Vizigog mutters some cryptic syllables under his breath - suddenly he can see in "Detect magic vision" (Like terminator vision).
Amongst the pile of loot the following items have a magic aura:
1 vial of black viscous liquid
The Spirit Staff of Narven (weak)
Decaying scroll.
Knu's ornate ring
Wand of Earths Ire
divvying of loot and such...
from Knu
Benzo takes Knu's two daggers, spins one in each palm and tries a few quick slashes. He nods and tucks them into the back of his rope belt.
He picks up the small rapier and waves it around a bit. He frowns and shrugs. "Nice looking blade! Feels a bit stiff though. And the weight is funny! Still, bet it's worth something, eh Mr Vizigog?"
He turns to the wretched Knu. Though he'd called him "wise" and "kind" in Common, Benzo knows that the equivalent words in Goblin are basically antonyms. So he is on his guard.
"Secrets to tell?" he asks in Goblin, "Then let's begin! What does this ring of yours do?"
Rolling for Sense Motive on Knu's response... 'cos he'll prolly lie, but it might be interesting to cross-reference against Vizigog's attempt to identify
from Nirashi
Benzo would like to take the Healer's kit and the 50ft. silk rope.
"This is great! I bet I could tie up a giant with this!"
from Grelm
Benzo prods forlornly at Grelm's corpse and sighs.
"A little tap on the head like that!", he says, "I thought it would only knock him out."
But in his heart he knows that, in the heat of combat, he lost control. There will be much to meditate upon, later.
He lifts up Grelm's loop of rope.
"Somebody want this rope? I've got soooooooo much rope already..."
He takes 2x pot. CLW and gives 1x pot. CLW to Vizigog, with a wink.
-----
Other than that I suggest taking all the MW stuff to sell and leave the mundane weapons and armour behind... at a glance I don't think any of it suits our PCs or NPCs?
hey this forum should be called "Vizigog and Benzo" BTW...
Vizigog is fooling about with his sack amongst a pile of elven entrails, "Urgh, wretched Elven hellhole, I say we put our Aboreal friends spark ability to good use what?" Vizigog sneered handsomely
Ignorant of his quasi-human friends bleating, Benzo acknowledged the man-orc cordially "Mr Vizigog, what say you of these draughts?"
"I say I'll have Cheliax mai tai, with a gypsys tear and a twist of lime......in a long glass" Vizigog scrutinized carefully the assorted potions...
Roll spellcraft for potion looky look
"Also" says Benzo as he nods toward the bound goblin knu "He had this ring on him" Benzo flicks the ring through the air and it halts a foot from Vizigogs face in midair, the ring then floats down to his outstreched green palm.
Lambert hoots and backflips with glee at the casual showmanship of the tall green mountebank.
Roll spellcraft for scrutinizing of said ring
"Indeed!" whispered Vizigog.
Vernon is poking around with the MW Greatsword, "These weapons are castle forged, they'll fetch a good price i reckon. And that Elf cunt was wearing a decent set of armour, worth a few hundred at least."
Vizigog examines the mysterious scroll, unfurling the magic parchment with meticulous grace
Roll spellcraft for scrollin
looks like Flash Harry would've nailed the scroll ID but bumbled the others...
So, we will have to see what Knu says about the ring. Also Crowley can probably ID it in 1 second when we get back.
To keep things moving, Benzo will also ask Knu open-ended questions about:
- his companions, the Black Banners
- how they came to kill that hobgoblin (and if indeed they really did!)
- whether he is going to be a good Goblin starting from now
Chris can roll additional Sense Motive checks on Benzo's behalf (at +6) to cover any Bluff checks Knu is making.
Following the resolution of that, I suggest we head back directly back to the Inn - Benzo will keep Knu's arms bound and his legs hobbled and also fashion a leash for him out of the silk rope (unless Knu rolls 20 on a Bluff check for pretending to turn over a new leaf I guess).
Finally, hopefully I can edit my settings somewhere so it will let me see the swears... I'm like "Elf coot? Elf crab? What's he saying?"
Vizigog examines the mysterious scroll, unfurling the magic parchment with meticulous grace
Roll spellcraft for scrollin 1d20+6
Hey Vizigog, do a roll for IDing the properties of the "Wand of Earth's Ire" too... (though it may just be a Wand of Burning Hands based on how it performed in action)
Vizigog rolls the ring accross his knuckles and furrows his brow in concentration. Beads of sweat break out on his forehead and a look of panic enters into his eyes.
"What a great ring!"
Benzo tuns to Knu and addresses him, using the goblin tense reserved for bound captives (Master would be pleased!) "Wretch, tell me of this ring!"
Knu grimaces for a second then resumes his composure "Oh that thing. Pretty ring but not magic. No, no, not magic. No protection magic. Hobbit is so strong, does not need protection. Knu is weak! Hobbit give ring to knu yes?"
Benzo shakes his head at the goblins pathetic attempt at subterfuge.
"Looks like this is a ring of protection. Perhaps the professor can tell us how powerful it is"
Vizigog, desperate to regain face after failing to identify the ring, makes a great show of manipulating the potion with his hands (not unlike David Bowie in the Labyrinth) as he attempts to determine its properties. This is impressive to the rest of the party at first but, as the performance drags on, the atmosphere become s decidedly awkward. Vizigog eventually places the potion in a pocket in his robes with a shrug.
He then draws out the scroll and, with the tiniest hesitation, begins to throw it around like a bartender in an upmarket cocktail bar. The scroll blurs as he manipulates it effortlessly behind his back, up through the air and between his legs. All thoughts of his previous failures are erased as the wonderous show continues. The man-orc confidently pauses for a second and takes a sip from a glass of water as the scroll continuous its acrobatatic dance about his person. In a glorious finale he throws the scroll into the air where it is seemingly transformed into a tiny angelic being who blasts a tiny clarion and proudly proclaims "This is a scroll of Make Whole" before disappearing in a cloud of rose petals.
Lambert stares wide eyed and slackjawed at the decending petals, an unopened banana in his hand. Vizigog steps forward and takes the banana from his grasp and peels it REVEALING THE SCROLL INSIDE!
"Here you go son, this is a divine scroll. You might have some use for it"
Grinning with pride at his companions masterful showmanship Benzo turns to Knu and the unpleasant task of binding him for travel.As he lifts him onto his feet he sees the sneaky little goblin has nearly worked one of hands free from the ropes. Benzo chides him and double-checks the knots, tightening them as much as his concience and Knu's whining will allow.
After consulting the map the party determines that the ancient road provides the most quickest, if not most direct, path back to the Splendid Puss.
As the weary adventurers make thier way back home, Benzo tries to extract some information from his captive.
"So sorry your friends didn't make it Knu..."
"Ha, they no friends! Knu much smarter! He trick big fool Grelm. Grelm want go work for lumber corp as guards at logging site. Logging company pay for good mercenaries. But Knu know that Druid's pineapple, pinapo.. panaoo... Druid's gear worth more than a years wages for mercanary. Knu make Grelm stay at Splen' Puss. Would have taken them into forest even if lawman not make us. Knu wanted to come back to inn for long time but need big dumb humans to take care of protector"
<Knu seems to be telling the truth, He seems very proud of his manipulation of Grelm>
"What about that Hobgoblin you killed, did you know him?"
Knu shrugs "It was dark, he was alone, he have fancy dagger. We kill, we take his things. Can't find dagger. Grelm very angry"
<Knu seems incredulous as to why you would need a reason to kill somone if you wanted something of theirs>
"Do you promise to be a good goblin from now on?"
Knu's eyes open wide and he smiles a cherubic grin" Of course! Of course! good, kind, Wise hobbit has shown Knu the error of his ways. Knu will study to be a monk like good master Benzo"
<Knu seems to be telling the truth. Oh how pleased Master Whitebrow will be if Knu came to the monastary and told him that Benzo had made him change his ways!>
hey this forum should be called "Vizigog and Benzo" BTW...
Ack - Will create a new thread once we start on the next leg of our adventure
Just to back up here, Vizigog instead secrets the scroll o make whole on his person, he has Use magic device skill so can use divine scrolls if he fancies, Lambert would probably just light the scroll on fire during some mastubatory jape anyhow
p.s what is the caster level of said scroll? 2?
p.s what is the caster level of said scroll? 2?
yep
p.s what is the caster level of said scroll? 2?
Ok - but it looks like it would require a 22DC use magic device check and a successful DC12 use magic device check to emulate the wisdom level required to cast it.
Use a Scroll: Normally, to cast a spell from a scroll, you must have the scroll's spell on your class spell list. Use Magic Device allows you to use a scroll as if you had a particular spell on your class spell list. The DC is equal to 20 + the caster level of the spell you are trying to cast from the scroll. In addition, casting a spell from a scroll requires a minimum score (10 + spell level) in the appropriate ability. If you don't have a sufficient score in that ability, you must emulate the ability score with a separate Use Magic Device check.
http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/skills/useMagicDevice.html
I don't think Lambert can read anyways
Benzo doesn't have any further questions for Knu.
His intention is to hand Knu into the power of the sheriff upon returning to the inn (that's so totally LG!) - since he now believes that Knu has been inspired to become a monk by his fine example, he will put in a good word for him.
Regarding masters at the monastery...
Master Shamly Strokebeard was Benzo's master and is the closest thing he has to a Dad. He's the guy mentioned in Benzo's background.
Master Whitebrow is another master I invented on the fly whose only distinguishing characteristic at the moment is that he's the oldest master in the monastery and suffers from a degree of senility and incontinence.
So in this guy it's Master Strokebeard whose approval Benzo most desperately desires :)
Benzo doesn't have any further questions for Knu.
His intention is to hand Knu into the power of the sheriff upon returning to the inn (that's so totally LG!) - since he now believes that Knu has been inspired to become a monk by his fine example, he will put in a good word for him.Regarding masters at the monastery...
Master Shamly Strokebeard was Benzo's master and is the closest thing he has to a Dad. He's the guy mentioned in Benzo's background.Master Whitebrow is another master I invented on the fly whose only distinguishing characteristic at the moment is that he's the oldest master in the monastery and suffers from a degree of senility and incontinence.
So in this guy it's Master Strokebeard whose approval Benzo most desperately desires :)
Cool - noted.
Are these white-browed beard strokers all hobbits?
Cool - noted.Are these white-browed beard strokers all hobbits?
As I've conceived it - yes the monks are all hobbits as their creed is based on a marginal cult that syncretises two mainstream religions - however I'm sure there is room for the odd misfit in there, Benzo could run into a human that used to be one of his brothers or whatever.
The masters are probably all hobbits.
The party continues along the forest road as the afternoon shadows lengthen. Knu grumbles and whines but makes no overt attempts to escape.
Just as darkness beings to decend the forest road joins the main highway and you are able to make it back to the Spelndid Puss by lantern without incident.
The common room seems much quieter than when you were here last. A couple of peasants nurse jugs of mead at the bar, you hear the innkeepers laugh echoing out from the kitchens. Estle Winterbloom sits at a table with a peasent woman studying an array of elaborate tarot cards.
The professor sits crosslegged on his disk in front of a long trestle table. A selection of strange items and books are arrayed before him. He is engrossed in a particularly large, ancient looking tome when you enter but, upon seeing his nephew he lets out a cry of delight and beckons you over.
"Excellent, excellent! You have returned! I trust you did not have too much....trouble?" He seems to notice knu for the first time "oh....I see... it appears you did. Tell me what happened"
As the story is related the Professor noticeably pales, and when he hears of how Lambert was strucken down in the inn he lets out a cry of horror.
"Achaekek take me! what have I done! To send my family's heir into danger! I am a fool"
Vernon interjects "You are nae fool, Master Crowley.To be sure, t'was a mighty perilous journey but Lambert fought like a lion..."
"Nah! I fought like an ape!" Lambert yells and slaps his palm with Bassas paw "it was choice fun! Just like back in the jungle. If you let me hang out with these fullas again I swear i'll learn all the knives and forks, even the winkle spoon! Benzo did this mean as trick on this fat guy and tied him up and Vizigog found a scroll in my banana! It was MEAN!"
The professor takes this in and smiles to himself " I must admit, I have never seen Lambert so....enthusiastic about anything. He seems to have really taken a....shine to you. He may not have his father's..... subtlety... but he certainly shares his spirit!"
The professor clears a space in front of him."I trust you have brought the Panapoly of Narven in it's....entirety. I sense you carry magic items..."
As the items are brought forth the professor cross checks them against entries in his book when he finally gets to the rod of earth's ire he pauses "Hmm, the other items power has long since faded but this one still seems dangerous" He looks about the common room cautiously "Lambert, be a good lad and fetch me a...stick from the woodpile"
Lambert dutifully does so and presents the professor with a twig. "Just the thing" the professor mutters. He passes his hand over it a caouple of times and muters a discordant syllable. Suddenly the stick seems to blur and change form.
The stick now resembles a stereotypical wand, complete with striped shaft and a big golden star on the end. As the professor moves it to and fro it leaves a faint trail of sparkles in its wake. "This should be good enough to fool the peasants that frequent this inn"
He picks up the true wand once more "This wand is far to dangerous to leave in the care of the inkeeper. I swear this place will be burnt to the ground in a month if I do. Please, take it as a token of my thanks for returning Lambert in one peice. The innkeeper need never know. It contains 37 charges of the spell burning hands"
"I will arrange for the rest of the panapoly to be.....mounted for display. The flickering flame on the breastplate should be....sufficient to keep the slack jawed locals...amused"
He picks up the Vial of Pure Water "Hmm,still something in here." He dips his finger into the potion and rubs it on his teeth. " Hmmm, cure light wounds, weak D8+2) but servicable. We'll need to keep the vial but I can decant it into a more... humble recepticle. There appears to be enough for two doses."
"The sherrif has been called back to town...urgently. It appears there has been some...trouble on the road form here to Woodenhead and the way is...blocked for the time being. He has given me the...authority to let you know that, having upheld your end of the bargain, you are now absolved of any charges and are free to go. Well.. in so far as we are stuck here until the road is cleared... This .... miscreant <he gestures to knu> may have to take up lodging in Baasaa's cage until the sherrif or a deputy retuns"
"oh, of course! you'll be wanting that blasted dagger" He produces Brightflame " so much trouble for such a little thing. I have had some time to examine it and can confirm it is a +1 dagger with cold resistance of 2"
Vizigog hands the professor the mysterious potion and asks if he knows what it is.
"Hmmm.. looks like a potion of shield of faith, a strong one too, at least....+2 i think. Ugh, but it bears the taint of a...dark god. Please take it away!"
Benzo now profers Knu's ring " we think this is a ring of protection but don't know how strong it is"
The professors turns it over in his hands "mmm, a mere...trinket but usefull for the begginner i suppose, This is a +1 ring of protection my dear hobbit"
Regarding the ring of protection...
From a player point-of-view it probably makes sense for Benzo to get it since Vizigog already has a very effective boost to his meta-AC, AKA staying the hell out of melee.
From a character point of view though, it might make more sense for Vizigog to keep it for himself and convince Benzo that's the best idea?
"Hey, Mister Vizigog!", yells Benzo across the room, "I think that's a ring of protection!"
He skedaddles over to Vizigog and continues sotto voce.
"He's got his story all mixed up! Tryin' to tell me that it does nothing, and definitely doesn't do protection, but that he needs it back for his own protection, even though it does nothing! Anyway it made even less sense in Goblin, believe me - UNLESS..." - and here his voice drops to a bare whisper, forcing the towering man-orc to almost bend double to discern him - "he wants us to think that he's lying, so that one of us puts it on, and then something terrible happens that specifically doesn't affect goblins - since he was already wearing it you know - like um, it turns you into into a goblin? Or makes your sking green, not that that would be a terrible thing, begging your pardon sir."
He shrugs and adopts a normal tone.
"Anyway I don't mind trying it on! After that fight with the wooden feller I feel I could use some extra protection! Did you see how he nearly got me? He was like 'BAM!' I was like 'woooooooahhh...' " -- he shakes his head and shivers involuntarily.
"Gets me all gitchy just to remember it!"
Whoops my post is out of timeline now.
Anyway I suggest Vizigog take the wand since Benzo can't even use it anyway.
Benzo take the ring
2 extra pot. CLW - give one to Vernon and one to Lambert, then we each got one up our sleeves.
Agreed?
Ding!
Rolling for Benzo's new HP...
Lambert HP
Vernon HP
So Brightflame is DR Cold2? i didnt get the quotations mark sorry, me no grammar.
Vizigog turns the Wand of Earths Ire over in his hands "Delicious!" he whispers to himself. "Yes Benzo my little friend, yes the ring will keep you safe, yes indeed." it almost seemed as if the red of his eyes burned with a hellish light in the presence of the wand.
After a counter meal of delicious field coney stuffed with hobgarlic and lemon, Vizigog approaches Winterbloom's table and produces from his sleeve his lucky card deck "I find these are the only cards who can tell the real future gents!" He prestidigitates the deck to the amazement of the assorted yokels, splitting them twice, thrice then thrice again before finally drawing the ace of hearts(Miss Extraplanar 1066) and presenting it to the agog Erstle.
The peasants seem to have palfrey coin to gamble with, so he amuses himself practising his dead gnoll bluff and learning a new method of counting aces.
That night, Eustace Vizigog sleeps soundly safe in the fact that his current fortune and newly found arsenal means once again he can neglect his tedious magical training. He instead dreams of nefarious acts of roguery and the power that is easily achieved with criminal subterfuge rather than hard work and study.
Vizigog takes a level of Rogue
Vizigog rolls HP:
oh and what CL is the wand?
Pot. Shield of Faith
It's a deflection bonus so won't stack with Benzo's ring, hence more effective used by someone else... mebbe give it to Vernon?
oh and what CL is the wand?
it doesn't say - we can assume it is supposed to be lvl 1 but i'll give y'all a sporting chance to see if it's level 2.
1d6 - 6 is level 2
oh and what CL is the wand?it doesn't say - we can assume it is supposed to be lvl 1 but i'll give y'all a sporting chance to see if it's level 2.
1d6 - 6 is level 2
unlucky number 5
looks like it's level 1
Benzo awakes before dawn and commences his morning callisthenics routine in the yard in front of the inn.
"I need to be sure I can keep my new friends safe. I had best practice my crane style"
<Murray do you have a video to enlighten us with?>
yep this here is exactly what Benzo does also the same soundtrack is playing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9hr_kdSagk
The party resumes their place in the carriage and the journey to Woodenhead resumes.
The rain continues to pour down. Vernon bears this with his usual stoicism but Benzo, battered and bruised from the battle has somewhat dampened his spirits. After enduring about half an hour of Benzo’s shivering and sniffling, Vernon turns to him.
“ Master Benzo, Basaa took a very bit hit from that beast, Lambert seemed very upset. How about you go and see how they are going?”
“bbbbbbut will you be all right, Mr Vernon sir?”
“I’ll make sure to rap on the window if anything comes up, young hobbit”.
Carefully nursing his bruised ribs, Beenzo swings down into the carriage. Baasa and Lambert are huddled together, fast asleep in the corner of the carriage. Vizigog is idly throwing dice, getting 6’s every time. The Professor is deep in a book but looks up when Benzo enters
.
“ Ah, Master Wickerfloat, you look a little worse for wear. A nice cup of peppermint tea should help.”
The Professor produces a mug and sprinkle some leaves into it. A stream of hot water appears and fills the cup.
“Here you go young master” he says handing over the steaming beverage.
< Let’s assume that at this point the conversation in which Lamberts history is revealed occurs>
…
“So Lambert has never met his father? Was he a good and kind like a proper father?” Benzo asks
“He certainly was, young hobbit. Bartholomew Crowley was the greatest adventurer the Crowleys have produced in generations and the best man I ever knew. If not for his strength and bravery I would not be sitting here today.”
He clutches at his chest absentmindedly
“If not for his courage I would no doubt still be wandering the ruins of Kho, mindlessly serving the malevolent masters of that accursed place”
The cabin of the carriage seems to darken, a flash of lightning illuminates the Professor’s face. In that instant his face seems to flicker; his round cheerful face replaced with that of an emaciated, decaying corpse.
The thunder booms and everything is as it was.
“Enough of such doomful talk! If my niece has done her job we shall be sipping brandy at my manse by nightfall. You are most welcome to stay with us until you find your own lodgings. Lambert seems very fond of you both and will welcome spending more time with you”
“Bartholomew Crowley was the greatest adventurer the Crowleys have produced in generations and the best man I ever knew. If not for his strength and bravery I would not be sitting here today.”He clutches at his chest absentmindedly
“If not for his courage I would no doubt still be wandering the ruins of Kho, mindlessly serving the malevolent masters of that accursed place”
The cabin of the carriage seems to darken, a flash of lightning illuminates the Professor’s face. In that instant his face seems to flicker; his round cheerful face replaced with that of an emaciated, decaying corpse.
"The ruins of Kho huh, that sure sounds like a tough situation, Professor," Benzo says uncertainly. The talk is well outside his experience, also he's not sure whether the man's face just turned into that of an emaciated decaying corpse one second ago.
His eyes dart around and lock with Vizigog's momentarily.
Benzo turns to Lambert who is pantomiming boredom with the verve of an apprentice mummer.
"Mr. Lambert, is it true you were that you were raised by apes, like Baasa? I reckon that's swell! You and Baasa must be just like me and my brothers at the moastery. I bet you know all sorts of climbing tricks and jumps and everything, you gotta show me, just wait 'til we get to Woodenhead, it's gonna be great."
"Mr. Lambert, is it true you were that you were raised by apes, like Baasa? I reckon that's swell! You and Baasa must be just like me and my brothers at the moastery. I bet you know all sorts of climbing tricks and jumps and everything, you gotta show me, just wait 'til we get to Woodenhead, it's gonna be great."
"Yeah bro, it was great to be out in the bush swinging around and climbing again. You're pretty awse at climbing yourself bro - jumping up on that standing stone and shit."
Lambert turns to the professor
"Hey Uncle, you reckon Kat got us a house with some trees and a garden? That would be MEAN, eh Baasa?
Baasa grunts weakly in response.
The Professor nods "I'm sure Katerina has got us just what we asked for: A nice roomy manse with a library and walled garden. Ideally I would prefer something grander on it's own estate outside of town, but that will have to wait until we are more established"
The conversation peters out naturally and Benzo watches scenery from the window for a while. But he feels a sudden lurch of fear as he realises that his companions might be dismayed by the silence. They might even hold him responsible! He quickly thinks of something to say.
"Say, Professor! Didn't you say you're from Almas? I heard that's about the grandest city in the world! May I ask why you've come out here in the country?"
Rolling stats for a heroic NPC...
Okay that's 15, 10, 5 (!), 13, 11, 13
"Dump stat? That's a sewer stat!" <lively swing music plays>
Oi Vey!
This dice rolling system has sure delivered us a lot of 1's.
MKDGM - can you please start a separate thread for your quest?
The Professor considers Benzo's question
"Well, I suppose it all started a month ago when Kat came home singing that ballad that everyone seems obsessed with at the moment, the ballad of Hollis and the Wyvren King. I didn't think much of it at the time but it’s a catchy tune and it stuck in my head. Being a curious man I endeavored to discover it's provenance. Imagine my surprise when I found that it was tied to the discovery of the armor and axe of Druingar. Druingar was quite the adventurer in his time and his disappearance convinced most treasure hunters that the dwarven ruins of Fenrir’s range were too dangerous for exploration. The recovery of his armor proved that it was possible to explore the area and survive."
"As an expert in magic items I was intrigued, imagine what other treasures await discovery!"
"At first, I was considering just sponsoring an expedition when I found a reference to the wetawhakwi tribe..."
The professor pauses..
"Hmmm, I don't suppose I have ever told you what I am a professor OF. Until recently I held the Mundungus Mudwiggle Chair of Arcane Artifacts Study at the University of Almas. My specialty was the study of cursed items. I have proven that when a magic item is created a portion of the creators intelligence is embedded in it. With cursed items, which involve much more complicated incantations to create, a much greater portion of the creator is impressed n the item. The subject of my doctoral thesis was a method by which the residual intelligence in these items could be interrogated to gain an understanding of the creator and the society he or she lived in. Thanks to my formulas our understanding of many cultures, of which we previously had no understanding, has been expanded enormously."
"But I digress…back to the wetawhakawi. There is one particular cursed item, an amulet, an item I am particularly attached to, that I have never been able to get information from. I believe that there is a link between the wetawhakawi and people who created it. What information I could find about their death curses seemed to match what I had priced to together about the amulet. I am hoping that I can make contact with one of their medicine men, tohunga in their language, so that I might finally understand the powerful magics embedded in it."
"I wrote a letter to the magistrate of Woodenhead, hoping that he Might be able to arrange a meeting and, what luck, it appears the head of the local branch of the lumber consortium has a special interest in curses and would be happy to arrange something."
"I decided that the opportunity was too great to pass up and that a couple of years in the country might be good for providing an outlet for lamberts savage nature so that I might attempt to turn him into the gentleman he needs to be."
"I made the arrangements and here we are. My niece Kat somehow convinced her parents that she should come with me. She is a quarrelsome girl but has a good heart. I have sent her ahead to arrange suitable lodgings for us, she will be expecting us at the town gate in a few hours..."
The conversation turns to other things, the professor talks of his travels in the south seas in his youth, which manages to keep the party amused for hours.
A few hours before sunset, the road seems to improve and the rocking and jostling of the carriage is reduced. The view out of the indie changes from tangled forest to unkempt farmland. The sound of church bells heralds the final stretch to the town. Leaning out the window, Benzo spies a steeple looming up above a wooden palisade.
Woodenhead!
Vernon drives the carriage through a gate in the wall to the mild bemusement of e guard on duty. A female voice calls out above e clatter of hooves and the carriage pulls to a halt. Suddenly Vernon's booming laughter rings out.
Intrigued, Benzo and Vizigog clamber out of the carriage.
“Vernon you brute! What are you laughing about! Stop it this instant!”
Standing refaced and furious in the road in front of the carriage is a willowy girl in her late teens. The source of Vernon's amusement seems to new her attire which consists of an ornate armored bikini of questionable defensive properties that leaves little to the imagination
“What in the hells are you wearing! Is there a costume party somewhere tonight?” Vernon doubles up in laughter.
The Professor, leans out of the carriage to see what the commotion is about.
“Oh Kat. How marvelous, am I to understand that there is swimming beach in this town? How decadent"
“Shut up the pair of you, you sons of slatternly ettercaps! This armor is the latest fashion, straight off Bruneshwine st. It's what everyone's wearing these days and my armorer assures me it provides excellent protection. I was hoping to show the bumpkins in this backwoods mudhole what a proper adventuress looks like! Besides, it’s much more comfortable than that hideous chain mail.”
“I’m sure all the deodands will be very impressed with your fashion sense as they tear out your entrails young lady. If you are serious about adventuring we will need to get you something more practical. Perhaps the local cathouse will finds interested in purchasing your... costume.” The Professor giggles.
Red faced and fuming Kat stamps her feet.
“Gods bugger you both! You wouldn’t know fashion if it shat in your boots!”
The Professor waves this insouciance away and changes the subject “I trust you have secured our lodging?”
Kat seems to notice Benzo and Vizigog for the first time, particularly the man orcs eyes devouring her exposed flesh. Drawing her cloak about her she gathers her composure.
“Well Uncle, I went to the lumber consortium agent at the Falcons Nest as you asked and he told me that there is nothing available up there that would even remotely meet our needs. I twisted his ear, begged him and tried everything but it appears he was telling the truth. But, we may have dodged an fireball; the Falcons Crest is populated by the most provincial boors, sauntering around in last years' fashions as if they were the lords of the Maastricht Road. Peasants! You would have soon grown as bored with their tedious prattle as I did.”
“No the low town is much more fun, did you know they have a brothel that is built out over the river? You can fish out of the windows whilst you get a special massage, well that's what I've heard. I've found us a marvelous place, you’ll love it. Come! I'll show you.”
The sulky expression falls from her face, and she skips ahead of the carriage down the street.
With a flick of the reins Vernon guides the carriage after her, Benzo and Vizigog walk alongside, taking the sights of the town in with quiet contemplation.
Kat leads them towards the hill that looms above the town and, just before the road heads upwards, takes a right, following the base of the hill. A tall, decrepit building stands alone, backed up against the cliff. Closer inspection reveals it be a tavern, long abandoned. As the carriage pulls up in from of it the faded image of a small, deformed green figure can be made out on above the door with the faded legend " the Tipsy Tiki"
“Well, here we are, isn’t it fabulous! So retro!” Kat beams.
It does not look fabulous. The windows are boarded up, the roof has collapsed in and the whole area has the unmistakable aroma of urine.
The Professor leans out of the carriage with an outraged expression his face “Kat! What is this! This is not what we talked about! How are we supposed to inhabit this, this ruin!”
“Oh shut up you wrinkled old fart! Can’t you see it's perfect. Sure it needs a lot of work but it’s perfect. It stands apart from the high town and low town but is close to both. It may be the only building in town that has its own connection to the steamworks; The baths still work! The top floors are a bit dodgy but the bottom floor is still inhabitable. With a bit of work it will be the perfect lodge for...”
“Kat! This is not the time or place to talk of such things. I have just arrived after a long journey and I don't want to have to think about chasing baddu beetles out of my bedchamber. Vernon, take me to the nearest lodging house immediately. I will speak with you on this matter in the morning. Lambert, you will be staying with your cousin tonight. I fear I will require some peace and quiet to recover from this disappointment.”
As Lambert and Baasa clamber out of the carriage, Vernon whispers conspiratorially to Vizigog. “The girl’s right, this is a good spot, the building may look a wreck but it’s bones are strong. It’s perfect for our purposes. Best you stay here tonight, the professor will fuss and fume tonight but by the morning I am sure he will come around.” He flicks the reigns and the carriage moves off, back into town.
“Kat!” Cries Lambert as he spies his cousin
Turning from fuming at the departing carriage, Kat turns to her cousin.
“Dear Lambert how good to see you” - she extends her hand.
Lambert pauses for a second and extends his hand to hers. As soon as they connect there is a blue flash and Lambert is thrown backwards.
Baasa shrieks and beats his chest in outrage.
“Baasa no!”
Lambert clambers to his feet and mumbles a few words, suddenly roots burst from the pavement, curling around Kats ankle and lifting her into the air. Dangling upside down with her cape about her face and her skimpy armored smallclothes exposed she shrieks in horror.
“Oh Lambert I yield! You've learnt some new tricks I see.”
Lambert waves his hand and the roots retreat back into the ground. Kat gets to her feet and dusts herself off. The two cousins face off for a second before Kat breaks out in laughter and they rush together in a joyous embrace.
“Oh lambert, I've missed you. Everyone is so boring here. Hello Baasa, look I have a treat for you.“
She pulls a Banana from a pouch and hands it to the delighted gorilla.
“And who are ... Your friends?”
“Oh this is Mr Benzo and Mister ‘Gog. We went on an adventure together and waste some wooden fulla. Today they helped me totally smash this big hairy guy that knocked out baasa! They’re pretty cool, eh!”
“Hmmm.”
She takes the measure of the two adventurers.
“Nice hat, man-orc, is it vintage?”
Vizigog performs an exaggerated low bow "Eustace Vizigog MiLady, And its an undiluted pleasure to make your aquaintence,"
Roll for Diplomacy to raise Kats opinion
"You have a fine eye for fashion my dear, this is in fact a custom made Miter fashioned from Unicorn leather, one of a kind dont you know, I got it from a Cheliax Bishop who had traded his faith for a pair of dice...
And you Miss Crowley, dont you look divine, I would dare say you got that gorgeous ensemble from Stadler and Waltdorf Armourers of Bruneshwine street or Im a blind eel!"
Kat is taken aback
"Why yes, Mr Vizigog, good spotting, we clearly have much to talk about. This is indeed a SWA, bespoke "Battle Bikini" crafted from an alloy of hand-mined Mwangi blue steel and chelaxian unobtanium, lined with organic clawbat leather. If I had known it was going to be so chilly I would have definitely opted for the optional "Combat Corset". It's sewn by celibate hobbit artisans from soft Thylacine hide. Very nice but I couldn't get it in aqua. Damn it! I should have put it on back order!"
She chews her nails in frustration.
"oh, but I have forgotten my manners! Katerina Darya Hermione Crowley; spellsword, adventuress and underground fashion pamphleteer at your service"
She turns to Benzo
rolling for knowledge geography
"Oh a hobbit monk! How wonderful! Hobbit thieves are so cliche!. I didn't know there were any monasteries in Andoran. Oooh those ropes are fantastic, great accessorizing, are they real?"
<I swear to god she'll get less shallow once she's been eaten by ghouls a couple of times. This is fun tho.>
what a toad! "Halfling" should be a derogitary term, its so human to assume Hobbits are only half of something...
what a toad! "Halfling" should be a derogitary term, its so human to assume Hobbits are only half of something...
Oh right, we are using Hobbit now. I don't think she would have used halfling if it was a racist term.
Editing post
She turns to Benzo
"Hullo miss!"
Benzo's voice sounds overloud in his ears and he blushes momentarily."I'm Benzo Wickerfloat."
"I'm a Sojourner of the Reconciling and Benevolent Order of the Light-That-Shines-Outward!" he says in one breath, "Erastil is the warmth of my heart! Irori is the gleaming prow of my mind!"
"We're kind of new," he adds.
Oooh those ropes are fantastic, great accessorizing, are they real?"
"Oh yes, these are completely functional, genuine ropes! The real deal!"
With his left he deftly tweaks a knot on the rope binding his right forearm and whips the arm around a few times until the rope slides down into a neat coil in the grip of his right hand."It's for binding scoundrels!" he says. He winks at Vizigog and whirls the rope around pointlessly for a few moments.
He sighs. "Takes longer to wind them back on though," he says glumly and sets to the laborious task of tightly and exactly winding the rope back around his forearm.
Kats' eyes widen - she is clearly impressed but is trying to remain nonchalant.
"Well fellow adventurers, night is drawing in and I fear the rain will soon return. I'll show around and then we can swap tales of our exploits over a foaming tankard at the Goosey Gander! Apparently, the ORIGINAL writer of the Ballad of Hollis and the Wyvren King is playing tonight.It's going to be AMAZING!"
She ushers you into the darkened tavern. She makes a great show of waving her hands about before touching the clasp of her cape, which begins to emit a eerie light.
The building is in surprisingly good shape despite years of neglect. The taproom is full of junk and peculiar odours but seems structurally sound. The pillars and roof beams have been carved with tribal patterns and a large wooden carving dominates the wall above the bar. It resembles a stylised green face with a prominent protruding tongue.
"Check this out"
Kat approaches one of the wall carvings and presses on an eye that has been lacquered with some kind of iridescent shell. There is a grinding sound and the wall panel next to it slides away to reveal a dark passage.
"Secret door." She says knowingly "Found it on the first day. The passage goes on for a 50 metres or so into the hill but ends in a rockfall. It's pretty cool yeah? Imagine what other secrets this place is hiding!"
She shows you around the rest of the building. There are several reasonably weather proof rooms, a steam room that seems functional, and a couple of grander rooms on the second floor. The stairway to the third floor is rotten and broken.
"Nothing much up there. Looks like a big bird made a nest." Her eyes widen "Do you think it was a Pouakai? That would be SO COOL"
A peal of thunder breaks and the rain starts bucketing down again.
<What now gents? It's Friday night in Woodenhead! Whoo!>
Benzo feels that he has had enough practice enduring the elements today.
"Teach me to play cards!" he says. "It looks fun."
"Abracadabra!"
Vizigog casts MAGE HAND on a suitable object nearby to use as an umbrella, such as broken table.
"Lets not let a bit of rain come between us and a Joly Jape or two eh?"
Vizigog rolls for Concentration to carry the object
Earlier that day, our heros travel to the Woodenhead Shoppe, Proprieter non other than Brickasnurd Hildrensocks
Vizigog shall try an appraise check,
Check out the Loot.Doc to see what we selling
Earlier that day, our heros travel to the Woodenhead Shoppe, Proprieter non other than Brickasnurd Hildrensocks
Vizigog shall try an appraise check, 1d20+2
Check out the Loot.Doc to see what we selling
I don't think you have shared it with me
Master Hildrensocks examines the gemstones and consults a small pamphlet
"Hmm, Carnelian and Spinel prices are steady - I'll give you face value for these, 125gp"
He then sifts through the pile of weapons.
"hmm junk, junk, (he tosses the dagger and crossbow aside) Ah, some castle forged stuff here... What is this?"
He holds up the tiny rapier
"It's definitely well made. Hmmmm normally I wouldn't have any interest in such a...unique item but, thanks to recent events, I have had some enquiries about child sized weapons of late"
"I'll give you 750gp for the castle forged equipment. I have no use for the lower quality stuff"
"Since the Duringar haul came in I've been able to expand my selection"
Hildrensocks has the following items for sale:
potion of endure elements 50 gp
potion of cure light wounds 50 gp
arcane scroll of level 2 spell, mirror image (caster level 3)
arcane scroll of level 2 spell, fox's cunning (caster level 3)
divine scroll of level 1 spell, obscuring mist (caster level 1)
potion of eagle's splendour 300 gp
oil of remove paralysis 300 gp
+1 medium sized buckler 1,153 gp
If you buy anything you can obviously use it in the current battle
"Since the Duringar haul came in I've been able to expand my selection"
"Ooh mirror image! Loves it! We could always benefit from some more me's around wouldnt you say Benzo? How much for the scrolls good sir?"