The new goblin scratches his secondary hat, before nodding. "Yes yes. Chief is good at being good at takings. And takings is good for goblin.", he says, swallowing slightly nervously as the massive goblin and the wolf approach him. "But as Boggledook is saying, is important that Chief be good at chiefing, too! Otherwise, other goblins eat chief. Or stab chief. That is why, it is important Chief has goblins responsible for being stabbed and hated.", the Comrade continues his treatises. His eyes dart around, before his smile flashes wide.
"So, Boggledook has an idea, yes yes.", he says, graciously pointing towards Grubble. "We all think being Chief is good.", he nods. "Then why not, all Licktoads goblins be Chief! Then it all be good, and they all bring gifts to Chiefs!", he reasons. "And together, it is easier to win Chieftain Moot than it is alone."
A few other goblins approach your group drawn by Comrade Boggledook's strange ideas. Some are familiar with Boggledook's ideas but the fact that the newcomers are listening to him adds more weight to his words than he has had in the past. "many chiefs? Not one Chief? strange strange boggledook."
Not interested in the discussion, Dogdog started wandering around and investigating the Birdcruncher camp, occasionally stopping to pee on things.
Lifting both hats off his head to thank the Professor , Boggledook giggles. "Yes yes! To wear enemy is to show strength.", he says in a deeply inflexed voice, before frowning. "But unless enemy hedgehog. Then it show stupidity.", he adds.
Waving the other goblins around, he raises his torch, standing up on his backpack. "Life is good for chief! So life gooder for all goblins, if all goblins chief!", he says, waving the torch. "I have had many thoughts on matter! At least THIS many!", he shouts, pointing his hand in the air, the four green fingers stretching out. "Is idea, yes yes! Tested in small places."
He points towards the newcomer party, running his hand across his chin. "Look at Licktoads! They are small tribe! And they have no Chief chief! If they need fire started, Licktoad tribe ask Grumble, Chief of Fire! And he starts fire!", he says, playing the audience.
Unfortunately, the obvious advantages of the other two aren't as apparent for the Comrade, as a trickle of sweat draws from under his hats. "And... If Licktoads need to know how to bury bone, they ask Chief Dogdog! And if they need, yes yes, Professoring, they ask Chief Professor! All is Chief in meritocratical classless chiefdom!"
"Uh, Grubble is fine if there is all this food when we all chief together!"
The conversation with Boggledook continues for a while but the gathered goblins eventually realize that either they don't understand what the strange goblin is saying or he has no idea himself. The licktoads are given a place to spend the night in the cave on a pile of feathers. There is some quick tussling about who gets the single half-full down pillow but it is quickly claimed by the combined might of Dog-dog and Dog who proceed to tear into it until it is just more feathers on the pile.
In the morning everyone gathers around the hot coals banked together from last nights fire, after it gets blazing again Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh steps forward. "If any goblin would join the chieftain's moot at a chieftain-in-waiting now is your chance! Before all of us now tell us why you should be our chieftain! Then the dares will begin!"
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Comrade Boggledook stands up as the Professor is done with his short, yet passionate speech. Standing on a barrel, he clears his throat. "Birdcrunchers!", he shouts. "Licktoads!"
"Are we not all goblins! We all like the eatings! We all like the burnings! We all like the shinies!", he begins saying. "And we hates dogs, and horses, and longshanks!", he adds, raising his fist in the air. "But goblins is too busy fighting each other to be stealing bigger and better stuff! Goblins is too busy doing things like goblins always done, and not doing of thinking with head!", he points to his own head.
"So, if Comrade Boggledook is democratically authoritatively elected as autocratic leader of state, I make every Goblin Chief in a way! We work togetherer than before!", he shouts. "If goblins don't steal from each other too much, goblins are free to steal more from others, because goblins not busy keeping their shinies from other goblins!"
He reaches down for his very torchy torch, then lights it with a flick of his fingers, before raising it in the air. "If I am Chief Chief, then more fires get started! More stuffs is stolen!" Raising the torch in the air, he shouts. "For new goblin! Better than old goblin!"
Rather than giving a grand speech, Grubble takes a deep breath, sparks surrounding himself, then belches loudly towards the sky, a massive fireball as tall as five goblins erupting from his mouth. He then grins, rather satisfied with himself.
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Dogdog sat in a crouch next to the other would-be chiefs. When his turn came to speak he scratched his ear with his foot for a moment before realizing everyone was watching him. He raised his arm and the wolf-skull puppet's mouth moved.
In a voice that was definitely a higher-pitched version of Dogdog's own, the skull proclaimed-
"Dogdog is good boy!"
Grubble, Dog-dog, and Zord each receive a loud round of applause and shouting. Comrade Boggldook's speech is met with an awkwardly long silence as the crows of goblins try to figure out what he's talking about. After what seems like forever a select few begin to clap, slowly the rest of the crowd joins in, not wanting to be thought un-intelligent.
Wise Mummy raises her staff "The Chieftains in waiting will now begin the dares! Follow me." she leads the village to the center of the valley where three cages of seagulls sit about 20 feet apart from each other. The contestants are lines up perpendicular to the line of cages and given a shortbow with three arrows. Each contestants arrows are fletched with a different color.
Dog-dog - Brown
Grubble Gruuu - Red
Professor Zord - White
Comrade Boggledook - Black
"Each cage will be released in turn, your job is to shoot down a seagull. Each cage is worth a different number of points. When the moot is complete the goblin with the most points will be chief!" When Sprattleharsh is done she approaches each contestant in waiting and ties a strip of cloth over their eyes. "Let the game begin"
When the first cage is released the seagulls squawk loudly and fly into the air. It is obvious to all the shooters where they are, except Zord who was picking earwax and was unable to hear the birds.
Boggledook, confused by the squawking of the birds, turns around and shoots at the cage. "To remember, is important!", he shouts as he aims at the cage. "Optimisation of labour important quality in chief!", he barks out. "So, I is shooting and cooking! All at same time!" As a glorious goblin song about fire leaves his lips, his arrow bursts into flames.
Directly following the twang of Boggledooks bow is a loud, decidedly goblinoid shriek followed by the laughter of the onlooking crowd.
Dogdog's arrows finds its mark! Squawk!... thud.
"Arrows are boring! Give Grubble things to burn!"
grubble gruuu's shot results not in the squawk of a seagull but the collective shriek of a crowd of goblins as several are almost skewered. Then there is silence for an uncomfortably long time.
Only Grubble notices the second flock released, the rest of the group being distracted by an incredibly loud fart from the crowd.
Another fire arrow bursts into Comrade Boggledook's hands. "I theoreetisize that birds are this way!", he shouts out, letting go of the arrow. Considering all kinds of screaming as good screaming, he nods. "I am best at theoretisizing."
Wasn't sure if it was already rolled for - but I thought better to pray for forgiveness afterwards, than to delay the thread.
Another arrow from Grubble goes likely wide. The wood of the bow starts smoking, unable to withstand the heat from the adept pyromancer, inept archer.
The crowd shouts again as Grubble sends an arrow into the ground at their feet before promptly erupting into flame. Boggledook mistakes the fart for the sound of birds and only misses Zord by dumb luck.
The onlookers watch expectantly and impressively quiet as they wait for the last cage to be opened.
Dogdog and Zord both hear the sound of the last flock about 60 ft. away.
Grubble and boggledook stand still and continue to wait as the other two take their shots.
Zord's shot is a wild miss and the goblins watching are quick to let him know quite loudly. After Dogdogs shot there is only stunned silence and then the loudest cheer yet, it takes quite a while for the goblins to quiet down enough for Sprattleharsh to say "Remove your blindfolds!"
Without the blindfolds it is clear that this is not a group a marksman. One goblin sits against a tree with a black-fletched arrow in her shoulder. one Seagull lies on the ground with a brown-fletched arrow in its side. But far more interestingly than any of that is the large golden eagle, pinned by its throat to a large oak tree by another brown-fletched arrow.
"It would seem that archery is not our Chieftains-in-waitings' hidden talent. Except this mongrel" The Wise Mummy then announces loudly the points. "Grubble Gruuu and Zord have proved themselves talent less as of yet. Boggledook too has been unimpressive but I award him a single point because I very much enjoyed watching Elgoo scream. Dogdog shockingly has displayed great skill and as such has been awarded thirteen points. We'll see in this next dare if the others can catch up!"
If Dogdog had any idea what numbers meant, he didn't show it. He seemed a little confused what all the fuss was about but he was having fun. He panted happily.
The next dare takes place in a bog to the west of the birdcruncher camp. At some point in the past the goblins tried to build huts on stilts here but all that remains are wooden posts sticking out of the mucky water. Planks have been laid across the posts to create a series of narrow bridges about 10 feet above the water. 12 stirges are tied to posts by 5 foot tethers. Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh stands before the bog and gestures to pile of old human boots. "Put these on. When I throw this- She holds up a strange yellow stone The dare will begin. Your goal is to stomp as many stirges as you can without falling into the stank-water. When only one chieftain-in-waiting remains standing of all of the stirges are dead the dare will be over." Once everyone has their big clunky boots on She throws the stone at on of the posts and it releases a loud
the five stirges within range of Zord's energy shrivel dangle by their tethers.
Perhaps at the next Birdcruncher chieftain moot there will be a channeled energy ban.
As Zord proves so effective, Grubble runs forward, heating up and releasing a cone of fire at the bound stirges.
Grubble Gruuu's flames burn right through the tethers and two charred stirges drop into the bog.
The Comrade nods as the others begin singing the birds with otherworldy and somewhatthisworldly fire. "Fire! Fire!", he shouts out, raising his torch, as a bird of fire bursts from it. "Fire bird!", he stares at the rest. "But no shooting at Boggledook's bird!", he scornfully waves a finger.
Casting Summon Monster I, summoning a fire eagle.
It's a full round action. I auto-succeed at the acrobatics, too.
Happily barking, Dogdog ran out on one of the planks and stomped one of the bugs.
Dogdog brings his heavy boot down on a stirge's head with a loud popping sound. The other stirges buzz loudly a pull at their tethers. One manages to reach Dogdog and stab its barbed proboscis deep into the feral goblins chest.
Slightly woozy, Dogdog managed to keep his balance. He stomped the bug that was biting him.
Boggledook charges forwards with his torch, screeching off the top of his lungs. The fiery bird pounces forwards towards the stirges with another, similar screech, either inspired by Boggledook's own cry, or simply because its an eagle on fire.
The firebird swoops down at one of the stirges but misses as the little creature swerves out of the way.
"Chaaaa...", Boggledook continues charging, before ending up next to a gap too big for his iron-toed booted feet. Jumping up high enough to continue his run with a loud thud, he clears his throat. "...aaaaaaaaarge!"
Boggldook slams the stirge with his torch. The creature wavers unsteadily in the air before looking back at its attacker with rage in its eyes.
Dogdog looks down at the stirge sucking his blood and promptly takes a large bite out of it. The stirge goes limp, but stays embedded in the large goblin's chest.
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"Hee hee hee. Cheat. Hee hee haw!" Having such a great time cheating, Zord attempt to edge out on a plank in order to get in range of the three remaining stirges.
To absolutely no one's surprise, probably including his own, on the very first step on a plank, Zord's feet go out from under him and he falls into the muck headfirst. Zord pops up and laughs.
"Ahh! Water. Refresh!"
"Not fair!" screams Grubble, while cheating himself. A glob of fire is hurled at the nearest stirge as he gets closer to the last remaining ones, only to trip on a barnacle and fall miserably. Water sizzles on contact with him.
Grubble nearly loses his balance when he throws the firebal but manages to keep his footing. The nearest sturge is incinerated on contact.