[PFS] Fallen Fortress of Harsk! (Inactive)

Game Master Andrew Harasty

♫Twing, Twang, shootin' with m'crossbow!♫

Harsk fires his loaded crossbow at the nearest stinky fellow, then drops the bow and draws his axe as he steps forward.

Twing! (firing into melee): 1d20 + 3 - 4 ⇒ (10) + 3 - 4 = 9
Twang!: 1d10 ⇒ 9

Harsk drops the crossbow and grabs his battleaxe to take a swing at blue.

Great Axe
to hit: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13 to hurt: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 12

The Axes and bolts fly but only Li'l Harsk connects

The one on Sexy continues
Atk, Troglodyte Club: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (12) + 0 = 12

While the other still swing at Dwarven Ranger
Atk, Troglodyte Club: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (13) + 0 = 13
Atk, Troglodyte Club: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (19) + 0 = 19

Dmg, Troglodyte Club: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5

One finally hits, and there is much rejoicing.

Everyone is up, and Snooty can take an action from last round as well

Fortress Level 1 (0:00)

Group conditions:
Round 1

Lil’ Hasrk - dmg;
Harsk McHarsk von Harskenshtein - dmg; ;
Sexy Harsk - dmg; ;
Vagrant Harsk - dmg
Texas Ranger Harsk - 5 dmg
Snooty Harsk - dmg;

Troglodyte Guard, Red --
Troglodyte Guard, Blue -- 7 dmg
Troglodyte Guard, Green --

♫ Zingo, Zango, cuttin' with m'axe! ♫

Harsk drops his ever-more-dented crossbow and draws his axe, chopping at the troglodyte before him (green) as he continues his song.

Zingo!: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (1) + 3 = 4
Zango!: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 2 = 8

Snooty draws his axe as he stomps slowly into the troglodytes' barracks.

"Why can't a troglodyte be more like a dwarf?
Dwarves are so stalwart, well-bearded and hairy;
Eternally hardy, much more than those blasted elves... ree.
Who, when they are filthy, will simply have a bath? (Even if he had one just last month?)
Why can't a troglodyte be like that?
Why does every trog smell like owlbear poo?"

Snooty makes his way through the crowd -- "Excuse me, dear fellow. Pardon my boot, old chap." -- until he reaches a space wide enough for him to join the fight.

Battleaxe vs Blue: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (16) + 3 = 191d8 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9

Li'l Harsk drops his crossbow, holds his breath, and draws his battleaxe to swing at the for before him.

Swing: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8
Swat: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

The Harsk called Ranger retaliates.

Great Axe
to hit: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13 to hurt: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13

The Blue one goes down, while the other Harsk keep on axe-ing the wrong questions.

Morning Harsk Botting

Snooty steps up:

Harsk Axe: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9
Axe Dmg: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14

VonHarsk Joins the frey
Harsk Axe: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (7) + 3 = 10
Axe Dmg: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13

They swing back:
Atk, Troglodyte Club: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (6) + 0 = 6
Atk, Troglodyte Club: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (15) + 0 = 15

Missing their target Harsk!

Everyone is up, again. you have them surrounded.

Fortress Level 1 (0:00)

Group conditions:
Round 1

Lil’ Hasrk - dmg;
Harsk McHarsk von Harskenshtein - dmg; ;
Sexy Harsk - dmg; ;
Vagrant Harsk - dmg
Texas Ranger Harsk - 5 dmg
Snooty Harsk - dmg;

Troglodyte Guard, Red --
Troglodyte Guard, Blue -- DEAD
Troglodyte Guard, Green --

Confused about the botting - Snooty had been at the bottom of the initiative order, after the trogs, right? They went, I posted last night at 9:55pm CDT (7:55pm Paizo Daylight Time) for Snooty's round 1 action, while others were posting their round 2 actions, right?

Snooty takes a 5' step to flank the red-garbed trog with Li'l Harsk, and swings his already befouled axe.

Battleaxe vs Red, flanking: 1d20 + 3 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 3 + 2 = 111d8 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5

"I said '♫ Zingo, Zango, cuttin' with m'axe! ♫'

Zingo!: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21
Zango!: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 = 7

Sexy swings again!
Axe! Axe!: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7 for 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9 damage!

Just keep swinging.

Great Axe
to hit: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 23 to hurt: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

Confirm Crit
to hit: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (17) + 3 = 20 to hurt: 2d12 + 6 ⇒ (12, 12) + 6 = 30

I think I missed one Snooty's actions somewhere. Go ahead and makeo one more attack to catch up.

Harskenschtein swings his axe again.

Isharsk Newharsk's 3rd law of axes: Every axion has an equal and opposite reaxion: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14, 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3

Or I did - either way, thanks!

Snooty tries again to catch Red on the backswing.

Battleaxe vs Red, flanking: 1d20 + 3 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 3 + 2 = 111d8 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

Vagrant hits his trog, but Dwarven Ranger Harsk confetties the other trog. Though as the bits fall down the door opens and big Stink'm Trog appears

Small stinky trog on Vagarnt
Atk, Troglodyte Club: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (20) + 0 = 20
Atk, Troglodyte Club, crit?: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (9) + 0 = 9
Dmg, Troglodyte Club: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4

Big Stink'm Trog on Lil

Atk, Troglodyte Club: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 = 7

Everyone is up, again. you have them surrounded.

Fortress Level 4 (0:00)

Group conditions:
Round 3

Lil’ Hasrk - dmg;
Harsk McHarsk von Harskenshtein - dmg; ;
Sexy Harsk - dmg; ;
Vagrant Harsk - 4 dmg
Texas Ranger Harsk - 5 dmg
Snooty Harsk - dmg;

Troglodyte Guard, Red -- DEAD
Troglodyte Guard, Blue -- DEAD
Troglodyte Guard, Green -- 7 dmg

Big Stink'm Trog --

"Ow, you lil' stinker! Git outta here!" His song interrupted, Vagrant gloomily swings his axe again.

Harrumph!: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5
Take that!: 1d8 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5

If the big one comes to Harsk TR, he'll cut it down.

Great Axe
to hit: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22 to hurt: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5

Snooty Harsk snorts in annoyance.

"Must we be constantly beset by these malodorous malefactors of the murky, moonless depths of the Darklands?"

He stows his battleaxe and draws his crossbow, then begins hunting for a bolt to load it with.

Sexy swings away!

Hey Batter Batter!: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9 for 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6 damage!

Li'l Harsk takes a li'l swing of the axe.

Swing: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (17) + 3 = 20
Got that Zing: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

The little green trog that could seems to be immune to axes.

However Li'l makes a swing taking a chunk out then stepping back to let Drwaven Ranger Harsk take a swing and falls the larger brute.

The remaining Trog speaks in broken common "No Hurt I? I help! Let you in on big secret!"

The creature is willing to stop if you want to let him.

Fortress Level 4 (0:00)

Group conditions:
Round 3

Lil’ Hasrk - dmg;
Harsk McHarsk von Harskenshtein - dmg; ;
Sexy Harsk - dmg; ;
Vagrant Harsk - 4 dmg
Texas Ranger Harsk - 5 dmg
Snooty Harsk - dmg;

Troglodyte Guard, Red -- DEAD
Troglodyte Guard, Blue -- DEAD
Troglodyte Guard, Green -- 7 dmg; Waiting?

Big Stink'm Trog -- DEAD

"What? Now you want to talk?! You stinker!" Harsk is annoyed and in pain, but is willing to hear the trog out. Delay/accepting surrender.

"Your words better hold my interest." TR stands ready, but doesn't move to cut it down.

"Harumph! A talking troggie! What next?"

Snooty finishes loading his crossbow in case something else shows up, but will hold his fire while the little troglodyte says his piece.

"Not only that, I sing and dance. I am a triple threat"

With that the lights dim as the Trogolodyte now in a top hat and spat (no shoes, just the spats) starts to tap dance.

"One singular sensation, every little breath you take
One stimulating odor, with every snif that you make.
One whiff and suddenly nobody else will do
You know you'll never be lonely with you-know-who"

"Yer off beat and yer voice is scratchy. Don't quit yer day job." He starts to sing as a funky base beat starts.
♫"Now tell me something good.
Tell me what you know, yeah.
Tell me something good.
Tell me what I'd like to know now."♫

Snooty Harsk steps up next to Harsk DR, snaps his fingers, and sings,

"If you want us not to kill you, you gotta spill your guts
(Gotta spill your guts)
Tell us all your secrets, or this is where it ends
If you want us not to kill you, you have got to give
Talking is too easy, but that's the way it is."

Harskenschtein steps forward as well.

♫"Oh, Trog.
Oh, Trog.
Won't you say what's on your mi-i-ind?
And life
Your life
Will end with a li-i-ie.
Don't stop
Don't stop
Don't stop, or red blood will flash.
Be right,
Be right,
Or we'll take your head from yoooooouuuuuu!"♫

Vagrant Harsk, still grumpy, lies down and takes a nap while the other Harsks interrogate. "Oi! Keep it down!"

Sorry I've been quiet--PaizoCon was busy. Paizo should be back to normal tomorrow.

Li'l Harsk just quietly sighs during the song and dance routines. How can old people actually enjoy that kind of music? It is all sooo last Wealday, ponders the younger dwarf.

Sexy Harsk poses. Because Google Golarion is always watching.

Back from Paizo Con Will start this final bit tomorrow

You ascend the stairs to the top floor for the finale.

The four wings of the tower are completely open on this level, forming one great, cross-shaped chamber with arched ceilings. The decayed remnants of a carpet run from the doorways at the end of each wing, meeting in the center, where a spiral staircase drops out of sight below. A large, throne-like chair stands in the middle of the eastern wing next to a big chest.

The lights dim as a spotlight hit a lone troglodyte at the end of the hall sitting on a stone throne. Next to her is a albino crocodile playing a trumpet in accompaniment.

"Well Hello Harskies,
Welcome here, Harskies,
It's so nice to have you back where you belong
You're looking swell, Harkies, (wow)
We can tell, Harskies, (wow)
You're still glowin', you're still crowin'
You're still goin' strong"

The chorus of goblins, koblods and assorted fey, join in.

"Well Hello Harskies,
Time to smash, Harskies,
It's so nice to have finally have to kill you now.
Harskie'll never go away
Harekie'll never go away
Harskie'll never go away again"

She stands up and a flame blade forms in her hand. And the Crocodile puts down the trumpet and readies for you to close.

Everyone is up.

Fortress Level Top Florr(0:00)

Group conditions:
Round 1

Snooty Harsk - dmg;
Lil’ Hasrk - dmg;
Harsk McHarsk von Harskenshtein - dmg; ;
Sexy Harsk - dmg; ;
Vagrant Harsk - dmg
Texas Ranger Harsk - dmg

Tasskar -- dmg
Snapjaw (croc) -- dmg

"Well ooh la la! Bah! Ain't nuthin' but flash, no subst'nce!" Harsk begins to belt out his own song as he draws his crossbow and fires at the singing, dancing stinker.

♫Everybody knows that the trog in the hall 

Waited in fear for the axe to fall, 

The stinkers below all were slain 

With wrinkled noses and a little pain.

The Harskies used their heavy crossbows, 

Then polished him off with mighty axe blows; 

Up did smile the white crocodile, 

Said the Harskies “Kill you in a while”♫

Heavy crossbow: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 12
Pointy damage: 1d10 ⇒ 1

"Gentlemen, I suggest we make short work of this pretender to the throne. Not, of course, that any of us have the capacity for tall work without ladders."

Snooty Harsk steps forward (but not too far forward) and fires his crossbow, then quickly reloads.

Heavy crossbow: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 111d10 ⇒ 7

Fire at Tasskar then drop the crossbow to draw the axe.

Hvy Crossbow
to hit: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 3 = 11 to hurt: 1d10 ⇒ 2

Sexy Harsk fires at the trog in a sultry fashion, making eyes at the croc'o'dile.

Heavy Cross'd bows: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (7) + 3 = 10 for 1d10 ⇒ 1 damage!

Harskenschtein starts to move forward. However, his short legs aren't long enough to get him to the throne, so he prepares a strike.

20ft move, readying an attack for when they get within melee range.

A flurry of bolts fly over the crocodile and druid

Botting Lil
Li'l Harsk as well shoot his crossbow at the croc:

Xbow: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7
Dmg: 1d10 ⇒ 9

And Li'l adds to the collection of missed bolts.

Seeing that everyone is still at range the Snapjaw steps up and bites at vonHarsk. You can make your readied attack

Snapjaw Bite Atk: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 12

But does not get a hold of the stubby dwarf.

Tasskar move forward and strikes with her flameblade

Atk Flame Blade (touch): 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (10) + 6 = 16
Flame Blade damage (fire): 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (7) + 1 = 8

Everyone is up.

Fortress Level Top Florr(0:00)

Group conditions:
Round 1

Snooty Harsk - dmg;
Lil’ Hasrk - dmg;
Harsk McHarsk von Harskenshtein - 8 dmg; ;
Sexy Harsk - dmg; ;
Vagrant Harsk - dmg
Texas Ranger Harsk - dmg

Tasskar -- dmg
Snapjaw (croc) -- dmg

Readied attack: If I can make this readied attack, it will be axellent: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22, 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9

"Oi! Ya almost set ma beard on fiyah!" He swings at Tasskar.

I'm assuming, based on her position, she attacked me.

At this point, in terms of ax puns, I'm swinging for low-hanging fruit.: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (13) + 3 = 16, 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5

The dwarf, the ranger, the Harsk goes up to the crocodile and arcs the axe down on it.

Great Axe
to hit: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 3 = 11 to hurt: 1d12 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13

Sexy drops the crossbow and draws the axe as he charges toward the trog-singer!

Chargin' Axe!: 1d20 + 3 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 3 + 2 = 24 for 1d8 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5 damage!

"Bah, ya ruined m'song!" Harsk drops his crossbow, some of the caked-on filth falling to the floor on impact. He draws his grubby axe as he rushes forward to teach the interrupting trog a lesson about respecting the musical process.

Charging axe: 1d20 + 3 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 3 + 2 = 24
Thwack!: 1d8 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6

VonHarsk Readied action strikes the leader then a Trio of Axes hit the Trog Druid in perfect rhythm.

Though Dwarven Ranger swings over the head of the crocodile.

Still needing Li'l and Snooty

Fortress Level Top Florr(0:00)

Group conditions:
Round 1

Snooty Harsk - dmg;
Lil’ Hasrk - dmg;
Harsk McHarsk von Harskenshtein- 8 dmg; ;
Sexy Harsk - dmg; ;
Vagrant Harsk - dmg
Texas Ranger Harsk - dmg

Tasskar -- 24 dmg
Snapjaw (croc) -- dmg

Snooty sighs, drops his crossbow, and moves into the only open space in the line of Harsks, drawing his axe.

"I do feel it is beneath me to take arms against a mere animal when there is a true villain to fight, but I suppose needs must."

Battleaxe: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 121d8 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5

The dance line of Harsk forms and strikes fear in to all those that see it!

Snooty swings but still is over the head of the crocodile

Botting Li'l
Not seeing an opening Li'l Fires a wild bolt at the head trog

Xbow Attack: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21
Xbow Damage: 1d10 ⇒ 10

The Bolt flies though the cover of the kick line and strikes true!

A solid hit that takes down the Druid and cause the Crocodile to panic and flee.

The chorus of Goblins, Kobolds, and assorted Fey come out and sing

"Do you hear the Harksies swing?
Swinging the axes of angry dwarfs
It is the music of the dwarfs
that will no be made fun of again!

When the twanging of your bow
Echoes the clanging of the Axe
There is a quest about to end
When tomorrow comes!"

The large wooden chest holds Tasskar’s treasure, some of it gathered from within the Fallen Fortress: a masterwork short sword, 15 cold iron shurikens, two flasks of acid, a potion of cat’s grace, a potion of lesser restoration, a wand of summon monster I (CL 3rd, 9 charges), an amethyst worth 100 gp, and 247 gp in assorted coins.

The treasure chest bears the maker's mark of the "Mack, Guff, and Phine: Coopers, Carpenters, and Cobblers"

Inside it contains not only the Legendary Harsk-stone, but the Lesser Stone of Harsk, and the Stoned Harsk.

"Dude?"

With all the singing and dancing, Li'l Harsk stops and ponders, before deciding, "On second thought, let's not go to the Fallen Fortress. 'Tis a silly place."