Battle of the Shapeshifters (the Game)

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into Bill Murray, who makes a much more relatable repentant materialist.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into Tom Hanks, and get myself confused with Bill Murray while also having a better career!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into Forrest Gump, reminding everyone that Hanks starred in the movie that beat out Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption for Best Picture.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I - definitely! - shapeshift into Rain Man, whose talents and handicaps perfectly neutralize Forrest Gump's own.

[KestrelZ]

I shapeshift into the Watson computer to outdo the card counting ability of Rain man - card counting every casino under surveillance in the world simultaneously.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into Ken Jennings with a sledgehammer. DEY TERK MAH JERB!!!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into Kat Dennings because...

:admires self in mirror at length:

...I'm sorry. What were we talking about?

[JTD]

I shapeshift into a movie critic and pan your performances!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into Teddy Roosevelt, who said that "the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things."

[JTD]

I shapeshift into a stuffed bear and roll a 2-sided die (yes, 2-sided; no, not a coin) to determine the best way to crush President Roosevelt.

1. Maul him.

2. Demonstrate that your average American deems his legacy as that of a stuffed "Teddy" bear (thus CRUSHING his soul).

Teddie's Demise: 1d2 ⇒ 2

Gosh. Now I fee really terrible...

[The Game Hamster]

Ohh!! OHH!!! I got this one!
I shapeshift into an adorable infant, and chew the bear to shreds!
I know, I know, A puppy would've worked just as well, but come on! Who's going to "defeat" an infant?

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into King Solomon. I've got two self-proclaimed mothers fighting over custody of this infant, and not a DNA testing facility in sight...but I do have a very nice sword.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into the Queen of Sheba and...

:admires self in mirror at length:

...I'm sorry. What were we talking about?

[TheChelaxian]

Shapeshifts into the mirror.

"Oh, my Queen." I whsiper to her. "Don't you look just lovely today. You deserve to take the day off to pamper and spoil yourself."

Due to the Queen's absence from the court, various nobles form factions and tear the nation of Sheba apart in their greed. Around the Queen's reflection I reveal the civil wars and anarchy just within her peripheral vision. If only she weren't so invested in her vanity she might notice.

[The Phantom of the Opera]

I shapeshift into a professional opera singer, and shatter the mirror with my voice.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into heart disease.

[JTDV]

I shapeshift into Dr McCoy and tricorder/hypospray that opera singer!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into a pointy eared goblin and vex Dr. McCoy into oblivion.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into Harry Potter and Imperius Curse the goblin into walking off a tall cliff.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into not Hermione, Ron, or Dumbledore, rendering Harry incapable of solving even the simplest of problems. He strangles himself while attempting to tie his shoes three minutes later.

[JTDV]

I shapeshift into "How to Tie Your Shoes for Dummies".

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into an attractive and comfortable pair of slip-ons. Shoelaces, who needs 'em?

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into a swamp. Good luck keeping those slip-ons.

[Ancient Dragon Master]

I shapeshift into a industrial water pumper and drain the swamp

[Iron Federation Drone]

Brings a team of high-end industrial robots to clean up the pumped swamp mess and render the waste pumper obsolete through higher efficiency industry

[Ancient Dragon Master]

Shapeshiftes into a lawyer.

[GoatToucher]

Shapeshifts into human decency.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

You're really gonna make me do this?

I don't wanna do it.

I won't do it.

Shit. I'm gonna do it.

I shapeshift into Donald Trump.

[Ancient Dragon Master]

I shapeshift into the essence of poverty.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I (gratefully) shapeshift into Lyndon B. Johnson, and declare War on Poverty.

[Ancient Dragon Master]

I shapeshift into a dragon.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Kinda missing the idea there. :/

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into an idea finder, which finds the missing idea and uses it to kill the dragon.

[Ancient Dragon Master]

... I burn the idea finder after laughing at it's futile attempt to kill me

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into a spear of unmeltable ice. Straight into the jugular.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into a pair of hands, sweaty from nervousness, and drop the spear into the abyss (small "a").

[Ancient Dragon Master]

I eat the hands, thus saving the spear

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into a Mustard Ooze, thus countering the Ketchup Dragon.

[Ancient Dragon Master]

I'm ketchup now IHYIC? (In other news I seem to have typed IHYIC and Zanbabe enough to add them to my custom autocorrect)
I shapeshifter into a realMEAT! Dragon

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

ProTip: Try shapeshifting into something other than a dragon that somehow logically 'defeats' the thing before you.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into a flesh-eating virus. Real meat tastes the best!

[Ancient Dragon Master]

but dragons beat almost anything

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Are you just screwing around, or do you really not get the spiel of this game? Might want to read the thread over to get a better idea if not.

I shapeshift into the Whizzo Chocolate Company, and incorporate the flesh-eating virus into our latest line of fine confectionery, lovingly frosted with glucose.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into a government regulator, who considers "Ebolamocha" to be an inadequate description of the sweetmeat.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into an Ebolamocha lobbyist, and introduce the regulator to a world of cruise boats and solid gold helicopters to get an exemption from the regulations.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

As grateful penance/cleansing for certain previously-taken forms, I shapeshift into a superpowered version of Elizabeth Warren with the strength, nigh-invulnerability, and direct style of The Tick, and 'regulate' the lobbyist with my MIGHTY FISTS OF SOCIOECONOMIC JUSTICE!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into the Patriarchy and, despite her obvious intelligence and competence, dismiss Warren's ideas out of hand.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into a Monty Python Pepperpot, and make the entire concept of gender look silly.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into a giant cartoon foot.

*fart noise*

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into the Eiffel Tower, gruesomely impaling any giant foot from the sky that tries to stomp on it.