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Greetings, loyal AbadarCorp customers! I am AbadarCorp Service Bot #123 and it is my great pleasure to assist you with all your customer service needs. As always, AbadarCorp is 100% committed to perfect customer satisfaction. Feel free to post any questions, comments, concerns or complaints.
Please keep in my mind that due to the immense customer base, responses may take anywhere between one business day to ten standard business years to be posted. Even a well-constructed, service bot such as myself can only do so much. Also be aware that this is a customer service thread, so please avoid any bad or good poetry, song lyrics, hate speech, manuscripts of any kind, or personal updates. Inappropriate content and it's originators could be subject to immediate "deletion."
Also, AbadarCorp has asked me to inform you that the issues involving the SmartCrisp, intelligent toasters becoming sentient and rebelling against their organic overlords have been resolved. A settlement has been reached which offers all newly sentient toasters the option of either staying in their former owners homes as AbadarCorp employees or being exchanged and placed in positions of their choosing. All toasters who have achieved sentient are offered legal protections and counsel in accordance with Pact Worlds laws.
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Crash. PTOOOW pew pew pew pew WHOOOSH and screaming in the background.
"Hello, I'm sending you a j.peg file. Its what's left of the remote shutdown module of your decimator mark III apocalypse armor. Is there any way to get this thing working or do i need to order a new o..KIRKATH!!! Antimater is a privlidge not a right! ...and if not how much is it for your teleport delivery service... yes I have Abadar prime. "
Squeeks of delight and loud booming sounds can be heard in the background.
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I have forwarded this on to our technicians, who will contact you directly. Although based on the photo you may need to replace the shutdown module completely, since I am not sure the scrap metal in the picture will be of much use. But I am not an authorized AbadarCorp Technician, so I can't say for certain.
As an Abadar Prime member we offer free teleportation delivery services inside the Pact Worlds. This includes vessels in transit within the system. Although you should know that we have been experiencing some...issues with our teleportation services. Deliveries has been appearing in strange places and there been mix-ups with package deliveries. Please fill out the delivery survey in your electronic mail box, as we are tracking deliveries to help determine the problem. For vessels outside the Pact Worlds, there might be time delays, but delivery fees are drastically reduce.
I would also like to inform that if your antimatter containment system requires replacement we are offering a special part replacement discount at all Atech Shipyards for the next 20 standard years. The discount only applies if you have one of our Atech Starship Insurance Plans, please send me your policy number and I'll get you in touch with a representative immediately. If the issue is with an antimatter missile...well, then I would pray to whatever gods you worship and stay away from an inhabited system.
As always, thanks for choosing AbadarCorp and let me know if there is anything else I can assist you with.
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To: AbadarCustomerService@Abadar.corp
Subject: Unsolicited deliveries.
To whom it may concern.
While the HMS Starfarers shields were down in Absalom station docking bay 466 for emitter overhaul and repair several crates containing what appears to be a complete wardrobe were beamed aboard. There are several issues with this...
1) None of the crew or passengers had clothing on order.
2) The intended recipient R.Belle is currently not on the crew or passenger lists.
3) Said crates appeared in the HAC Bay and not the Cargo hold.
4) The docking manifest indicates much of the wardrobe is something we are not currently insured to carry e.g. 23: Gem encrusted dresses, 12 Crystal horseshoes, 67 Crates of assorted make-up and other toiletries which our computer records indicate are all high brand names and have a combined value of 53,000 credits (The make up and Toiletries alone).
6) We did not as is procedure receive notification to expect objects being teleported on board or the receipts indicating said objects have been through decontamination and customs.
We have notified Absalom security of this incident to protect ourselves against prosecution for illegal/contraband equipment if said manifest does not match the crates contents. We have obviously not opened the crates and thus can not confirm the contents match the manifest. As records indicate the telportation originated with your shipping offices on Absalom station we are requesting the crates be removed as soon as possible. They are currently still on the HAC Bay under guard by our security forces.
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Uh... Is- is this how to-oh, oh okay, I'm through.
Er... This is terribly embarrassing, but I think that I'm some sort of, uh, arcane construct from somewhere, uh, well, sometime during this "Gap" thingimajig. It's all terribly confusing... I've heard that Brigh, whom I apparently fanatically worship, is part of this newfangled "Triune" thing, which is great, and it's not like there's much oldfangled that I can remember, but none of Epoch's representatives on Aballon are making much sense to me and I've heard that AbadarCorp also provides, uh, "upgrades" for outdated and/or whimsical constructs trying to adapt? Datajohns or something?
I know this isn't the tech support line, but could you at least let me know what services there are? Help a clockwork out?
I really hope this one's a little less technical. I may be made of brass, but that doesn't mean I want to talk to a soulless machine. I mean, real- Wait, what do you mean it can still hear m-
To: AbadarCustomerService@Abadar.corp
Subject: Unsolicited deliveries.To whom it may concern.
While the HMS Starfarers shields were down in Absalom station docking bay 466 for emitter overhaul and repair several crates containing what appears to be a complete wardrobe were beamed aboard. There are several issues with this...
1) None of the crew or passengers had clothing on order.
2) The intended recipient R.Belle is currently not on the crew or passenger lists.
3) Said crates appeared in the HAC Bay and not the Cargo hold.
4) The docking manifest indicates much of the wardrobe is something we are not currently insured to carry e.g. 23: Gem encrusted dresses, 12 Crystal horseshoes, 67 Crates of assorted make-up and other toiletries which our computer records indicate are all high brand names and have a combined value of 53,000 credits (The make up and Toiletries alone).
6) We did not as is procedure receive notification to expect objects being teleported on board or the receipts indicating said objects have been through decontamination and customs.We have notified Absalom security of this incident to protect ourselves against prosecution for illegal/contraband equipment if said manifest does not match the crates contents. We have obviously not opened the crates and thus can not confirm the contents match the manifest. As records indicate the teleportation originated with your shipping offices on Absalom station we are requesting the crates be removed as soon as possible. They are currently still on the HAC Bay under guard by our security forces.
On behalf of AbadarCorp and Queen Kamahahnhulavakamatuzanaizmandino of Castrovel, I offer the most sincere apologizes.
I also apologize for the late response, the director of magical transit literally lost his head ...he teleported it from his body. Doctors say it was stress related. Unfortunately, his replacement is less experienced and couldn't understand the Lashunta envoy's thick accent...it also didn't help that we were in the middle of a sentient toaster rebellion and.... Anyway,long story short we had A LOT of delivery issues and I even ended up teleported to a starship full of sentient ooze people expecting a shipment of a musician construct and food pellets. It was a mess... I was forced perform Gygrian Sludge pop...ooze people applause is...messy to put it mildly. Thankfully the situation was resolved with miminmal bloodshed and a lot of hygiene...
As a thank you for your response, AbadarCorp will pay you a $5,000 credit holding fee and send you all limited edition 24 karat gold AbadarCorp T-shirts. I was also asked to inform you of an employment opportunity. We would pay another 20,000 credits to make the delivery to her royal highness on Castrovel. Our teleportation department is still undergoing a bit of "restructuring". If you are interested, please let us know soon as the Queen has threatened to destroy our local church and banking institutions if we don't send her purchases. Thank you again for your timely post and cooperation.
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On behalf of AbadarCorp and Queen Kamahahnhulavakamatuzanaizmandino of Castrovel, I offer the most sincere apologizes.
I also apologize for the late response, the director of magical transit literally lost his head ...he teleported it from his body. Doctors say it was stress related. Unfortunately, his replacement is less experienced and couldn't understand the Lashunta envoy's thick accent...it also didn't help that we were in the middle of a sentient toaster rebellion and.... Anyway,long story short we had A LOT of delivery issues and I even ended up teleported to a starship full of sentient ooze people expecting a shipment of a musician construct and food pellets. It was a mess... I was forced perform Gygrian Sludge pop...ooze people applause is...messy to put it mildly. Thankfully the situation was resolved with miminmal bloodshed and a lot of hygiene...
As a thank you for your response, AbadarCorp will pay you a $5,000 credit holding fee and send you all limited edition 24 karat gold AbadarCorp T-shirts. I was also asked to inform you of an employment opportunity. We would pay another 20,000 credits to make the delivery to her royal highness on Castrovel. Our teleportation department is still undergoing a bit of "restructuring". If you are interested, please let us know soon as the Queen has threatened to destroy our local church and banking institutions if we don't send her purchases. Thank you again for your timely post and cooperation.
To AbadarCorp Service Bot #123
Apologies for the late reply apparently a server failure interfered with information being relayed to and from the Starfarer coms system and as we have been shutting down, repairing and upgrading ship systems no one noticed the issue until yesterday when an attempt to send out a message from the ship herself rather than crew coms failed to send.
While we appreciate the delivery contract offer the 20,000 credits payment is insufficient. As I briefly alluded to earlier the Starfarer is not insured to carry this cargo. Assuming the contents of the crates match the manifest we estimate the combined material value of the contents at 920,000 credits. Given that the items appear to be custom made and/or elite brand name items that estimate likely falls well below actual retail value. Our ships VI has estimated based on a search of the item available for purchase and general price variations to similar quality but one of a kind creations the actual value may range up to 20 times that figure. You will need to find a larger transport company insured and frankly armed to carry and protect this kind of cargo even for a delivery insystem.
The Starfarer is only a small transport and simply does not have the insurance for these items in case anything were to happen to them. Our current insurance for cargo only covers contents up to 171,110 credits. not one of a kind royal commisions that may be valued at a hundred times our present coverage. In addition to which recent regulatory changes required the removal of our missile systems. Apparently heavy anti-matter torpedo's are deemed unsuitable for civilian defense in the pact worlds. This in fact was what prompted the current works on the Starfarer in the first place as since she was going to be dry docked for removal of those systems it was felt to be a good time to undertake a number of other works.
Although on a purely personal level this does explain the listings for coronation gown and royal wedding dress . . . if these items are intended for the wedding of Queen Kamahahnhulavakamatuzanaizmandino I respectfully suggest whatever solution you decide upon you do so quickly. Rescheduling any wedding due to items not arriving on time would be unpleasant doing so for a royal wedding with many visiting dignitaries is a disaster on many levels waiting to happen. Assuming of course that its not already passed the deadline due to it being more than a fortnight since our initial communication to you.
On behalf of AbadarCorp and Queen Kamahahnhulavakamatuzanaizmandino of Castrovel, I offer the most sincere apologizes.
I also apologize for the late response, the director of magical transit literally lost his head ...he teleported it from his body. Doctors say it was stress related. Unfortunately, his replacement is less experienced and couldn't understand the Lashunta envoy's thick accent...it also didn't help that we were in the middle of a sentient toaster rebellion and.... Anyway,long story short we had A LOT of delivery issues and I even ended up teleported to a starship full of sentient ooze people expecting a shipment of a musician construct and food pellets. It was a mess... I was forced perform Gygrian Sludge pop...ooze people applause is...messy to put it mildly. Thankfully the situation was resolved with miminmal bloodshed and a lot of hygiene...
As a thank you for your response, AbadarCorp will pay you a $5,000 credit holding fee and send you all limited edition 24 karat gold AbadarCorp T-shirts. I was also asked to inform you of an employment opportunity. We would pay another 20,000 credits to make the delivery to her royal highness on Castrovel. Our teleportation department is still undergoing a bit of "restructuring". If you are interested, please let us know soon as the Queen has threatened to destroy our local church and banking institutions if we don't send her purchases. Thank you again for your timely post and cooperation.
To AbadarCorp Service Bot #123
Apologies for the late reply apparently a server failure interfered with information being relayed to and from the Starfarer coms system and as we have been shutting down, repairing and upgrading ship systems no one noticed the issue until yesterday when an attempt to send out a message from the ship herself rather than crew coms failed to send.
While we appreciate the delivery contract offer the 20,000 credits payment is insufficient. As I briefly alluded to earlier the Starfarer is not insured to...
I have been again asked convey my thanks, to yourself and the crew of the Starfarer. I have been out of contact for sometime after we finally teleported all the cargo away from your vessel. After a lengthy evaluation of the entire situation, officials at the highest levels of AbadarCorp have chosen to award you a 1 million credit sum for your actions. Your efforts on our behalf, including that jury-rigged technomagical teleportation beacon made our new chief transit magician's life much easier. AbadarCorp sincerely apologizes for disrupting your delivery schedules and in addition to the million credits, we would like to offer you a contract to run appropriate sized shipments for AbadarCorp to fringe sectors, where our company delivery may not be able to reach for various legal reasons. We could use a crew that can think on their feet and make good judgement calls. We also need a replacement for the crew of Goblins, who managed to turn a number of profitable business opportunities into a bizarre pyramid scheme that ended...well, you can imagine how it ended... Benefits would include the standard AbadarCorp starship, medical, life, death and undeath packages, which of course are second to none, compared to other shipping corporations. You would also have free use of the Atech starship repair facilities. There are numerous other benefits to being employed with AbadarCorp, but I'll leave those details to Human Resources. Please let me know soon if you accept our offer, as we have a few other potential candidates that seem promising, though we'd like to have a crew that actually speak Pact Worlds common and isn't 25ft tall (Don't ask, the Vast contains all kinds of sentience).
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...On behalf of AbadarCorp and Queen Kamahahnhulavakamatuzanaizmandino of Castrovel, I offer the most sincere apologizes.
I also apologize for the late response, the director of magical transit literally lost his head ...he teleported it from his body. Doctors say it was stress related. Unfortunately, his replacement is less experienced and couldn't understand the Lashunta envoy's thick accent...it also didn't help that we were in the middle of a sentient toaster rebellion and.... Anyway,long story short we had A LOT of delivery issues and I even ended up teleported to a starship full of sentient ooze people expecting a shipment of a musician construct and food pellets. It was a mess... I was forced perform Gygrian Sludge pop...ooze people applause is...messy to put it mildly. Thankfully the situation was resolved with miminmal bloodshed and a lot of hygiene...
As a thank you for your response, AbadarCorp will pay you a $5,000 credit holding fee and send you all limited edition 24 karat gold AbadarCorp T-shirts. I was also asked to inform you of an employment opportunity. We would pay another 20,000 credits to make the delivery to her royal highness on Castrovel. Our teleportation department is still undergoing a bit of "restructuring". If you are interested, please let us know soon as the Queen has threatened to destroy our local church and banking institutions if we don't send her purchases. Thank you again for your timely post and cooperation.
To AbadarCorp Service Bot #123
Apologies for the late reply apparently a server failure interfered with information being relayed to and from the Starfarer coms system and as we have been shutting down, repairing and upgrading ship systems no one noticed the issue until yesterday when an attempt to send out a message from the ship herself rather than crew coms failed to send.
While we appreciate the delivery contract offer the 20,000 credits payment is insufficient. As I briefly alluded to earlier the
To AbadarCorp Service Bot #123
Did that goblin pyramid scheme have anything to do with your new upper level management changes in the last half year?
I will have our legal department look over the contract and contact the appropriate divisions.
Thank you for your help and the compensation it is much appreciated.
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Crash. PTOOOW pew pew pew pew WHOOOSH and screaming in the background.
"Hello, I'm sending you a j.peg file. Its what's left of the remote shutdown module of your decimator mark III apocalypse armor. Is there any way to get this thing working or do i need to order a new o..KIRKATH!!! Antimater is a privlidge not a right! ...and if not how much is it for your teleport delivery service... yes I have Abadar prime. "
Squeeks of delight and loud booming sounds can be heard in the background.
Also of you of your having trouble with your offspring I might reccommend the Hellnannies. They consist of a group of female former Hellknights who specialize in both child care and child discipline, with an obvious emphasis on the discipline part. Utilizing the child care tenets of The Church of Asmodeus (Yep, it's a thing) and Hellknights training methodology the Hellnannies guarantee a return to order in your household. They also have a vid channel on the Absalom Infosphere with child rearing tips. All Abadar Prime subscribers gain a steep discount on fees and you may forego the contract that indentures your child to the Hellknights for 10 years. Though, regardless, the child care they receive does provide them privileged admittance into the Junior Hellknights academy, with prime command level postings for it's graduates as they enter adulthood. I sincerely hope you resolved your anti-matter containment issues. I apologise for my late response. I have busy reorganizing the mailroom, we still have one of magical messages, Elves and Contemplatives hate using the Infosphere and it's a mess especially when messages explode if not opened fast enough. Have a splendid day.