You snatch and grab and roll up the horrid 'words' in your packs and head off toward the Licktoad village.
When you arrive, you find a large group of goblin elders there watching you with wide-eyed astonishment. When they see your new toads and shiny trinkets, they let out an appreciative warble of goblin shouts. Loptop pushes through the crowd and shoves the others back, making quiet gestures until the noise dies down. She scowls and examines you like a drill sergeant.
“Pssht! You?! Didn’t think you would be first back from the bog. Didn’t think you’d be back at all! Brinestump be dangerous today! Slorb saw a stranger on the road this morning, a pointy elfy one with a sparkly hat and a bright wagon and a funny horse. Get you stabby stuff—we’re off to find her and give her a good Licktoad welcome!”
"Ha hahaha!" laughs Mogmurch. "Us goblins already welcomed her." He takes a slab of mule flesh out of his pack and shows it off, before taking a big bloody bite.
"You made the elfy woman run away? And ate the horse?!?" Loptop looks disappointed, but then brightens. "And what sorta shinies did she have? You and you, go get the wagon!" Several goblins hoot and howl and run off to dismantle the colorful wagon.
"So, talk, what treasures did she have?"
Mogmurch shows the firebreath he claimed. "We got a bunch of stupid longshanks words too."
Loptop freezes. "Shiny WORDS?!?" She looks terrified. She snatches the page of words and peers at it, looking pale. "I gotta take this to the Chief! You go rest up. I think Chief is gonna wanna talk to you later."
Mogmurch struts around like he owns the place, gleefully snatching food and shiny things from everyone. "Me big goblin!"
Rested, healed and now thoroughly adult goblins, you are summoned by Loptop to the Chief's moot house! The moot house is stacked high with jars of strange, fuzzy creatures preserved in pickle brine, and the skinned hides of anything else too large for even the mightiest jar. The chief holds up a single hand—a human’s, by the look of it—from atop his tall chair, silencing the goblin horde. All the goblins know that His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad is a goblin of such remarkableness that the mere sound of his voice has driven goblins to madness or made heads explode. Therefore, his faithful advisor Slorb speaks on the chief ’s behalf.
“Our new goblin heroes have returned with horrible, horrible news: A stranger has brought horrible, horrible words into our swamp. Extra-horrible words! Because these words sparkle. Maybe they be magic words. Maybe even worse magic than regular words. The stranger also had a map, and Chief Gutwad knows from looking at the map that this is clearly where the longshanks MAKE their terrible sparkly words! They be planning something bad. But we be goblins! We be the baddest thing! Licktoads will march on longshanks word-makers and smash everything!"
“Light the fire! Sharpen blade!
“We be goblins! We make raid!”
The tribe joins in the chanting, and the howling, and the rushing toward the raid with furious abandon! Three miles of rushing and running and you finally find yourself outside a small farmstead near the tribe's land.
The light forest and overgrown field give way to a rundown little farm bustling with activity. Colorful paper and cloth hang from the barn and house, and tables loaded with food and drink are scattered around the yard. In the center of it all stands a cake that rises nearly two goblins tall and drips with icing and custard. A few slices have already been removed, revealing an interior that looks moist and delicious.
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Chuffy looks around at the other goblins at the moot and starts awkwardly cheering along with the rest of the mob "STAB! STAB! STAB!" Seeing no one object he continues screaming about stabbing until his throat hurts.
Chuffy notices the cake at the same time Reta does. His eyes squint. Maybe its the light, maybe its just a rogue eyelash, or maybe, just maybe... he's got a plan in that watermelon shaped head of his. "EEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" He screams as he races Reta for the cake, as fast as his little legs can go. Once he gets near the cake he dives watermelon first, like a green pimply cake seeking missile, mouth wide open, into the cake. All that remains is a pair of kicking feet sticking out of the side of Mount Sugar.
There is a sudden moment of silence as the goblins spot the cake. The wedding guests, hearing the mob of goblins, scream and scatter, racing for cover. The goblin mob explodes into the clearing, scattering with torches ablaze for the buildings. In the rush, one of the gobs knocks open the pig pen, and while three large sows cower, one small piglet, looking pink and fresh barrels into the mob of goblins, squealing and bucking for all its worth in joy!
But the true star is the cake.
Standing nearly twice as tall as the goblins and looking magnificent, neither Chuffy or Reta can resist the temptation. Reta rushes forward at the same time as Chuffy, but while Reta delicately plants her face in the sugary confection, Chuffy explodes into it, eating his way through like a shark through water!
Two halflings, one dressed in fine shirt and pants and the other dressed in a long flowing white wedding dress, stand up and leap atop their table. The male seems to look a little overwhelmed, but the female, dress hiked up, looks around at the mess and screams in a clear piercing voice, "OH HELL NO!" before leaping down and stalking toward the cake with a look of murder!
Mogmurch chases the sow with a crazed look. "Horse! Horse! Horse!"
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Pooh resists taking from the cake and instead keeps his eyes
And he puffs his chest at the bride as she approaches and bares his teeth "Burn the shortshanks alive BURN THEM!"
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Mogmurch takes off after the piglet with a scream of HORSE! Poog stands his ground as the bridezilla approaches!
Round 1:
Goblins!
Wedding Party!
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Chuffy wriggles his way out of the cake, dogslicer drawn, covered head to toe in sugary delight. His eye twitches, his hands shake and tremble with unimagineable power! "Short longshanksss must dieeeee! Stabbbbyy!" He rattles off in fast forward before he tongue gets to work lapping up the frosting within reach. He stabs at the white dressed woman's stomach.
Mogmurch sees his fellow goblins ganging up on the longhand and decides to join in on the fun.
Chuffy cuts into the bride's gut as Reta stabs right after him! Even Mogmurch dances around to cut into the bride! She screams in pain and rage and disgust as her husband calls out "Wellma! NO!"
The bride lets out a scream of rage/frustration and pure bridal fury. "YOU HORRID LITTLE CRETINS! This was SUPPOSED to be MY day! MY DAY! I look WONDERFUL. I SMELL WONDERFUL. I AM MARRYING THIS IDIOT AND IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DAY! I will not let you balloon headed boobs RUIN MY DAY!" Steam explodes from her ears as she raises her fists and tries to pummel the goblins. Her husband meekly raises his fists too, with a muttered "yes dear."
for damage!
for damage!
Unfortunately, the bridge and groom turn out to be more bluster than bravo as they swing at the goblins. Each swing goes wild as the bride gets more and more angry!
Suddenly the cake explodes as the piglet bursts into it, thrashing and eating and squealing and shaking, causing cake debris to rain down upon everyone!
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The piglet roars on to the scene, blasting into the cake and sending tasty chunks all over everyone. Chuffy laughs and scoops up a handful off himself and shovels it into his toothy maw "Yum yum King! Once we get done stabbin these two we get to eat cake all day long!"
He steps a bit to the south hoping to lure the groom between he and Reta and stabs away double time at the bride.
Chuffy's blade goes SNICKER-SNAK into the halfling bride, while Poog decides fire is the answer to his prayers!
Reta and the Groom avoid the brunt of the flames, but the Bride goes up in smoke! In a flash, there's nothing there but an angry outline of a halfling bide and a dress, and a second later, the dress falls to the ground, looking remarkably unharmed.
The groom lets out a wail of despair! "Sweetumcakes! NOOOOOO!"
Mogmurch charges at the longshanks man, trying to sever his Achilles tendon.
Reta slices twice at the groom, cutting him deeply! Mogmurch charges, but slips on some cake and slides a bit past the groom, still letting out his battle cry!
The groom, still weeping, decides to try to flee to find love in a better part of town!
There is a commotion from the house as a quartet of goblins explodes from inside carrying a small barking and yipping dog over their heads with cries of triumph! However a large woman wielding a skillet is clearly having none of this as she explodes from the door after them, screaming "MITZEN! BRING BACK MY DOG YOU SCUM!" She takes several large strides and SMACK the goblin in the back goes flying off into the air, half his skull caved in by her mighty blow!
Mogmurch gleefully takes a cheap shot at the retreating groom.
Then he moves towards the new mean longshanks lady and gets out a stone, ready to bean her with it.
Chuffy's slash is the only one to land, cutting the halfling groom, but not stopping him as he runs away, weeping, to plot his emo revenge against you goblins.
The others hustle to engage the battle-ready woman with the deadly skillet as she strides toward the goblins holding the yowling dog and again swings and sends a goblin yelping away, this time minus a buttock and most of one leg!
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Reinvigorated with a fresh batch of frosting, Chuffy slides like a penguin across the other end of the table and out onto the lawn. He gives a wink and a snort to the piglet who's rolling around in his own greasy custard wallow and takes off all hyper towards the others. "Stabbbby Stabbbb!" He rages as he goes, slashing at the woman as soon as he gets near.
Mogmurch lets the stone fly!
The rocks and cuts slice into the woman, who lets out a deep roar of anger! "I WILL HAVE MY MITZEN BACK!" She swings the heavy skillet at Reta! for damage!
The dog struggles free and turns on the gobs! It growls in a high pitched whine and bites at Chuffy! for damage!
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Chuffy's eyes go wide with fear as the dreaded dog snaps his jaws mere inches from his sword arm, King bubble activates his personal defense system: a slow oozing clear fluid starts to run down Chuffy's forehead. "King says you die now doggie!" And he steps to the South putting the mutt square in the crosshairs with Reta. He chitters out some extra sugar rush and stabs away at the dog.
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Remembering his earlier victory, Mogmurch uses his Half-Exploded Firework badge to start screaming at the longshanks, "You stupid ugly horselady you die now! Goblins kill you and eat your smelly dog!"
Chuffy carves the pooch into pieces with two expert slices! It dies with a choked yelp and the woman lets out a similar noise of pain! Mogmurch screams at the woman, who is so frightened that she seems staggered by the experience! Poog races over to Reta, trying to help her!
Reta's second attack cuts the woman, who lets out a pain and grief choked cry. She looks around and sees the wedding party fled, the bride dead and fire consuming the house. She lets out a wail of fear and drops her skillet, turning to flee!
Between Chuffy and Reta, the woman falls with dogslicers embedded in her back!
As you all gaze around the now burning wedding party, you begin to understand what it means to be a goblin. In the party that follows, you are given chairs that are next to (but not quite as big as) Chief Gutwad's. The cake alone insures that the party goes on for days, and when you finally stumble back to the tribe's encampment, you are well and truly goblins.