Guffy yells as the boom hits her. "Stop makin' them noises!"
She swings at Reta, then tries to bite her! for damage and for damage!
Mogmurch wonders if this ugly spawn is as skilled at avoiding fire as her pa. He launches his last bomb at her!
The explosions rock the half-ogre woman, but it's Poog's stick that finally works and causes her to drop her morningstar and sway drunkenly!
Mogmurch runs forward, biting into one of his gourds and lets out a fiery belch!
Guffy goes down under sword and stick and flaming burp! She twitches a few times, then goes still once Reta stabs her a couple more times!
The farm is quiet, save for a scratching sound coming from inside the house.
"Wait for me Reta!" cries Mogmurch as he scurries after her.
The floor of this filthy chamber is made of rough floorboards. Numerous gaps between them show a dark space below the building. A large pile of furs and straw is heaped to the south, and a huge trap door sits in the very center of the room. To the west, a single ill-fitting door hangs askew on a single hinge.
A giant weasel lounges in this room, looking somewhat shocked by the intrusion!
The weasel hisses and springs at Reta! for damage!
Mogmurch doesn't have much room to attack, so he draws his club and swings at the weasel.
The weasel freezes! Reta and Mogmurch hack and hit it, but it's tough!
Round 2:
With a great shudder it throws off the enchantment!
Mogmurch laughs at the weasel and clubs it again.
Reta and Mogmurch hammer at the weasel, but it dodges them! Poog decides to join the stabbing party! for damage!
The weasel, seeing the many knives, tries to barrel through Poog to escape! It hits the trap door in the floor and is gone, racing toward the woods!
Searching the house you find a few treasures: Among the clutter in the bed are scattered 275 gp, six gourds of fire burping, a cage containing a dead wolverine (the wolverine still wears an amulet of natural armor +1 around its neck), a sack of straw with a gold needle lost in it (the needle is worth 100 gp), and a large, badly made, taxidermic dire corby (a gift to Pa from Guffy). In Guffy's room you find a headless taxidermied goblin. The headless goblin body is, in fact, the remains of Chief Gnawsparrow. His body still wears his +1 shadow studded leather armor.
Aside from this, you now have Guffy's masterwork morningstar and a clutch of owlbear eggs. You head back to the Birdcrunchers with Squealy Nord in tow, content of a hero's welcome!
So you slunk back to the Birdcrunchers with Chuffy's body in tow. Wise Mammy Sprattleharsh seemed surprised to see you for a second, then collected Chuffy and hauled him off to her hut. After a few hours' chanting and smells coming from the hut, Chuffy staggered out, looking confused but alive!
Of course you were greeted as heroes. They even pushed the other goblins they were testing for chieftainhood out the door, just to make sure you knew you were #1 chiefs. The food and drink flowed and the revelrie lasted way past all rational stopping points. But you soon realize something: Being a chieftain is boring. Adventures are interesting. As goblin chieftains, you have quite reasonably decided that your minions in the Birdcruncher tribe should either entertain you or bring you an adventure to quell your boredom—otherwise, there’ll be trouble! A great feast has been prepared in your honor, and goblins are scattering every which way to get things ready. While the others try to keep you satisfied, a few even went with Squealy Nord to hunt for your favorite truffles.
A bunch of the Birdcruncher goblins have worked hard to delight their grumpy chieftains. The goblins raided secret stores to come up with treasure to fulfill their chieftains’ demands; they plan to give these items out as prizes for succeeding at the amusements (as long as the chieftains don’t just take the trinkets to begin with). As the tribe gathers for the celebrations, two goblins—Plunger and Reg Runtweed—wheel out a massive thing covered in a tattered and patched blanket. They claim they have a secret treat that will make all the chieftains happy—a treat they will reveal later during the feast. However, it turns out that goblins aren’t good at keeping secrets. A couple of Birdcrunchers, hoping to curry favor, already ruined the surprise and told the four goblins that Reg and Plunger built a statue to honor the chieftains’ past accomplishments.
But first, there must be a party!
First a goblin named Munge has devised a very special game based on a tale he tells. It would seem that there was once a Great Green Goblin King, who arrived at a lord's court with a special offer: the chance to chop off his head as long as he, the Green Goblin King, was allowed to return the blow afterward. In the story, the Green Goblin King has his head chopped off, and then, after reattaching it... Well, Munge can’t remember how the story ends, as it got less interesting after the head-chopping part.
He pulls back a cover to reveal a great rusty axe! All you have to do is strike Munge with the axe, then he gets to do the same to you!
Who is first?!?
Reta hefts the axe and THUNK buries it deep in the storyteller's neck. He gurgles and twitches and dies.
Everyone waits.
After a minute or so, a lone goblin begins to clap, halfheartedly.
Following Munge’s failed attempt at adventure, Munkle Pupsquash leads four goblin dogs (Lil’ Flaky, Grumbles, Snortlick, and Chub-Chub) out of their rickety pen and brings them to the platform in the middle of the clearing. There she regales the assemblage with the goblin folktale called “The Charge of the Most Powerful Goblins.” This story tells of a group of goblin heroes who made a brave rush at the walls of a human city. The goblins leapt the moat, scaled the walls, and burned the whole place to the ground before riding off with all of the town’s pickles. In her storytelling, Munkle compares each of the chieftains to a great goblin hero from the old folktale in hopes of currying favor with the disgruntled chieftains.
Munkle then explains the terms of her amusement— the goblin dog sprint. Mounted on fidgety goblin dogs, the chieftains must race into the forest and jump over a fresh mud pit, climb a steep ridge, break a squash painted to look like a stupid gnome, rush back down the ridge, and jump over a clump of brambles before returning to the clearing.
Mud Jumper: Leaping over the mud pit requires a successful DC 15 Ride check. Failing this check results in the PC’s unceremonious tumble into the mud.
Ridge Racer: Climbing the ridge is much easier, requiring only a successful DC 5 Ride check to stay on the dog’s back during this bumpy ascent. Failure indicates that the PC is thrown from the goblin dog, taking points of damage from the fall, and the chieftain must mount again to continue the course. A PC can negate this damage with a successful DC 15 Ride check to slow the fall.
Gnome Smasher: Once the PCs crest the ridge, they come upon four squashes painted to look like gnomes, each with ridiculous eyebrows and a strangely colored wig. The PCs must successfully guide their mounts with their knees (Ride DC 5) and attack the squash with a weapon or thrown rock. Hitting the painted squashes requires a successful attack against an AC of 10, and a squash is destroyed if it takes at least 1 point of damage.
Bramble Bounder: After destroying the gnome squashes, the goblin chieftains must charge down the ridge (Ride DC 5 to stay on the dog) and leap over a cluster of brambles (Ride DC 15). A goblin who fails the check to make this leap falls into the brambles and takes points of piercing damage. A PC can negate this damage with a successful DC 15 Ride check to slow the fall.
As a goblin sets off a firecracker with a BANG and a squeal of pain, the race is off!
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Chuffy makes his way out of the cave with the scary witch, the whole in his chest stopped up with dirty rags and a green tomato. He's too busy feeling himself and checking for King Bubble to notice the goblin beheading.
Seeing the riding dogs though he gives his tell tale smirk Chuffy gonna win this! Be bestest Chief in tribe! Woah, look at Reta go...
Chuffy hops on his dog Grumbles "Good doggie, lets win win win!" He hollers and digs his heels in for some action once again.
Mud Jumper:
Ridge Racer:
Gnome Smasher: Chuffy rides past the gnome head with the girly wig and orange pigtails and stabs at it with his dogslicer! Sending the pig tails flying into his mouth!
Bramble Bounder: Chuffy holds on to Grumble's mane as they head down the hill, this whole race seeming far too easy for the newly rejuvenated Chief. and they make one last leap over the icky sticky stabby plants Clearing it with just a bit to spare.
He rides up next to Reta and spits the orange braids at her and blows her a kiss before pulling out his jar of pickled crickets to give all the winners and their dogs a treat. "NOM NOM NOM"
Mogmurch leaps on one of the goblin dogs, a particularly mangy looking cur with mottled brown, grey and black fur standing out in wild tufts.
He tries to clear the mud pit, and unceremoniously flies off his dog and lands in the mud... Not sure if he can still finish the race, he remounts his dog and tries to clear the pit again:
mud jumper:
He gives up and a mud-covered Mogmurch mounts his dog on the other side of the pit... then, he races up the ridge, with no problems:
ridge racer: can't fail dc 5 ride check
He comes up on the strange gnome effigies and lofts a bomb at the one with the bright blue wig and fuzzy orange eyebrows.
gnome smasher: can't fail dc 5 ride check, then mogmurch throws a bomb at the gnome head:
Mogmurch, not the best rider in the bunch, races along down the ridge, then jumps the brambles making it over easily.
bramble bounder: can't fail dc 5 ride check;
(edit:) so a total of 20 pts of bomb damage to the 1hp gnome, lol.... (which incinerates, I assume, the remains of the other gnomes around it as well, lol)
Mogmurch, still covered in drying mud, gives a wicked grin at the end... "Me not win race, but me burn up many gnomes!"
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Poog has a way with animals so clearly this competition favors him! Zarongel was great at mastering animals.
He hopped up on the mud jumper
He fell off instead and had to get back on and tries again
He then races down the ridge and manages to stay on and makes his way down to the Gnome Squashes
He guides the animal with his knees and starts smashing gnomeses.
He then rides down the brambles trying to stay on the horse and then
LEAPS over the cluster of brambles
Finishing the race quickly!
"Zarongel just pities you for being bad with fire!" Poog sneers at Reta and Chuffy.
The race is eventful, to say the least, but in the end it's Reta who takes the prize! A goblin brings over a jar, which she tells you is "Really good goo for when you am feeling bad! And it tastes like bacon!" A jar of Restorative Ointment!
The next set of goblins prepared a bit of fun—accented with a whiff of burning and a taste of explosions. The goblins made a number of straw effigies representing some of the goblin chieftains’ conquests. Six of these crude dummies are fashioned into dog shapes, three of them into horse shapes, and one particularly lumbering creation somewhat resembles an ogre (meant to represent Pa Munchmeat, the ogre the chieftains defeated to become the leaders of the Birdcruncher tribe). The straw figures are arranged in the clearing 10 feet from the front of the low platform, and each of the goblin heroes is handed a single star candle firework.
After the fireworks are distributed, Trimple Rotmouth, a recent convert to Zarongel under Poog’s tutelage, explains that the goal of this “adventure” is to shoot the fireworks into the straw effigies, preferably setting them on fire. Once lit, the star candle fireworks can shoot a flaming ember once per round for 4 rounds. The PCs make ranged touch attacks with the star candle fireworks against the straw effigies. This attack is made at a –6 penalty (–2 due to range increment and –4 due to nonproficiency). To make this a contest among the chieftains instead of a fiery free-for-all, each figure is worth a different number of points. The dogs have an AC of 13 and are worth 2 points each. The horses have an AC of 10 and are worth 1 point each. Each of the horse and dog dummies can be successfully attacked and set on fire only once to earn points. The Pa Munchmeat dummy has an AC of 10 and is worth 1 point, but can be hit as many times as the PCs wish to earn points!
"Mogmurch like fire!" He aims his first flaming missile at a dog effigy.
He howls in excitement as the effigy goes up in flames.
One of the dogs goes up in flames!
round 2: another dog
round 3: dog if any left, otherwise pa
round 4: dog if any left, otherwise pa
Mogmurch is disgusted by his own lack of accuracy, but jumps up and down excitedly when his final shot is successful
Round 1: Reta sets fire to a dog, while Mogmurch blows another one up, leaving 4 dogs!
Round 2: Everyone misses and several fireworks hit the crowd, resulting in screams and laughter and burning goblin smell!
Round 3: Reta, Mogmurch and Poog all miss, but Chuffy lands a direct hit on a dog! 3 dogs left!
Round 4: Chuffy, Poog and Mogmurch take out the last three dogs, and Reta is left with a horse!
Mogmurch fires at Pa after the dogs are gone, as he looks easier to hit than the horses, and are worth the same points....
[doce=round 5, dc 10]1d20+9-6[/dice]
Mogmurch looks sad as his last shot just misses the pa effigy.
"Reta be big winner .. again... me think games is rigged."
Reta hits the horse and wins the game! The goblins, at least those not on fire, cheer and duck as more fireworks go wildly into the air. She is rewarded with a bottle of goopy liquid that makes you hide real good!
The next dare is announced by a goblin named Dillbi Tenthumbs as KILL GULL! Except, says the embarrassed goblin, they ate all the gulls. BUT, she says, they have a vulture!
Dillbi gives each of the PCs a bag full of good throwing rocks, then goes to the cage to release the tethered vulture while she holds on tightly to the twine. After Dillbi releases the bird, the PCs take their shots at the greasy thing. Each PC can throw one rock per round, attacking the vulture at a range of 30 feet. A rock thrown in this way deals 1d3 points of bludgeoning damage. With each throw, Dillbi attempts a DC 10 Dexterity check to increase the vulture’s AC by 2. (Dillbi is a standard goblin with a Dexterity score of 14, so she attempts this check with a +2 bonus.) If Dillbi rolls a 1 or 2 on her check, the twine slips out of her hands and the vulture escapes, immediately circling back to attack the rock-throwing goblins.
Round 1: