Goblin Squad Member
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Tony, the proprietor of Tony's Totally Legitimate Breadmaking Business, has relocated.
Guild Portal has a history of problems, including very recently deleting the newest accounts to have registered there, and so we have sought out a more reliable hosting site for PFO's premier underground discussion network.
We decided to go with Proboards who have an excellent reputation, including winning "Best Hosted Forum 2011.
Please drop by and check it out, and please remember to sign up with a different name than your PFO forum account.
-Discuss bounty and assasination contracts. Get help from experienced hunters and cleaners, or find someone to take on a contract.
-Anti griefing: discuss ruthless ways to deal with the ruthless.
-Recruiting: find apprentices to follow you in your twisted trade.
-Venting: no holds barred ranting and raving.
-Lists: you know, the ones the devs won't allow on the official forums.
-Intelligence: a little espionage goes a long way.
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Goblin Squad Member
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Scene opens with Medium, Low-Angle shot of a marble work-table. Tony Enters Stage Right.
TONY: Oh, hello. Welcome to Tony's Totally Legitimate Breadmaking Business. Whaddya want? We got all kinds! Whether it's something simple and well-made for everyday occasions, or something special and unique tailored specifically to your needs, we can handle any kind of order. We always strive for quality baking, but at Tony's Totally Legitimate Breadmaking Business, we know that customer satisfaction is just as important. Don't believe me? Then listen to some of our happy customers!
Cut to medium, high-angle shot of a disheveled Halfling.
HALFLING: I came in to visit Tony to get some ciabatta. I was having a bad month. I talked to Tony about it. Tony always listens to your problems, no matter how small. See, this loan shark was after me over some money my brother owed, but my brother had been dead for months, how was that my problem, you know? I went home to eat dinner and whaddya know, the next day, loan shark hangs himself! Lucky me, huh?
Cut to medium, high-angle shot of a middle-aged human woman.
WOMAN: Tony always makes the best sourdough, I come in every week to get some. One week, I come in, Tony can tell I'm upset and he asked me about it, so I told him. Turns out my lying husband had been cheating on me for months, with my sister! He tells me that even if things look bad, they'll get better. And they did! The next week they both drowned in a boating accident, and now with his inheritance, all of my days are filled with sunshine.
Cut to medium, high-angle shot of a rugged human man.
MAN: When I came to the River Kingdoms, I was an escaped slave, and Tony hooked me up with a friend of his, who gave me a job. It didn't pay much, but it kept me fed and warm. After a few months of working, I come to find out that a slave catcher might be looking for me. I was on my way to buy bread, so I tell Tony when I get there, and he reminds me that slave catchers aren't welcome, and that I shouldn't worry about it. I did worry, but Tony was right, no one ever came for me. I found the other day he got eaten by wolves five miles outside of town. Iomedae be praised!
Cut to medium, low-angle shot of Tony in front of his store.
TONY: So what are you waiting for? Come on down, eat some high quality bread, talk for a while, tell us your problems, feel better about things. You can't lose!
Cut to splash of logo. Announcer speaks rapidly.
ANNOUNCER: Tony's Totally Legitimate Breadmaking Business is a bakery, nothing more. Life improvements are a result of happy coincidence and a positive attitude. Tony's Totally Legitimate Breadmaking Business has no affiliation with the criminal underground. Open late. Closed on Oathdays.
Thanks Swiziks for the awesome promo. I am currently working on producing an illustrated version of this ad. Progress sketches can be seen:
herehere
here
and here
And yes, my scanner needs a little cleaning.
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Goblin Squad Member
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The kind of venting that usually gets moderated off the official forums. We don't want things to get too ugly, but it's healthy for a community to be able to talk about things that don't always fly on the official forums. It's the only section of our forums that won't have any kind of moderation (well, unless it gets really ugly), so avoid it if you don't have thick skin.
Bread has never been so fascinating.
EDIT: Does Tony's itself handle removal of ... stale bread? Or do they only hire external garbage men for that purpose?