacking sound.
He swallows the first worm with a mud chaser, but practice makes perfect, and the early whelp-bird gets the second worm with no difficulty at all.
Loptop dumps a bucket of swamp water over Poog as the others start searching through the muck "Wake up, go catch me a wurm!"
She heads over to Reta and shakes her head "No prize for you." But then sees Mogmurch down on all fours present her with a wriggling gift. "Now that how you dig like pig. You get prize."
She pulls out what looks like a dried up worm and hands it to Mogmurch. "If bad thing gonna happen use this."
"Poo...oog..." Poog is slow to get to his feet, the bright red bruise on his forehead visibly throbbing. "Maybe dirt make Poog feel better?"
Leaning over, Poog pushes together his own personal mound of mud and then dunks his head in bruise first, the cool mud serving to sooth his injury. He comes away wuth a mouthful of mud. "Ish taste good!"
.. And quickly spits it out. "No worm here. Next pile!"
The next pile is worm-infested, but proves difficult to separate, and Poog gulps down the whole ball. "Poog try again, and Poog find worm this time AND POOG BECOME BADGE CHAMPION!"
By the time he's done, the unsuccessful Poog falls back on a filthy mess of sticky mud, a worm crawling across his forehead, just to rub it in.
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"Fire hot..." Chuffy grimaces; having executed his one grand idea to little fanfare he doesn't have much desire to try it again. Still, failure is frustrating and he takes out said frustration by stabbing a particularly fat beetle that crawls along the trunk of a nearby willow tree.
"Gotta go fast if you don't wanna get stabbed," he grins, feeling a little better as he ambles forward and belly flops into the mud. "Ahhhh," he sighs happily, the cool mud soothing his burns somewhat as he gets busy hunting for worms...
..but to no avail. The two that he manages to find slide down his throat before he can jockey them back out of his mouth.
"Ptooey! Mud extra thick today, can't eat anymore," Chuffy grouses. But he's not willing to fail another challenge, not after the last one. While still in the mud, he tries to surreptitiously fish the particularly juicy earthworm he's been saving for hard times out of his pocket and shove it into his mouth as though he'd only just found it.
"Ooh, I gots a good ones!"
______________
Loptop looks up and sees the wurm "For me? Good. You win prize." She slaps a dried up looking worm in Chuffy's hands and just gives Poog a look of disappointment.
"Games over. You didn't suck, that's good. Tomorrow you do more stuff, tonight you can do what you want out of your cages. Look around but stay outta big hut, Chief not talk to lowly whelps." Loptop starts off towards the big hut, then stops halfway there.
"Since you not suck I gonna give you a hint. Tomorrow you prove you ready to be real goblins and not die. Best you look around to find stuff to help you not die today." She heads off to the big hut to try weaseling those pickles.
Chuffy puffs out his chest in pride as Loptop ambles away to make her bid for pickles. "Hear that? We not suck! We is great!"
He pauses for a moment and then frowns at his burns. "But tomorrow even biggerer test? Gotta get ready!" The mud & oil & turd-covered goblin strides over to Poog, poking his fellow whelp in the chest with a single finger.
"Hey! I see you talking to that dolly all the time and wiggling your fingers around. Can yous patch me up? I'll be your bestest friend," Chuffy asks, offering a toothy grin.
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Poog scratches away the dirt trail the worm had left on his head, then looks up at Chuffy standing above him. "Huh? You be Poog's bestest friend? Imagine how many badges we can get if combine power!" Poog hops to his feet, a scornful smile on his face. "I'm not good at these games, but ask Poog about fire and... Well... Maybe you get to see it tomorrow, bestest friend!"
He takes his index finger and prods Chuffy's forehead.
"Poog say Zarongel is the best, he help burn things and heal the rest.
Zarongel’s favor makes Poog blessed!
... And Poog also stab you with knife if you make fun of how he isn’t good at riding animals."
Mogmurch narrows his eyes, watching the grown-up goblins. He picks up a stick, unsatisfied with its weak swishing.
"I bets the old ones have some dog-slicers or horse-catchers. Let's see where they puts 'em. Then we can steal 'em!"
A flick of inspiration flashes across the whelp's face. "We should sneak inside Big Chief's hooch and steal some good stuff. Wanna try?"
Reta's feeling good. Belly full of worms. No one made fun of big head. Maybe she grab a stick, maybe some rocks and go to sleep.
But this Mogmurch guy. He's smart. She nods. "Big Chief be big proud if he sees us with dog-slicers. Then he know. He know we are bestest goblins!" She laughs and coughs some mud out of her mouth.
"So, what's the plan?"
"I like his idea, better than using dumb old rocks and sticks! Big Chief keep all the good stuff for himself I bet," Chuffy nods eagerly, always ready to cause trouble. "We wait until asleep and sneak in, yeah? Or Moggy gots a better idea?"
"Poog likes idea. Let's be super sneaky, use mud for cover!" Poog scoops up a ball of mud and rubs it all over his face.
"Yeah, Chuffy, good one. Wait till they's asleep, then we sneaky-sneak inside and find good stuffs."