Star Voter Season 7
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I imagine this was a bit too niche and probably better served by being expanded as an artifact, but here's mine as it was submitted:
Scepter of Fools
Aura strong transmutation; CL 16
Slot none; Price 92,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
Originally created by trickster servants of Calistria to taunt Shelynite rivals in royal courts, this item initially appears as a bronze scepter with the head sculpted into an empty jester’s cap. A scepter’s wielder can point it at an intelligent living being to challenge them to a battle of wits. If the target refuses or loses an opposed Perform(comedy) skill check against the wielder, they must make a DC 20 Fort save. If the target fails, they disappear with a flash, their face reappearing in the scepter’s jester cap. If the target wins the opposed skill check, the wielder must save or be pulled into the scepter themselves. If the scepter already has a being trapped within, that being is restored and released in an adjacent square.
A being trapped within the scepter does not need to breathe or eat. They can speak, but cannot cast spells. A trapped being is immediately released within 24 hours unless the wielder defeats them again in an opposed Perform(comedy) skill check, which resets the time of release. The risk of the wielder being trapped applies to this check as well.
When the scepter contains a trapped being, it imparts a free aid another check to any Perform checks in which the trapped being has skill ranks. The trapped head can also be commanded to laugh hysterically once per day, affecting all listeners within 30 feet as if targeted by hideous laughter.
Anyone trapped within a scepter of fools can be released with command word from the wielder, destroying the scepter, or simply waiting 24 hours after the last duel.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hideous laughter, polymorph any object; Cost 46,000 gp
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Thanks for a great round one, everyone! I would appreciate any feedback, and fear that I should have paid more attention to formatting. Are there other problems?
Boots, Tower
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot feet; Price 4,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description:
Made of stiff leather and decorated with brightly painted tumbling acrobats and jugglers, a 3” x 4” block of darkwood is mounted on the outside base of each boot. The blocks extend to provide support for the feet, and lengthen into 2” thick stilts when activated.
On command, the stilts lengthen up to 30’ as a standard action and shorten as a swift action. If at least 5’ above an enemy, the boots provide the wearer a +1 bonus for attacking foes from higher ground. The stilts can be used for a total of 30 minutes per day, although this time need not be consecutive.
The wearer makes an Acrobatics check to walk at half speed (DC 5), and can increase movement to full speed by adding 10 to the DC. All conditional modifiers listed in the Acrobatics skill apply as an addition to the base DC – including walking on narrow surfaces. The boots follow all the rules of Acrobatics with the following exceptions: moving through a threatened area or an enemy’s space and provoking an attack of opportunity allows an attack on the stilts if the user is out of reach; the wearer cannot use them in medium or heavy armor or while carrying a medium or heavy load; and the user cannot jump in them, although if lengthened to 30’ then up to 10’ wide pits can be stepped over as a regular part of movement.
If the user is tripped or the stilts are sundered (20 hps, hardness 5) then the wearer falls and takes damage as if deliberately jumping from the appropriate height (p.443).
Construction:
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Levitate; Cost 2,000 gp
Spellsnaring Gauntlets
I'll cry with you at the judge who hates nounverb names :(
Dragon scaled gloves...go on I'm listening.
You need to organize! The amount of times per day it can be used should have been up front with the power when it was first listed.
Cool idea...but again this is basically a spell reflecting idea which is INSANELY powerful. Especially because there's no roll to see if you succeed...it just succeeds.
In fact...I would go to say that is biggest problem. Spell reflecting and auto success.
Overall, cool imagery but an unfortunate design choice. Keep at it though, you've got skill!
Provocateur’s Pamphlet
I appreciated the premise of this item and I could see using it as a GM as part of a plot, I felt the execution was off on several points.
As soon as I saw the name, I thought of the spell illusory script , but I suppose suggestion works too. However, suggestion is 3rd level which should put the caster level of the item at least at 5th. Also, the durations of the numerous abilities seemed long and I somehow felt there should be three Will saves for: follow the words of the pamphlet, show it to a friend, charm person.
While the 7 day expiration merits a cost reduction, I think the item was still priced too low.
I know my item was one of the many cloaks that swirled that Russ mentioned.
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Bullet-Catching Duster
Very cool introduction.
You're giving away that Gun Tank's resolve deed too much...either it should be 1x per day for everyone that doesn't have it or only works for the Gunslinger class.
In fact, I'd probably cut that power out...it's a bit much.
The gunslinger is a very polarizing class. Some love it and some HATE it. This makes for a very tricky design space and I would posit that for the purposes of this competition it would be wise to stay away from polarizing class things. The general public is voting first before the judges see it so really...you have to please them first.
Overall, you've got a good idea and good descriptive ability. Maybe a...not safer...but less polarizing space to design in would be a good idea for next year.
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Total Spell-In-A-Can, I know. And the last +5 to stealth ... I don't know what I was thinking. Foolish, that.
However, what I want to know is what I could have (if anything) done to tighten this up, and make it interesting and printable.
Kana'ti Fetish
Aura Moderate Transmutation CL 7th
Slot Neck; Price 15150 gp; Weight --
Made of interwoven twigs, leaves, feathers and rough twine, this amulet-like fetish is fastened with a cord of braided horse hair. Originating among the kana'ti – warriors and hunters – of the Shoanti to aid in their life among the steppes, plains and mountains of Varisia, other groups have started crafting their own such fetishes to aid in hunting or long wilderness journeys.
The wearer of the Kana'ti Fetish must spend 10 minutes to ritually braid the horse-hair chord before the fetish can activate. Once a creature has spent the time to braid the chord, they can remove and replace the fetish as many times as they like – however, one must wear the Kana'ti Fetish to gain use of its magical abilities. Another wearer must complete the braiding ritual before the fetish will grant any benefits. Only one creature may make use of the fetish at a time.
The Fetish grants its wearer a +10 enhancement to their base land speed. In addition, the wearer is able to cast 'Darkvision' once a day. Finally, the Kana'ti Fetish provides the wearer with a +5 competence bonus to Stealth.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, longstrider, darkvision; Cost 7575 gp
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I suggested this last year:
Why not have one thread for posting items, and another for reviewing them? Makes it a lot easier to find both without missing any.
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Circlet of Substantial Foresight
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot head; Price 90,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This simple silver circlet has a small round embellishment on the front that rests on the wearer's forehead. A green stone in the center of the embellishment is attached by five silver filaments. When wearing the circlet the wearer is able to immediately fall into a peaceful sleep. While sleeping the circlet sifts through the wearer's mind piecing together information from memories and divine sources to fashion an object that may help the wearer in the days to come. The wearer may have strange dreams that might be connected to the object or situation. The wearer will wake refreshed as if she'd had a full night's rest in only half the time it would normally take (this is the required time.) When the wearer wakes the object is formed and one of the filaments burns out. When the last filament burns out the circlet will no longer function and the stone drops from the embellishment, turning black. If materials are available within 5 feet to fashion the object then they are used, otherwise a random, non-magic object from the wearer's person will be used. If no materials are available or the wearer is awakened before the required time has passed then no object is created and no filament is spent.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fabricate, detect thoughts, divination, sleep; Cost 45,000 gp
Slaying Shroud
Aura moderate conjuration and illusion (shadow); CL 13th
Slot shoulders ; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This hooded cloak’s dark colors languidly swirl around the wearer in shadowy tendrils. This cloak allows the wearer to draw both himself and a target into the Shadow Plane for a short period, giving the wearer the opportunity to isolate a target from bodyguards or allies. Once per day as a swift action when the wearer successfully grapples a target, the cloak’s dark shadows can envelop both the wearer and the grappled target. If the target fails a DC 20 Will save, both the wearer and the target disappear from the Material Plane and appear in the corresponding location in the Shadow Plane (GameMastery Guide, p. 188) without the grappled condition. This ability cannot be used in an area of bright light and can only be used while on the Material Plane.
Both the wearer and the target return in a burst of shadows to the Material Plane 3 rounds later, whether alive or dead. The target returns to the location from which he disappeared. The wearer can reappear in any area of shadow or darkness of his choice within 30 feet of this location. If no area is available, the wearer reappears in the same location from which he disappeared. If the wearer or target reappears in a place that is already occupied by a solid body, he is shunted to a random open space on a suitable surface within 30 feet. If no such place is available, he is shunted to the nearest area of shadow or darkness on the Material Plane.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, plane shift, shadow step; Cost 9,000 gp
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Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Lantern of Solace
Aura Faint Divination and Abjuration; CL 1st
Slot -; Price 6,500 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This ornate if morbid lantern functions as a normal hooded lantern. While it is lit, it reveals all undead within the 60ft-cone of light, just like the spell Detect Undead and also masks the owner as if under the spell Hide From Undead. In addition the lantern can be used to cast Disrupt Undead at-will on undead within 25ft that are illuminated by the lantern's light.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Detect Undead, Hide From Undead, Disrupt Undead; Cost 3,250 gp
Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated (already got some feedback from some people who asked that I repost it so thy don't have to critique twice :3).
Aura - your entry for this should be all lowercase and sorted alphabetically, i.e. it should have looked like this...faint abjuration and divination
Your dash in slot is not a killer, but from 5th edition, the preferred entry is "none;"
Your spells should be italic, sorted alphabetically and all lower case but the selection seems appropriate.
Its a very plain item, which might cost you a few votes, but then again, the simplicity might win you some too. For my tastes, I would have like to see something more visual, maybe a grey flowing light rather than the normal bright light.
It kind of is a combination of what is referred to as spell in a can - what you could have done is made the light have an aversion effect on undead trying to enter the area of effect for example, this would take you a step away from spell in a can and give it a little more visual possibilities for you to play off of.
Also be aware of items similar to existing items. If you check the core book, there is already a lantern in existence - Lantern of Revealing which has a listed weight of 2 lbs, so the more stringent voter will note you have a different weight to the normal lantern weight.
Other than that, the template was used, a serviceable name - maybe you could have worked solace into your item description too to make the link between name and effect stronger.
The price is about right, it doesn't feel wrong to me, so I wouldn't be looking to recalculate it to check it.
So in general, you have a few minor template hiccups, a nicely presented item, it just needs that extra push to make people go wow.
It's not bad. The theme is solid and the image simple. But that might be one of the flaws: the image of a light that exposes undead and can damage them isn't overly exciting.Further, I can understand the usefulness of being able to ambush undead with this (the hide from undead ability), but there seems to be little thematic reason for this power.
All-in-all, a useful device; sadly I can't say that it set the world on fire for me. :(
I'll start with the good things:
I obviously like the general theme, since I was going to do something similar myself.
I like the title. Some people don't like the "X of Y" construction, but I have no problems with it (my item would have done that too :P).
The description is short and clean. You didn't waste space on backstory, and your visual description isn't overly long. It tells me what the item is, gives me an idea of what it looks like (while leaving room to customize for my PC), and then moves on.
Formatting is mostly good. I don't remember clearly enough to say for sure if your bold/italic tags were all correct in your actual submission, but otherwise you got all the major things right. Just in case, remember to italicize spell names; a lot of people miss that, and sometimes I've used that as a tie breaker.
The item makes sense. I understand what it does and how to use it. I don't have to stand on my head and read it out loud before it becomes clear (some items definitely feel this way).
The item is actually entered in the contest. That means you beat my item quite soundly. Good work! :)
Now, the things to improve. I'll start with the biggest issues, and move down to the nitpick ones:
This item is basically a spell (ok, a set of spells) in a can. That's one reason it's easy to understand; all of its effects are spells, and I know how those work. That doesn't make it an inherently bad item (lots of good items are SIACs), but it does hurt its chances in this contest.
This is arguably a swiss-army-knife. I say "arguably" because it takes more than just having multiple effects to make a SAK. An item becomes a SAK when it has too many effects, and those effects aren't tied together tightly enough. Your items abilities are pretty well tied together, but my gut says it would be better with one less ability. I would probably remove the hide from undead, since the idea of a lantern hiding you is a bit strange (but also interesting; you could make a cool item built around that concept, but it would need to be the focus of the item).
Your pricing seems off. As a point of comparison to sanity check the price, I looked at the Staff of Minor Arcana. It also gives you two first level spells, but it uses charges instead of being continuous, and it doesn't have the extra cantrip. That item costs 8,000 gp, which is a good clue that your item is too cheap. It looks like you followed the formula in the book fairly well, assuming you were using the "multiple similar abilities" rule. What you probably missed was the rule to multiply by two for a slotless item. If you make that change, the price feels a lot better to me. Strictly, it would still be 500 lower than the formula dictates, but I don't get hung up on differences that small.
Minor grammar critique: there should be a comma after "Detect Undead" in the description, and also after "In addition".
Formatting has a few minor issues. These are nitpicks, but they're also common mistakes. If you avoid these, you'll already be ahead of a lot of the competition.
----Don't capitalize spell names. I hate this rule, and it messes me up every time, but it's the way the item format works. This applies to spells in the description and in the construction requirements.
----Don't capitalize the aura description. See above re: me hating this.
----Slot should technically be "none". "-" is officially acceptable, and will pretty much never get you downvoted, but if you want to be 100% correct, use "none".
----Spell names in the construction requirements should be alphabetized.
I think someone mentioned this in the ramble thread, but a hooded lantern doesn't cast a cone of light, that's a bullseye lantern.
RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
aka FaxCelestis
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Glaring mask
This item was a solid item hampered by poor formatting (uncapitalized save and skill names, broken into multiple paragraphs, no italicized spell names in requirements). I liked it, and I voted for it more often than not.
Slaying Shroud
I sadly never saw this item, because I would have voted for it every time.
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Dedicated Voter Season 7
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I imagine this was a bit too niche and probably better served by being expanded as an artifact, but here's mine as it was submitted:
Scepter of Fools
Aura strong transmutation; CL 16
Slot none; Price 92,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
Originally created by trickster servants of Calistria to taunt Shelynite rivals in royal courts, this item initially appears as a bronze scepter with the head sculpted into an empty jester’s cap. A scepter’s wielder can point it at an intelligent living being to challenge them to a battle of wits. If the target refuses or loses an opposed Perform(comedy) skill check against the wielder, they must make a DC 20 Fort save. If the target fails, they disappear with a flash, their face reappearing in the scepter’s jester cap. If the target wins the opposed skill check, the wielder must save or be pulled into the scepter themselves. If the scepter already has a being trapped within, that being is restored and released in an adjacent square.A being trapped within the scepter does not need to breathe or eat. They can speak, but cannot cast spells. A trapped being is immediately released within 24 hours unless the wielder defeats them again in an opposed Perform(comedy) skill check, which resets the time of release. The risk of the wielder being trapped applies to this check as well.
When the scepter contains a trapped being, it imparts a free aid another check to any Perform checks in which the trapped being has skill ranks. The trapped head can also be commanded to laugh hysterically once per day, affecting all listeners within 30 feet as if targeted by hideous laughter.Anyone trapped within a scepter of fools can be released with command word from the wielder, destroying the scepter, or simply waiting 24 hours after the last duel.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hideous laughter, polymorph any object; Cost 46,000 gp
Interesting but personally I'm not a fan of the imprisonment aspect, same with charm and dominate effects. Doesn't make it a bad item, but it is why I didn't vote for it.
Also while I don't have a problem with including Setting specific stuff in items this may have been a turn off for other people.
Sinister Collar
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot wrist; Price 16,000gp; Weight 0 lbs.
Description
This item consists of two parts: The Master Bracelet, a thin strap of tanned leather with a power word embossed in its surface, and the Sinister Collar, a shorter leather strap with twelve raw leather strips, forming a long tassel that can be affixed to a sword hilt or the grip of any handheld object.
Whenever within five feet of the wielder, the leather strands will writhe like the tentacles of an octopus or squid, reaching for the wielder. For this reason, the wielder can ready a weapon with the matching sinister collar as a free action, even from the ground, as long as it is within five feet and unrestrained.
When the collared object is held by the wielder, the leather tendrils wrap around the wielder's arm. When the wielder is disarmed of the object, he may immediately make a second grapple check to regain the weapon, with a +2 surprise bonus. Succeeding on this second check by five or more allows the wielder to make an attack of opportunity, in addition to the normal attack of opportunity for a disarm attempt, even against a creature with Improved Disarm.
The sinister collar can drag the weapon across a room to the wielder if summoned using the power word. Each round after being summoned, on the wielder's turn the sinister collar will move the object, if not obstructed, along the ground with a speed of ten feet in a straight line toward the wielder, taking normal penalties for difficult terrain. It will not navigate around obstacles, but can be stopped by the weilder with the power word.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, animate rope, the blood of a tentacled creature; Cost 8,000 gp
EDIT: Parts missing from actual submission filled in
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Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Sinister Collar
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot wrist; Price 16,000gp; Weight 0 lbs.
Description
This item consists of two parts: The Master Bracelet, a thin strap of tanned leather with a power word embossed in its surface, and the Sinister Collar, a shorter leather strap with twelve raw leather strips, forming a long tassel that can be affixed to a sword hilt or the grip of any handheld object.
Whenever within five feet of the wielder, the leather strands will writhe like the tentacles of an octopus or squid, reaching for the wielder. For this reason, the wielder can ready a weapon with the matching sinister collar as a free action, even from the ground, as long as it is within five feet and unrestrained.
When the collared object is held by the wielder, the leather tendrils wrap around the wielder's arm. When the wielder is disarmed of the object, he may immediately make a second grapple check to regain the weapon, with a +2 surprise bonus. Succeeding on this second check by five or more allows the wielder to make an attack of opportunity, in addition to the normal attack of opportunity for a disarm attempt, even against a c
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, animate rope, animate object; Cost 8,000 gp
What was the rest supposed to be ?
Spellmason's Mallet
I remember this and I liked it a lot. Good strong name and a cool ability.
Your last sentence absolutely KILLED the item for me. It is a weapon. Plain and simple.
I'll let others critique this more but that literally made me downvote this every time after I realized. (I saw this ALOT).
Overall, it was fun and gave non-magical types the ability to affect magic walls...but it was a weapon.
Well... it's actually not. Paizo has a history of both allowing mallets as Wondrous Items, as well as allowing Wondrous Items to be used as weapons.
More pertinently, Superstar judges have also previously set the precedent of allowing Wondrous Items that can be used as weapons to make it into the Top 32.
That said: complaining 'Wah! You read my item wrong!' is probably the least helpful thing that can be done, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend part of the voting period worried that people would think the Mallet was a weapon. So... I'll stop with the excuses right now, since I was skirting the edge, and should have realized it. :D
It did make the Top 100, but I do wonder if that weapon/item thin line was something that caused the judges to reject it... Anyways, thanks kindly for your thoughts! And I'm definitely gonna make sure my item can't be confused for something it's not in the future, since that's something that I could've fixed in design.
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Reviews and critiques of people's items to come when I have more time, but here's my Breach Master's Epaulets, edited for the one error I realized too late; the original version didn't have transmutation in the Aura.
Breach Master’s Epaulets
Aura Moderate transmutation, abjuration and conjuration; CL 12th
Slot shoulders; Price 65,200 gp; Weight —
Description
Amidst the dignified bullion fringe of one of these decorative military shoulder marks hang five dull grey ribbons. As long as the ribbons remain attached, the wearer gains DR 5/adamantine. As a standard action, the wearer may tear one of the ribbons from the fringe and press it against an adjacent surface, at which point it erupts into a 3-inch thick, 5-foot-by-5-foot panel of stone wall, connected to the surface that the ribbon was placed against. These panels are constructed of nonmagical stone, possess hardness 8 and 45 hit points, and can be broken through with a DC 26 Strength check or by bringing them to 0 hit points.
For every panel deployed in such a fashion, the epaulets’ Damage Reduction value drops by 1. For example, with one panel deployed, the wearer possesses DR 4/adamantine. As a standard action, the wearer can reabsorb adjacent, undamaged panels, restoring the ribbon and its associated functions, DR and redeployment, immediately.
The epaulets produce one new ribbon every 24 hours, and can never have more than 5 ribbons. If the epaulets have 5 ribbons, they may reabsorb previously deployed panels as detailed above, but to no benefit.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shrink item, stoneskin, wall of stone; Cost 32,600 gp
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Scatterstone
Aura faint enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 800 gp; Weight —
Description
This glittering hailstone, the size of a man's eyeball, is always cold to the touch.
The user activates the stone by throwing it at any surface within 30 feet, causing the stone to burst upon impact with a loud thunderclap and a flash of bright lightning. The user and all allies of the user within a 30-foot radius of the bursting stone may take a 5-foot step and may take an immediate action to draw a weapon, ready a shield, retrieve a stored item, or stand up from prone. If any affected allies are flat-footed, they lose that condition.
If the user activates the stone during the surprise round of combat, all affected allies may act in the surprise round even if they would otherwise be unaware that combat has begun.
The 5-foot step granted by the stone does not count against a character's movement for the round, nor does it affect a character's ability to take another 5-foot step later in the round, however a character may only benefit from the effects of one scatterstone per round. Once thrown, if the stone fails to impact a surface within 30 feet it does not burst and falls inert without being consumed. Bursting consumes the stone, leaving behind only a scattering of gritty ice.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, tactical acumen; Cost 400 gp
P.E.A.C.H.:
Orb of Supplicants' Shadows
Aura strong conjuration and illusion; CL 15th
Slot —; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Hushed whispers of betrayal and melancholy emanate from this translucent black sphere as ghostly wisps slowly swirl in its depths.
When a creature with the Leadership feat (or similar ability) grasps the orb and utters the command word (a standard action), her cohort and followers become trapped in the orb (no saving throw; this effect works at any distance). In a swirl of shadows, a pale and forlorn echo of her cohort coalesces in an adjacent square. Treat this "shadow-cohort" as a simulacrum of the user's cohort (using all HD instead of half that disperses into shadows if slain) with the shadow creature template. The shadow-cohort benefits from the user's abilities that specifically benefit her cohort. Additionally, as a standard action while holding the orb, the user may manifest up to 5 "shadow-followers" (as unseen servants but visible as shadows and automatically destroyed in bright light). The user may never have more shadow-followers manifested than her total number of followers.
The orb shatters at dawn, releasing her cohort and followers to their original locations and dispersing the shadow-cohort and shadow-followers. This also happens if the orb is broken prematurely (hardness 1, hp 3). Using the orb qualifies for the "cruelty" Leadership score factor which applies after her cohorts and followers are restored.
A mythic user may expend a use of mythic power to prevent the orb from shattering at the next dawn. By touching the orb to her shadow-cohort for one minute and expending one use of mythic power, she may restore a shadow-cohort to full hit points.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Mythic Crafter, simulacrum, trap the soul, unseen servant; Cost 15,000 gp
Provocateur’s Pamphlet
Aura faint enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Bar none, this was my favorite item submitted. I thought it was fantastic. I suppose it's only somewhat useful to a PC, but it's a very cool idea. My favorite part of it is the compulsion to share the message, like a self-replicating mental virus.
Lake Maker Spigot
I didn't like this item unfortunately. It just felt too comical. If it wasn't meant to be I'm sorry, but the attack with a blast of water was just...silly and ventured close to weapon territory.
Definitely mainly a Spell in a Can.
There's some slight template issues.
Overall, it's just not that interesting. Out of the items in the pool you have to really swing hard to get noticed!
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Dedicated Voter Season 7
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P.E.A.C.H.:
Orb of Supplicants' Shadows
Aura strong conjuration and illusion; CL 15th
Slot —; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Hushed whispers of betrayal and melancholy emanate from this translucent black sphere as ghostly wisps slowly swirl in its depths.When a creature with the Leadership feat (or similar ability) grasps the orb and utters the command word (a standard action), her cohort and followers become trapped in the orb (no saving throw; this effect works at any distance). In a swirl of shadows, a pale and forlorn echo of her cohort coalesces in an adjacent square. Treat this "shadow-cohort" as a simulacrum of the user's cohort (using all HD instead of half that disperses into shadows if slain) with the shadow creature template. The shadow-cohort benefits from the user's abilities that specifically benefit her cohort. Additionally, as a standard action while holding the orb, the user may manifest up to 5 "shadow-followers" (as unseen servants but visible as shadows and automatically destroyed in bright light). The user may never have more shadow-followers manifested than her total number of followers.
The orb shatters at dawn, releasing her cohort and followers to their original locations and dispersing the shadow-cohort and shadow-followers. This also happens if the orb is broken prematurely (hardness 1, hp 3). Using the orb qualifies for the "cruelty" Leadership score factor which applies after her cohorts and followers are restored.
A mythic user may expend a use of mythic power to prevent the orb from shattering at the next dawn. By touching the orb...
The no saving throw killed it for me.
Also when it shatters is it completely destroyed or does it regenerate or can it be fixed?
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As a matter of etiquette or maybe just brevity. Save commenting on comments about your item. This is going to explode and get messy real fast. Responding to the critique will not make this item better. Take the critique and apply it to the next item you design. Learn from the critique, don't just answer it. Better yet bring it to us in the Blazing Nine as a rewrite after this year's winner is crowned.
Congratulations everyone! :)
Sun Wukong's Puzzle Box
Awesome item. Fantastic effects. Didn't see it while voting. I played LoL for quite some time and didn't make the connection, so not to worry there.
Slaying Shroud
Didn't see this while voting either. Awesome item. I only wish it had some grappling assistance built in, as grappling is difficult for the traditional dex-based assassin-y style characters.
Sun Wukong's Puzzle Box
I loved this item. Now, I don't play LoL, so didn't catch a correlation there. HOWEVER, being a history and mythology buff, this item had create flavor.
I lean towards the LoL connection and it coming across as a SIAC for not making it into the Top 32. The balance seems pretty sound.
However, I upvoted it every single time I saw it.
I really am a sucker for Eastern Mythology/History.
Cloak of a Thousand Daggers
Cool name! And I normally don't like "of" names.
You mention that it uses an AoO...but does that mean it does not function if the wearer has none left? It is sort of implied but I would have liked some text that spells it out...I could see arguments springing up over it.
I'm not quite sure I get why Charisma gets swapped for Dexterity on the ranged attack. I don't see any flavor to connect that ability to the cloak.
Basically unlimited +1 daggers to throw.
It is a cool cinematic though...very cool.
Overall, it just feels a little disconnected with the Cha swapping. Only real complaint :)
Talisman of the Puissant Familiar
Auramoderate evocation; CL8th
Slot Neck; Price 35,600 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
A finally detailed platinum medallion formed in the shape of any creature used as a familiar.
Three times per day the wearer may transfer control of a spell, that requires concentration to maintain, to their familiar. The familiar can only maintain the spell. It cannot change any of the spell’s parameters. If forced to make a concentration check while maintaining the spell the familiar is considered to have a caster level equal to his master. When commanded the familiar can use a standard action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity to consume the spell it is maintaining, gaining one ability from the list below.
1st - 9rd level spells: The familiar gains an moral bonus to an ability score equal to the level of the spell for 1 hour.
4th - 9th level spells: The familiar gains a intuitive understanding of magic and can assist his master in learning new spells. If the master fails the spellcraft check for learning a new spell the familiar's intuitive understanding of magic allows his master to re-roll the spellcraft check for that spell. This ability can be used once per a day and must be chosen prior to the first attempt to learn the spell.
7th - 9th level spells: The familiar learns any spell his master knows of 4th level or less. The familiar has a caster level equal to his master, but uses it's own intelligence for setting any applicable difficulty checks. The familiar can only use this ability once a day and can only retain one spell at a time.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, imbue with spell ability,; Cost 17,800 gp
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Taxonomist's Codex
I'll say up front that I am not a fan of codex and bestiary type Wondrous Items.
It does have a certain...cinematic quality to it. Rushed reading and an AHA moment to give a timely bonus.
But that's all it is...a bonus. At the end of the day that's just not Superstar.
I'm going to reiterate though...codex and bestiary items aren't my favorite and I don't really see them doing well in the contest. Even if it makes it in front of the judges...it just doesn't really fit that well.
Overall, I like it for what it is but it's slightly too boring. Swing hard next year mate!
Literally, a spell in a can :)
Jar of Imprisoned Echoes
Aura faint necromancy and transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 1,750 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This pale, weatherworn calcite jar is topped by the intricately carved visage of an unnaturally widemouthed, grinning badger. Subtle nuances chiseled into the wooden face hint of a malign, abyssal taint, reinforced by an almost imperceptible moan of tormented whispers escaping the beast’s unmoving, lifeless jaws.
As a full-round action, when the jar is held to the mouth of a helpless creature, an echo of their voice is painfully siphoned and imprisoned within the jar, inflicting upon the creature the caster croak spellblight. Once bound to the jar, the imprisoned voice seeps from the badger’s mouth over a period of 24 hours, manifesting as a murmur of incoherent, tortured whispers until the jar is empty. The possessor may imbibe the captive voice as a standard action, emptying the jar and gaining the ability to perfectly mimic its tone, regional accent, and manner of speaking for 1d4+1 minutes. When used as part of a disguise, the possessor receives a +10 bonus on the Disguise check when trying to fool a listener by impersonating the voice.
The possessor may increase the duration the voice can be mimicked to 1d6+1 days. However, increasing this duration requires the sacrificial destruction of the jar (hardness of 5 and 5 hit points) after imbibing the imprisoned voice.
The jar can be used on living creatures, which receive a DC 12 Will save to resist these effects, and creatures that have been dead for up to 1 hour. The jar does not grant the ability to speak additional languages after imbibing a voice.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, steal voice, vocal alteration; Cost 875 gp
What was the rest supposed to be ?Sinister Collar
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
... Incomplete text omitted...
I filled it in "in the original message"
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I am going to try to critique every item in a separate thread just to cut down on the clutter here.
The other effect of keeping the critiques in their own thread is that there is room for discussion if you want to talk more about your item. I will be happy to elaborate on what I have to say.
Here's mine, I'm proud of the name if nothing else. I also deeply regret the last ability as it seems so superfluous now, especially since I thought of a way to make it work better. I also think I should have made the activation of the solid fog like ability a swift action. Any comments on this stuff or other aspects? Thanks everyone, I'm glad a thread like this exists :)
Cloak of Synthetic Infinity
Aura strong conjuration; CL 15th
Slot shoulders; Price 35,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This cloak’s appearance shifts endlessly with kaleidoscopic patterns that make individuals dizzy if contemplated. Contained within is a portal to a demiplane that mimics the properties of a nebula-filled region of outer space. Up to three times per day, as a standard action, the wearer may command the cloak to begin releasing part of the linked nebula. For the rest of the round, any space that the wearer leaves is filled with a polychromatic cloud of dense gas and dust that functions as solid fog for 1 minute.
Additionally, up to three times per day, the wearer can ready a swift action to briefly open the cloak’s portal in the opposite direction. If an opponent targets the wearer with a ranged or ranged touch attack, the owner can use the action to absorb the attack into the cloak, negating its effects. Only a successful negation counts as a use.
Finally, the wearer can use a standard action to overload the portal. The wearer can use a move action to release the cloak clasps, which places it in their square. At the end of their next turn, a localized region of space surges out. In a radius of 20 feet centered on the cloak, a solid fog effect lasts for 1 minute. Additionally, all creatures in the same radius take 15d6 cold damage (Reflex DC 23 halves) and, if unsecured, are immediately thrown 50 feet into the air and begin falling on their turn. The cloak is not destroyed, but it is rendered mundane for one month.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Selective Spell, create demiplane, solid fog; Cost 17,500 gp
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I'm super busy today, but will be doing my own critiques later on tonight.
The forums were extra painful for me, because mine was one of the torcs, AND got called out on body part removal. Is that something popular in past contests?
Guillotine Torc
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot neck; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This uncomfortably tight torc allows the wearer to detach and reattach his head as a standard action. The torc remains on the wearer’s neck, acting as a link between his head and body. While detached, the head hovers and can rotate freely. As a standard action, he can move his head 60 feet per round, but cannot move past 100 feet from the body. The head can remain detached for up to 10 minutes per day, which don’t need to be consecutive. If it exceeds this duration, is forced beyond the range, or if the item is dispelled, the magic fails slowly and the head gently floats downwards at a rate of 60 feet per round for 1d6 rounds, and the wearer begins to suffocate until the head is reattached. If either head or body enters an antimagic field, or the torc is removed or destroyed while the head is detached, the wearer dies instantly as if decapitated.
The head can be targeted by effects, using the body’s AC and saves, but with a size modifier two sizes smaller than the body. It can deliver touch spells, but cannot attack and does not threaten squares. It sees, hears, speaks, and breaths for the body. The body is controlled as normal, but is treated as blind unless the head can see it. The torc does not interfere with spellcasting, and spells can be cast from either head or body.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, breath of life; Cost 4,000 gp
EDIT: My intentions for the item were to make something that didn't have an immediate combat effect, but would be able to have interesting uses. Basically allows your head to gain line of sight from another view, while allowing your body to be controlled as normal. Originally wanted you to be immune to vorpal, but was already at 275 words and decided to cut it for power.
I'm proud of the wording, I think I covered most caveats with the item fairly concisely. I'm less proud of the flavour, I could have added a lot to it to make it /seem/ cooler. I am least happy with it being a torc, because of the hundreds of other torcs, but at least I feel my item made sense being a torc.
This was my entry. Sadly I didn't make the top 100, but maybe some critiques can tell me why.
Mapper
(snip)
While I'm sure a lot of people find "automappers" useful -- it's not a very unique idea and it doesn't show off "you" as a designer. Your item goes against a lot of SKR's advice, particularly the "replicates technology" (the item is akin to automap effects in video games (it seems especially Nethack inspired, given it creates a static map) and reminiscent enough of GPS--even if the item itself doesn't "auto update"--that it feels like a tech-replacement item). The name doesn't help this--"mapper" automatically makes the reader think of a mapper program in a game. "Cartography Sphere" is actually a better name--I wish you'd just used that. Something in you told you that was a good name or you wouldn't have mentioned it at all--trust that instinct next time.
It is also a "makes adventuring easier" item. And in particular, mapping items tend to be frowned on. If you haven't, I highly recommend reading feedback on past items as well as some of the commentary, if you've time, in things like the voters' ramble. It could also be a "creates extra work for the GM" item as the GM needs to then be sure area maps are available (and some just make stuff up as they go along).
On a minor note for formatting: spells are always lower case and in italics.
I hope you enter again next year--you put a lot of thought into the mechanics of the item and with a more unique idea could go far.
(X-post)
As last year, I'm tracking the items and reviews posted to the 2014 Critique My Wondrous Item thread in a Google Doc.
If you posted an item, it should help you find reviews of your item. If you're reviewing items, it should help you find items that haven't been reviewed.
That is friggen awesome. Bookmarked.
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Wow this thread grew fast... I am going to post my item to get it out there, and then do my best to go back through and offer my thoughts on others that are in here. This looks like it will take a while to catch up and keep up with though...
The Jester’s Drinking Buddy
Aura moderate conjuration CL 11th
Slot none; Price 55,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This rough-hewn, lifeless wooden figure stands approximately 8 inches tall and has no distinctive features prior to activation. Upon activation the figure animates and becomes a striking effigy to the user, even to their most subtle features and quirks. The small figure mimics the user’s mannerisms and will walk, run, or cling to the user in such a way that they will always remain in the same square. It is not sentient, cannot respond to commands, and is never an aid or hindrance to any actions taken by the user, his allies, or his enemies.
Any time the user can make a Fortitude save to prevent some or all of an effect (damage, conditions, afflictions, etc.) he can choose to forgo the roll and instead transfer that effect to the jester’s drinking buddy. The jester’s drinking buddy cannot make a save attempt to avoid the effect. All visible symptoms of the transferred effect are displayed upon the jester’s drinking buddy, i.e. the figure falls unconscious from Drow Poison, displays lesions from Leprosy, or when inebriated, stumbles ungracefully and makes lewd gestures.
There is no limit to the amount of effects that can be transferred. The user suffers no ill effects, however if the cumulative result of the active transferred effects would be sufficient to kill the user, the jester’s drinking buddy dies vicariously and permanently ceases to function. The jester’s drinking buddy recovers from the effects at the same rate the user would, and the recovery process cannot be expedited through magical means.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Animate Object, Neutralize Poison, Remove Disease; Cost 27,500 gp
(Draft 12 – 285 words - 12/17/13 - SJH)
RPG Superstar 2015
,
Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka mamaursula
|
Here's mine. This may not be the final, final form as I may have done some last few edits in the submission field.
---------------
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 12th
Slot body; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A sturdy wool greatcoat with capacious pockets, the coat of the eternal vagabond protects its wearer as the endure elements spell. This abjuration is included as a precaution in light of the coat’s other property: once per day, by tugging upon the coat’s lapels, the wearer and all her gear teleports to a random location within 200 miles.To determine where the wearer arrives, the GM rolls a d100 twice, adding the results together. This indicates how many miles the wearer has traveled. The GM then rolls 1d8 to determine the cardinal direction (1 is north, 2 northeast, 3 east, and so on).
The wearer always arrives outdoors on a patch of unoccupied, solid ground nearest to the rolled result. The coat never takes any one wearer to exactly the same place; the wearer can find herself no less than one mile from where she has already traveled via the coat. If any of these restrictions prevent the wearer’s arrival, the GM rerolls the location.
Up to four creatures of Medium size can join the wearer by grasping the coat before she activates it (Large creatures count as two Medium creatures and two Small creatures count as one Medium. Huge or bigger creatures cannot be transported). Unwilling or unwary creatures touching the coat when it is activated remain where they are. No one can activate the coat except the wearer.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements, teleport; Cost 12,000 gp
-------------------------------------Self-critique and musings: ** spoiler omitted **...
While I am really not qualified to "critique" items per se, I wanted you to know that I voted for this item several times and thought it was very clever DQ. Your own comments tell me that you are selling yourself short and I think you are doing yourself a disservice. Something that I have heard from a lot of the professionals is "Be Confident". You are a strong personality with creative ideas. Harness your strengths and make it happen! You know where to find me if you need to talk. I am going to be here the whole contest :-)
I had 3 copies of my item across 3 computers, and I can't remember for the life of me which one I handed in. They're all very similar, but I think this was the one anyway.
Water Rat Pouch
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot —; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This pouch looks like the back half of a large, damp rat. It is popular among worshipers of Hanspur in the River Kingdoms, both as a form of torture and a rite of passage.
Once per day, as a ranged touch attack with a range increment of 10 feet, the water rat pouch may be thrown at a living target. Success causes the pouch to animate and immediately scamper to the victim’s face, where it seals itself around the victim’s nose and mouth. The pouch changes size to accomplish this but can only affect small, medium or large creatures. On the following round the pouch fills up with water, and a victim that breathes air must hold his breath or begin drowning. The pouch continues trying to drown the victim until successful, it is removed or slain, or the owner speaks a command word.
Removing the pouch requires a DC 23 Strength or Escape Artist check. The pouch has AC 18, 10 hit points, hardness 5, DR 5/piercing or slashing and construct traits. Reducing the pouch to 0 hit points causes it to fall to the ground, and it cannot be used again until fully healed through use of make whole. A victim using a 2 handed weapon, or anyone other than the victim attacking the pouch must take a -4 penalty to their attack roll, or also apply any damage to the victim. A victim that cannot breathe water must make a concentration check (DC 15 + spell level) to cast a spell while the pouch is attached to their face and filled with water.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, create water, snare; Cost 5,000 gp
I feel very lucky to have already received a critique from a judge, as I'm fairly certain Judy Bauer called out my item as how not to do a campaign reference. Looking back, I agree it was a mistake.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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Resonant Tines
Aura minor evocation; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 9,600 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
The prongs on this tuning fork are covered in runes and sigils. When struck, resonant tines emit a wavering tone ranging from a piercing high pitch to a rumbling bass.
Once struck, the wielder may designate one target within 30 feet of her. Upon designating a target, the tone from resonant tines level out to single, pure tone for 1d4 rounds. The target must make a DC 20 Fortitude saving throw or be staggered as the harmonic tone interferes with their physical structure for the duration of the tone. The target may make a new saving throw each round with a cumulative +2 per round to the saving throw as their physical form stabilizes. A successful saving throw ends the effect. A target may only be affected by resonant tines once every 24 hours.
The wielder may attempt to strike a target directly with resonant tines, requiring a successful melee touch attack. If successful, in addition to the effects of the tone itself, the target suffers a -2 penalty to its AC from the strike as the weaknesses in the target's defenses vibrate and become more apparent as long as the tone from resonant tines affects the target. If this attack is a critical hit, all attacks made against the target double their normal threat range. This benefit doesn’t stack with any other effect that expands the threat range of a weapon (such as the keen edge spell or the Improved Critical feat).
Constructs and animated objects suffer a -5 to their saving throw. Incorporeal and ethereal creatures are unaffected by resonant tines. Resonant tines do not function in areas affected by silence.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sound burst; Cost 4,800 gp
Tell me where I fell short (aside from dipping my toe into the apparent runes meme this year ;) ). Any and all feedback is welcome.
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RPG Superstar 2015
,
Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka mamaursula
|
I imagine this was a bit too niche and probably better served by being expanded as an artifact, but here's mine as it was submitted:
Scepter of Fools
Aura strong transmutation; CL 16
Slot none; Price 92,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
Originally created by trickster servants of Calistria to taunt Shelynite rivals in royal courts, this item initially appears as a bronze scepter with the head sculpted into an empty jester’s cap. A scepter’s wielder can point it at an intelligent living being to challenge them to a battle of wits. If the target refuses or loses an opposed Perform(comedy) skill check against the wielder, they must make a DC 20 Fort save. If the target fails, they disappear with a flash, their face reappearing in the scepter’s jester cap. If the target wins the opposed skill check, the wielder must save or be pulled into the scepter themselves. If the scepter already has a being trapped within, that being is restored and released in an adjacent square.A being trapped within the scepter does not need to breathe or eat. They can speak, but cannot cast spells. A trapped being is immediately released within 24 hours unless the wielder defeats them again in an opposed Perform(comedy) skill check, which resets the time of release. The risk of the wielder being trapped applies to this check as well.
When the scepter contains a trapped being, it imparts a free aid another check to any Perform checks in which the trapped being has skill ranks. The trapped head can also be commanded to laugh hysterically once per day, affecting all listeners within 30 feet as if targeted by hideous laughter.Anyone trapped within a scepter of fools can be released with command word from the wielder, destroying the scepter, or simply waiting 24 hours after the last duel.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hideous laughter, polymorph any object; Cost 46,000 gp
I didn't vote for this one because it had a story associated with it's creation. Also when I envisioned it in game, I decided it was something that would annoy me as a player and a character. I would probably feel the need to kill any PC or NPC who carried and used it with any regularity.
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RPG Superstar 2015
,
Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka mamaursula
|
Thank you in advance for any feedback.
Sandstone Sirocco
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 7,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Quartz striations of russet, amber, and gold lace this vaguely humanoid shaped, coarse grained stone figure. Throughout the day, the figure erodes and rebuilds, taking a slightly different pose each time. Once per day when blown upon by the wielder, the figure disintegrates into a swirl of wind and sand, creating a small, sand-filled cyclone cloud. It remains in this shape for one minute before spinning back to reform in the wielder’s hand. If the owner moves more than 50 feet from the sandstone sirocco, it reverts back to a stone figurine.The cloud scours any unoccupied surface it contacts of mundane writing, footprints, or litter. It may also scour away magical writing effects with a successful caster level check against DC 15. This takes one round for each five foot square surface. The wielder may, as a move action, command the cloud to a new square within 30 feet of its previous position.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, erase; Cost 3,600 gp
I liked this item and voted for it frequently. I think it hits many of the targets, but like so many items, it's just not "superstar". Your language is great, which is mostly what I judge on since I avoid rules like the plague.
Alright. Here's mine for this year. I'm sure that its biggest problem is it is a wizard item that "makes the best class better." But I feel that wizards should get good magic items too. After all, they make most of them. And it has so much strategic potential! Maybe some deemed it too powerful, but I tried to limit it in a few ways. Of course wizards would love it, but it was meant to be a witch item (see the pronouns?), but I realized after I submitted it that I neglected to give it the option to work with hexes too. Huge oversight. You would have thought after tweaking this item for two years, that I would have caught that. I guess it would have just given it more power. Maybe I should have made it solidly a witch item and make it only work with hexes? Anyway, my wizard characters would love to have this. I also wanted to tack on the cost of replacing a 7th level familiar to the Price, but I was worried that someone would ping me for having a Cost that was not half of Price. Anyway, let me know what you think.
Band of the Undying Bond
Aura moderate divination and necromancy; CL 7th
Slot headband; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This rusty band of iron features the bleached skull of a small animal at its crest.
When worn by a spellcaster with a bonded familiar, the spirit of a dead familiar within the skull strengthens that bond. This allows the wearer to affect her familiar as by the share senses spell (sight only). This ability is usable three times per day as a standard action.
Once per day, while sharing sight, the wearer may use her familiar as the origin of a single spell she casts. The wearer must be within 170 feet and have line of effect to her familiar to use this ability. If the spell has a range of personal, the spell affects only the familiar. If the spell has a range of touch, the familiar is considered the “toucher” as though using the deliver touch spells familiar ability. If the spell has any other range, the spell originates from the familiar’s square instead of the caster's own square, but affects targets normally.
If the familiar’s spell is maintained through concentration, damage to either the caster or her familiar requires a concentration check to avoid losing the spell. While maintaining a divination spell with a cone-shaped emanation area, the wearer can "see" the effects of that spell through the share senses ability. A spell being maintained with concentration, or with a held charge, immediate ends if the familiar gets out of range of the share senses ability, or that ability's duration expires.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, familiar melding (UM), share senses (APG), creator’s first familiar must have died; Cost 16,000 gp
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RPG Superstar 2015
,
Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka mamaursula
|
Wow this thread grew fast... I am going to post my item to get it out there, and then do my best to go back through and offer my thoughts on others that are in here. This looks like it will take a while to catch up and keep up with though...
The Jester’s Drinking Buddy
Aura moderate conjuration CL 11th
Slot none; Price 55,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
I might not pay this much gold, but I would pay a lot of gold for an item that just kept soaking up the poison damage without any kind of negative effect for my PC. It is super over powered no matter what the price, because if it took too much poison damage, I would just toss it aside and pull the other one out of my Handy Haversack and wade back into battle.
These kinds of items always need to have some sort of backlash, otherwise it's just a wooden meat shield vs. poison.