Mogmurch steps toward the man, throws his rock and draws his club.
Reta finds her initiative and bravely charges in with her dogslicer.
"Reta distract longshank while Poog club him, ok? Ok!" Poog takes out his stick and swings it at the man's knees!
"Ooh! Longshanks vol...vol-UN...um, sign up for stabbing!"
Clearly very excited to have a volunteer Chuffy pulls out his doglicer and smoothly dive-rolls off the table he's standing on, dashing up next to Poog and Moggy.
"Say hello to little friend," the goblin grins wickedly as he waves the weapon at the man, ready to get to work...
______________
Like in a slow motion B movie, Gunders watches a stone hit him squarely in the nose, then winces as a blade slides neatly into his back. Before he even knows it he's surrounded by hyped up, chirping goblins. Poog waves his club at the man, who doesn't seem interested in waving back. "I'll run you through, one at a time if I have to!" He grunts, stepping back out of the flank. Its obvious he's done this a time or two, swinging at Reta.
His aim is good and Reta gets slashed across her shield arm.
Bold is up!
Poog
Mogmurch (Hasted)
---
Gunders -6, -1NL
---
Chuffy
Reta -2
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is.
Mogmurch closes with the longshanks and swings his club at him.
"Stupid longshank, you outnumber by..." Poog looks at his companions one at a time, as if counting. "You outnumber by ten to one! You die like devil horse!"
Poog bends at the knees and leaps up onto the adjacent barrel...
He's actually awesome at it, and does a signature Poog twist midair.
Afterwards, he digs the magic stick into a nostril to give it a fresh coating, and drags it across Reta's shoulder.
Reta regains her footing as the man slashes her. "Grrr! You tried to hide horses! Horses must die!"
Reta is so excited to kill the evil horses she slices into a bale of hay.
Mogmurch thwaps his club up against the man's chain shirt, bouncing off harmlessly, while Poog nails an impressive high jump, draws out his wand and arms it for healing use. He smears the boogie across Reta's slice, sealing the blood in.
Reta stabs up some hay, stabs it good.
"Horses? Evil horses? What are you all crazy? All that's in here are goats and chickens.. pigs outside!" Goblins...
Chuffy is up!
Poog
Mogmurch (Hasted)
---
Gunders -6, -1NL
---
Chuffy
Reta
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is.
Feeling the sugar rush, Mogmurch steps into a flanking position with Reta and swings his club twice at the man.
"Stabby stabby, just what Doc Chuffy ordered," Chuffy giggles maniacally as he steps around Moggy and attempts to get in on the action!
Chuffy gets in on the stabby action, nicking Gunders with his dogslicer. It doesn't seem like much, but its enough to make up Gunders' mind "Ya, this ain't worth it, burn the whole place to the ground, I don't care, I'm out!" He carefully retreats through the barn towards the dirt road to the west.
Poog
Mogmurch (Hasted)
---
Gunders -7, -1NL (withdrawing)
---
Chuffy
Reta
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is.
Not all Longshanks are bad. This one understands the importance of burning horse lairs down. Reta lets him go.
"Burn the horses down!" Reta looks for a source of fire to do her thing.
Under normal circumstances Chuffy would be loathe to let a stabunteer get away...but with all the noise and food and CRITTERS and colorful paper and and and...
Well. It's very distracting. And then Reta comes up with probably the bestest idea he's heard so far - today, anyway.
"Hey! You come ba...oooh, yeah! Fire, fire, hehehehe! Burn it all down!"
He eagerly looks about for something that he can use to start a fire or help Reta start a fire with.
Reta lets the one-eyed longshanks flee the barn, agreeing with his idea: BURN IT DOWN. Both she and Chuffy quickly switch gears from stabbing to burning. Unfortunately, while the barn would easily light up (there is hay everywhere), neither see a living flame in the structure. One may think this was intentional considering the flammability and presence of quite a few farm animals. All of which look nervously towards the group.
Smelling the smoke in the air you can tell the longshanks was smoking flayleaf: a sedative drug that makes you weak and tired.
While half the group looks for fire, everyone can hear the ongoing chaos popping up around the farm. Screams of goblin glee echo around the wedding, mixed in with both screams of pain and panic, as well as angry cursing longshanks.
"I got flint and steel, guys! Let me help!" Mogmurch squeals, sparks flying.
Mogmurch swears he's smelled that smoky smell before. Sometimes Nasty Grammel would smell like that: the longshanks was smoking flayleaf, a sedative drug that makes you weak and tired.
Once Mogmurch breaks out his flint and steel it doesn't take long for the hay to catch some sparks. Small puffs of smoke grow into louder, crackling flames. The chickens and goats start panicking. Jumping, kicking, and fleeing their enclosures. The goblins can also hear the pigs in the outside pens start to squeal and bang around.
As the group admires the growing blaze they can hear a goblin outside, digging away at the cake: its the piggy looking one. He snorts and chomps at the sweet cake, smearing frosting on himself from head to toe. "I'm gonna eat this whole thing, its all mine!" He crows, blinded by sugar and frosting. Then he goes quiet, punched in the face by a VERY angry and very short girl longshanks in a bloodied fancy white dress. She screams before pointing towards the barn and its rising smoke. A slightly shell shocked looking man stands behind her in a fancy black suit.
"Who's the pig goblin?" Poog wonders. "Not matter, Poog wants cake and he will get cake! Let's go!" The goblin pounces towards the wedding cake. "Come friends, me need your help, nasty longshank lady more mad than swamp witch!"
"Fiiire." Reta looks at the blaze, mesmerized by the beautiful cleansing flames. Soon horse home will be gone.
"Cake? Ooooo, cake!" Reta runs off towards the cake- and the scary longshank. It's just another day for a Goblin hero.
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"Who let the pigs out? Who, who, who, who?" Mogmurch riffs, heading for the pigpens, wanting to get in on some of that action.
Giggling maniacally at the chaos, Chuffy looks around for something else he can get into. His eyes settle again on the tables, but this time he realizes that there's more than food upon them - no, there are things wrapped in shiny paper and festive ribbons.
"Ooh! More shinies!"
Ignoring the shrieking longshanks Chuffy makes a beeline for the gifts...
The group decides to let Gunders flee with his life intact, taking with him the foul smelling pipe he was smoking, not to mention the oversized weapons and armor. The barn is starting to go up in a glorious blaze, started thanks to Mogmurch's flint and steel. The chickens and goats inside it flee their comfortable stalls and food to escape into the growing chaos of the wedding.
The bride and groom show up to defend their stash of gifts, worried the goblins could make off with their 7 toasters, 3 sets of wine glasses, 4 sets of mismatched cutlery, and the prize of the whole event: 1 stand-up mixer.
The bride and groom look towards the burning barn as scores of chickens and goats flee out into the yard, adding further discord to 'Welma's Day'. Right behind them goblins also stream out of the burning barn, three run towards the cake, tables and gifts, while a fourth heads north towards two pig pens.
"They're burning down our barn Winnius, do something!" Shouts the bride. "I'm on it, shouts back the groom." They give each other a firm fist bump then crack their necks, ready to rumble.
Mogmurch (Hasted)
Poog
Reta
Chuffy
---
Winnius (Groom)
Welma (Bride)
Goat
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is. Treat any wandering animals as difficult. Goats are unfriendly... because they're goats. Chickens are just in a panic, pigs also in a panic.
Mogmurch opens a pigpen. "Live free or die, piggies!"
After encouraging the swine to pursue their liberty, the little goblin runs over to the other pen, intent on emancipating all of the pigs.
"Oooh, cake!" Reta double moves up to the table with her dogslicer ready. She's gonna have some yummy cake!
Try as he might, Chuffy can't really ignore the two longshanks that seem to be standing guard over the shiny packages and what's left of the cake.
"Ooh, ooh, ooh! If longshanks guard, must be good goodies in those shinies!"
With a wide, toothy grin Chuffy moves up towards the nearest of the pair - which happens to be the woman. "We come to collect!"
"Crazy longshank, we take you down and take your goodies and bring them back and be heroes of tribe!" Poog gloats, stomping up towards the mad bride. Except this time, he wipes some sweat from his armpit and whacks it Chuffy's back.
Mogmurch releases throws open the first pig pen then hustles over to the next one, intent on either rescuing the animals from the incoming fire or just wants to see them stir things up. One pig takes off in a panic, while the second one gives Mogmurch a sniff and follows him over to the other pen.
Reta, Chuffy, and Poog however have cake and gifts on their mind. Reta hustles over to the cake while Chuffy takes poorly aimed slice at the bride. Poog asks Zarongel to help Chuffy in the coming bridezilla battle.
"Think you can ruin my wedding do ya bunch of goblin whelps? I don't think any of yous know what ya gettin' inta!" She cracks her knuckles, then gives her groom a nod. "You got it big mama, time to bring the pain!" He too cracks his knuckles then moves to flank Chuffy!
Once he's in position his bride to be throws an errant haymaker at the disadvantaged goblin!
One of the nearby goats puts his ears down and starts swaying back and forth at the scrum, looking like he wants to show the others who's really king of the hill...
Mogmurch (Hasted)
Poog
Reta
Chuffy (AOO vs Groom)(Guidance)
---
Winnius (Groom)
Welma (Bride)
Goat (Getting riled up!)
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is. Treat any wandering animals as difficult. Goats are unfriendly... because they're goats. Chickens are just in a panic, pigs also in a panic.
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Mogmurch opens the last pigpen, shooing the hogs out and toward the crowd of longshanks.
Turning to the pig that followed him, he grins. "Hey, piggie, wanna get in on the action?"
Mogmurch points at the frenzied, screaming longshanks-woman-in-white.
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Reta sees tasty frosting, but this longshank in white is making a lot of noise.
"Longshanks don't want to share? That okay, we take your cake and eat it too!" Reta scuttles up to the longshank with her dogslicer ready.
Red's a better color than white, anyway.
As the pair of longshanks move to gang up on him Chuffy takes a clumsy swipe at the man...
...and, not surprisingly, misses.
"Stupid longshanks! Hold still!"
Blissfully unaware of the additional danger brewing just a few feet away, Chuffy steps back and takes advantage of Poog's position to flank the boisterous man.
"Fists not real weapon! REAL WEAPON IS REAL WEAPON!" he shrieks as he tries to slice into the groom. This cry apparently makes sense to Chuffy even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.
Mogmurch pops open the last pig pen door, setting two more piglets loose on the festivities. They race past the goblin squealing in fear and out into the farm. The friendly piglet cocks his head as Mogmurch directs him to join in on the attack. With a confused look it runs off in the direction he pointed, scuffing the ground with his hooves.
Reta takes a slice out of the bride, spraying her white dress with blood. Considering her Jersey Shore accent one might expect that a white dress is a bit of a stretch. Wholesome farm girl next door she is not as she winds up for another haymaker, this time on Chuffy. "You're next girl!" She swears, ignoring the cut.
Chuffy swings and misses TWICE! The second barely.
Poog calls upon his blessed pit stains to bless Reta in combat.
Winnius and Welma step together as a team, flanking Chuffy and trying to pulverize him with fists. The two each connect with a vicious right hook, rocking Chuffy's head back and giving him stars.
The ornery goat charges at a random target, trying to butt him with his small horns.
The fiesty pig sidesteps the angry goat This ass again? He's such a bully. He doesn't even climb as good as the other goats!
Mogmurch (Hasted)
PIG
Poog
Reta (Guidance)
Chuffy -7 (disabled)
---
Winnius (Groom)
Welma (Bride) -4
Goat
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is. Treat any wandering animals as difficult. Goats are unfriendly... because they're goats. Chickens are just in a panic, pigs also in a panic.
"On my way, guys!" Mogmurch screams, racing toward the newlyweds and loosing a rebel yell. "Woh–who–ey! Who–ey! Who–ey! Woh–who–ey! Who–ey!"
Reta runs up to the woman, dogslicer ready. "All cake!" Reta wonders why these longshanks don't know how to make parties.
Club still in hand, Mogmurch races over to the p-whipped longshanks-in-black-tie. "We gots 'im, Chuffy!"
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Not known for being especially bright (even among goblins), Chuffy doggedly takes one last swing at the longshanks man...
...and then faceplants.
"Chuffy dids iiiiit...."
"Nice one, Chuffy!"
Mogmurch turns to the bride. "Hope you had a pre-nup!"
"Yay Chuffy!" Poog cheers, even as the goblin falls over. Critically. "Looks like need Zarongel to heal you though. Here, Poog help!"
Mogmurch joins the fray but misses his clubbing. Reta also whiffs with her sword. Chuffy, in what is either a moment of self sacrifice, or maybe just stubbornness, stabs the groom deeply before falling over dying, dropping his sword in the process. Lucky for him, Poog applies a dose of wanded boogers to cheat death.. this time.
Both the bride and groom scowl as they see their work undone, they step to the south and surround poor Poog and attempt to tenderize him with knuckle sandwiches.
Welma lands a vicious jab but Winnius can't finish the combo, getting a scowl from his bride in response. "We can't let some greasy goblins get their hands all over our gifts, pick it up!" She presses a hand against her stab wound, not ready to give up so easily.
The goblin loyal pig and the stubborn this is MY farm goat trade mighty headbutts. Both animal's legs quiver from the impact, but both still stand and posture. Ready for another round of ultimate animal kingdom combat.
Mogmurch (Hasted)
Poog -3
Reta
Chuffy -1 (Prone, dropped dogslicer)
---
Winnius (Groom) -5
Welma (Bride) -4
Goat -3
PIG -2
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is.
Mogmurch shifts with the man-in black, and still enjoying his sugar-high, he swings his club twice, flanking the man with Poog. "I'll distract him, Poog. You clobber him!"
"Stupid longshanks! Make cake and wear red dress!" She swings at the bride again.
"Poog clobber? ... POOG CLOBBER!" Poog turns to the groom and narrows his eyes, then hops up and swings his club with all of his might!
As the healing energy flows into Chuffy his eyes flicker open and he blinks.
"Alive...? Chuffy alive! Hahahaha!"
With the realization setting in the goblin proceeds to kiss the ground, getting some blades of grass stuck in his teeth and up his nose for the trouble. But then the continued sounds of battle jolt him out of his euphoria and he remembers where he is and what he was doing. He shoots a baleful glare up at the longshanks man as he grabs his dogslicer.
"Still standing? Not how it works!"
Rather than stand up, he tries to make a vicious swipe for the man's legs and ankles...
...but misses by a country mile.
Mogmurch's speed is impressive. The way he can swing that club so many times and still miss is amazing. At the very least its distracting to the groom, but not distracting enough for Poog to land his strike either. Reta Big Bad Kettle Head has more luck, cutting another slice out of the woman's now tattered and increasingly bloody dress.
The bride and groom give each other a look and a head nod and change up their fighting style a bit. They start dodging and weaving more and focus less on precise jabs. Unfortunately for Poog he's still in their cross hairs. "I'll go high, you go low." Commands the Bride as they again attack in unison. Lucky for Poog they both go high and miss.
Round two of the epic goat vs pig battle continues. Round two goes to the Pig as he rams the goat in the ribs while dodging the return kick. The goat looks ready to give ground.
Mogmurch (Hasted)
Poog -3
Reta
Chuffy -1 (Prone)
---
Winnius (Groom) -5
Welma (Bride) -6
Goat -4
PIG -2
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is.
Mogmurch swings his club back and forth at the man, "We can do this, guys!"
"Why go high? Always go low!" Reta wonders where these longshanks learned to fight. Probably a dog taught them. Oh well, back at hacking at this bride.
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"Go low?" Poog scratches his head. Then his butt. Then sniffs his hand. "Remind me of longshank game called Limbo. Stupid longshanks look silly bending body back! Not surprise, goblin way smarter! We smash Limbo pole instead, like this!" He tries to whack mister suit and tie again...
"Hehehehe yeah, yeah, always go low...like this!"
Chuffy cackles gleefully as he finally draws blood yet again and, without thinking, leaps to his feet to do a little victory dance.
______________
Through the sounds of chaos, flames, and screaming around the farm the four young goblins finally click into the groove of what a goblin fighting force is meant to be: vicious. All four land blows, be it with sword or club. Mogmurch smacks the groom upside the head a couple time with his club. Reta continues to slice and dice the bride with her dogslicer. Poog bloodies the groom's nose with a well placed BONK while Chuffy hacks off a slice of hairy foot from the ground level.
In his excitement though he stands, opening up himself for a pair of knuckle sandwiches from the halflings. The bride lands a punch square on his nose, reminding him to never celebrate too early. "Think ya got us beat? We're a team to the bitter end!" The bride shouts as her groom still stands, bloodied and bruised. They continue to swing at Poog. With a well timed one-two punch, Poog catches two strikes to the face and the world goes dark. He falls over, dropping his magical healing booger stick and his club. The two halflings shift up to surround Chuffy, spitting their own blood on the ground in challenge.
Round three of the epic goat vs pig battle continues. Just like round 2, that feisty little squealer headbutts the goat square in the ribs, a cracking sound rings out and the goat topples over into the dust with a thud. Piggy then kicks some dust on the Goat to gloat in his victory.
Mogmurch (Hasted)
Poog -10 (Dying)
Reta
Chuffy -5
---
Winnius (Groom) -10, -1NL
Welma (Bride) -7
Goat -6
PIG -2
Party Buffs: Nil
Environmental Conditions: If it looks difficult it is.