Kettlehead got a good night's sleep last night and resists the tiring sermon of Poog.
Enraged that Kettlehead refuses to die, Mogmurch reaches into his pants again and pulls out another swamp gourd filled with fire paste.
Mogmurch thinks about smashing a flaming squash over Kettle's pot, but before he does so he figures he should step back 5', out of range of the goblin's stabber.
His aim is off just enough though due to Reta and Chuffy mixing it up in melee and the squash goes goes wide right, scorching Kettle, Rempty, and Chuffy with burning hot seeds.
Kettlehead pulls the burning squash guts off his face and screams "Moggy gonna stop that, stop that right NOW!" He steps forward and hacks.
Culgick steps ahead to help his fearless leader clean the hot squash guts off "I'll help, lemme help. Rempty not helping, I'm helping!" He finally says something but lucky for the whelps it doesn't involving clubbing them.
Rempty though has other ideas, stepping up to flank Chuffy with Kettle and bops him over the head.
Bold is up!
Mogmurch -2
Kettlehead -3
Rempty (Pink) -1
Culgick (Orange)
Poog
Reta -1
Chuffy -6
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: Trees and plants are difficult terrain.
Reta keeps up the pressure (?) on Kettlehead.
Maybe she has a chance?
Though Chuffy's looking pretty rough his pride as a goblin and as the Would-Be Bestest Stabber in the tribe won't allow him to run away. Oh yeah and his companions. They're pretty okay too and it'd really suck if they died because then he'd have to find new ones and it's really hard to find other goblins that he doesn't want to stab.
"H-hey! You leave Moggy alone! Any gobby that keeps liquid fire in his pants is way cooler than Kettle-dead!"
With that, Chuffy steps away from Kettlehead's two cronies and back into flanking position with Reta. He tries once more to introduce the big-headed goblin to his new stabby friend...
Poog gasps as Chuffy take another stab, unhappy that his own attempts to even slow Kettlehead's bullying have been futile. "If Poog can't stab, Poog help friends through the power of Zarongel!"
The goblin circles the party before horking up a ball of ... something into his palm, rubbing his unholy symbol and tapping Chuffy's behind.
Lucky for Mogmurch, Kettlehead's blow lands squarely on his Happy Beat Licktoad Badge. He's spared the wound, but knocked through the air before landing on his feet.
Mogmurch pulls out a rock and throws it at Kettlehead.
Reta and Chuffy tag team Kettlehead but both come up just short as their stabs and slices land but fail to penetrate his rag tag leather armor. Poog has other ideas as he moves away to heal Chuffy. Kettlehead lashes out with his dogslicer once Poog takes his eyes off the immediate threat. Luckily he doesn't connect and Poog introduces Chuffy to the softer, phelmier side of Zarongel.
Seeing Poog making magic makes Kettlehead nervous so he tries poking the little whelp one more time... whiffer!
Rempty and Culgick just stand there since is obvious Kettlehead has this under control. "I'm hungry. Pickled fish heads sure sound good."
Bold is up!
Mogmurch -2
Kettlehead -3
Rempty (Pink) -1
Culgick (Orange)
Poog
Reta -1
Chuffy -4
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: Trees and plants are difficult terrain.
Reta keeps swinging.
And keeps missin'!
"Zarongel's healing boogers! No way Chuffy fail now!"
Feeling a bit more energized thanks to Poog's questionable choice of healing salves Chuffy stabs at Kettlehead with renewed fervor!
And maybe finally manages to nick him!
Steam coming out of his floppy ears at his inability to hit the goblin bully with gourds and rocks, Mogmurch grabs his club and steps toward Kettlehead. "Aargh!" the whelp growls in frustration.
Having successfully loogie-healed Chuffy, Poog decides to go back to smashing business with his club, stepping through the mud to get closer to Kettlehead. "I try this again!"
Reta continues to practice with her new dogslicer, but Chuffy shows her just how its done, taking another wee sliver off his nose with a well placed strike.
Even Poog gets in on the action with a love tap of his own, leaving a small bruise on the man's rear end. Neither blow is enough to bring down the pride of this year's whelp class though. Mogmurch waves at him with his club, swatting an annoying mosquito.
Kettlehead can see the toads, the burnt and crispy toads, that Poog carries and hollers again! "Gimme all yer toads!" Then promptly cuts him slightly.
Rempty and Culgick step in to help Kettlehead and bring their clubs down on Reta and Chuffy. Reta takes some solid bruises while Chuffy avoids the swing.
Bold is up!
Mogmurch
Kettlehead -4, -1NL
Rempty (Pink) -1
Culgick (Orange)
Poog
Reta -3
Chuffy -4
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: Trees and plants are difficult terrain.
"No, don't hit my head! Hit Kettlehead!" Reta reels from the blows.
"Like THIS!" Reta focuses for long enough to get one solid blow on Kettlehead.
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With a mighty hack, big head Reta removes Kettlehead's kettle from his shoulders. Everyone goes silent as it falls to the ground in slow motion. The only sound to be heard is the soft THUD of it landing in the path. It rolls over and you swear its mouthing the word TOADS over and over. Or maybe that's just what your eyes and brain want you to see. All he wanted was his own toad. It wasn't his fault he was deathly afraid of stagnant water.
Rempty and Culgick stop mid swing and gulp, throwing down their clubs and taking a few steps back. All is silent for a few tense moments until Culgick has the first self induced idea of his entire life "All hail new Kettlehead! Biggest, bestest one ever!" He reaches down and picks up the severed head, shakes it a few times until it falls out of the tea kettle, then sets it on top of Reta's oversized melon.
"Umm, fit real good. Heh." No one is surprised to see the kettle only half fit. One size fits most.
Despite the grandiose label, each bottle is simply a potion of cure light wounds cut with grain alcohol, peppermint, and seawater. Each bottle has a faint aura of conjuration magic. Swigging from a bottle requires a standard action and provokes an attack of opportunity just like drinking a potion, but restores only a single hit point. Each bottle contains 4 hit point-restoring swigs.
"That's right. Now I'M the Kettlehead!" Reta laughs as she finds herself the new queen. "We need to bring the toad to the cave now!"
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"Whoa! Chuffy normally likes to stabby-stabby but Reta's style pretty cool," Chuffy whistles with admiration. He makes a mental note to add Reta to his Goblins to Not Cross *or* Stab Unless He Absolutely Has To list. Luckily it's easy for him to keep track of with his brain because it's a pretty short list.
"Least you two smarter than look, know when to quit," the pustule-covered goblin adds, grinning toothily at Rempty and Culgick. "You go tell all tribe how awesome we are!"
Chuffy then turns his attention to the spoils of war, eagerly grabbing for the solitary leather boot. He takes a moment to chew on the toe with his teeth before nodding with satisfaction and slipping it on his left foot.
"Niiiiice!"
"What bottles for? Look dumb and smell funny!"
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Reta adjusts her helmet as she stares at the former Kettlehead.
She wastes too much time fiddling with the helmet to take a good look at his equipment. "Does this make my head look big?"
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Mogmurch picks up the shortbow and arrows. "It looks kinda complicated, but maybe it works better than my rocks and gourds."
He disrobes the erstwhile Kettlehead. "Anybody want his leathers?"
The whelp picks up the bottles with the picture of the hideous elf lady, very careful to keep his fingers away from the scary words on the labels. He pulls the corks, sniffs the contents and sticks his obscenely long and dextrous tongue inside and takes a tiny sip.
"Yummy! These taste like grain alcohol, peppermint, and seawater. They'll heal boo-boos as good as Poog's boogers!" He stuffs one in his pants and passes the other three to his friends.
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"Huh? As good as Poog's?" She sniffs the potion and almost retches. "You sure? Smells funny..."
She takes one of the bottles. She drinks most of the contents and is startled as her wounds close. "Oh! I get it. Some big smart goblin put ugly lady and yucky smells so no one would steal it!" She pockets the rest of it.
The group briefly celebrates their hard fought victory, apparently with Reta the newly crowned 'Kettlehead' of the group. Rempty and Culgick run off back towards the village, happy to not have been beaten for their trouble.
Mogmurch claims the bow sans string and the arrows made of beaver sticks and grouse feathers. They don't look like much but they probably still fly straight. All you need now is some sort of string or lace for the bow...
Reta styles her new undersized crown and drinks up from the restorative hooch. Her wounds close up completely and her breath smells far better than usual.
Chuffy takes an increased stock in Reta's stabbin' and slicin' skills as he chews on the old boot, laces dangling in the breeze. Mogmurch hands him a bottle of the peppermint schnaps, as well as to Poog.
Poog meanwhile is far too busy digging out that stray crusty boog that's been bothering him since Weal day to say much of anything.
The group heads off towards
They've heard the stories. Snippets here and there from the other goblins: A dread spirit lives within, waiting for their fear to overtake them so it can swallow their souls. Only the power of the toads protected them from going insane completely. Its a damn good thing they've found some toads and not given them all away!
In the shade of gray cypress trunks, a sagging human-made cave squats on the muddy ground, overgrown with swamp brambles and leaning precariously to one side. The sun is getting low over the trees and the night time bugs have begun to sing. Your toads squirm nervously (or hungrily) in your grasp.
Reta keeps her toad help close, but her shield and dogslicer closer. "Ha! Me no scared! It's just cold in here."
She takes a look around the cavern as they enter.
"Hey Moggy, you find string in Big Chief's hut right?" Chuffy queries as the group finish divvying up the spoils and prepares to set out once more. "You should use with new bow! But...if Chuffy not remembering good and Moggy not find string, guess you can use string from new shoe," the little goblin offers.
Keep friends in stabbing distance and enemies even more in stabbing distance. But be nice to friends sometimes.
"And Reta has biggest head now! Ain't got nothing on Kettledead head," Chuffy replies to the she-goblin's question, cackling gleefully. He can make the nicest mouth-words! When he feels like it, anyway.
When the group finally arrives at the Cave of Darkfear, Chuffy eyes the entrance - or where he thinks the entrance is - warily.
"Mostest danger now. Chuffy drink stinky boo-boo healer now, guess..." he mutters as he begins to chug the entire bottle that Moggy passed to him.
______________
Poog takes a pebble and scratches it against the label on one of the bottles. "Weird stuffs on bottles, Poog's treasures of Zarongel are much better are making you feel gooder anyway!" He pats his nose, aka the 'treasure' hoard.
At the cave of Darkfear, Poog sniffs the air curiously as he looks as his cooked toads. "What do we do here again? Bring toad into cave and throw in water? Poog not remember..."
"String?" Mogmurch echoes Chuffy. "Oh. Duh."
He takes a couple of minutes to untangle the string, rope, twine and loops a section between the two ends of the bow.
The whelp pulls back the bow and releases it. *SLAP* "Ouch!" The string slaps his forearm. "Very scary weapon!"
---
Arriving outside the Cave of Darkfear, Mogmurch clutches his toad and peers inside.
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Reta clutches her shield tightly, shivering a bit and complaining she's cold, even though its perfect swampy goblin weather out. Maybe she's nervous. Who wouldn't be? Chuffy meanwhile chugs his healing schnapps and feels right as rain.
Between the two brains of Chuffy and Mogmurch, along with the nimble fingers of Mogmurch, the bow is restrung and ready to launch stabby sticks at all who deserve it.
Poog checks on his booger reserves and tries to remember the directions given to the crew by Loptop:
“You maybe think you be tough because you got out of your baby cage, whelps? Psht! You no be goblins. The only real goblins
are Licktoads, and a Licktoad without a toad is just… lick. So. If you want be Licktoads, you need to catch a toad at Tadpole Bog
and also not die. Then you take the toad to Cave of Darkfear and also not die. Then you show your toad to the Darkfear spirit and sing, and maybe if you really are a goblin, then you also not die. Get toad. Show spirit. Sing Song. Kill anything that wants to stop you. Don’t die. “That last part is very important.”
The group heads inside. The interior is dark, but goblin sight pierces the gloom, revealing leaning and partially collapsed shelves, heaps of shattered pottery, a junk-strewn table, and rusting animal traps. A partially mummified but mostly skeletal human body slumps against one wall. A broken-off, cobweb-strewn horsechopper juts from the corpse’s chest. The head on the corpse leans back against the wall, empty eye sockets open and looking in your direction. A breath of breeze slides through the room, rustling the wispy hairs on its chin.
"Umm... Darkfear spirit. And sing?" Reta pulls out her toad and approaches the corpse.
"Uh, you are Darkfear spirit?" She asks.
Poog prances up to the corpse and pokes it with the back of his unholy symbol. "I think he is Darkfear spirit Reta," the goblin pokes at the body.
Seeing little effect, Poog eventually takes out his cooked toads. "Loptop say show spirit toad and sing song. Poog knows only one song..."
HRRRRRRRCHHHHH
Poog clears his throat.
Can't quite get that last piece, though.
RRRCHHHHHHH *GULP*
There we go.
"Now Poog sing!"
"Poog say Zarongel is the best,
He help burn things and heal the rest.
Zarongel’s favor makes Poog blessed!"
"What's wrong, Poog? Got a toad in yer throat?" Mogmurch slaps his thigh at his own jest.
Tossing the horsechopper to Reta, then straddling the dead man, Mogmurch holds his toad like a microphone and croons to the Spirit of Darkfear Cave.
Things go boom when Mogmurch throws,
Much more fun than using bows!
Sometimes where the boom boom blows
Is not my fault—
"Think Poog like Zarongel's healing boogers, like...like a lot," Chuffy remarks, a bit lamely. "Don't hog them all, Poog! Might need for later!"
Chuffy then produces the plump toad he'd captured earlier and holds it up for the corpse to 'see'. "Biggest toad! Chuffy find biggest and bestest toad in whole swamp! See? Now you hear bestest song, too!"
~Chuffy’s face might make you sick,
But Chuffy’s knife is awful quick.
And if you are his stabby pick,
Then knife goes in you stick stick stick!~
"Made that up myself," the goblin adds, puffing out his chest.
"Oh! We sing to this spirit!" Reta quickly corrects herself. "Ha, me testing you all. Now me sing Reta's song!" She holds the toad up high.
"Reta chop and Reta bite!"
"Reta slay and Reta fight!"
"Reta stab and Reta smite!"
"Reta kills it all just right!"
She laughs, then quickly adjusts her Kettlehead helmet. Does it not fit? No, it must be Kettlehead's ghost!
For some reason this group of whelps is far cockier than most who dare venture into the Cave of Darkfear to confront to the spirit. The mummified remains of the longshanks remains in place, even as Poog goes so far as to poke it. He then clears his throat of any escaping Zarongel's magic mucus and gives his best rendition of Poog's greatest hit single. Nothing seems to happen.
It does quiver and shake a bit as Mogmurch pulls the long since rusted away horse chopper out of its chest. A pair of broken ribs falling to the floor with a clatter on the mostly rotted slab wood floor. Yet it still does not rise and strike them down, even as Mogmurch goes so far as to straddle the dead man's leg and belt out his own personal fight song.
Chuffy steps up next, proudly displaying King Toady: Highest and Most Warty of all Licktoad toads. Mmmm sure seems a waste to not lick him, but the sticker and stabber resists.. for now. Proudly singing the song he worked on for days and days by himself as he stabbed anything that got too close. Still nothing.
Finally Reta completes the concert, singing with a lovely alto voice, a bit lower than you'd expect, but quite nice really. She adjusts her new hat, sitting quarter to on the top of her watermelon sized head. Nope, still nothing.
As the quartet finishes nothing seems to have changed. All their toads (save for Poog's) seem to be alive, well, and juicy. The corpse before them slouches against the wall, now minus the decayed horse chopper and a few broken ribs, but still stiff and stoic. But when all seems to be boring and lame, an angry chatter can be heard under the table! A pair of tiny furry heads with black robbers masks pop out of some clumps of dead leaves. They look at you and chatter and hiss then scurry around your feet and bite at the surprised goblins!
The Pink stained robber nibbles at Poog's leathers harmlessly, but the Orange one takes a painful chomp on the toe of his new boot!
Before the goblins can hardly look down the Pink robber has climbed up Poog's leg and starts chomping on his neck!
Bold is up!
Raccoons! (Animals) Also known as grabby cats to the goblins. If you beat the check by 5+ then fire away some questions.
Grabby Cat Pink
----------
Mogmurch
Poog -3
Reta
----------
Grabby Cat Orange
----------
Chuffy -1NL
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: None
"They're grabby cats!" Mogmurch shouts. "Longshanks call 'em Rack-Oonz."
"Let me get the orange one off ya, Chuffy!" The whelp swings his club.
Mogmurch knows quite a bit about the grabby cats actually. He used to watch them dine on all manner of stolen food from the Tribe's camp. They would sneak in and steal any lost fish heads and lug them down to the stream and wash all the goblin filth off of them before chewing them up with their sharp pointy teeth.
While their teeth are sharp, they do have some 'grabby' little paws but their claws are too small to do much more than pick the marrow out of small bones. You could probably kill them pretty easy if you managed to hit their tiny, agile bodies with your stabbers or clubbers.
Mogmurch's club whiffs.
"Gah! They so grabby! Stand still!" Reta prepares to chop into one of the cats.
Well, that didn't help!
"Rack-oonz?! Look like small furry horse with long tail. So not like horse at all. KILL THEM!" Poog screams, swinging at the fluffy orange cat with his club.
Mogmurch fills the group in on what they're fighting. Definitely animals with small, pointy teeth. He's unable to do much more though as he swings and misses.
Reta plays patty cake with one, and loses.
Poog tries to help Chuffy out even though one is all up in his grill, snacking on his goblin chops. He does manage to graze it thanks to Mogmurch's distracting flanking skills. Which is enough to snap his teeth at thin air!
Bold is up!
Round 1
Grabby Cat Pink
----------
Mogmurch
Poog -3
Reta
----------
Grabby Cat Orange -1NL
----------
Chuffy -1NL
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: None
"AIIEEEEE!"
Chuffy drops all pretense of playing tough and shrieks like a little girly goblin as one of the grabby-cats attempts to gnaw his toes off. He lurches back, bumping into the ruined, broken table behind him as he frantically swipes at the beast with his dogslicer!
______________
Chuffy's fear of tiny mammals is now exposed as he scrambles up, over, and through the old rotten table. He swipes at the grabby cat with the stained orange paws in a futile attempt at raccoon murder.
Pink continues to chew on Poog's neck, tearing out another large chunk of flesh. Poog wobbles on his feet at the loss of blood.
Bold is up!
Round 2... FIGHT!
Grabby Cat Pink
----------
Mogmurch
Poog -5 (Staggered at 0hp)
Reta
----------
Grabby Cat Orange -1NL
----------
Chuffy -1NL
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: None
[b]"Die, Grabbycat!" The Mogmurch steps forward and swings his club at the orange one again.
"Poog not feel so good..." The goblin bounces his head back and forth, trying to get the stars out of his vision, and whacking his club haphazardly at wherever he thinks the raccoon may be...
Mogmurch tries to connect but the tiny creatures are just too nimble to get a solid swing on.
Poog wobbles to and fro, where his club goes nobody knows. He swings wildly then falls over onto the floor bleeding.
Reta is now all that stands between victory and Da feet.
"Poog, no sleeping on the job!" Reta steps over and swings her horsechopper at the grabby cat threatening Mogmourch.
Reta's badge falls out from underneath her helmet, nailing the stripey in the eye just as she swings!
Reta hacks into the orange coon with her dogslicer and cleaves it in twain. She's really starting to get quite a reputation for murdering innocents here. The remaining grabby cat flees the cave after its boyfriend was murdered by loud intruders.
Battle Over!
Poog lies on the flood with blood flowing freely from his neck. Everyone else, what do you do?
Mogmurch
Poog -6 (Dying at -1/5)
Reta
Chuffy -1NL
Reta looks down at Poog. "Oh... Poog not looking so good." She fumbles for the rest of the potion with the ugly lady with the foul-smelling liquid. "Zarongel, me so sorry! But Poog can't see you yet!"
Chuffy coughs awkwardly as he lowers his dogslicer.
"Only acting. Not scared of stupid grabby cats at all."
Turning his attention to the bleeding and unconscious Poog, all he can do is shift from foot to foot as Reta forces the last of her stinky potion down Poog's throat.
"Not got healing boogers...but maybe Poog still have some up his nose? Might help!"
Chuffy looks around and grabs a small splinter from the broken table before kneeling down next to Poog and tipping his head back.
"Oooh, bet there's big boogers up there!"
The goblin seems rather intent on doing exploratory nasal surgery but is it really a good idea? Chuffy sure seems to think so!
Mogmurch walks over to Poog, and crouches down next to him. "Open wide."
He pours the contents of his hideous-elf-lady-scary-words vial down his friend's gullet, restoring him to full health.
Then the whelp takes a careful, curious look around.