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Don't spoil this Top 5 moment for the next monster: the despoiler by Jeff Schultz.
Gravestone Dryad
I really like this! The name tells you what it is, is easy to pronounce, and is really evocative.
I like that it does Con drain. That makes it scary. It's also CR, so 7th level clerics will have access to restoration, so most parties can deal with it.
I like the spell selections. Entangle is a great battlefield control spell, it has a couple take over spells {charm person and suggestion), and can even self-heal with inflict light wounds. It can use animate dead to make itself some minions, and use deep slumber to take out a single, CR-appropriate, opponent.
Since this is a boss monster, it would have been nice if grave meld and grave swap were swift action abilities, just to keep up a little with the action economy. I would have upped the inflict spell to inflict serious wounds or inflict critical wounds to make it a more dramatic effect, either for healing or as trump card special attack. I also think it would be neat if grave swap also let the Gravestone Dryad swap places with one of its undead minions, maybe even as an immediate action to avoid being hit.
This seems like a really fun monster that can be run quite a few ways.
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And, finally, last but not least, let's raise a toast to the calliope pachyderm by Aaron Tysen.
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I'll be opening the voting booth shortly.
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When you're ready to vote, click on the link.
We encourage everyone to read all the entries and think about them. Feel free to (respectfully) discuss what you like and dislike. Authors always appreciate good feedback, and speaking as a designer, it's also a great way to learn more that you can put toward your own design.
Grynthak
I like this OK. It's a bit of a weird combination of really disgusting traits and wondrous abilities. Defensive lore is a great ability. I think regurgitate story could have been a cloud of mist or smoke, and then emulate irresistible dance. I agree with Jacob W. Michaels that absorb stories would have been more interesting if it suppressed some feats, class abilities, and spells known; maybe the ones gained during the last 1d6 levels? The only problem with that it might require a complete re-write of the PC's stat block. Maybe just you lose the most recent feat and/or spell you gained?
I might also increase the distance pulled by the tongue. Spending 3 rounds pulling an opponent into its mouth might be too long for a level 14 party. 14th level parties have lots of defenses against something like that (dimension door, freedom of movement, liberating command).
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Well done, finalists!
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Gorviel
Heart of the Swarm is a really cool ability. I like that it can be suppressed by area effect damage. I like that it gives a defense against ranged attacks, since this critter is so dangerous when you are up close and personal with it.
Chittering Roar is a little underwhelming. Adding some sonic damage and making it a bigger area of effect, like a 30 foot cone, would help. Maybe change daze to staggered, too.
I like that a lot of the debuffs this beastie dishes out don't totally incapacitate their targets. Being stunned or nauseated means you can't do anything or you can just move. When you're staggered, you can move or take a standard action. You can't do a full attack, so you can't do two weapon fighting or use iterative attacks, but you can use Vital Strike, so it rewards unusual tactics and encourages different types of fighting styles. Its opponents have to make interesting choices, and that's fun. Even more fun, you're not stuck there sitting around doing nothing for a round. Pathfinder combat rounds are pretty long, and missing a round of combat is frustrating AND boring. Changing the dazed condition from chittering roar to the staggered condition might make this monster more fun.
Despoiler
You damned dirty ape!!! Hahaha! I like rock throwing; it gives big bruisers a fun ranged attack that plays up to their strengths.
I like the idea of a stench cloud, but I'm not a big fan of diseases as a monster ability. In almost every game I've played in, diseases were cured up before they had any lasting effect. Or any effect, since their onset times are so long. A poison that is effective every round might work better on a monster.
Calliope Pachyderm
I like this! It looks really fun.
Since this is such a whimsical monster, I wish it had an "aura of whimsy" that converted all lethal damage to non-lethal damage so you wouldn't feel guilty whacking this pachyderm with a battle axe!
Some of the combat stats are a little low, but an ensemble of calliope pachyderms will probably be using bardic music to buff each other up. Also, only one or two might be visible initially, so it might seem like a fun, funny encounter to begin with, but as more and more become visible, it might go from hilarious to perilous.
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Voted!
Congrats on making the top 5 this year, Aaron, Jeff, Jeremy, Kim, and Mark! I'm glad to see both familiar names and new designers in the final five. :)
I also want to thank everyone else who entered even though you didn't advance this time; I hope the comments the judges wrote on the top 5 entries will also be useful to you. After all, many of the guidelines and best practices the judges use for commenting the top 5 apply to all monsters, and in my opinion, one of the best ways to learn monster design is to read comments on other people's work and try & think how you could use that advice to make your own monster better.
Mikko's -- as usual -- right. Also, as I said, I think making your own comments and critiques is another great way to hone your skills.
Thank you judges! I appreciate your comments very much. And congratulations to the rest of the top five -- excellent monsters all around!
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Well done top five! Very cool to see what you all came up with.
I've seen a few judges mention the "3 odd and 3 even" ability score spread. I'm wondering, where's that from? It makes sense to me as a way to balance out buffs, but otherwise does it make much of a difference? Looking through the Bestiary there certainly are plenty of monsters that have the 3/3 spread, but also those who don't, like the Aasimar.
That said, it's an easy enough thing to fix, so it would be good to understand the principle behind it.
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I'm not sure that my comments are working on the A Sword for Hire Blog, so reposting them here:
Gravestone Dryad
Good work Kim. This is a great monster design that fits the theme well.
Sometimes little things really stand out in a design, and in this it was your inclusion of Craft (sculpture) +11. As a GM I can just imagine the gravestone dryad surrounded by dirt sculptures, dead adventurers entombed within. The synergy of this skill with the main ability is very strong and makes for good roleplay. It also shows that there is reason behind all your skill choices, which reflects strong design. Well done.
Swapping the word order in the description makes it read better: "this once-beautiful clawed female..." Otherwise the description is evocative and well done.
With formatting, don't end a line with a semi-colon. That would have solved 90% of your formatting issues. Otherwise there are a few other little dings, but really, this is at the level I'd expect. An editor would catch the rest.
Overall, a very strong submission.
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Despoiler
Well done Jeff. I like the despoiler and could see myself using it.
The judges have already noted your use of long sentences and places where you should use n-dashes and so on. Otherwise your formatting was pretty tight and what I'd expect to see. An editor wouldn't have a hard time cleaning up the rest.
Skills and feats made a lot of sense. The gorilla image is very strong and I can see this guy in a fun forest encounter. Not sure why you didn't make his environment forests though.
Over all a fun monster that plays nicely with the theme.
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Well done top five! Very cool to see what you all came up with.
I've seen a few judges mention the "3 odd and 3 even" ability score spread. I'm wondering, where's that from? It makes sense to me as a way to balance out buffs, but otherwise does it make much of a difference? Looking through the Bestiary there certainly are plenty of monsters that have the 3/3 spread, but also those who don't, like the Aasimar.
That said, it's an easy enough thing to fix, so it would be good to understand the principle behind it.
Unfortunately, there are many unwritten rules and poorly explained rules in PF monster design that may seem a bit arbitrary. If I'm not terribly wrong, it's because monsters get the 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10 array (which is probably only implied, not explained in the rules). Racial bonuses to ability scores are always divisible by 2, so you end up with 3 odd, 3 even. Racial HD doesn't increase ability scores like class levels do. (Unless it's "additional" racial HD, in other words, added to an existing monster! That, of course, doesn't affect our contest because all monsters should be new.) So even a high-HD monster should have 3 odd, 3 even.
The aasimar is a 0 HD creature with 1 cleric level, which means it gets the elite array (15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8) + racial bonuses, which is why it has 4 even ability scores. If it had racial HD before it added class levels, it'd get +4 +4 +2 +2 +0 -2 instead.
Confusing, huh? :-D It is what it is, but if a contestant manages to get all those details right, we certainly appreciate it. (And I'm sure Adam can attest to that Paizo developers also very much appreciate it when freelancers know/remember all those obscure rules.) That said, creativity is king, and those little details usually don't affect our top 5 selection unless there are lots of those little mistakes.
Thankfully, Starfinder monster design is much, much more straightforward, and there aren't (quite so many) unwritten rules. :)
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I've seen a few judges mention the "3 odd and 3 even" ability score spread. I'm wondering, where's that from? It makes sense to me as a way to balance out buffs, but otherwise does it make much of a difference? Looking through the Bestiary there certainly are plenty of monsters that have the 3/3 spread, but also those who don't, like the Aasimar.Unfortunately, there are many unwritten rules and poorly explained rules in PF monster design that may seem a bit arbitrary. If I'm not terribly wrong, it's because monsters get the 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10 array (which is probably only implied, not explained in the rules). Racial bonuses to ability scores are always divisible by 2, so you end up with 3 odd, 3 even. Racial HD doesn't increase ability scores like class levels do. (Unless it's "additional" racial HD, in other words, added to an existing monster! That, of course, doesn't affect our contest because all monsters should be new.) So even a high-HD monster should have 3 odd, 3 even.
The aasimar is a 0 HD creature with 1 cleric level, which means it gets the elite array (15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8) + racial bonuses, which is why it has 4 even ability scores. If it had racial HD before it added class levels, it'd get +4 +4 +2 +2 +0 -2 instead.
Confusing, huh? :-D It is what it is, but if a contestant manages to get all those details right, we certainly appreciate it. (And I'm sure Adam can attest to that Paizo developers also very much appreciate it when freelancers know/remember all those obscure rules.) That said, creativity is king, and those little details usually don't affect our top 5 selection unless there are lots of those little mistakes.
Thankfully, Starfinder monster design is much, much more straightforward, and there aren't (quite so many) unwritten rules. :)
Thanks for taking the time to explain that Mikko.
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My 2 copper:
Calliope Pachyderm - you found a niche that I didn't realize had never been filled and fleshed it out perfectly. Clearly a group of more than 10 of these cute creatures would be called a Parade.
Despoiler - I really like the visuals of the smogorilla. Also, Cleansing Weakness is a cool idea.
Grynthak - the idea of a creature that consumes stories is fantastic. That it is big, gross, and belligerent about it makes it even more fun!
Gravestone Dryad - another one where once you see the idea it is so good you are surprised the niche was unfilled. I never knew I needed an undead dryad, until I had one! I also really like the Grave Meld and Grave Swap abilities. I can't help but imagine an encounter with this thing that leads to the party digging up most of a graveyard, only to have to explain it to angry townsfolk in the morning.
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So, I never popped into this thread to thank the judges for the selection and everyone who has provided commentary on my monster. So, thanks all!
Stupid question, what is the difference between the "primal world" and the "first world", if any?
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The former one isn't Paizo's IP.
Thanks for taking the time to explain that Mikko.I've seen a few judges mention the "3 odd and 3 even" ability score spread. I'm wondering, where's that from? It makes sense to me as a way to balance out buffs, but otherwise does it make much of a difference? Looking through the Bestiary there certainly are plenty of monsters that have the 3/3 spread, but also those who don't, like the Aasimar.Unfortunately, there are many unwritten rules and poorly explained rules in PF monster design that may seem a bit arbitrary. If I'm not terribly wrong, it's because monsters get the 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10 array (which is probably only implied, not explained in the rules). Racial bonuses to ability scores are always divisible by 2, so you end up with 3 odd, 3 even. Racial HD doesn't increase ability scores like class levels do. (Unless it's "additional" racial HD, in other words, added to an existing monster! That, of course, doesn't affect our contest because all monsters should be new.) So even a high-HD monster should have 3 odd, 3 even.
The aasimar is a 0 HD creature with 1 cleric level, which means it gets the elite array (15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8) + racial bonuses, which is why it has 4 even ability scores. If it had racial HD before it added class levels, it'd get +4 +4 +2 +2 +0 -2 instead.
Confusing, huh? :-D It is what it is, but if a contestant manages to get all those details right, we certainly appreciate it. (And I'm sure Adam can attest to that Paizo developers also very much appreciate it when freelancers know/remember all those obscure rules.) That said, creativity is king, and those little details usually don't affect our top 5 selection unless there are lots of those little mistakes.
Thankfully, Starfinder monster design is much, much more straightforward, and there aren't (quite so many) unwritten rules. :)
Interesting
Good.
To.
Know.
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Calliope Pachyderm
A really fun monster, well done Aaron.
My only suggestion really is to be careful that your vocabulary doesn't alienate the player. It's a tricky line to follow, especially because you've used some great words in your write up that might be hard to axe.
I regularly play with second language English speakers, many of whom are very well read, with vast vocabularies. Still, I think they might have had to hold onto their dictionaries with this one.
It's also important to remember that Pathfinder is played all over the world, so keeping your language accessible is very important.
Otherwise, a great monster that I'd love to include in an encounter.
As we enter the home stretch, it looks like the contest is going to come down to the wire. Just one vote separated the top two vote-getters when I checked earlier today.
Who says every vote doesn't matter? :-D
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Grynthak
A great monster, and certainly feels very new and interesting.
I only noticed the "-2 size", which should be an n-dash. This is the Pathfinder standard, but other conventions might be the norm elsewhere. D&D fifth edition, for example, uses the Unicode 2212 minus sign. Very well done.
I like this monster a lot. There is a gross factor here that, at first, I didn't like, but the more I read your write up the more I think it fits. Besides, anyone who doesn't like regurgitating maggots could easily reskin this for their home campaign.
On the blog Tommi commented that "Absorbing stories is quite rarely relevant at all." But I disagree. Every adventurer, by nature, has exciting stories to tell, and you've created a mechanic for playing with those memories. Just imagine what would happen if the players encountered a grynthak and then forgot the encounter that set them off on their current quest! That is pure genius.
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Gorviel
Well done Jeremy, an interesting monster.
Fantasy is full of creature mashups, like the girallon, griffon, and chimera, but I think you took a unique approach to your design. At first it seems like it's a bug-monkey, but making it a mobile hive was a nice twist. This aspect of the creature was not front and center in your opening paragraph, so I guess it's designed to be a surprise for the players, once Initiative has been rolled? I had to reread your entry to figure out why it was cool, but I do think it is.
The ability name "Chittering Roar" sounds like an oxymoron to me. In the same way, "hump of bone and chitin" might be stronger if it was just a hump of chitin, but that might just be personal preference. I think an artist could have fun with this.
I would have loved to see a longer description of the appearance of the insects that live within the hive, rather than just the "beetle-like males".
Overall, well done. Good luck.
Congratulations again to all our Top Five. However, as a classic movie once taught me, there can be only one, so special congratulations to the winner of Here Be Monsters 4: Out of the Primal World...
Kim Frandsen's gravestone dryad!
I'll be in touch with all the winners about your prizes.
Congrats!!! :-D
Congratulations Kim! Great work!
Congratulations, Kim!
Congrats, Kim!
The finalists were all pretty great.
Thank you, everyone. :)
Thrilled to see that both judges and voters liked my dryad. :)
And sorry for breaking your streak Jeremy. :(