Jason: "Kid, what's your action?"
Sutter: "Um...I advance on the shambling mound thingy. Then I delay until I'm sure it's not James Jacobs' new character."
LOL! Now that's funny!
Maybe his next character will be a hall tree or a rainbow swirl of light...
Contributor
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Official Amai d'Cannith Status: Not dead.
Last night we brought Ursula back up into the more civilized parts of Sharn, where Adso broke it to her that Sim and Chuko had died. Ursula became concerned for Sim's soul, and sought out Vo the elf to ask him about taking care of Sim's afterlife the Undying Court way.
We also got to speak with James Jacobs's new character, who first introduced himself as Officer Kaskus Keel of the Citadel (Breland's version of the KGB). He then changed his name later to Tollin, and dimwitted Amai kept referring to him as Officer Tollin (he tried to get her to drop the "Officer" part for a while, but then realized he couldn't win against stupid and let her call him that).
Professor Willip found us and asked us to join him on a trip to Xen'drik.
XEN'DRIK! LAND OF ADVENTURE!!!
We said yes, as the Emerald Claw was really mad at us and we needed to hide out. Merrix d'Cannith even talked to Amai directly and made her mission abundantly clear: Act as the official representative of House d'Cannith (that's right, the Official Representative), ensure the House's interests are represented, carry a black-leather scroll tube (not to be opened unless told to), protect the rest of the group, and make sure Adso and Visaka survive (or if they die to bring home a chunk of each of them).
So we got on the boat. As soon as it left its moorings Amai became seasick. Officer Tollin, however, took pity on the poor girl and did his best to distract her from her roiling stomach. His best distraction came in the form of astrology equipment he began setting up on deck. We also all got to have dinner with the captain, who provided so much wine that Amai passed out and slept through most of evening.
::sigh:: Kids these days... ;D
Quotes!!!
Jason, talking about Sim's death: "Ix-nay on the corpse-abandonment-ney."
Keldrick, talking about Sim's death: "He was incinerated by the goblin's firey breath."
Ursula, talking about Sim's death: "That wouldn't have happened if I had been there."
Jason: "Maybe you should have thought about that before you went to Canada."
Tollin: "Yes. Call me Tollin."
(I start writing it down.)
Tollin: "Don't write that down!"
Jason: "It's getting close to mid-summer."
Me: "Do we start having night dreams?"
James: "Wha?"
Me: "You know, Midsummer's Night Dreams."
(I laugh at my own pun and James's reaction and start writing it down.)
James: "That's not quote worthy. That's terrible."
James, looking at a Tootsie Roll: "What is 'Tootsie?' Oh. Sugar. Whaddaya know?"
Amai (8 Int): "What is 'fortuitous'?"
Ursula (7 Int): "It means very strong. Like a fort."
Amai: "Oh. I'm not very strong."
Ursula, when asked to be on watch: "I'm a good watcher."
James, consulting his character sheet: "Am I?"
Me: "Yes?"
(No, I didn't pick the name for that pun. I just realized it last night.)
And finally... something I missed but Amber was kind enough to write down for me...
"Sim's Ballad"
by Ursula Bear
Sim was really brave
But now he's in a grave.
Somebody called me ugly
And Sim stabbed him really smugly
And the guy died.
Then Adso got a spell to talk to him on the other side.
Sim had a magic sword
I don't know who has it anymore.
--The End.
*sniff* Poor, poor Sim.
Remembered another quote today for no reason:
Keldrick: "Why is it so important that you find this Vo?"
Ursula: "Cause he's my priest. Sim died without a skull on his face so I have to figure out how to find him in the afterlife."
Keldrick: "But you DO know that Vo is not the only priest of the Undying Court, don't you? Just as Adso is not the only priest of the Silver Flame."
Ursula: "Well yeah, I know but...no, wait. No. Really?"
Mike was absent for the first time this week due to pre-T-day preparations. So I got to be official notetaker. Whee! Soon my takeover of the paizo office will be complete! Mwa ha ha.
We dubbed this session, Jason's Night O' Crits
We started out sailing to Xen'drik on the most awesome ship, the Typhoon's Grace. Our captain had just looked grim and unhappy as mist rolled in and scouts reported sahuagin in the water. We were waiting for our sahuagin guides to take us through Shargon's Teeth, but they weren't due for another day.
Sharks began circling the ship, causing us all to hum the Jaws theme under our breath. Then sahuagin raiders leapt aboard! We fought them most valiantly, even though they criticaled us no fewer than 3 times (I recall Ursula got critted, as did Visoka and Amai. I think one of the crewmembers got a trident in the throat as well). It was crazy!
Fortunately, Ursula got payback by critting with her greataxe, doing 69 points of damage in one hit. :-D And our captain pulled out a pistol and criticaled with it, too, blowing one sahuagin clear off the deck! Tollin fell in instant love.
After we'd beaten the raiders off and tended to the wounded, we sailed on. The seaweed grew thick and difficult to sail through - very unnatural. Our sahuagin guides arrived but refused to guide us through the Teeth after all. We learned that a ship had tried to "run" the Teeth - sail through really quickly without guides to avoid sahuagin raids - and had crashed on one of the stone formations in the water. Ever since, the dead had walked these waters and the seaweed had grown into this festering morass. We promised to end the dead infestation in exchange for guidance through the teeth (and a poison cure for Amai, the Kid, and Keldrick, who were weakened from the raid).
So Adso, Visoka, Ursula and Tollin left the boat and found we could walk right across the seaweed, it was so thick. Adso fell through at one point but we pulled him out. After a lot of walking, we were attacked by the angry dead! They paralyzed Ursula, which terrified our poor shifter barbarian, and she had to stand paralyzed for round after round while the rest of the party tried to figure out how to keep the ghouls from regenerating. We couldn't stop them from regenerating, so after Ursula's paralysis wore off we just ran.
Ursula was hysterical after her ordeal. She kept babbling about the zombies coming back and turning her into one, and even painted a skull on her face "just in case." Tollin tried to convince her she wasn't going to get zombified in a rather impressive bit of bluffwork. Finally Ursula calmed down - a little bit.
We found an abandoned overlarge lifeboat stranded in the weeds. Investigation showed that the survivors of the sinking ship had tried to flee in the lifeboat, but were overwhelmed by the walking dead. They locked themselves in the cabin and survived for 5 days before the zombies finally got them.
This did nothing to calm Ursula's nerves. She tried to leave the cabin only to find the zombies had tracked us and we were surrounded! We needed to rest, so we barricaded ourselves in the cabin and bunked down to spend the night, just as the now-dead survivors of the shipwreck had done. They lasted five days...how long will we last?!?!
And now, quotes!
"I don't know why you're drawing stink lines, but it ANGERS me!" -Jason, regarding James Jacobs's doodles.
"Killing me would only ease my suffering." -James Jacobs, responding to Jason's threats to kill his character again
"The cookie boat is coming!" -Tim
"No, the cookie boat is not coming." -Jason
James J, after rolling dice and examining his character sheet: "Wait, how does this thing work?"
Stephen, looking at his character sheet midway through combat: "Oh, I leveled. That could be important."
"Where'd you get that?! It's awesome! You're awesome!" -Tollin to the Captain, regarding her pistol
James J: "Can I make a bardic knowledge check to see if I've heard any stories about seaweed?"
Me: "Can I make a Survival check to see if this seaweed is unnatural?"
Tim: "Can I make a Gather Information check to...gather information about the seaweed?"
James J., just after Tim moved a Medium mini so that it straddled two squares. "I snap to grid for no man!"
Jason (as sahuagin guide): "The ship crashed two moons ago."
Stephen: "That could mean 3 hours ago in Eberron."
James J: "If any squiggly things get into my boots, I just use my glamered armor to look like open-toed sandals so they float right out."
Stephen: "I hate my life."
Mike McA was off celebrating a special occasion last night, so once again I took up the mantle of session reporter.
I call it...No One Died!
The Kid and Keldrick, after the sahuagin cured them of their coral scratch, ventured into the Sargasso after their departed party members. Keldrick used his sorcerous powers to fly over the seaweed, but the Kid had to walk. A hideous underwater monster yanked the Kid right through the seaweed floor and cut him up something fierce, but Keldrick had another fly spell (yay sorcerers!) and the Kid took flight, leaving the underwater monster far behind.
Ursula, Visoka, Adso and Tollin spent an uncomfortable night holed up in the undead-infested ship. Which began sinking after we opened the hatch to the bilge or something (I'm not good with nautical terms), but in the end we survived the night and all the zombies went away at sunrise! Only Adso says they're not zombies (thanks to his Knowledge (religion) check) but no one really paid any attention to him.
The Kid and Keldrick found the rest of their partymates at dawn, after all the restless dead had left, and we ventured further into the sargasso. A trio of giant zombies appeared out of the mists and roughed us up, but we smited them verily. Ursula did a LOT of smiting. Then we found the haunted ship!
It was crashed into one of the Shargon's Teeth and looked terrible. We ventured aboard and found something amiss. Things fell off shelves onto our heads, a barrel of nails exploded, and Keldrick heard a disembodied voice whisper, "Out." We decided this ship must be haunted.
We also found the captain's mess with the remains of the last meal still shackled to the table. Human bones - their former fleshy inhabitant eaten alive! Ewww! And then the bones moved and the skull seemed to mouth the words, 'Help me.' EWWW!
And then a door burst open and zombies appeared and it was terrifying! And now, quotes!
Amber: (after the Kid gets sucked under the sargasso) "I think it's an underwater bulette."
Stephen: "I think it's some #@!* that Jason made up."
Jason: "The bite mark on your thigh looks made by a human."
Sutter: *crestfallen* "Awwww, it's the dead."
James J: "What skill check do I have to make? I rolled a 20."
Jason: *laughs*
James J: "Say Bluff or Diplomacy."
Stephen: (repeatedly) "They're not zombies!"
Sutter: "I'm sure if we go back to the Typhoon's Grace, all we'll find is that zombies have eaten Mike."
Amber and Mearls: "Adso, Adso Man...I want to be an Adso Man!"
Jason: "I demand that you stop immediately."
Jason: "Orcs don't have blogs."
James J: "Is there any rigging here that I can be gallant on?"
Mearls/Keldrick: "I distinctly heard a ghostly voice saying, 'out,' as in 'get out.'"
Amber/Ursula: "Did it say anything about the rest of us?"
Amber/Ursula: (upon witnessing the shackled, gnawed-upon bones) "Adso, should we say a prayer?"
Stephen/Adso: "No, you say grace before dinner."
James, at random intervals: "Wark!"
Ok...gotta say...James is cracking me up...I can totally "see" him "warking" throughout the adventure...keep it up with the quotes! They make the imagination fly!
Stillfoxx
"Live or die, you decide..."
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The Triumphant Return of Amai d'Cannith!!!
Now in Overwrought-a-Vision!
Okay, so Amai didn't really do anything last night. She was still stuck on the Typhoon's Grace recovering from the coral scratch disease. Poor thing. Anyway, the focus of the session was on the harrowing battle in the holds of a smashed ship at the center of the sargasso.
So! The battle!
Tollin used the last of his bard songs to bolster the party as they began a fight with unkillable zombies. Ursula failed a Will save at one point and ran for safety. Adso fell at one point, and the room fell suddenly quiet. When your healer goes down you're very likely screwed!
Fortunately, Visoka knew to chop at the weird seaweed to stop the zombies from regenerating, the Kid knew to stay up front near Adso to keep knocking down the zombies, Tollin knew to stabilize the healer, and Keldrick guessed correctly to burn the body of the captain. Oh yeah, the captain of the ship returned in ghost form and started draining Strength from Keldrick (one of the people who had the least amount to lose).
So anyway, the fight was fast and furious, but in the end the right people won and nobody died. Ursula ran out of her fear right about the time she met up with the wandering Amai, and the two of them met up with the rest of the group inside the ship.
Tollin recalled hearing a song about a mysterious artifact rock and told everyone about it. The party convinced Ursula to swim down into the seaweed mess where the wrecked ship was smashed apart. She did, recovering the artifact rock. That, however, made the seaweed die. Rapidly.
We thought about making a run for it, but we ultimately decided to hold up on the rock into which the ship had crashed. As the seaweed dissipated Tollin fished out one of the floating crates and opened it. It held a whole bunch of snake skin.
A few hours later the Typhoon's Grace swung by and picked us up. We made it to Stormreach a few days later without further complications. And that is where Willip, our employer, turned weird.
Quotes!
Jason, at the start of combat: "Everybody roll initiative."
Me: "Me too me too me too?"
Jason: "No. Not you."
Me: "Oh."
*pause*
Me: "Can I eat cookies?"
Jason: "Yes."
Mearls: "How many enemas per second is that?"
James Jacobs: "Enema math?"
Mearls: "On my contract." To me: "Write that down. It's funny."
Jason, during combat: "I need everyone to make me a Will save."
Me: "Me too?"
Jason: "No, not you."
Jason: "The sargasso crapidly dissolves."
Mearls: "Wait, you're wearing the snakeskin as a diaper?"
Bulmahn: "I'm calling HR."
James Sutter: "Did you know Sherpa is an ethnic term?"
Me: *nods*
Mearls: "Yeah, it's a racial slur."
Jason: "I'm calling HR."
Jason: "You got that out of a PDF."
Mearls: "No." *sad* "That's from Wizards of the Coast."
Okay! What was Mearls referring to in his last quote?! It's killing me...
Also, is sherpa really an ethnic slur? I looked it up on Merriam-Webster.com and it didn't list any perjorative meanings. Just curious.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Okay! What was Mearls referring to in his last quote?! It's killing me...
Also, is sherpa really an ethnic slur? I looked it up on Merriam-Webster.com and it didn't list any perjorative meanings. Just curious.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
When you're Mearls, everything is a slur. Come on - the man spent good roleplaying time calculating out how many enemas per second Hulk Hogan would need to average a million per year (I think he said it was something like 9, which we noted was more than humanly possible given that it's probably at least a standard action)....
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When you're Mearls, everything is a slur. Come on - the man spent good roleplaying time calculating out how many enemas per second Hulk Hogan would need to average a million per year (I think he said it was something like 9, which we noted was more than humanly possible given that it's probably at least a standard action)....
I don't know about "good," but the discussion was how many enemas per minute to get 5 million in a year. The answer was indeed nine/minute, meaning you'd have to spend 90% of your life performing that particular unpleasant standard action over and over again (assuming life were actually divided into 6-second rounds).
Okay! What was Mearls referring to in his last quote?! It's killing me...
I don't recall. By that time we were just making up ridiculous feat effects and attributing them to PDF products. Mearls decided to "adopt" one of the ridiculous ideas on behalf of Wizards of the Coast.
Also, is sherpa really an ethnic slur?
Uh... No. That's why it's funny. ;)
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
You too! May your new year be filled with treasure and happily devoid of TPKs! :)
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Because I just know you're all dying to know how poor Amai is doing, I bring you an update of last night's game.
Amai d'Cannith Status: Still alive!
Last night we explored Stormreach, the big city on Xen'drik. Adso wanted to get his masterwork mace magically enhanced, Tolun wanted to sell the snake skins he found in a floating crate, Keldrick wanted to provoke people (no wait, he just happens to provoke people... even when he doesn't mean to), and Ursula, The Kid, and Visoka just wanted to hang out. So Adso and Tolun hit town with Amai tagging along. Tolun sold his snake skins to a weird gnome who pretended to be a bunch of different gnomes. Adso brought the trio into the massive temple of the Silver Flame, where he and Amai stayed for dinner. The brothers of the temple promised to enhance his mace for the low price of 1000 pieces of gold.
After dinner Amai went to the House Cannith enclave to deliver a note to the leader there, one Rengin d'Cannith (I usually only write down the names of House Cannith members, btw, so don't expect a lot of NPC names...). I always enjoy roleplaying encounters with House Cannith bigwigs, and the meeting with Rengin was no exception. Roleplaying highlight of the evening, that was. :)
Later that night the party met a scary tiefling pirate who seemed to pretty much do whatever he wanted to in town. He asked if anyone wanted to play a game of Knuckle, but he was so intimidating that everyone passed (Adso and Amai had retired for bed before then, but I don't think they would have wanted to play either). So the captain ridiculed the party and found someone else to play against. He won. A lot. And then he left happy.
The night after that we had a little banquet wherein our "employer," Whillip, introduced us to House Cannith's Pathforgers who would be accompanying us on the expedition. Keldrick, as is his wont, was abusive and abrasive, as usual. He did manage to get on the good side of a native drow woman working with the Pathforgers, however.
The next morning, we were off! A couple days on a boat (with seasick Amai once again chumming the waters with her breakfast) brought us far inland. From there we began walking... right into an ambush.
Two giants, one in front and one in back of the massive party, demanded gold for passage. We offered them steel and knuckle sandwiches instead. I'm happy to note that now that Amai has the Improved Natural Attack feat she deals 2d6-1 points of damage with each attack. Of course, that just puts her even with all the other middling warriors in the party. Nobody can compete with Ursula.
Nobody except giants, that is. The party went toe-to-toe with one of the giants and Ursula did what she does: shift, rage, eviscerate. The giant didn't really like being hacked by her, and returned the favor to the tune of reducing her to -18 hit points. We were stunned. Ursula died... and Amber wasn't even playing her. Even Jason looked chagrined (he never looked chagrined when he killed Jacobs's or my characters!). So they performed math. Turns out Ursula's increased Con wasn't figured in to her hit points and she was allowed to survive, after a quick healing from Adso. Oh, and Amai made the killing blow on the giant. Yay 2d6-1 damage!
Quotes!
Jason, as an NPC: "Well, back when the city was first founded--"
Stephen: "I click the 'A' button."
Stephen: "There's a way to make homily--that's the chick who beat my brother!"
Sutter: "How about 'Turn or rebuke hobo?'"
Mearls: "Don't laugh. There's 'turn or rebuke hippo.'"
Jason: "He starts scanning with his Terminator hobo-vision."
Jacobs: "That was a dangerous brush with an adventure hook."
Jacobs: "I would like the record to show that I did not shack up with any hobos."
Jason (as I write that down): "And so it shall."
Keldrick: "I'll play you. Let's play."
The Kid: "I don't want to play you."
Keldrick: "Why not?"
The Kid: "I don't trust you."
Keldrick: "How come?"
The Kid: "I've known you forever."
Keldrick: "Good point."
Jason (frustrated by our off-topic discussions of movies): "Instead of living in a @#$%ing fantasy world you guys head down to the ship and head into the heart of Xen'drik, where you meet giants and drow..."
My only regret is that I got so distracted by the "Draw Mike Mearls' Character" contest... never before has D&D seen so many dew rags and big gold necklaces. As I believe Z (temporarily playing Ursula) pointed out, Mearls truly is the Flava Flav of gaming.
Best new word of the session: "Hoboning".
-James
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Wednesday night involved walking through the tropical jungles of Xen'drik. Oh, and we played a little D&D as well. ;D
There was night encounter. Amai and Visoka took the last shift together and during our watch some snakes slithered into camp. But not just any ol' normal snakes. These were dream snakes. They put people to sleep, including most of the party (including Amai at one point), and very nearly made off with Visoka's sleeping self except for the intervention of the other adventurers in the group (the pathforgers). Darn those snakes!!! >:(
We came upon a bridge and did the standard bridge routine: Check for trolls underneath, check for a billy goat on top, check for ambushers nearby. All we found were a couple of posts set up as warning on the near side of the bridge.
Crossing the bridge we found a fork in the road. Stashing the fork in a satchel we continued on... our... uh... okay, that wasn't a funny joke. ;) We found a fork in a road, with one branch heading up into a stockage and the other going the direction we wanted to head. Amai voted for staying on our path, but the others weren't so easily swayed away from the adventure and we headed up the little hill to the heavily damaged mission to the Silver Flame.
We did a little investigating and then headed back down to the road where we had left Whillip and most of the rest of the group. At which point the session pretty much ended.
It was a short session, and we also spent a lot of time off topic. It was kinda weird. We got nothing done, through no fault of Jason's. There was lots of swearing, as usual (there'd be like 4 times as many quotes from Mearls if I could make these posts R-rated). ;D
So!
Quotes!
Jacobs: "Not everything is about Boba Fett, you fan boy."
Mearls: "Yes it is."
Stephen: "He was channeling both a D&D geek and the Keymaster."
Mearls: *looks up* "Were you guys talking about Boba Fett?"
(At some point Mearls decided he was the biggest Boba Fett fanboy in the universe, and every other sentence from his mouth involved that particular underwhelming bounty hunter.)
Mearls, to Stephen: "What's going on? Are you trying to come on to him?" *points to me*
Stephen: *looks from Mearls to me and back to Mearls* "Well, yeah."
Mearls: "Every monster should have a blog."
Jacobs: "Oh, I'll break your eggs, if you make my omelet."
Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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Part of me is really bummed that I missed this past Wednesday....and the other part is happy that you really got nothing done but discuss Boba Fett!
"very nearly made off with Visoka's sleeping self" ?????
Waitaminute. Visoka is an elf...doesn't that make him immune to sleeping spell-like effects?
I just discovered this thread. Even more Mike McArtor comedy-action that I've been missing! Inconcievable! So I read the entire thing, and was made very happy.
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Part of me is really bummed that I missed this past Wednesday....and the other part is happy that you really got nothing done but discuss Boba Fett!
"very nearly made off with Visoka's sleeping self" ?????
Waitaminute. Visoka is an elf...doesn't that make him immune to sleeping spell-like effects?
You're right. He wasn't asleep, he was unconscious from lack of hit points. I think. Or maybe he was just conscious but grappled?
*bad memory*
Uh... don't look behind the curtain!!!
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I just discovered this thread. Even more Mike McArtor comedy-action that I've been missing! Inconcievable! So I read the entire thing, and was made very happy.
Yay, I have a fan! ^_^
I'll try to keep up the "high" level of quality you've come to expect. Have you checked out my thread about Erik Mona's Greyhawk game? Also full of silly, but maybe slightly less so...
I just discovered this thread. Even more Mike McArtor comedy-action that I've been missing! Inconcievable! So I read the entire thing, and was made very happy.Yay, I have a fan! ^_^
I'll try to keep up the "high" level of quality you've come to expect. Have you checked out my thread about Erik Mona's Greyhawk game? Also full of silly, but maybe slightly less so...
Oh, certainly. Read it before this one, actually. Alas poor Vyth.
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No, No, No, But...
NO James Jacobs
NO Stephen Radney-Macfarlane
NO combat
But... lots of fun!
The sessions began with us realizing we're surrounded by hostile drow. Everyone became very paranoid and we asked a lot of questions of Mox, our resident black-skinned elf NPC. She seemed pretty nervous, which made the rest of us really nervous. :\
So we started walking. After half a day or so we started hearing the sound of a waterfall and slowed down a little to be even more cautious. Our erstwhile leader, Whillip, told us we'd see a lake that we mustn't go near. Apparently, one of his researchers from his first ill-fated trip to Xen'drik went for a swim and... well, Whillip didn't say what happened to him. Just that he died. :(
Indeed we did see the calm lake. Whillip used the word "placid," which went over the head of Int 8 Amai and forced her to ask for a synonym (no, she didn't use the word "synonym;" she just asked what "placid" meant). Sticking right up out the middle of the lake (not surrounded by a little island like I originally thought) was a ginormous silvery tower/obelisk thingy, and on the far side of the lake stood a row of totem poles that seemed to somehow magically calm the lake.
The waterfall cut through our path, but a nice, sturdy-looking wood-planked rope bridge spanned the divide. The lightest party member (Amai) crossed first, followed in short order by the rest of the gang, until only poor Bolt the warforged NPC stood alone on the far side. He very carefully began to cross, keeping his hands tightly gripped on the ropes and walking not on the middle of the planks but instead where they sat above the ropes suspending them. DIdn't matter. The ropes broke and he took a spill. Fortunately he had the strength to hold on. Amai panicked, Bolt started climbing, and Keldrick bossed around the group until the three strongest members helped pull up Bolt.
After that we continued on apace, coming at last to the clearing containing the buildings that Whillip needed to study and make rubbings of. Only, there was a problem: the main building was closed. So we started looking into the smaller buildings for a way to open it while the researchers did their thing outside. Turns out each of the three small buildings focused a beam of light that would shoot into a crystal atop a pole that would in turn shoot a beam of light into the main building, thereby opening the door.
So we went into the first small building and found a mirror puzzle. Amai, who is dumb, and her player, who is poor at puzzles, let the others figure out the puzzle.
So we went into the second small building. Therein we found airlock-style doors that would only allow one to be opened at a time. Open, enter, close, open next door, enter, close... You get the idea. Amai made Visoka search for traps all over the place, and as we opened the doors into a large chamber with six statues she insisted once more. At that point, Visoka snapped. Amai responded. Visoka searched. Visoka found a trap. Visoka didn't complain about looking for traps any more. We faced a magical trap that surrounded us. The Kid tossed a dagger into the big room facing us but nothing happened. He talked Ursula into stepping into the room to retrieve it, but Amai held her back (had Ursula wanted to she could have easily shoved Amai aside).
Declaring that she had the best chance of surviving any trap set off, Amai stepped into the big room. Nothing happened. Well, not to her anyway. In the room she just vacated (the one where all her friends were standing) twin gouts of flame engulfed the room. Not getting hit by a trap certainly does help improve one's survivability. ;D
So the trap continue apace. Every round it blasted random parts of the room with flame. After being torched a few times we found six keys behind the statues and brought them to Visoka, who then attempted to figure out the pattern to unlock the five (FIVE!) locks on the door. He wracked his brain and tried many different combinations, but none of them worked. We felt like things were going to get pretty desperate, as Adso was starting to run low on healing magic, when all of a sudden the flame gouts stopped. We had outlasted the trap.
With plenty of time on our hands, Visoka and the Kid worked out the nonpattern of the keys and we entered the inner chamber. Therein we found the mechanism to activate the second beam of light. Therein we also stopped for the night.
...
Quotes!
Without Jacobs or Stephen there to push Mearls's On switch, two weird things happened: we got stuff done and we had few quotes (although the percentage of PG quotes uttered by Mearls increased dramatically). ;D
Mearls: "I call in air support. Two B52s, baby."
Bulmahn: "Aww. My drow can't stand up to that."
Me: "What are you talking about? B52s didn't do squat to the VC."
Mearls: "Venture capitalists?"
Me: "Yes, Mearls, venture capitalists."
There was a joke about the band the B52s shortly thereafter, but I didn't get it written down before I forgot how it went. :\
Me: "Djidjidjidjidjidji. Don't just run in there." (That's the sound of trying to get someone not to do something.)
Tim: "Why not?"
Me: "Search for traps first."
Tim, exasperated: "You want me to search every square I'm about to step inside?"
Me: "No. Just the ones by the door."
Tim, still exasperated: "Fine!"
*Tim rolls*
Jason: "You find a magical ward."
Me, smugly: "Uhuhhhh..."
Jason: "The 'You weren't here' roast." (This after one of the random gouts of flame struck Adso, Tollin, and Ursula, the session's NPCs. This event also led to...)
Mearls, Tim, Sutter, singing: "The bard, the bard, the bard is on fire. We don't need no water, let the @#%&er burn!"
Yeah, good game, but definitely a lack of quotage... all I really remember was trying to get Ursula to fetch my dagger from the trap-filled room, then getting hit by a massive blast of flame and screaming "Augh! I deserve this!"
Is there no conclusion to this exciting trek through the exotic lands of Xen'drik?
I shall cry and make rusty the metal parts of my Warforged body...
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Contributor
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Is there no conclusion to this exciting trek through the exotic lands of Xen'drik?
I shall cry and make rusty the metal parts of my Warforged body...
Oh I'm sure there will be someday. First, Jason had to deal with "freelance." Now he's got "vacation." I think those are just euphemisms for "slacker."
;D
Considering that he'll be at my house drinking tonight, you're pretty much dead on, Mike.
:)
So he's a fibber, a slacker, a drinker and a freelancer.
You know if he didn't drink so much his free lance probably wouldn't slack so much and he wouldn't have to lie about it to girls on vacation!
It's horrible to see someone whose totally lost any sense of priorities... ;)
So he's a fibber, a slacker, a drinker and a freelancer.
You know if he didn't drink so much his free lance probably wouldn't slack so much and he wouldn't have to lie about it to girls on vacation!
It's horrible to see someone whose totally lost any sense of priorities... ;)
Yes, he is all of those things. But he is also pure, distilled evil.
<singing> I know what's gonna happen to you...ha hah hah ha haaaaaaah ha.
...
...
Actually, I know nothing.
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Contributor
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So, Mr. Slacker... er... Mr. Bulmahn... ran his game last night again. And it was put to me that <b>I</b> was also a slacker for not writing an update of the previous session.
So let me run through that real quick.
Last session, way back in early March (!!!), had us holed up in a giant's temple while Whillip and his Tri-Lambda frat brothers made rubbings of the giant hieroglyphs. A large group of drow jocks showed up to beat up on those nerds under our protection. To get to the nerds, though, they had to get through us and the rival NPC adventurers. Which they nearly did (stupid lame NPC adventurers) before we beat them off. Take that, jocks! :P
Then we ran like hell.
Will there be any quotes, or did we swear too much?
I am most impressed with the burgeoning growth of our hobo body of knowledge.
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Contributor
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WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!
Apparently, the battle cry of Mearls and Jacobs is now "We make holes in teeth!" They tried, unsuccessfully, to get anyone else in the group to join them in declaring that. We gave them the O_o look and continued to strive for sanity in our D&D game.
Last night had us start on the run. We held out the drow and their treant friends from the previous session's assault, but only just. So we fled into the jungle, where we were attacked by yet another contingent of drow and their treant friends. Amai used up the last two charges of her necklace of fireballs, and was sad for it—those last two charges seemed to have negligible effect. The others had MUCH better success in doing... well... anything, and after only a few furious rounds of combat the drow once again withdrew. Damn hit-and-run tactics. :(
So AFTER we expended all our spells and curative potions (I used no less than seven potions!) that jerk of a rival NPC adventurer dwarf pulled out a wand of cure light wounds and told Adso to use it on the Tri-Lambda frat boys. Then he took it back away from us.
I hate that damned dirty dwarf. >:(
Two days of trudging through the jungle commenced, during which the drow thankfully left us alone. Whillip then stopped us as the 40-foot-wide inter-Zen'drik highway we were on veered away from the little river it had been following. He said our destination stood in the middle of a swamp (the Swamp of Murder or something like that) on the other side of a bay (I believe he said it was "only" about 20 miles across—nevermind that we don't have a boat), which itself lay on the other side of—not one—but TWO mountain ranges, which were separated by a vast arid desert. But not to worry, he said, that was still a couple days through an even hotter and less hospitable jungle. Oh... is that all...
I hate that damned dorky dweeb. >:(
With little option and less enthusiasm, we descended into the jungle. After a bit of a walk some party members began to smell a sickeningly sweet smell (but not the smell of rotting flesh). We pressed on (what choice did we have) until the smell achieved its greatest potency at the base of a ginormous peach tree that towered above all other trees. Massive peaches lay on the ground around it, slowly rotting and giving off the horrid stench. Adso stepped forward to investigate, and found himself magically compelled to approach the tree. At its trunk, he licked its sap and went on an acid trip of sorts. Everyone else stood around watching, but Amai would have none of that. Frantic and terribly upset (what do you expect from a city girl dropped into the middle of a horrible jungle?), she ran up to Adso and threw her arms around him, begging him to stop. When he didn't, she pulled him back away from the tree.
Now, keep in mind that Amai only has a 9 Strength, and that Adso is a large and powerful man. Keldrick, however, was looking out for Amai and blasted Adso with a ray of enfeeblement, dropping the cleric's Strength to 8. Amai made every single grapple check she needed to, spending only 2 action points in the process. Once she got him out of the freaky peachy zone and Adso began to regain his senses, she just started to cry. The heartless bastard (not all LG people are caring, apparently) told her to get off him and somehow managed to extract himself from the hysterical girl.
The remainder of our time in the hot, bug-infested jungle went by uneventfully, and we found ourselves in short order standing in the foothills of low mountains. Ahead of us stood two massive pillars (100 feet in diameter... I think Mearls said they were more like condos than pillars) on top of which watched a couple of golden dragon statues.
Kaldrick flew up to the statues to check them out, translated some text he found on them, and did a quick long-distance survey of the lay of the land. He returned to report, and mentioned a really big bridge up ahead that was missing about... oh... 50 feet of span. A little more optimistically than we really felt, we all agreed that we'd find a way across when we got there.
First, though, we had to pass between those pillars and their dragon statues. With trepidation, we did just that, and...
Have you ever seen The Neverending Story? You know that part where Atreyu has to go through those pillars that test his worth as a person? Yeah, it was like that... except not really. No beams of light blasted us. We didn't die.
There was, however, a flash of lightning and the dragon statues suddenly facing the opposite direction. Foreshadowing... DUN DUN DUN!
Quotes
Stephen: "It's like some great, misshapen boob."
Jason: "Just like you."
Mearls: "How many hit points to you have left?"
Me: "Twenty one... uh... twenty two."
Mearls: "Oh, I can't help you, then."
Me: "What were you going to do?"
Mearls: "Magic missile you until you're unconscious so you stop whining."
There was some discussion I was only barely paying attention to about the Perform skill. Jacobs at some point yelled out something about "Be-Flat!" There was laughter, and Stephen told me to write it all down. Alas, the conversation never stuck in my brain and is thus either lost to history or must be related by someone else. Alas.
Mearls: "Is that mine?"
Stephen: "No."
Mearls: "I was just worried you stole it."
Then, for some reason, there were a couple of faux website URLs brought up that apparently are run by or are focused on Mearls. The first that Jacobs yelled out was mearlsgirls.com, which I think was about all the girls Mearls loves or something. Then there was mikemearlshatestomatos.com, which led to Mearls pantomiming and moaning like a zombie and Jacobs pantomiming and declaring, "Die, f!$+ers!"
I made some joke that wasn't a lame pun (it happens) and it was met with little laughter and much ridicule. That led to this exchange...
Me: "Why are all of my jokes met with scorn?"
Mearls: "Cuz it's funny."
Jacobs, after Jason nixed an idea: "That would come dangerously close to a PC having fun. You can't have that."
Stephen, after Adso doped up on the tree: "I'm like the Tigger of the Party."
Jacobs: "More like the Pooh, with all that honey running down your face."
Creative Director
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The "Be Flat" story.
I'm playing a bard in this campaign. A bard/swashbuckler, to be exact. So at bard 3/swashbuckler 3, with only a few arrows left, I don't have much to do in ranged combat situations. Someone started blathering about how silly it was to have Profession (keyboard) in the game as a skill, to which I pointed out the Harpsichord exists in D&D, but agreed that it's the least useful of the adventuring bard perform skills. HOWEVER! I did point out that one could use the zero-level spell summon instrument to conjure a pipe organ or piano or harpsichord and then you could tip it over on someone to crush them. And as you do, you shriek out "BE FLAT!"
Music joke.
And the fact that summon instrument can't summon keyboards never came up. Jokes transcend game balance.
The tomato thing - I had a salad container with the cherry tomato remnants of my salad in it. When Stephen pointed out that I hated tomatoes, I shook the container and made vaguely angry barbarian noises.
Apparently, my barbarian noises are close to my zombie noises. OTOH, I do play a sorcerer, so they were out of character for me.
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Contributor
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So! The bridge!
We had just started to move up to the part of the bridge that was missing when a group of giants hailed us. With boulders. More like "hail the size of boulders" and less like "hail and well met!"
We scrambled, the worthless NPCs panicked, harpies appeared. Ugh. Harpies. They started singing, and a number of us fell under their sway. Fortunately, Tollin is a bard. (Yes, I actually typed that.) He used his countersong to save most of us. Alas for poor Adso, though, the grouchy cleric was out of range. So he leapt to his... doom? Actually, we were only 80 feet up and Adso had more than 28 hit points (the average damage from an 80-foot fall), so he wasn't concerned. But his hit point total became a moot point after Keldrick cast feather fall on him. ;)
So Adso was down below the bridge. Visoka did a really neat trick by tying off some rope and dangling down below the bridge then swinging back and forth until he had enough momentum to splat against the bottom of the far side. After splatting, he succeeded in holding on and scrambled his way up and on top of the bridge. Amai was able to use some luck and magic to leap across the 20+ foot gap. Keldrick and Ursula flew. So it was the three of us attempting to engage the harpies, with Visoka and Tollin offering arrow support. Amai had to climb the 100-foot-tall tower to get to her harpy, but by the time she made it the harpy lay dead already.
With the flying power of Ursula we got all the useless NPCs across and promptly made a mad dash for safety (those giants were still out there).
We then entered the horrid desert separating the mountains. On we trudged for half a day before we realized the far mountains (which weren't all that far) were still as far as they were when we started walking. Keldrick did a little flying recon but saw nothing. For the only time that night, however, Amai shined. I rolled two 18s for Wisdom checks (15 Wisdom) and Jason revealed that only when we were at rest did time actually pass correctly. So we rested, and the sun went down. Then we sprang up and made for the mountains. In two hours, the sun returned. About midmorning... pardon, I should say, "midmorning" (stupid Xen'drick time weirdness)... we made it to the plant line where the desert ended. Instantly cooled down, we found a little spring and collapsed around it. For the second session in a row, Amai cried (this time out of a mixture of fatigue and relief... thank goodness for that spring!).
And what would a post about Jason's Eberron game be without...
QUOTES!!!
(Yes, most of them are from Mearls. And no, most of Mearls's quotes are not messageboards safe.)
Stephen: "In fact, in ancient Greek, democracy means '{CENSORED} the elves.'"
Jacobs: "Really!"
Mearls, slowly: "Demo. Cracy."
The Jamesses didn't bring enough arrows and ran out during the fight. When they were down to their last two, Sutter snagged one and missed. He then reached for the last one but Jacobs stopped him.
Sutter: "What's your attack bonus?"
Jacobs: "Plus nine."
Sutter: "Oh, okay then. Rock it."
Sutter: "Pathagorean Theorum is just a theory. It is only a theory, and as such, I expect alternatives!"
Mearls: "I'm dual-classed, dawg."
Mearls: "We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth!"
Us: "..."
Mearls: "We make holes in harpies!"
Mearls: {Insert random vocalizations.}
Me: "I can't write that down. I don't know what you said."
Mearls: "I was speaking in Eberron."
Jason drew a little sideways map on the board showing the mountains and the desert plateau. There was a weird treeline that looked... well...
Jacobs: "Ooo... we outran the caterpillar!"
Sutter: "AC 21 against the guy in front of me."
Jason: "It would be 21 if you weren't flat-footed."
Sutter: "Oh g+*+~+n!"
Tim: "The point is: Owned!"
Mearls: "How did you only deal 5 damage?"
Me: "Because you distracted my dice!"
Jason: "I'm willing to go with that."
Mearls: "I love being alive. It's so awesome!"
Stephen: "You didn't even make a Bad Knowledge check."
Jacobs: "No. I'm just making it up."
Jacobs: "I suck at deserts."
Jason: "They're not good."
Jacobs: "They're great!"
...
Then I left the room for a few minutes and when I returned there was something naughty drawn on the whiteboard and something naughty recorded on my quotes page... it reads as follows:
Sutter: "It's the Aquaman money shirt."
Jacobs: "He totally took his {CENSORED} out."
Sigh. Apparenty the esteemed Mike can't read his own handwriting - it was the Aquaman money SHOT... there's a difference, man! Also, "The point is: Owned" was totally me. :)
While I understand that most of what Mearls says on a daily basis cannot be recorded without making one's monitor bleed, I would like to add my favorite quote of the night:
(While fighting ankhegs)
Jason: "You can still sneak attack them - they have backs."
Jacobs: "Ankheg got back!"
Sutter: "I like big ants and I cannot lie... you other bruthas can't deny...."
(James and James begin dancing. There is much hearty arm-swinging.)
In general, if something ends in Jimmy Jacobs dancing, I'm probably in favor of it.
-Sutter
(P.S: Psst... it's actually the Pythagorean theorem. :)
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Contributor
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Treachery! Back-Stabbing! Betrayal!
Last night, we crossed a second set of mountains without incident, pausing only at the top, where we encountered 7-foot-tall vultures. They showed us little interest (as we were still alive) and we passed by.
Then down to the shore of the 15-mile-wide BAY OF CERTAIN DOOM!!! That evening, Tollin decided he was a woodsman, and wandered into the forest to find food. He found purple berries and ate gobs of them, then brought some back to camp to share. An hour later, he was sick. Mox the drow took pity on him and told him that he might have ingested some snake eggs that might be hatching. She gave him a paste to eat to suffocate them, and told him other things he would need to do to not have the snakes burst out of his stomach Alien-style. Tollin proved a good patient, and a few hours later he was de-snaked.
Next morning, the burley and hearty took up axes and brought down trees. Then, the dextrous and nimble lashed all of these trees together with rope to form two large, crude rafts. That took all day.
In the middle of the night, on Tollin's watch, Aaron d'Cannith got up to do what people do when they get up in the middle of the night. Tollin quickly became suspicious, as such things are never brought up in D&D unless they have a reason. Bolt (Aaron's bodyguard) dissuaded him from following, and when Tollin got back to camp he found Trask (the coughing dwarf) returning to camp as well. Upon inquiry, Trask gave the lame excuse of "I thought I heard something."
The next morning, we set off! On one raft went the Cannith Pathfinders + Aaron d'Cannith and Bolt + Whillip and his girlfriend (whose name I can never remember) + a couple of researchers. On the other raft went the PCs + three researchers.
A little less than halfway across, it became evident that Amai and her 9 Strength made a poor rower. Around that time, Tollin (manning the rudder) spotted something in the water. Around that time the other raft started to move ahead of us. We called to them that something was pursuing us, and they responded by widening the gap between our rafts. Then the things following us popped their heads up (kuo-toa riding on turtles!), and Amai tried to get them to push us so we could catch up with the other raft. They responded by attacking us...
But not before Finnegan the sorcerer (on the other raft) attacked us first. Before we knew what was going on, lightning bolts were blasting us from two directions. Looking at the raft, we saw the Pathfinders holding Whillip and his girl at crossbow point. We were betrayed!
The battle was fast and furious. We abandoned the oars to fight the kuo-toas and the other raft continued to pull away. With the help of Keldrick's fly spell Amai and Ursula took the fight to the kuo-toas, eliminating them as a threat in a few rounds. Then we considered flying up to the other raft to save Whillip and his girl, but we were talked out of it by cooler heads.
They got away.
Tollin couldn't believe that Mox, upon whom he had a crush, would turn against us. Amai couldn't believe that her cousin would turn against us—okay, yeah, she could believe it. A lot of Cannith folk are jerks, after all.
After we repaired our poor raft (heavily damaged by Finnegan and the kua-toas) we eventually reached the far side of the bay, not too far from the other raft. Distraught and down-hearted, we set up camp.
That's when Tollin discovered the note.
On a leaf, written in a flowing hand that looked quite feminine, was a note none of us could read. Keldrick cast comprehend languages and read it aloud. To paraphrase (from memory):
"This was not our intention, but Trask agreed to it. This was planned on from the very beginning by House Cannith."
At that, I (and Amai) threw back my head and raised my arms. In a Darth-Vader-esque display, I (and Amai) screamed out, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
And thus ended the session.
...
Quotes!
No Mearls last night, so the percentage of family-friendly quotes is much higher. The number of memorable quotes in total, however, is lower than usual.
Before heading up to the vulture area we sent Visoka up to investigate. He looked up the teamwork infiltration ability of his prestige class (nightsong infiltrator from Complete Adventurer) and saw that it would take hours. The ability grants a bonus on certain skill checks to all of the nightsong infiltrator's friends in order to infiltrate a place. That led to the following...
Jacobs: "Can you study Mox's tent for me?"
Jason: "Can you study her pants?"
Tim: "Well you do get a +2 bonus on Disable Device. And she's wearing a belt. Oh, and on Climb."
Sutter: "What about Jump?"
Tim: "No, but Tumble. Oh too bad: no Use Rope."
Random...
Sutter: "This is the taste equivalent of a three-car pileup."
Jacobs: "You give me a +2 bonus on saves versus loneliness."
Sutter: "It's a piranha elemental!"
Jacobs: "A piranhamental?"
Jacobs, after Finnegan started blasting us: "We should have known. He's a wereshark. He's gonna grow a fin, again." (Say it aloud... fast.)
Sutter: "I'm glad we didn't dump him indiscriminately."
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That evening, Tollin decided he was a woodsman, and wandered into the forest to find food. He found purple berries and ate gobs of them, then brought some back to camp to share. An hour later, he was sick.
Oooh, Tollin ated the purple berries... How do the taste, Tollin?
"They taste like burning. Owww!"
"They taste like burning. Owww!"
Go banana!
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Contributor
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Since the purple berries got me an "in" with Mox, I put it to you that they were a GOOD thing. Now all I have to do is save her from her traitorous allies and prevent my bloodthirsty fellow PCs from killing her when we catch up to them...
Amai isn't going to kill Mox. She's got her crosshairs firmly set over Aaron d'Cannith. >:(
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Contributor
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The Hunt Begins (But For One it Ends)
or...
Aureon-damned GNATS!!!
So we found ourselves on the edge of a vast swamp, with a trail leading into made by that no-good, dirty rotten filthy traitor Aaron d'Cannith. Oh, and those other people, too, who I guess might have done something bad to us. Like joining up with that low-life scum-sucking pile of refuse so foul even an otyugh would turn its nose up at. >:(
So into the swamp we went. Walked along for a little while without event, although the muck and the brown swampfog made for an unpleasant experience. After an hour or so we came across a campsite, in which we found evidence that our quarry—that despicable, slimy, black-hearted piece of moldy trash—had slept through the night.
In order to evade an ambush, we turned straight north and walked for about an hour before turning back toward our destination. Fortunately for us, Ursula knows how to find her way through a swamp! Anyway, we walked until we came upon a massive mucky pond, and in that pond we saw a strange purple... uh... existence. Not wanting to go near the purple stuff floating on the water we backtracked about halfway to the campsite and went around the big lake-pond. Shortly thereafter we saw a dead bird floating on the water, with half of it lying on the purple stuff and half floating in the water. The half on the purple stuff was eaten down to the bone. Turns out, not swimming or wading through the purple stuff was a good idea. :D
As we went along we suddenly found ourselves surrounded by something large and swimming quickly. Seconds later, eight swarms of rats surrounded us and started biting into us. Amai showed her considerable mettle by screaming like a little girl (instead of the almost-adult girl she is) and running away at top speed. Keldrick's lightning bolts pretty much saved the day against those (hurray for area effects!).
A little while later (the next day?... now I can't remember...) we were set upon by trolls! Oh those terrible trolls... no doubt in league with that spineless, gutless, worthless excuse for a living being (Aaron d'Cannith, in case you'd forgotten). The fight started out really well for us. Several of us charged out to try to keep the trolls off the spellcasters (Keldrick can fly, so he doesn't need protection). Unfortunately, we didn't have the front-line manpower to keep all the trolls occupied, so Tolun had to step up into the fight. The battle turned against us. The rend ability is sick, and the trolls got off several successful rends. Fortunately, the trolls kept dealing just enough damage with rends to drop people into the negatives but not kill them.
Sadly, though, one of the rends made less of a crackling ripping noise and more of a splurtchy ripping noise. Tolun's bard music stopped. We all looked in the direction of the horrible sound and uncomfortable silence that followed and saw, much to our dismay, more than one piece of Tolun.
"TOLUN!!!" NOOOOOOoooooooo!!!
Amai screamed and cried, then ran forward to get her vengeance on the troll that ripped Tolun asunder. Sadly... killing the troll that killed Tolun didn't bring him... (her... it...?) back. Tolun's death revealed the body of a dead female changeling. A changeling?!?!?! Amai was and is confused a little, but she obviously knows what a changeling is.
At long last, we reached the edge of a giant city within the swamp. Giant, as in, that's who built it and that's its relative size. So Visoka and Amai went exploring, with Visoka way up in front and Amai a little ways back to protect him. They found nothing except a massive cloud of gnats, so they went back to the group and reported on seeing nothing.
So in we went, marching down the middle of the wide boulevard into the center of the square city. At the center rose a temple so massive that is nearly defies description. What it looks like is a massive Aztec-like stepped pyramid on top of a ginormous four-legged stool, raising it several hundred feet above the ground. A small building underneath housed stairs going down.
Just as we got ready to go into that little building, a dark form flew by overhead. This form was so massive that we could even see it through the cloud of gnats...
Something had come.
...
Quotes!!!
Amai does not hide her hatred of Aaron d'Cannith and his apparent betrayal of House Cannith. After an Aaron-bashing tirade, this exchange occurred, accusing Amai of being a Cannith spy.
Stephen: "Maybe Amai is the plant."
Jacobs: "No. If Amai was a plant she'd be immune to critical hits and sneak attacks."
Stephen: "Hmm... let's test it out. Attack her 20 or so times."
Jacobs said something funny, and I began to write it down. He saw and said...
Jacobs: "That's a Dark Tower spoiler. You might want to mark it."
We were talking about attack bonuses.
Me: "I have a +9—"
Jacobs: "ANTS! Blaaaaurgh!" *James pantomimes vomiting ants*
Random...
Jacobs (in a crazy voice): "I'm gonna kill all y'all! I'm gonna kill you {CENSORED}! I'll stab your hearts out. I'll kill you flat!"
Mearls (dryly; not looking up from his laptop): "Oh no. He's gonna kill us."
Random...
Jacobs: "Not everything's about Mearls."
Mearls: "Or Boba Fett!"
{Pause}
Mearls: "Lie."
Random...
Jacobs: "This whole swamp is muck of what comes out of drains!"
Random...
Jason: "What do you want to burn in your firepit?"
Jacobs: "My hopes!"
Random...
Mearls: "Aaaaugh! Sorry. The frikkin' Voodoo faces are tryin' to eat my soul!"
...
Alas, poor Tolun. We knew him well, Horatio.
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Contributor
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Your Official Amai d'Cannith Update
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Level: 7th (as of the end of last night)
Status: Not dead
...
Because I know everyone just reads this thread to see me talk about my character. ;P
So last night we only had three players to begin with (Mearls, Tim, and myself), but Jacobs joined us about 2/3 of the way through with his new character.
The session began with, "Roll for initiative." (For, if you recall, at the end of last session we were in a cloud of gnats, and above those gnats loomed a flying shadow.) And so the fight was on.
Our opponent turned out to be a Medium black dragon. It began the encounter by breathing acid at us. Despite her excellent saves, Amai got tagged by the acid and took the full damage. I wish she had improved evasion... I really do. :\ Anyway, after that we scrambled apart to give the dragon no opportunity to hit more than two of us at a time. Keldrick cast fly on Ursula, Adso, Amai, and himself. The dragon fled up through the canopy of gnats, but we pursued.
Thus ensued a terrible dogfight above the gnat clouds. Poor Visoka and the Kid were left on the ground, trying desperately to pinpoint where the dragon was at any moment in order to help bring it down with arrows. They heard plenty of shouting and screaming and ripping and tearing. Giant splatters of blood occasionally fell through the gnat cloud, as did rains of acid made in a line. After nearly half a minute of frenzied sound they heard a horrific wet ripping noise, a grunt from Ursula, and a scream from Amai.
Then, in a surreal and infinitely sad display, the lifeless body of Ursula fell out of the gnat cloud and landed with a merciless thud on the hard ground below. His eyes stinging with tears, Visoka let out a scream and fired up through the cloud right next to where Ursula's body fell. With some degree of satisfaction, the dragon cried out in pain.
The sound of Keldrick's magic missiles barely overcame the din of battle, and moments later the murderous dragon's death-gripped body fell through the gnat cloud and landed atop Ursula's body.
URSULA!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ;_;
We mourned. For many agonizing minutes we mourned, even as the gnat cloud dispersed and flew into the awaiting building at the center of the temple complex. As we mourned, Keldrick put his dagger to work, carefully cutting off the head of the dragon and extracting its heart. With those gruesome trophies we also placed in the bag of holding Ursula's lifeless but shrouded body.
At this point, Mearls said with some awe, "We killed a dragon."
And then, with practicality and a desire for survival outweighing our sadness, we redistributed Ursula's magic items and hoped to carry on her fighting spirit in her memory.
Into the center building we went. Cautiously, of course. But not cautiously enough, it turned out. As soon as the last of us entered the building the light from outside was snuffed out. We immediately assumed a drow trick, but the truth was far more sinister...
A stone wall, created via magical spell, blocked the exit. On the other side Amai heard the familiar sound of that dirty dwarf Trask, who said, "Huh huh huh... let's see you get out that way."
At that point, Amai (and I) screamed, "I HATE THEM!" Our revenge, it seems, got waylaid. Then, it got waylaid even more...
Inside the temple were several dragon statues made of gold and filled with rubies, which we foolishly didn't touch. The temple looked older than the giant ruins and was built in proportion to normal people. Two giant-ish artifacts sat in it, however: a massive disk on its side (think Stargate) and a smaller one shattered on a pedestal. Amai took to cleaning the dust off the larger disk and searching the room while Visoka and Keldrick put together the smaller disk. When they finished, the cracks glowed, as did several points on the recently uncovered map of Xen'drik carved into the massive disk.
Visoka touched one of the dots, the one we assumed was our location. At that moment, it flared brightly. Also at that moment, a Huge half-fiend spider crawled out of the well in the center of the entry room. Seeing that spider, Amai touched another dot on the map, and a blue line began to trace the path between the two touched dots. The spider approached. The line grew longer. The spider was upon us! The line connected and the portal opened (in the same way the Stargate opened), showing a black and white view of a jungle beyond. The choice between half-fiend spider and verdant jungle was an easy one.
We jumped through. But then, so did the spider. :(
Fortunately for us, Jacobs's new character was waiting on the other side. No really, she was waiting for us. Somewhat surprised by what she saw, his barbarian drow (name of Zulshyn) leapt to our aid. It was a hard-fought battle, with copious poison, a cloud of deadly gloom, the Kid nearly dying to the poison, and Amai being reduced to 0 hit points. Zulshyn showed us her Ivy-like moves (from Soul Caliber) with her chain-sword. Cool!
But ultimately, we won. Zulshyn then took the spider's head and, through the magic of Visoka being able to speak Elven, told us to follow her to her village. Which we did. At that point, the session ended.
Two deaths in as many sessions? We're hosed.
So... swamps and jungles are hard on Paizo campaigns?
Poor Ursula. She's been with the party a long time... good way to go out, though. If you're going to die, die by dragon.
So... swamps and jungles are hard on Paizo campaigns?
Poor Ursula. She's been with the party a long time... good way to go out, though. If you're going to die, die by dragon.
Amen to that - "If I'm goin' out, I'm takin' something with me."