Grubble finally manages to escape from the grub, sputtering and blasting fire at the closest eagle. "Me liked yesterday food much more! Pie is not fancy!"
Grubble gruuu and Dogdog each take out an eagle before Zord's blast of energy silences the other two. Everyone except Boggledook is free.
Dogdog barks once and Dog grabs him and hauls him out of the pie.
Boggledook continues squirming into the pie, as his screeches reach a panicky tone. "Bad bird, bad!", he says, before reevaluating his situation. "Good bird, good! Help Boggledook?!", he splits his head into the least threatening smile a Goblin can do.
Without the birds harassing him, Grubble uses his high body heat to bake the crust to charcoal, then climbs it to run out.
As one by one his companions escape from the burning pie Boggledook continues to struggle against his restraints. Finally once Zord levitates out Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh utters a guttural cry to signal the end of the dares. Boggledook is unceremoniously dragged from the pie and freed.
The Wise Mummy steps forward, holding the crunchy crown high in the air.
"COMING IN DEAD LAST WITH ONLY ONE POINT... BOGGLEDOOK!
WITH SIXTEEN POINTS IN THIRD PLACE IS... GRUBBLE GRUUU!
IN SECOND PLACE WITH TWENTY-SIX POINTS... ZORD!
AND LAST, BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST I GIVE YOU YOUR NEW CHIEFTAIN, WITH A WHOPPING THIRTY-SIX POINTS ITS.... DOGDOG!!"
Almost as though they had practiced it (they definitely didn't) the birdcrunchers let loose with a chorus of barks and growls.
Beckoning Dogdog forward The wise woman place the crunchy crown upon his head. "BEHOLD, YOUR CHIEFTAIN!" The bird crunchers cheer again, this time mixing a proper cheer with the growls. "The chief may now appoint sub-chieftains from the remaining chieftains in waiting."
[ooc]Congratulations Dogdog! You may now select sub-chieftains with titles of your own choosing (if you wish).
Dogdog raises his voice in a victorious howl, and then hops around happily.
Chief Dogdog headbutted Grubble's shoulder and then licked his face, loudly announcing "BARK!"
Next he licked Zord's face and said "Ruff!"
Finally, he looked at Boggledook, whom he didn't know very well, seeming to think for a moment (though what he was thinking was anyone's guess). Finally he licked Boggledook's face too and said "Boof!"
Then he bounded over to the big chief chair, lifted his leg and peed on it.
Boggledook considers for a moment whether not to explain to the other goblins that the goal is to get as few points as possible, but then reconsiders. After all, real work was done as a public serpent, rather than elected leader. All he needed to do is learn how to hiss like a public serpent.
"To new chief!", he raises his torch. "The goblin tradition of meritocratical democracy is good-good!", he momentarily discards his deeply-held sociopolitical beliefs. "Now, let's spread fire to places and steal stuff! Togetherer!"
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After announcing Zord's auspicious title, Chief Dogdog licked Dog and said "Groulf!"
"Bark!" barks the newly ordained Bark. Grubble never really wanted to be chief anyway. Not as long as it involved swimming in pie and being pushed off one another.
"Or, plunder!", argues Boggledook. "Killings is more fun, yesyes, almost fun as burnings.", he alleviates the passion of his fellow goblins. A stare glances at Chiefchief Dogdog, as he raises a hand. "But plunders is shinier, and less killy on goblins?"
Chief Dogdog knew exactly what was next. He dropped a well-chewed stick between his new sub-chiefs feet and barked loudly.
Before anything else an assistant leads the new Chief and sub-chieftains to the chieftain's treasure hoard. Dumped in a bit near the back of the cave and covered in bark and debris is a sizable pile of treasue. Among the 840 gp in assorted coins, art objects, trophies,
jars of pickles, shiny rocks, dented armor fragments, broken
dogslicers, and bird parts in various stages of decay are the
following items of particular interest: four potions of cure
moderate wounds, a potion (picture of a smiling goblin engulfed in flame), a wand of oak wood with a gentle warmth to it, a +1 flaming dogslicer, a Small cloak of elven make, a nondescript bead (I'm sure its nothing) , a necklace of fireballs (type I), and 5
ounces of sovereign glue.
Once the treasure has been sorted through it's time to celebrate. Even more food then before is brought out and seemingly more of everything else as well. The village is alive with excitement about their new (And fully qualified) chieftain. At some point you will have to fulfill your chiefly and sub-chiefly duties but for now it is time to celebrate.
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Zord does a happy dance when he sees all of the luscious, luscious loot. He casts detect magic and does what he does best... identify things!
The 4 cure moderate wounds potions, the flaming dogslicer, and the fireball necklack are obvious, but the others require a bit of Zord finesse.
He also grabs Chief DogDog's favorite stick and gives it the old Zord try.
Zord shrugs his shoulders at DogDog's stick, and throws it for him.
Dogdog ignored everything but the new throwing stick, but when Zord threw his old one he went after it happily.
"Hahaha!" laughs out loud Grubble looking at the potion. "This very pretty! Goblin happy because on fire! Fancy pretty draw!"
As the party dies down Wise Mummy approaches the new chieftain and his entourage. She makes a slight bow to Dogdog before speaking. "Your greatness, the tribe is excited to have a new chief but they are restless as well. I recommend that you head out to deal with Pa Munchmeat as quickly as you can, tomorrow even. I can keep the tribe happy for a few more days if you have preparations that must be made but the problem must be dealt with swiftly. Will you need time to prepare?"
Zord identifies his pile of new loot but he still just can't figure out some of the items from Vorka's boat.
potion of fire resistance
wand of lesser restoration (9 charges)
cloak of elvenkind
bead of force
Dogdog shook his head, sending a bit of slobber flying. He might have been saying no, but he also might have been shaking just to shake. It was hard to tell.
Boggledook nods deeply at Zord, putting a grimy hand on his shoulder. "Yesyes! Professor Zord is excellent at redistribution of things. We have things, and everyone who is not us, doesn't have things.", he greets in a clearly content voice, gesturing at Dogdog. "Chief Dogdog is surely very pleased."
Resisting the urge to climb on a chair, Boggledook clears his throat and stares at Wise Mummy. "Yesyes! Plight of goblins that do work will be resolved by new regime of Chief Dogdog and his Subcommittee!" He grins a wide grin at Dogdog. "Dogdog is good chief! Who's a good chief!"
"Goblins! Pa Munchmeat is now Enemy of the Tribe! Firebreathing boars are an Enemy of the Tribe! Ogres being bullies is a remnant of the old aristocratical order that goblins no longer stand for!", he shouts, taking off his shoe and starting to hit the table in front of him as he's drawn into his pathos. "Like I hit this table! So we will hit Pa Munchmeat! But from far away! Because he's big and scary!", he shares his tactical plans.
Dogdog's wolf-skull hand puppet answered Boggledook, it's metal reinforced jaws opening and closing, speaking in a comically highpitched voice. "Dogdog is good chief!"
Dogdog sat up proudly and panted, pretending he hadn't been the one who just spoke.
While Boggledook's political message fails once again to penetrate into the goblins minds the message of dealing with Pa Munchmeat comes through loud and clear. He is met with much hooting a hollering and a few celebratory bird bones are thrown his way. Soon the celebration dies down and the goblins find their way to bed, or under a tree, or in a pile of muck, the goblins really just wander around until they lie down wherever they end up and fall asleep.
The new Chief and his Sub-chiefs are seen off early in the morning by Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh and a select few important elders. "Good Luck Chief Dogdog, Pa Munchmeat is a terrible foe, he hits hard and the trees listen to his words, be careful around him. Careful too for for the terrible firebreathing boars, they breath fire and are terrible. Be careful too of Munchmeat's daughter, I hear she has a pet weasel larger than a horse."
With that she hands Boggledook a crude map showing the way and ushers you out the door. Pa Munchmeat's farm isn't to far a hike, about an hour on foot. The terrain is mostly barren rocky outcroppings with the occasional stand of craggy evergreens and scrub brush. The hike goes without incident until you are less then half a mile from the farm. Suddenly a loud squeal pierces the air a massive boar comes barreling at you from behind a huckleberry bush. Grubble Gruuu sidesteps the beast moments before its tusks make contact.
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"Bacon is best fried!", shouts Boggledook, letting out a screeching note from his voice, before beginning to sing a grandiose tune from his voice, filled with fiery passion. All weapons and even Dogdog's dog's mouth burst into flames. "The goblins will no longer fear Pa Munchmeat! Comrade Boggledook has stoked righteous fires of egalitarism!", he roars.
Dog skirts around behind the boar to flank with Dogdog. He tears at the beast with his fangs but its hide is to tough for him to do much.
The boar ignores the dog biting at his hindquarters and instead belches a blast of fire at Dogdog.
Dogdog lunged at the pig with his wolf skull jaw, and his own sharp teeth.
Boggledook continues screeching uninteglig... not-makey-sense words, but the fire continues nevertheless, "Kill the monarchist pig!", he screeches at the pig, running forwards to club it with his torch.
The boar goes for Dogdog with its massive tusks. The Chieftain recieves a sizable hole in his left shoulder.
Somehow, Boggledook's song makes Grubble's fire burn even hotter, a discovery that would fill any fire-loving creature with love, and in the case of goblins, a vicious and murderous manic appreciation.
With nothing more articulate than a throaty cackle, he slings an eruption at the mighty foe.
For a moment it looked like Dogdog got stuck by the boar's tusk and knocked flying, but actually Dogdog was only knocked flying. He'd somehow managed to twist out of the way of the attack and ride the momentum.
Dogdog came back like he'd been on the end of a rubber leash, rolling to a stop and then rushing right back in.
Dog, upon seeing Dogdog launched, promptly lost his mind, savagely biting at the boar.
springing back like rubber Dogdog slams into the boar only to continue being bounced around when its thick hide turns his teeth. Grubble gruuu blasts the pig causing the air to be filled with the thick scent of burning hair and bacon (mmm, delicious). Dog's teeth unlike his master pierce deep into the beast's flesh.
Boggledook's inspiring screech continues, as high pitched as ever. Swinging his excellent torch wildly, he attempts to club the pig, setting it even more on fire. "Hot good! Hot pig better!", he screeches.
Dog continued to savage the pig.
Boggledook gives the piggy a solid wallop adding more flame to the already well roasted bovine. Dog immediately takes a large bite of the tasty meal being cooked right in front of. The pig's oily coat is burning all along its back and blood pools at its feet. For a moment it stands still and it seems it may fall. The beast however, is angrier than it is wounded and sets its beady black eyes on Boggledook. He tears a nasty chunk out of Boggledook's side with a tusk, flinging a splatter of blood across the other goblins.
6
"Burny pig not bunry enough! More fire! Wahahahah!"
Again, Grubble launches forth a glob of fire, breathing in the spell of crispy meat.
Dogdog's wolfskull hand puppet took a bite of it's own!
Then Dogdog himself followed!