What I'm taking away from this whole conversation is that I just need to buy a plague doctor's mask for public gaming, which I will consistently wear to avoid any uncomfortable questions.
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Everyone is entitled to an equal shot at comfort
If you think that everyone is entitled to an equal shot at comfort, then why is your comfort more important than the smelly dude's? I get it that if the general consensus is that the person reeks and all are suffering from it so something should be done, but what if in your scenario, you are the only one that notices (or is bothered by) the smell; which would be the case with the perfume, and what if the general consensus is that everyone else loves the smell of the perfume??
I'm just trying to put a little perspective on this is all...
What I'm taking away from this whole conversation is that I just need to buy a plague doctor's mask for public gaming, which I will consistently wear to avoid any uncomfortable questions.
Or
Solution B.Any questions, just say you were at a 'STALKER' LARP.
Aaron... that seems like a debilitating condition. Women are half the population and most of us wear perfume. Do you avoid leaving your house? How do you go on dates? Are you truly this sensitive or are you exaggerating to gain sympathy?
Still if you bought me a bottle of watermelon or citrus perfume I would happily wear it on game night.
And if you are going to ambush someone (even privately) by telling them they smell bad then please for their sake be more helpful than simply saying "Hey you smell bad." That is the worst thing you could do. Instead offer advice and information. Tell them they smell like they haven't showered or that their deodorant is bothering you. Offer to delay the game so they can run home. You know helpful not hurtful.
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I believe finding a scent that the others like that is less offensive to my sensitive olfactory is the best solution
And if she wears that particular perfume because a) she has a body odor issue of her own, and/or b) it is the only perfume she has found that does not give her an allergic reaction, what then?
As for being uncomfortable by pulling someone aside to let thet person know that their stink offends ye, while it may not be something you want or even like to do, from the composition and content of your posts in this thread I do not see that it is something you are truly uncomfortable doing... And if I'm wrong about that I apologize, but again, to me at least, your posts show otherwise...
Digitalelf, I know you said you're trying to bring some perspective to this discussion, but the scenario you listed (and the one that Aranna recounted about the guy who didn't like her new perfume/deodorant) seem like a departure from the scenario the OP was asking about.
Is your aim simply to urge others to be certain it's not 'just themselves' before asserting themselves, or was there some other perspective you were trying to shed light upon?
I ask only because it seems like you may be considering a different set of starting parameters than those to which some of us were responding. If that's the case then it's only logical that replies to conditions ABC might not necessarily be the same ones that would be applicable to conditions CDE.
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seem like a departure from the scenario the OP was asking about.
With such a high post count, you should be well aware that threads here tend to wander... :-)
was there some other perspective you were trying to shed light upon?
My original post was merely a commentary on how I found it amusing that in an age where Political Correctness is king and it is the highest of social gaffes to offend someone's sensibilities, many of these same people have no problem offending another's sensibilities when that someone next to them stinks...
Oh I'm well aware that threads wander. Just highlighting that applying responses given to the OP's scenario might not necessarily be 100% relevant to other scenarios that get mentioned. Not that I've ever seen you 'move the goalposts', but I'm sure you've observed discussions where this happens — usually results in the digital equivalent of a stinky mess. :)
As for Political Correctness, I don't know if I'd call it king nowadays, but I see what you're getting at. My own understanding is that 'being PC' isn't solely about not offending or oppressing others. In addition to that, it may also include taking a stand against those whose speech and behaviors offend the sensibilities and tend to oppress others. Again, that's just my understanding of it.
Given the context of the OP and even that of perfume allergies though, I can think of a few asthmatics who would argue that making the air around oneself unpleasant-to-breathe is both offensive and oppressive. ;)
Hence, I see no conflict between 'being PC' and trying to find a polite way to assert oneself. Would it be fair to take-away that you are cautioning others to not become oppressors when asserting themselves, or am I mistaking your intent?
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Would it be fair to take-away that you are cautioning others to not become oppressors when asserting themselves
I must be honest and admit that beyond making public my mirth of the whole PC thing, my original commentary-post had no real intent...
But, that would indeed be a fair take of my intent after the conversation had moved beyond my original post within this thread.
Aaron... that seems like a debilitating condition. Women are half the population and most of us wear perfume. Do you avoid leaving your house? How do you go on dates? Are you truly this sensitive or are you exaggerating to gain sympathy?
Its actually not that uncommon. I'm not sure where your from or what the social norms are there but as a social worker in Toronto I take it for granted that I'm not to wear cologne because most of the institutions I would interact with would have a policy against the use of cologne or perfume due to it being very debilitating to some significant segment of the population. Obviously the same rules apply to my female co-workers and none of them use perfume at work. This is a broad based policy, its more then likely true of any social work type organization in the City of Toronto with more then 5 or 6 people.
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The last corporate gig I worked at had a similar policy and also included the use of aerosol "air fresheners" as well. The basic consideration being you don't know who it could affect, so why risk having it affect anyone. Of course, the policy was not in place when I first started working there and there were multiple instances where I had to step outside for a few minutes after a coworker wearing too much perfume walked into my department.
Aaron weird you should joke about meeting at 2-4am in a grocery store... that's exactly when I shop. Not because of a smell issue but as an old habit I still have of avoiding crowds from my Claustrophobic days. I mean I have dealt mostly with it now so it almost never bothers me anymore. I was told as a child that if I have a problem to overcome it. So I did... but I still find empty stores far more comforting and enjoyable than huge crowds.
Jeremy I haven't encountered any such policy yet in my life. I have been to Toronto a few times. I live across the border in Michigan.
Aaron, I know what you mean about the detergent aisle. They really, really, really need to put the maybe half dozen unscented soap products they actually carry on the end of the aisle so those of us with bad allergies can just sort of hold our breath, grab what we need, and move on. I'm not nearly as allergic as you are, but I still find it hard to breathe by the time I make it through that aisle.
To the topic at hand, I've never had a problem with another player with body odor. I guess I've just been lucky in that regard. But I have had plenty of times where I've moved away from someone at the table because they smelled of cigarettes (an asthma trigger for me) or strong perfume. I usually find that a quick explanation of "It's not you, I'm just allergic" usually avoids any offense. Because now it's clear that it's not a criticism or rejection, just an explanation of why it bothers me. Maybe I've just been fortunate, or oblivious, but I've never had anyone be offended because I was allergic to their perfume. I would not be likely to hang out with someone who was. It's not like being allergic was something I chose.
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The last corporate gig I worked at had a similar policy and also included the use of aerosol "air fresheners" as well. The basic consideration being you don't know who it could affect, so why risk having it affect anyone. Of course, the policy was not in place when I first started working there and there were multiple instances where I had to step outside for a few minutes after a coworker wearing too much perfume walked into my department.
I think probably the bolded part is the reason for a lot of those policies. Too often, we see that reasonable behavior is curtained because the fact that some people don't know what reasonable behavior is. Nobody gets to wear cologne or perfume because some people don't realize that soaking in a tub of it is a bad idea.
No, not demons - poor guy just had well water supplying his house and did not have the appropriate filtration system.
He and I actually ended up pretty good friends, especially once I brokered a negotiation between he and another of our friend's mothers to allow him to shower at their home rather than his since they had clean water.
It actually took Hurricane Katrina destroying the ground floor of his home for his family to finally upgrade their water systems.
Oh man...Well water, brings back memories. Yeah, that stuff really doesn't leave you very fresh.
